Allegedly Closeted Gay Actor Seeks Advice On Coming Out On Reddit

blind-itemReddit user, mylifeisalie123, claiming to be a “well known American film actor” and “closeted homosexual,” sought some community support on possibly coming out as a gay through the Confession subreddit:

I will not reveal who I’ve worked with or what I’ve starred in obviously, as I don’t want to be identified. I love my career, and I know I would lose my leading man status if I ever came out. I feel terribly guilty about many different things.

First of all, I feel like I’m misleading my fans. I know a lot of women watch my movies to watch me, and part of that is fantasy, and I feel like it’s all based on a lie. They do a lot market analysis in Hollywood. I get told about which demographics I do well with, and I feel like I’m misleading so many people, or letting them down.

I am dating another well known personality, and we’ve been publicly together for a while now. I know she expects to get married, the press expect us to get married, but of course this would be a great disservice to her. Truth be told I think she knows. She is a wonderful woman and a wonderful person and I don’t deserve someone as loving and trusting in my life, and I truly do love her, but I’m not in love with her, and sex with her, despite her beauty, is difficult for me.

I also feel terribly guilty because I know there are so many gay kids out there and I feel like by not coming out, and not providing that public display of being gay and being successful I’m letting them down. Public figures like Ellen DeGeneres coming out when I was younger made a huge difference to me, and I feel like I should be paying it forward, but I’m too afraid of my whole life being ruined.

I’ve only told a few people. I’ve been with two men since my career has started. Both have been, thankfully, very discrete. My two best friends from before I became mainstream know, and have been supportive. I’ve told two gay actors who have come out because I trusted they would keep it to themselves, having been in the same position. They were comforting and told me to do what I needed to do, but it didn’t assuage my guilt at all. I tested the water with my agent, who basically told me “Faggots don’t make it in this town,” and then went on to basically explain that he would never represent a gay man because the effort versus the money just makes it not worth it to him. It frankly terrifies me. I just wanted to get it out there.

Assuming that this guy’s the real deal, he voices some very real concerns when it comes to coming out in Hollywood. Though it’s by far the gayest town in all of America, it runs on a twisted double standard where “leading men” types have to play into a fantasy in order to truly “make it.”

Reddit users, for the most part supportive, mentioned examples such as Neil Patrick Harris, Matt Bomer and Zachary Quinto. The first two are television actors, whom, mylifeisalie123 says, are held to a different standard, while Quinto is regarded more as the exception than the rule. He’s also not what one would consider a mainstream leading man — meaning he’s not geting cast as the romantic lead in a regrettable Nicholas Sparks adaptation. To his chagrin, we’re sure.

The original poster acknowledges that he is a “coward” as well as a “weak and selfish person,” but his fellow Redditors think he has less of a problem with his sexuality than he has with his agent; some urging him to fire the bastard and find someone willing to take him on.

Closeted Actor maintains that it’s not so simple. So let’s open this conversation up to the internet at large. First, we’d be remiss if we didn’t indulge in a bit of speculation since we’re sure everyone wants to know who this alleged “well-known American film actor” is. Ryan Gosling, Robert Pattinson, Joseph Gordon-Levitt  and Shia LaBeouf are some names that have been bandied about. Meanwhile, nary a mention of Ed Asner.

Second, is this closeted actor overreacting, or is America finally ready for a gay-list A-lister? Sound off in the comments below.

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  • Rob Moore

    Whoever he is, he should not marry a woman. I did and the toll on her has been enormous. I told my wife after we had two children. She has been and continues to be a kind and loving person, but being married to me has been costly to her. I give her what I can emotionally, but she deserves more.

    As for his career, he probably has financial resources that will carry him if he comes out whilst he figures out what to do. It might be that he experiences few of the things he fears, but he needs a new agent. He should make that change from the start.

  • fredo777

    My first reaction was to say that this is bullsh*t, but then toward the end, I wasn’t sure. As for the list of possibles, I’m not really all that familiar with any of those dudes or how much of a gay “read” I get on them. If this is legit, I hope whoever it is does decide to come out in his own time + show his true colors.

  • J with da tea

    Putting my money down on Andrew Garfield…haha one can dream right?

  • sfbeast

    I think it’s a fake.

  • jackpapa

    I don’t care who it is. He is not going to feel any better about himself until he is honest with the woman he is seeing. The rest of us have no immediate need to know. He should definitely replace his homophobic agent. When he feels the time is right, he can come out. And when he does, he will feel so much better. And if he is a talented actor, he will work. I wish him the best.

