Actor Kal Penn has publicly opened up about his sexuality for the first time. The Indian-American performer, 44, publishes his autobiography, You Cannot Be Serious, this week. He’s been hitting the media circuit to help promote it.
The book covers his upbringing as the son of Indian immigrants in the US, including telling his parents he wanted to be an actor. He found success in the Harold and Kumar movies and House. He also took a break from acting to work for the Obama administration for two years as principal associate director in the Office of Public Engagement (2009-2011).
Since returning to entertainment full-time, he’s appeared in Designated Survivor, Clarice and Sunnyside.
Then there’s his sexuality. In an exclusive interview with People, he says it took him some time to realize he wasn’t straight.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
“I discovered my own sexuality relatively late in life compared to many other people. There’s no timeline on this stuff. People figure their shit out at different times in their lives, so I’m glad I did when I did.”
He also talks about the first time he met his partner, Josh, eleven years ago. At the time, he was working for the White House. He recalls Josh turning up at his apartment with an 18-pack of Coors Light and proceeding to immediately switch the TV to NASCAR racing.
“I thought, ‘This obviously is not going to work out,” he recalls. “I have one day off from The White House and this dude is unironically watching cars go around and make left turns? Next thing you know, it’s been a couple months and we’re watching NASCAR every Sunday. I’m like, ‘What is happening?’”
The men quickly fell for one another and have been together since. They are now planning their wedding. Penn says Josh and his immediate family, including his parents, don’t like too much media attention (he does not reveal Josh’s surname). He also says those closest to him have known about Josh and been supportive.
“I shared things with my parents and close friends first,” he says. “I know this sounds jokey, but it’s true: When you’ve already told your Indian parents and the South Asian community that you intend to be an actor for a living, really any conversations that come after that are super easy. They’re just like, ‘Yeah, okay.’ I felt very supported by everyone. That’s a wonderful thing. I know everybody has different experiences with that and so I definitely feel very fortunate.”
He says he and Josh are now trying to decide on what sort of wedding to have, with him wanting a “big ass Indian wedding,” while Josh wants something smaller: “So we have to meet halfway in the middle.”
Penn told CBS Sunday Morning, “I’ve always been very public [about my relationship] with everybody I’ve personally interacted with. I’m really excited to share our relationship with readers. But Josh, my partner, my parents, and my brother, four people who I’m closest to in the family, are fairly quiet. They don’t love attention and shy away from the limelight.”
Check the CBS interview below, with Kal talking about Josh from the 4.48 mark.
Discover more
Kangol2
I always wondered if he might be gay/bi, so it wasn’t idle speculation. Congrats on coming out and the engagement!
UncleFloppy
Congratulations to Kal and Josh. Wishing them many years of continued happiness.
Cam
Congratulations to him!
Now, waiting for the sequel, “Harold and Kumar check into a tasteful B&B in Palm Springs” or “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle and order burgers without the buns, sub salad for fries.”
cuteguy
Wow, so brave to come out in 2021. Rolling my eyes. I feel bad for his secret partner who was hidden in the shadows for 11 Yrs. This guys is not brave. He’s only selling a book. The true brave ones are the lgbtq pioneers who came out way before it was acceptable.
MISTERJETT
rolling my eyes. people come out in their own time, not when you think they should.
lostinsauce
This is one of the dumbest comments I’ve ever had the displeasure of reading. I quite literally just created this profile to tell you how dumb it is to imply it’s “acceptable” to come out now. Maybe in your world, but trust me honey, some of us still fighting that fight. Instead of rolling your eyes how about you roll to bed and stfu. Smdh
CatholicXXX
@MJ that’s only true for normal everyday people. Guys in “the industry” etc. only do it when it will benefit them financially or when their career is dying and they’re trying to become relevant again.
