For years, straight women have been using the phrase “my gays” when talking about their homosexual friends. (We blame Kathy Griffith for starting the trend back in the mid-2000’s.) And we get it. It’s supposed to be term of endearment. But, frankly, it’s kind of annoying. After all, we don’t go around referring to our heterosexual friends as “our straights.” That would just be stupid.
Well, this week Andy Cohen took a moment on Watch What Happens Live to address the issue. After playing a montage of moments where women from this season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills have used the phrase “my gays,” Cohen turned to the camera and said: “Even though some of your friends might be gay, which is great, they are not ‘yours.’ You do not own them. We are not cattle. We are not purses.”
“And the next time you feel like saying ‘my gays,'” he continued, “replace it with ‘my blacks’ and see how that turns out.”
Word.
How about we take this to the next level?
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What do you think? Is it time straight women retired the phrase “my gays”? Sound off in the comment section below.
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Xzamilio
Here’s another teachable moment, Andy: You are every gay stereotype personified and you have managed to make millions by finding the least common denominator of every race and making buffoonery something worthy of attainment. “My gays” is annoying, but not half as annoying as picking and choosing when something is offensive, even though you willingly participate in the lowbrow antics of these dry country dumps of people you have made famous.
odawg
Sit down, Felicia!
odawg
@Xzamilio: Exactly! He’s responsible for all the RHO being on the air.
avesraggiana
Oh for the love of everything homosexual, could we just all lighten up?! If straight women want to say “MY GAYS”, then let them!
Taskebab
Andy Cohen needs to start treating women with respect and needs to stop objectifying them first before he starts calling them out…
Cam
Isn’t he the one who put those shows on the air and haven’t they been using the term for years?
Why is he only upset now?
Cam
@Taskebab: objectifying them? LOL You’re on the wrong webpage.
sfsilver
I’m sorry but this is ridiculous. I have zero issue with people who are clearly our friends using this term. Have we all lost the ability to hear/read intent and context? This term was NEVER used in a derogatory way, was never in a context of anything but friendship and fun, and has no history of pejorative intent or context. Can we stop manufacturing outrage over nothing. Please. If you felt oppressed by this I just can’t. In the clip Andy played to illustrate how he was being oppressed, Kyle Richards says “I just want to have fun with my girls and my gays” there is literally no contextual difference. Can we please stop this petty outrage culture. Can we please focus on the people who want to do real harm to us and not be butt hurt about something a clear ally said in the spirit of friendship.
sfsilver
The headline of this should be “America’s Least Oppressed, Most Entitled and Privileged Gay Man Is All Butt Hurt Over Nothing”
avesraggiana
@sfsilver: LIKE.
DistingueTraces
If there’s any gay man in America who plays into EXACTLY this kind of “straight woman’s cute mascot” stereotype more than the awful Andy Cohen, I don’t want to know his name.
polarisfashion
A straight female friend of mine was sitting next to me at a large table at a wine tasting. Some more of her gay friends came in and they sat next to us on both sides. I looked at my friend and told her that when she asked God if she could be surrounded by young beautiful men, she should have been more specific! I have never heard her call us her gays before but I don’t care if she does.
UpInTheGallery
I’m skeptical that this is something real-life straight women who aren’t RHOBH characters commonly say.
robho3
I know when most people use this term it used as a term of endearment but I do kinda feel it makes us sound like an accessory or a pet. As far as the Housewives of ____ go they are all just nauseating and I can’t believe people are still watching these shows. Luann sitting there agreeing when I can remember her using that term on many occasions.
Desert Boy
What’s this? Andy Cohen getting all politically correct on us?
This, from a man, who produces, and markets, a brand of reality TV shows that shows women as shallow, vicious, petty, immature, and competitive.
I’ve watched several of the “Housewives Reunion” shows and when the women get catty and sometimes violent, he has an undeniable glean in his eyes.
Charlie in Charge
Real talk: if you stop calling us “your gays” we will stop using the term “hag.”
Arcamenel
Andy Cohen seems like the type to use the n-word around like-minded company but then chew someone out for using the f slur.
jwtraveler
A straight, female friend once referred to me as “my gay friend”. It’s not the worst thing anyone has ever said about me, but I didn’t like it. I felt like a token and somewhat diminished in her mind.
cflekken
Apparently, I’ll be in the minority here by saying that I agree with Andy. Not because of the notion of “possession”, but for the notion that I am not defined by my sexual orientation. Just like I am not defined by my race or even my gender.
Captain Obvious
While he’s on the subject of things that are offensive how about thinking about how black people feel about being used as a white man’s barometer for what’s offensive?