  • Katbox

    Yeah, but even if it is fake “[email protected] don’t make it in this town” is true….Ray Donavan? even gave off the same impression. Couldn’t sit though 10 minutes of that show- but yeah. Many assholes. Agents are only in it for themselves.

  • miagoodguy

    This is so obviously fake, but if true, the only person he owes anything to is himself. He doesn’t owe his fans anything. He is an actor that PRETENDS (acts) to be something he isn’t. If he has women thinking of him, then he is doing his job. He definitely should no marry a woman if he knows he is gay.

    He has no obligation to come out to the public. He needs to make the decision that is best for him (so long as it doe not directly affect someone else like marrying them without them knowing he is gay).

  • Ted

    As an out gay unknown actor, I’m producing my own films that I think people love watching. They aren’t gay, but they have gay leading characters in them too. My most recent can be found at (.) My next film I’m producing myself doesn’t have anything to do with gay characters, but more about an interesting alien who helps a small town recover from a devastating event. It’s a mix of “Lars and the Real Girl” and “Starman.” Either way, I have a very successful real estate career and I’m creating my own success as an actor. I knew the financial machine here in Hollywood would never embrace a powerful gay man as a leading character so I created two careers. One career pays for the other career for now. But unlike the actor mentioned in this story, I could never compromise who I am for the pay off of praise and affinity of strangers no matter the paycheck or IMDB rating. I knew that living a lie wasn’t for me. I realize my gift of life could be taken away at any minute and that’s why I’m investing to make sure that when that day comes, I go out with a smile on my face. I would encourage this actor to remember this, it’s not about the lie you are living, it’s about the life you are missing out on.

    I’ll close with this. One day, I was sitting in a restaurant in Downtown Los Angeles. One of the rumored gay A-LIST actors walked by Rocket Pizza and I swear I was being cruised. Four times this actor walked by the window looking right at me. They say if someone holds your glance for more than 6 seconds they either want to kill you or have sex with you. Either way, I knew what was happening and he didn’t want to kill me. Funny thing is, I didn’t want to jump his bones as much as I wanted to help him and be there for him if it was true that he needed strength and friendship to come out. Coming out is about being true to your own self. No one can give it to you. You can’t buy it for any amount of money. And, there is no way to reap the rewards of a life like that, without living it. So, that’s why people come out.

    The fear a person must have to lose everything…fans, fame, fun, etc., must be so overwhelming. None of us would know how to deal with it. But I can tell you when I came out, I surrounded myself with people I loved and everything was okay. Matter of fact, it was awesome. But to whoever this person is, I’d say this. One day, there will be an out, handsome, leading man gay actor who successfully does come out or fights his way up through the ranks as a gay man from the beginning of his career. They’ve done it in sports. They’ve done it in TV. There will be someone who does it in movies. Rock Hudson, one of the biggest movies stars on the planet, came out as a gay man dying of AIDS. That one single event set gays back for decades. Til this day, my mother thinks that being gay means you have AIDS. I hope who ever this person is, he realizes that a REAL CELEBRITY is a CELEBRATED PERSON who lives his life however he wants to live it and takes what comes with living that life whatever the cost. This is a person and a life to celebrate…that’s a true celebrity. I hope I get to celebrate someone like that one day. It will change life for generations of folks in a positive way. To me, it would be like O’bama being elected president, a day no one ever thought would come. It would be a day we would all remember. The day one man or woman took control of their own destiny by entrusting his or her career the same fans who put him there: and not the machine who threatens to take it away.

  • Dev.C

    It’s no secret that there is a lavender veil that resides over Hollywood and seems to be diminishing with every gay actor who comes forth. The Jericho to this tradition of gay actors hiding until the death will be for actors like Tom Cruise, George Clooney or John Travolta coming forward and putting a stop to this bigotry. It’s hard enough trying to claim James Dean as apart of the gay community because of Hollywood’s homophobic out look on everything.
    Hollywood created this image of a homophobic existence where gay men are sub par to the ideal heterosexual man, and it’s become so bad that as a society we are now disgusted by this ugly ideal image that doesn’t truly reflect who we are as people.
    Personally I think more actors who are gay will have to come out in the near future because of this next generation of more excepting and open minded young people. The world and our society are evolving from traditional values and no longer excepts the paranoid delusions of the Nixon era and what came before that.
    Actors represent who people think they appear to be or aspire to be like and the youth of today and coming generations are going to start to demand a broader representation of society, because they won’t see themselves reflected by who is on the screen.

