A Queerty Menagerie of Gay Animals

What’s a gay elephant to do? It’s not enough to spend your life trapped in a crappy Polish zoo, but to have your local city councilman go after you because you won’t stud out is enough to make you stomping mad.

That’s exactly what happened to Ninio, an elephant at the Poznan Zoo, who councilman Michal Grzes is complaining “We didn’t pay 37 million zlotys for the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there.” But don’t fret Ninio. You’re not alone. Gay animals are everywhere (we even have questions about the President’s new pooch).

Scientists have found over 15,000 species that engage in some form of homosexuality. Step right into our bestiary of gay members of the wild kingdom, because being gay is a natural thing, kids.

Penguins

Denizens of the New York Aquarium in Coney Island, Wendell & Cass are media darlings. Penguins are monogamous and despite the fact that the duo are both boys, zookeepers say they’re deeply devoted to each other– and that they keep the neatest nest of all the penguins in their care. Gay penguins, it turns out, are very common.

The Central Park Zoo has a pair that’s been together for six years named Roy & Silo, though Silo has shown some bisexual tendencies and has shacked up with a female named Scrappy from time to time. Since there are no gay penguin adoption agencies, Roy & Silo took to stealing eggs from the hetero couples. The zookeepers solved the problem by giving the couple an egg-shaped rock, proving that while they’re a loving, caring couple, they’re not exactly all that bright.

Dolphins

In the dolphin world, homosexuality isn’t just common, it’s the norm. Male dolphins pair up and take care of each other (as well as engage in sexual rubbing) and only hook-up with the ladies during mating season. Occasionally, dolphin couples will have underwater orgies with each other.

Dolphins aren’t the only marine mammal that gets its gay on– male killer whales are often observed riding each other for fun, as do gray whales and manatees.

Bonobo Chimpanzees

Some of our closest relatives, bonobos are almost uniformly bisexual, willing to get in on just about anytime, anywhere. Nearly 2/3 of the same-sex action is on the part of the females, showing that the idea that male of the species isn’t always the hornier.

Though this has a lot to do with bonobo society, which is matriarchal and which often treats sex as an expression of dominance. In fact, all apes exhibit various forms of homosexuality, including the annoying talking ones.

Amazingly (or unsurprisingly, depending on how easily shocked you are), the bonobo bisexuality issue is something that Fox News has weighed in on.

Spotted Hyenas

Since ancient times, humans have been fascinated by the hyena’s sexual habits. Ovid thought hyenas constantly changed their gender and the animal was frequently associated with prostitution and sexuality throughout the middle ages.

The reason for all this superstition is that female hyenas have a sex organ that well– looks like a penis. The hyenas that fair the best in their matriarchal society are the ones that are exposed to the most testosterone, regardless of gender. Female hyenas are often larger and more aggressive than the males, as a result– and not shy about getting it on with other lady hyenas, either.