If this month’s election has you cowering under the covers in the fetal position because your great president is being replaced by Tweeting bigot, no doubt the impending other national day of celebration probably has you spooked too. No, not Black Friday…though we are making notes on the best online deals. Thanksgiving comes this week, which brings plenty of turkey, pumpkin pie and family time. But what to do about those pesky, moronic relatives that voted for Trump?
Never fear, Queerty is here!
Employ one or any of these Thanksgiving survival tips to get through this year’s dinner…
1. Reminisce
How about we take this to the next level?
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Remind the family of your favorite happy Thanksgiving memories. Tell stories about being a good kid and making those “turkeys” out of gumdrops and apples, or when your Trump-voting relative somehow managed to burn the turkey and ruin the holiday. It’s a good subtle way to establish that Trump voters are incompetent boobs regardless of who’s on the ballot.
2. Show Some Gratitude
Instead of talking politics, talk about all the things you’re grateful for. Mention you’re awesome LGBTQ friends, your hot girlfriend or boyfriend, your right to marry, your favorite websites like Queerty which offer advice and counseling for dealing with bigots on national holidays, or just be thankful for your health. Also, remind your Trumpian elders that Trump supporters skewed older and whiter than the rest of the population and this temporary majority should enjoy it while it last because they will die off before too long, leaving the country and world to the Obama Rainbow Coalition.
3. Offer to Carve
Make yourself useful in the kitchen by offering to carve up the turkey yourself. This will give you an important leadership role at Thanksgiving dinner, not to mention access to sharp objects, including the electronic carving knife. Anyone somebody tries to bring up politics, just rev up the knife in their direction. Threat of losing a finger will, no doubt, steer the conversation in another direction.
4. Go all Color Purple
There’s actually a great precedent for brandishing a carving knife. If you’ve not seen The Color Purple, you’re missing out. Not only is it one of the great movies, loaded with incredible performances and a story that will have most viewers in sobs, it also has one of the best dinner scenes ever. If the talk turns to Trump, and refuses to stop, pull a Whoopi, grab the carving knife, and tell all your Trump-voting relatives just exactly how you feel. Placing a curse on said relatives is strictly optional. After dinner invite the whole family for a viewing of the movie.
5. Have another glass of wine
When in doubt, let the vino flow! Pour another glass, call your friends, or just open up Grindr. There’s nothing like family chit chat to make you treasure your flaky Grindr guys nearby. It’s a good way to distract yourself, and who knows, maybe you’ll get some gravy out of it too…white meat or dark…because we cherish the beauty of diversity, even if your relatives don’t.
John
I did not vote for Trump BUT have no issues with my family members that did. I voted for someone who shared my values and concerns and realize that some of my family members did not get the “hope and change” they were promised in the last 8 years and are struggling to keep a full time job, roof over their head and food on the table..So yes, their life economically is not charmed so understand why the social issues were not a concern of theirs and they had to vote ased on the rhetoric of economy. The “gays” who “bash” the straights (or other gays) who voted for Trump need to step back, take a look and think if the shoe was on the other foot, would they have voted for Trump then? (I continually explain people didn’t vote necessarily FOR Trump but for anri-career gov’t). Do you have a f-time job? Mortgage or Rent paid up to date? Food on the table? Utilities paid? and went to at least 1 circuit party or pride event (vacation) this year? If you answered yes, then according to Maslowe you probably did not for Trump then.
BriBri
Don’t discuss it, that’s why there are curtains on the voting booths. I would say it just like that.
Opine2
1. Reminisce: As if that’s not a reason for a fight, even in a 100% hetro family, why not throw gay petrol on the flames.
2. Show Some Gratitude: Sorry boys the group that is going to out breed your white family is Muslim and your gay butt is going straight off the tallest local building.
3. Offer to Carve: Gay! In a kitchen! With a knife! Someone is going to die, great plan for a family holiday.
4. Go all Color Purple: Well here’s a plan with some merit, Gays and colors, the fight will be over before they have picked a color. “Does it have to be purple? cant we co violet? you know the one with a deep red highlight, that one Trevor and Basil have on the bedspread in their second bedroom, No that’s Rodney & Colin, there the ones we met on that trip to De Moins”…etc etc
5. Have another glass of wine: A drunk fag in their childhood home! Lock up the razor blades sister I see a flashback cuming on.. All that angst re-run through a haze of a bottle of red… That’s going to end well.
DuMaurier
@Opine2: Yeah…drinking more alcohol seems like it’d have the worst effect.
At my family gatherings I just shut up, and I have a cousin who heads off any dangerous conversational moves by simply interjecting, “No politics!” Works well.
SteveDenver
Put your fingers in your throat and throw up all over the table… repeatedly.
SteveDenver
@BriBri: My family are all liberals and activists. We don’t discuss politics, because otherwise nothing else would get discussed. Our rule at holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and NON-political gatherings is that the first person to bring up politics gets to do the dishes.
mikey50
I voted for Trump and the gay elite must stop assuming that all of us are liberal Democrats.