    I Think your mystery man could be Luke Evans, Taylor Lautner or possibly some type of action star, but whoever he is, he would be doing more for himself by Pioneering a new age of leading men, rather repeating the same formula over again.

  • fredo777

    I wish it were someone with a real hardass image in their films, like Jason Statham. That would be dope.

  • MikeE

    @Dev.C: Luke Evans already came out of the closet… his agent pushed him back in.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    He uses , “I” nine times in the first paragraph alone, 38 total, must be an actor with a ton of time on his hands to think about himself. Run, lads!


    Bradley, just come out already.

  • Bear Aspirin

    YOur fans will always love & support you Danny DeVito!

  • arj

    I knew it!! It’s BRAD PITT………….(swoon).


    Not Pitt, Cooper.

  • Mofdgheb

    Robert Pattinson is British. Ryan Gosling is Canadian.

  • Palmer Scott

    I’m a minor character actor. I’m openly gay. My fans know all about me and my husband. I do okay but that’s because I’ll never be a leading man. I’m comic relief and I know it. It’s really a different world for someone higher up the Hollywood food chain. Millions of dollars often ride on the shoulders of the leading actors, so the powers-that-be don’t like to take chances. Harris and Bomer became big before coming out. If this guy is willing to give up his leading man status he’ll do okay and be happier if he comes out. But under no circumstance should he marry some woman without being completely honest with her. She can then decide whether or not to continue being his beard.

  • Palmer Scott

    By the way, one of my favorite scenes was with Bradley Cooper on Nip/Tuck where he had to strip down to some VERY skimpy black briefs. I kept cracking him up as we exited the scene!

  • nevereclipsed81

    Bradley Cooper. coming out won’t be near as annoying as a new 20 year old “girl” who is a friend every month. Just do it, it’s not like Hangover 4 would work anyway.

  • nevereclipsed81

    @Bear Aspirin: he could come out in an ep of Always Sunny lol. He already shares a bed with Charlie.

  • Wayne_in_NYC

    How about James Franco? Or maybe Leonardo is finally ready to admit it.

  • RK

    First of all “closet dude” dump your stupid douchebag of an agent. How can you work with someone like that that does not respect you or acknowledge who are as a human being. Show some self-respect for G-D’s sake! Second, all this fame is hollow and empty if you cannot live your life openly and true to yourself. I do not know how old you are, but life goes by very quickly. I cannot imagine how possibly you can be happy, and now you want to marry someone to be your beard? How do you think that is going to work out eventually? You need to make a decision on what is important to you in your life, what you value, and how much substance and meaning you want out of your life. If living this falsehood you call your life makes you happy because of the money and fame, then remember money and fame is short-lived and meaningless in the long term. If you want respect, dignity, prosperty, substance, happiness, meaning, and self-respect then you will find a way to live your life honestly and openly as a proud gay man. No one can tell you how to do it, but there is no up side to your current situation in the long run; not to mention you may be putting your mental and physical health at risk for depression, addiction, etc. to fuel this lie you call your life. Remember, as a gay man you can fall in love, get married, and have a family and more if that is what you want. Hey, if you loose some movie deals that does not compare to loosing yourself.

  • fredo777

    @fredo777: Yeah, I know Jason Statham isn’t an American actor. But someone like that.

    @Palmer Scott: Are you the Palmer Scott from the Tim + Eric “Sit On You” skit? lol That was one of my favorites.

  • hyhybt

    “He is an actor that PRETENDS (acts) to be something he isn’t. If he has women thinking of him, then he is doing his job.”—True, but when your job involves illusion, it’s best not to break it too much. Sort of like, if a stage magician is pulling things out of a hat by having them hidden under the table, the effect is ruined by leaving the skirt off the table so everyone can see.

  • James Levin

    Your agent is living in the last century. It’s now 2013 and almost no one will notice or care after your are openly gay after a week or so. If you have talent your career will not suffer BUT if you continue to lead a false life you will. Once you are living an authentic life, you will be able to focus on improving your craft and enjoying an honest life which makes everyone better at whatever job they do. By hiding your true identity you are only reinforcing the beliefs of hostile homophobes that your sexual and affectional attractions are less valid than theirs. The water of freedom is truly beautiful. Just jump in and see for yourself.

