8 Reasons Why Easter Is The Gayest Holiday Of Them All

Many people consider Easter a religious holiday, but they’re wrong. Once upon a time it might have been, but like everything else sacred — marriage, parenthood, Christmas — we homosexuals have slowly but surely claimed it as our own. Today, Easter is perhaps one of the gayest holidays of them all, second only to Gay Pride and Harvey Milk Day.

Don’t believe us? Check out these eight reasons why Easter is totally gay:

The movies

From biblical epics like The 10 Commandments in which Yul Brynner spends the entire 217 minutes shirtless, to fun movie musicals like The Easter Parade starring none other than Judy Garland, there is no shortage of Easter-themed feature films geared towards gay audiences.

Rainbow colored eggs

Need we saw more?

Easter brunch

No holiday inspires more brunching than Easter. And everyone knows gay men love to brunch. Easter brunch specifically allows us an opportunity to recover from our Saturday night hangovers and swap stories about the previous evening’s sexcapades while at the same time giving thanks to Jesus Christ for that whole dying on the cross thing.

Barbra Streisand’s birthday

Barbra Streisand was born on April 24, which occasionally falls on Easter Sunday.

The fashion

Gay means happy, and what can be happier than accessorizing oneself in the brightest colors and loudest patterns available? Easter fashion is a celebration of every color of the rainbow (just see this extremely accurate representation of it in the classically gay Steel Magnolias).

Bunny tail butt plugs

Feathered bunny tail butt plugs first hit the market a few years back. These whimsical glass sex toys come in a variety of different colors and sizes and make for a fine Easterly accessory in the bedroom.

The Easter Bunny

Contrary to popular belief, the Easter bunny isn’t actually a bunny rabbit. He’s a male prostitute one hires only on Easter Sunday. The word “bunny” is slang for a gay hooker. Don’t believe us? Look it up in the all-knowing Gay Slang Dictionary and see for yourself.

Bishop Gene Robinson

President Obama shocked the religious right when he asked openly gay bishop Gene Robinson to deliver the closing prayer at the White House Easter Prayer Breakfast this year, putting a big fat Presidential seal on the matter.

Easter. It’s all about the gays.

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  • Billy Budd

    LOL. You are just distorting things so that a traditional catholic event becomes gay. Bugt I like that. Please go on.

  • AxelDC

    Considering the Catholics stole Easter from Jewish Passover and incorporated pagan traditions like egg dying, I’d say they have little room to complain.

  • kevininbuffalo

    @Billy Budd: Catholics aren’t the only Christians you know.

  • Billy Budd

    @kevininbuffalo: I never said they were. Easter may be a holiday for many types of christians, but it is not wrong to say that it is a catholic holiday. Stop being nitpicking and putting works on my mouth. I would rather you put your dick.

  • Razmos

    I’m.. 70% sure this article is written in jest. :P

  • Niall

    @Razmos: It is, but like a lot of Queerty’s “jesty” article, it doesn’t meet the mark, unfortunately

  • money718

    Geez…Billy Budd is an idiot.

  • hotboyvb81

    10 Commandments- Heston is shirtless a good deal as well- BUT DON’T forget John Derek!!!!!!

  • Billy Budd

    @money718: It was a misunderstanding, it could happen to anybody. My IQ is 140 and I’ve got a PhD.

  • Billy Budd

    @money718: Also, my GMAT in 2005 was 710.

  • Maude

    It seems my previous post is “awaiting moderation” and may not be posted because I may have used improper language….if so, I understand, and will try to reword if in fact my post is not posted.

  • Bruce Dillon

    Happy Spring & Fertility Or Goddess Ishtar!
    EYE Meant Easter Y’All.

Comments are closed.