An Open Letter to NOM’s Brian Brown About His Recent Family Photo

brian brown and family 2013

Hi Brian Brown, President of NOM.

We got your email the other day, wishing us a merry Christmas. It was nice of you to include a picture of your family.

Eight kids! Geez, that’s a lot. It can’t have been easy. It seems like just last year that you sent us a similar family photo. They grow up so fast, don’t they? Looks like your oldest girl is just about getting into her teens.

And that’s why we’re writing to you today. We’ll be blunt: we’re worried about your family, Brian. The kids appear to be getting on in years, and soon — if it hasn’t happened already — they’re going to become interested in the opposite sex. Or maybe the same sex.

After all, research suggests that the more older brothers a man has, the more likely he is to be gay. And anyway, you’re really pushing the odds here. With eight children, you’re pretty much guaranteed that at least one, and probably more, will at some point not be entirely heterosexual.

So, we’re worried. Not because being LGBT is bad (in fact, it’s AMAAAAAAAZING), but because we have a feeling that you might not know how to talk to your kids about this stuff.

When you led the Family Institute of Connecticut, you promoted ex-gay abuse, and wrote about homosexuality, “prevent your child from embracing this destructive way of life.” And you once told the Hartford Courant, “it is possible for you not to engage in homosexual acts.” Imagine what it would be like to know that you’re gay, and to hear your dad say those things. What would you do? What will your kids do?

Like we said, we’re concerned. We have no way of knowing what you tell your kids about what it means to be gay. But we do know that parental rejection of LGBT kids is correlated with an increased incidence of self-harm, of substance abuse, of homelessness and of general poor health.

We know you love your kids, and want what’s best for them. Brian, you and your wife have the power to do what’s best for them. We’ve seen (over and over and over and over and over) what happens when parents fail to support their LGBT kids, and while a lot of those kids recover and grow from the experience, it’s painful and unnecessary.

You can create an environment where they feel comfortable telling you that they’re lesbian or gay or bi or trans. You can do it. It won’t be easy, given some of the terrible things you’ve said, but you have to. For your kids. It may not be what you want to say, but it’s what they need to hear.

We don’t know anything about your family, other than the photos that you volunteer every year, but we know that the day will come that one of them will wonder who they love and what they are.

When that day comes, you should be their first line of support. You need to be there to tell them you love them no matter what, and that being LGBT is just fine. (It’s okay to add that you’re still working on coming to terms with that. That’s okay! It’s a journey you can take together!)

Fortunately, if you’ve decided to turn against your own children, there’s a big wide wonderful community out there that can step in. The LGBT community has been looking after abandoned youngsters for generations; and rest assured, if you turn your kids away, somebody out there might do their best to give them the support they need. But wouldn’t it be better if they got that support from you? Because frankly, we’re not sure why you’ve gotten us so involved in your private family affairs.

Best wishes,

The Queers

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  • Dawson

    I wonder where his hands are? Hummmmm.

  • jckfmsincty

    Please print his response.

  • sportyguy1983

    The author of this letter should not bring into the debate the MINOR children of this scumbag. Even if he pouts them out there, you should be above it and leave CHILDREN out of your arguments against him.

  • Spike

    @sportyguy1983: Why not? These haters ALWAYS bring up Gays/Lesbians having children and the need to stop that for the sake of children and family.

  • Dawson

    Are there rule when it comes to people who hate us or do us harm? Do we turn the other cheek? Should we?

  • manonyme

    @sportyguy1983: well, you certainly have a valid point in protecting the privacy of minors. i am totally with you in that respect.
    but as i think about the aspects of raising LGBT kids they elucidated, it really is in the end about children. and to your point, that doesn’t mean it has to be about HIS kids.
    but that time they speak of-when kids get the wrong input and/or confirmation that there’s something wrong and subversive about them; that can get them so far off course that it could take decades to right themselves.if they even make it to adulthood. so, without any snark in my tone, how do people convey the same sentiment to parents without the exploitation?

    you don’t want his kids googling the family one day and stumble upon odds-makers lists about potential muffin-munchos or corn-holers among their siblings, right?

  • 2eo

    This lunatic is allowed children?

    Looks like I’ll have to have a word with a friend in a high place. The man is a danger to kids, and I would bet actual money he sexually abuses them.

  • CriticalThinker

    @sportyguy1983 I can’t imagine what you found inappropriate in this letter (and I invite you to clarify this).

    I knew I was gay at the age of 3. (I’m now 49.) Of course I wasn’t actually having sex with anyone then, nor was I ever molested. I was born gay, was smarter than average, learned to read and write at 3, and simply became acutely aware that I “liked” boys more than I did girls. And later, those feelings became clarified as physical attraction. At 6 or 7 I read about homosexuality in a sociology book and thought to myself, “That’s me!”

    But even at 6 or 7, it was already painfully clear that this was NOT a topic that could be discussed. With anyone. So I suffered in silence for many, many years. When do schools start to discuss sex with kids? In the early teens? So, that was a full TEN YEARS that I struggled, silently, all the whole believing I was going to hell for something I couldn’t change — while also having NO ONE with whom I could discuss this.