  • GraciesDaddy

    Going on the belief that this is NOT a fake post, it sounds to me that mylifeisalie123 is, on an emotional level, genuinely *hurting* from being in the closet. WE did not build what he has built and have no idea what he could be losing by coming out. I do, however, echo the sentiments of others who have said to DUMP the agent! I envison that dinosaur as an old, fat, sweaty guy, chomping a cigar and cursing people over the phone!

    The bottom line: The folks who love you for you are going to continue to do so *after* you come out… and those who don’t like you will have another reason not to. You might even win over a few new friends/fans by coming out, no matter what the market analysis says!

    Time to get OUT of the 1950’s, Dude… Onward and upward!

  • Ottoman

    Life is short.

  • wwerts1

    Who cares what other people think your not doing it for them your doing for you, so you have to follow your heart and believe in yourself and everything else will fall into place.

  • Wingfield

    Oooh, I want to play! I think it’s gotta be a younger actor. My money would be on either zac efron, taylor lautner, or andrew Garfield. Emma stone seems gullible and like a great cover so I pick Garfield : ). One can dream

  • queertypie

    This could be from a long laundry list of many actors/actresses. The point is, it’s better to come out than live a lie that could possibly damage other people for the choices that you make. It’s a very accepting time and we would be happy to have you among the LGBT community.

  • Palmer Scott

    @fredo777, Yep, that’s me!

  • mykelb

    Ridiculous to ask the general public what to do with your life. Go back to your psychiatrist and work out your problems.

  • joeyoh

    Bottom line it’s one in a million that’s going to make it in Hollywood. So now after you’ve accomplished the impossible and become a leading male Movie Star you’re all bent outta shape because you now want it all your way, just saying. Hollywood is a bunch of flesh peddlers and we all know the bottom line is money. Also no matter how big the name if there is not enough return profit on the picture once, twice look out, because there is another actor/actress they can pull out of a hat and go with. Happens all the time. Julia was on a drug rampage with Kiefer Presto! Sandra Bullock got her big break.Lindsay goes off the reservation Presto! Emma Stone takes a bow. I feel for those closeted in Hollywood, but them is the facts folks. I say go in make a killing save the dough and blow. Garbo did and lived her life the way she wanted till her death. Save the cash invest wisely and slow curtain Good bye… if you can :)

  • LadyL

    @Ted: Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply and for sharing your experiences here–I loved everything you said. And I hope whoever this actor is reads your words and gives them the weight and consideration they deserve. For his sake and especially for the sake of the young gay fans that see his films and follow his career.

  • LadyL

    @RK: Amen; totally agree.

  • J with da tea

    @Wingfield: *snaps*

  • Charli Girl

    Darn I was hoping it was Robin Meade! ( leaving now)

  • Eiswirth

    “I don’t deserve someone as loving and trusting in my life,” he says of his girlfriend. What a sad comment. If he came out I think he’d find that person. I’m not sure I believe this is a real cry for help, but I think we’ve moved beyond the days of Rock Hudson. If he truly is an actor of some stature I think the positive effects would outweigh the negative. And he can start by finding himself an agent with more empathy. There must be a gay one or two out there.

  • MickeyP.

    @LadyL: I agree. Very nice post,Ted.

  • rand503

    So this actor wants his cake and eat it too. He wants to remain a leading man starring in big films and getting big salaries. He wants a wife and maybe even kids. He wants to be an active gay man too.

    Well, welcome to the real world. We’ve all had to make compromises, but at the end of the day, we all realize that it’s our life to live. No one owes us a fabulous career and we make the most of what we can. There are some lucky ducks who dont’ have to compromise, and more power to them.

    Sorry, kiddo, but you really have no option. Come out. Sooner or later, you will anyway, or you will be forced out. Take the lumps, if there are any. If your agent rejects you, so what — better to be rejected for you who are than be accepted for being someone you are not.

  • mz.sam

    Who ever it is, I do believe he will be just a B-lister Hollywood leading man. My bets are placed!

  • Rubin

    What you have to take into consideration is are you doing this for yourself or the publicity? Do you think you can live a fulfilling life hiding something private that becomes everyone’s business when all cameras are pointed at you? The lifestyle is something you choose and it’s also your choice whether or not you make it easier on yourself, not by hiding it but by owning it.