Most of us wouldn’t have even know he was coming out with a book if it wasn’t for his convenient coming out.
cuteguy
@CatholicX
I couldn’t agree more. It was the same thing when it was convenient for Ricky Martin came out. He was already irrelevant and he needed to make news again. This White Castle guy’s main motivation was to sell a book. PERIOD. The ppl on here who are disagreeing are just disgruntled old queens who need to get some once in a while so they’re not always so bitter. Smh.
dumaluma
Why does it have to be framed as brave or not? He got to choose when to share his private life with the public, as should all people. You feel bad for his partner who was literally the closeted one that wanted to keep his privacy? Freaking weirdo, Kal was out to his friends and family and those in the gay scene in dc for a decade. Your entitlement and projections reek of bitterness
dumaluma
It’s also funny when you’re looking for a reason to be mad about someone’s engagem,ent news and yet the other gays here are bitter? You even made up a narrative about his bf which was he oppposite of reality.
Smells like fat aging white gay ?
SDR94103
“Then there’s his sexuality. In an exclusive interview with People, he says it took him some time to realize he wasn’t straight.”
how many dudes did you have sex with before you realized you weren’t straight?
MISTERJETT
loved the HAROLD AND KUMAR movies. congratulations to him.
Essie
GEESH!! I’m wondering how many people in Hollywood (and Washington) are going “Oh. Okay.” I’m sure this was a secret to maybe two people. What I don’t understand is how his partner of 11 freaking years could stand to be with a man who was in the closet. It’s either the money or true love. I don’t think it’s very “brave” to come out at age 44. I guess he’s hoping this news gets his career back on track.
dumaluma
His partner was literally the discreet one who wanted to maintain his privacy. Kal was open to friends, family and those in gay dc scene for years. He just didn’t throw a press conference or brag about his personal business to the general public until he felt like it, which is his right. Your projections and gossipy entitlement are typical for bitter queens though
Donston
I do think that it’s time that we grow past the term “coming out”. It’s lost most of its impact and nowadays just seems like terminology to get clicks. And I also think that we need to start killing the “brave” spiel. If we want people being themselves and living their lives freely to be completely normalized then it’s time to grow past the melodramatic phrasing and deeming every single body that reveals their queerness as “brave”.
Everyone has the right to reveal what they want to reveal when they want to reveal it. While you never know who’s contended with family pressures, religious guilt, internalized phobias, mental health struggles, questioning, fluidity, not understanding their place in the gender, sexual, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum. And in the world of Hollywood, careers and egos almost always comes first. So, when it comes to these entertainers it’s whatever to me. It is slightly cringe-y that he shielded his partner for 11 years and wanted to make it public just when his book comes out.
DarkZephyr
You think it no longer takes courage to come out of the closet?
Donston
Uh, where you read that? Even for people who are not public figures, have fully accepting friends and family, never contend with any resentments, internalized phobias, fluidity, questioning where they are in the gender, sexual, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum- being unabashedly “out” can still be trying. The point is that we need to stop painting it with melodrama and need to start treating it more matter-of-fact. At least 30% of the population is probably in the “queer spectrum”. We need to start acting like that.
DarkZephyr
Where you said “We need to start ‘killing the brave spiel'”. It either takes courage or it doesn’t. Plain and simple. To me its rather “matter of fact” that it takes courage, so I simply don’t see how calling it “brave” equates with melodrama. I don’t think we ever should treat coming out as humdrum. I also don’t see how treating it that way does service to any percentage of us that there might be out there. 30%, 10% or 50%, etc. Greater numbers doesn’t = less brave to come out, as far as I’m concerned.
Crayonap
@DarkZephyr Exactly. Maybe Donston has chosen to ignore the Evangelicals and the Ex-Gay “therapy” also known as practicing medicine without a license that is this generation’s version of being declared insane and put away.
rickyboi7
I’m so happy for you two, congrats, and thanks for your candidacy.
inbama
In 2006 he starred in the beautifully written and directed drama “The Namesake,” which currently streams on Cinemax.
southernway
An actor who sucks dick…surprise….yawn and really a book? pretending it’s soooooo hard to come out #shaddup
Openminded
I really loved him on Designated Survivor. I’m proud for him, no matter what you bunch of bitter, jealous queens on here have to say about the timing. None of us know everything that is going on in his life so none of us should be theorizing if he had ulterior motives with his announcements. It’s entirely possible that his book contains information that makes his sexuality relevant and he felt the need to put his status out there for that reason. It also makes sense to let everyone know you are gay BEFORE announcing you are engaged to marry another man. Anywho, to be nasty towards his announcement(s) just shows how internally hate filled many on this site are.