    As the son and grandson of conservative, Christian ministers, I was already in “hell,” I’m sure you can imagine (or actually — you probably *can’t* imagine) how horrific it was, growing up and being told you were going to burn in hell. To be clear, they weren’t speaking directly to me; these were generalized statements about “evil people” and sin in general. I wasn’t obviously gay, so they had no idea I was affected.

    And that’s the very point.

    It is VERY appropriate — critical, even — to admonish parents about the dangers to children of the kind of hate — ignorant hate — that people like Brian Brown direct toward their children. No one is advocating *rushing* any child into sexual knowledge that is not appropriate for them. But millions of children do in fact have sexual thoughts and urges, long before puberty. And a hateful father like Brian Brown, though well-meaning, can do quite literally a DECADE of damage to a child by sending the message that because of something over which the child has absolutely no control (his sexual orientation), the child is “defective.” “Sinful.” “Evil.”

    It is MORE than appropriate for society to attempt to intervene and protect these children from their parents’ ignorance. Especially religious ignorance. (Oops. Redundant.) :-)

    This has NOTHING to do with discussing sex acts with a child who’s under age. This is about informing parents that it is WRONG to raise children to believe that they’re “evil” for having homosexual thoughts. It’s so sad that, merely because of religion, millions upon millions of children are abused in this way. A small percentage of children are born with red hair. And a small percentage of children are born gay. Unfortunately people like Brian inflict abuse upon the latter, when in reality, neither can be changed. These ignorant people are unaware that the object between a baby’s legs does not necessarily correlate with the child’s gender identity or the sexual orientation in the brain. Science has proven this conclusively. But people like Brian refuse to acknowledge the reality of science, because of the words of uneducated shepherds in the Middle East, 2000 years ago. (They also ignore 95% of what those shepherds wrote, choosing to focus upon homosexuality, whole they themselves break *many* of the other laws. But that’s another topic.). :-)

    Homosexuality is a normal variant, and — ironically — it’s almost *certain* that Brian has at least one gay child. And statistically, that child may in fact be one of the younger ones. So, why not urge Brian to PROTECT his young children? What on earth could be objectionable about urging a parent to PROTECT his children? Frankly, if one of Brian’s older children is gay, the damage is already done. It’s the younger ones that could be spared, if Brian were to realize the harm he’s doing them. How could that possibly be objectionable? (Perhaps you misunderstood the point of the letter.)

    I *thank* the writer(s) of this letter. I applaud him/her/them! Parents NEED to know that they’re harming their children. NOT mentioning the younger children to those parents in fact does those very children the most harm.

    To the authors of the letter: Bravo, bravo, BRAVO!!!

  • CriticalThinker

    @sportyguy1983: I replied to your comment at length, but didn’t realize I had to tap the “@reply” button for you to be notified. (I typed your name manually, but that doesn’t create the proper link.) Please see my reply at your confidence. :-)

  • sangsue

    Are you kidding me? He won’t have any gay kids. They either won’t tell him or they’ll kill themselves or he’ll disown them.

  • Tyler100

    What a lovely portrait of JimBryant’s family.

  • vonlmo

    How does he support all those kids? He has a real job?

  • DShucking

    That’s too god damn many kids.

  • jimbryant

    Brian Brown’s family looks cute but I can’t help but feel that his wife is a baby machine. She must churn them out like a pod. She has perky breasts, which must appeal to Brian. I know that men with homosexuality-angst are often attracted to women’s breasts.

  • Charles175

    @CriticalThinker: Excellent analogy. The photo is an attempt to rub in our faces his breeding powers. In this I say:

    True homosexuality naturally occurs as one of many forms of genetic “pruning” that keeps each species healthy. In this homosexuality is natural and DOES serve a useful purpose. Contrary to fundamentalist belief, being merely gay is not in and of itself deviant nor is it evil or sick. These same fundamentalists forget that the World population is no longer sparsely populated with people as mentioned in the bible. It is now over 7,000,000,000 and growing exponentially.

  • alanj

    @Tyler100: that made me laugh.

  • Ratronaut

    I’m already concerned for the disheveled-looking child on the far right side.

  • gay4liberty

    EIGHT kids?! Sheesh!

  • dvlaries

    Several of them must be bound for politics; they’ve got the synthetic smile down pat as Dad already.

  • sportyguy1983

    Once again, minor children of public figures are off limits, I don’t care who their parents are. They remain off limit once they turn 18 unless they decide to make public statements. People making comments/innuendos of a any kind are just as despicable as this guy. Shame on you.

  • enness

    It is beyond pathetic that some people have nothing better to do than attack something this innocuous. I suppose I should be glad there has been no actual threat to kidnap the children, as happened to a friend of mine, but come on.

    Recall that this is a guy who was willing to sit down and engage Dan Savage over the dinner table, and IMO the latter was outclassed. I don’t think his kids have anything to worry about by that example. Speaking of their age, I’m sure all of us are well aware that every year brings them closer to the vote.

    Finally, a certain commenter who shall remain nameless ought to look up “libel per se” for edification and future reference — not that I would consider any of these comments a credible source.

  • enness

    I’m glad somebody here has some integrity.

Comments are closed.