    Matt Bomer was the perfect comparison, a lovely hunk of a man inside and out. Plays a heterosexual con artist. It’s already old news of his family with his lover and child but that still doesn’t stop women from drooling over him. So are you really hiding due to popularity because if you are and you happen to lose the support of some fans after coming out then they truly weren’t fans of your acting which is what I suspect you want to be known for. Not as a sexualized piece of meat so that women have something to stare at and fantasize during the movie.

    I understand that this world is not perfect and people aren’t as rational when it comes to things like this. For a fact this “agent” is only in it for the money. You can always get yourself another or if need be, become your own. If you are so renown I’m sure you’ve made plenty of connections and people would come flocking in support.

    Again it is your choice. I’m no celeb myself so I wouldn’t know how hard you you’d hit if you do fall from your perch up there. Which is why if you do decide to go through with it you have to humble yourself to save yourself and land gracefully on your feet. Also nothing’s ever written in stone saying you cannot return to your former glory if you do fall. Who knows, you may even surpass your own celebrity. Just remember you are just a human like everyone else and if you do it you’re doing it for you and nothing else.

  • Teleny

    @Charli Girl: oh I know… She’s so beautiful.

  • Teleny

    Whoever the actor is needs to be honest with his girlfriend immediately. Let her choose her life path. Other than that, he’s like any other glbt person. We all have to figure out our time and route.

  • Brown Gay Al

    Someone younger. Not Garfield Emma is lesbian . Not zac Taylor . This is most likely Nicholas hoult.

  • Sukhrajah

    Why are we assuming that this person is younger? I mean, he stated bluntly that he is already a leading man – why not Jake Gyllenhall?

  • hyhybt

    @Sukhrajah: Is he a big enough star to have written this? (I honestly don’t know; I probably couldn’t name ten current big-name movie stars to save my life.) More to the point, given one of his better-known roles and what many people assume about anyone who plays a gay character no matter what, would *he* really think it would ruin his career?

  • Kangol

    Drop the agent. Do not marry the or any woman. Come out. Three steps, none of them easy, but the best way to go in the long run.

  • IJelly

    I don’t blame him for not coming out. If it were that easy, we would have seen all the character actors in Hollywood come out already. We can’t expect the guys at the top of the Hollywood food chain to stick their necks out before the guys with less to lose do the same.

  • Alice

    It’s definitely Ryan Gosling! Why? Well here are the facts: There are rumors about his and Eva Mendes’ (popular and actractive like he mentioned) engagement and he obviously reached a “leading man status”. Additionaly he is very famous that’s why he is afraid about ruining his career because he has much to lose. By the way, if the picture he has published is real then there is one more fact which make me more convinced that he is the one who released the message: the man on the picture has a unusual large face like RYAN GOSLING!!!! But if he is gay, it shows us that he is a brilliant actor and his talent doesn’t depend on his sexual preferences !

  • pscheck2

    Let us assume this is for real and we are dealing with a well known actor willing to come out. It’s probably true, he might have a lot to lose by coming out, but, then again, he might also have much to gain! This new generation that is coming to the fore, is more accepting of the gay syndrome than previous generations. I think an unstated consideration that might influence him is his unwillingness to be marginalized by the gay ‘label’ to the general public. He wants full acceptance and his ego will not accept anything less! (IMHO)! Some well known ‘closet’ cases have married their ‘beards’, even though the gossip columns were letting it be known that they were splitting up! How about the one who was openly gay to his friends and fellow actors when he was just becoming well known, but when he started to get leading man roles, he switched over night and now is married and a father! Oh, yeah–the closets’ are full (and bursting!)with these guys and it will be interesting when the doors bust wide open! (Oye vey!).

  • Hrrich

    There is only one thing you need to realize. You can only be the best you van be when you live your reality. If that (and happiness for yourself) is what you want, then the answer is obvious.

  • elemj2011

    George Clooney, think about it.. Just sayin.

  • enlightenone

    @Ted: Beautiful and true!!!!! Thanks for sharing your strategy for living well and authentically and with INTEGRITY.

  • enlightenone

    Distorted thinking = overreaction = the “Closet!”

  • Doughosier

    I do not think romantic actors should come out. If you’re a character actor no one wants to sleep with it’s ok but I don’t think a star women want to fantasize about should come out. It’s all about believability. If we know an actor’s gay, it is that much harder to accept him making love to a woman. If producers have the choice of a straight actor and a gay actor, they’re going to go with the straight guy.

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