Krazy Keyes

Alan Keyes Thinks Your Gay Sex Isn’t Real Because You Aren’t Making Babies

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Right-wing conservative nutcase Alan Keyes is douchebagging it up yet again, this time in an op-ed for World News Daily titled – get this – Homosexual ‘Rights’: Suicide For Humanity?

He’s now arguing that all the gay sex you’re having isn’t really “sexual activity” since you aren’t procreating.

We call it sexual activity because it involves bodily organs and feelings associated with the activity for which the different sexes appear to exist. Yet, in the strict sense of the term, it is not “sexual” activity at all. The functional difference that distinguishes one sex from the other quite literally has nothing to do with same-sex activity. That activity abstracts from the functionally defined difference in order exclusively to focus on bodily feelings and emotions that are important to the individuals involved, but that are of no consequence, concretely, for the species as a whole.

We read that as well as the entire awful “article” three times and we still can’t figure out what the hell he’s trying to say. Is it that sex without the explicit purpose of reproducing isn’t really sex? Well what about all the heteros who have sex with condoms? Are they not having real sex?

He then goes even further trying to explain his crackpot theory:

As individuals, some human beings may find this activity intensely gratifying. But considered on the whole, in terms of its consequences, it implies the nonexistence of humanity. The homosexual couple is not engaged in the act of human procreation. Their activity is not haunted by the possibility of human offspring. It does not imply the reification of their responsibility for the future of humanity as such. The pleasurable satisfaction it involves does not draw individuals away from their particular selves toward a concrete physical union (in the child they conceive) that represents the perpetuation of their being as a whole, their human being.

Well, yes, we find our sex life very gratifying, even if we’re not exactly trying to make a kid. Be ready, gays: this stuff is only going to get crazier and crazier as LGBT people get more and more rights.

Hopefully it will one day be driven to the fringes of society like the hardcore racist and sexist “theories” that sprouted up when other groups were fighting for their rights.

And just for fun, tell the next straight couple you see that they’re not having real sex unless they’re trying to make a baby and see how they respond. We’re sure they’ll be absolutely thrilled.