The Black Arts

Ad Executives Are Possessed By Demons Who Want Marriage Equality, Says Republican Lawmaker


Turgid, improbably named wingnut (and Republican Colorado state Rep.)  Gordon Klingenschmitt left us with a particularly steaming pile of public access TV this week, with his most recent episode of “Pray In Jesus Name.”

Yes, Gordon James Klingenschmitt, Ph.D — who, much like the guy we hooked up with at The Eagle last Sunday, is nicknamed “Dr. Chaps” — is being a little snit-bitch about a new Zales commercial that prominently features a lesbian couple.

Related: Another Cute Commercial, Another One Million Moms Meltdown

As Dr. Chaps sees it, the only reason this happened is because Zales ad executives were abruptly seized by a gaggle of mischief-making demons, who infiltrated their souls and made them promote marriage equality to please Satan.


Here’s Dr. Chaps’ brain passing gas:

It is a demonic spirit not only inside of the lesbian couple who are pretending to get married in this TV commercial, but now influencing and ruling in the hearts of the ad executives who have decided at Zales Jewelers that they should promote this as a good thing to all of America. They are deceivers, they are fooling the American public and we need to expose this as wrong.”


Later on, he fervently prayed that God will “liberate America from the tyranny of these deceptive images” and promised that Americans will resist Zales’ “attempt to re-educate us.”

You can watch the whole mess below, courtesy of Right Wing Watch:

Unfortunately, Klingenschmitt’s prayers went unheard, as God was enrapt by the evening prayers of Kendra Debarge, age 7, who beautifully outlined why she deserveds a Melissa & Doug Plush Unicorn for Xmas.