Have you ever stuck your foot so far in your mouth that it came out the other end? That’s just what a poor fellow did recently on Scruff, Grindr‘s bearded big brother.
“Love your tat too dude! Very straight!” a user wrote to Little Kiwi, who later blogged about the exchange.
“Straight?” LK responded.
Sometimes it can be hard to feel awesome about being gay when people complement you on being something other than what you really are. Do you cringe when you read profiles that say “straight-acting”? There’s so much to unpack there: The sadness of having to adopt an act rather than being true to yourself, whether that’s the the marginalization of femmes or butches.
We get it: some guys are butch. Some guys like butches. And sometimes it’s pretty sexy to fantasize about the straight dude who transgresses into our world. Just, you know, watch your language and have some respect for what you, and other people, are.
LK assured him there was real no offense taken but later blogged that it was “a teachable moment”:
For many men there is still a desire to “pass for straight.” It’s not healthy. It shows a great fear, on their part, that being gay makes them “lesser” as men. Disdain for “visibly gay” people is often another symptom. This has nothing to do with concepts of masculinity, however. Such an argument may come up, but that too will be only in the mind of the man who still wants to appear “straight.”
…The guy who sent me this message is in no way an awful person. Just someone who would benefit from a change of mindset.
Rethink your value systems. Interrogate your attractions, your securities, your insecurities, your sense of self and identity. You cannot hope to find happiness in others or yourself if you are still comparing yourself next to a straight male as your way to validate your being.