Any time you need an example of why something is offensive you say “Replace X with black.”… how is THAT not offensive? It’s like black comes out of certain people’s mouths all day everyday when they themselves are not black at all.
If you’re so offended by “my gays”, then keep “black” out of your mouth unless you’re specifically talking about black issues.
Cam
@Captain Obvious:
It tends to be used as a barometer because people are more aware of issues with race than they are with other areas. I.E. replace “My Gays” with “My Asians”.
HellsKitchen78
@sfsilver: I registered on this thing just to be able to to say “AMEN! to your thought. Jesus, Gays, we have MUCH bigger fish to fry than this, and everyone knows Bravo practically created friendly term “the Gays.” Does that make it ‘right?’ No, but damn, let’s lighten up and stop making us look so fragile and petty.
Taskebab
@Cam: Have you seen his interviews lately with Nicki Minaj and such…totally all about talking about nothing but her body and how she should do what he wants with her body
TomOH
Andy Cohen gets on nerves, and normally I can’t stand him, but I have to agree with him on this one. It’s not “cute” when women say “my gays”, it’s patronizing and condescending. They’re talking about us like they would talk about their pet poodles, as if they have us wrapped around their fingertips or something. In all fairness though, doesn’t Andy produce all these god damned Housewives shows in the first place?
dhmonarch89
since he created those btches (the one he’s schooling)- he should be held responsible for them!
Cam
@Taskebab:
He interviews all people the same way. He is a shallow guy.
jason smeds
Safe homosexuals are those men who have sex only with men. Women see them as pets, sort of like Chihuahuas.
Dangerous homosexuals are those men who have sex with men and women. Women find these men threatening.
OzJosh
While we’re on the subject of celebrity gays dispensing advice… How is it that Lance is simultaneously telling everyone that nobody knew he was gay until he met his boyfriend and came out, just a few years ago, yet quite comfortable adjudicating on social mores and behaviour like some wise old gay guru?
RealBlast3
People used to wear their gayness as a rainbow badge of courage and were proud of it and were more than happy to let it define them as much or as little as they liked. Now the new thing is “My sexuality doesn’t define me”.
I mean, in reality, no one’s sexuality truly defines them. Nobody is just a “gay”. But us gays used to love and take pride in all that it meant to be gay, and if someone else recognized it, like these straight allies or our fag-hags, it would make us happy.
I feel like so many gays today want to drain all the gay out of themselves with this “My sexuality doesn’t define me” talk. What has happened to us? We use to want to be special. We used to revel in our queerness, what set us apart and made us different. Now, so many gays are like, embarrassed by it and want to blend in and be just like the straights, and are against all the history and culture and pride of Gayness.
There’s a real schism in the community right now by those who, well, don’t want to be part of the “community” by all these gay ‘non-gays’, I’ll call them. The gays of yesteryear would never be caught dead saying something like “My sexuality doesn’t define me”. It’s say, to me, that anyone would feel it necessary to say that. It doesn’t need to be said. It just makes you sound uptight and uncomfortable with being gay.
That’s how I see it, and I realize I’m old school and alot of the young gays come from totally different upbringings and don’t get it and don’t feel that sense of Pride we all did and they want to distance themselves from the Gay Culture and reduce being gay to it’s most reductive state. What’s fun about that?
lauraspencer
This is the pot calling the kettle.
Cohen has treated women as cattle and played on female stereotypes for years. So it is okay for him to do it to women?
As for anything that is said in REAL HOUSEWIVES that is offensive….ummmm, Cohen is an EP on the show. Why doesn’t he edit the inappropriate material out of the episodes??
Cohen is an idiot.
demented
Considering he has whole shows devoted to depicting women in the most despicable, dehumanizing way you can find on reality TV, he needs to shaddup.
I would agree with the sentiment if it came from someone less vile and misogynistic. But I hate agreeing with
@RealBlast3: What makes you think they “don’t get it”? Maybe they get it, but they don’t want what you want. They could easily say the same about you, that you just don’t get it.
And sadly, sexuality DOES define some people. It is used to box them in. And eventually, wanting to be special and acting like a single quality of you is something to be proud of can be very isolating because you’re making a bigger deal out of something that ideally shouldn’t be – and perceptions about sexuality won’t improve if people act like it is a big deal. It’s like saying that being a brunette means you should want to stand out and be special.
Did anyone have the concept of “pride” in one’s sexuality until very recently? Of course not. And until recent history, there wasn’t any concept of gay, straight or any other labels that people were expected to conform to. They didn’t let sexuality define them, or try to define it.
YouGoGurl
Anyone who is so upset and disgruntled over “my gays” needs to grow a set. I find it a term of endearment and don’t mind at all.
Merv
The only thing wrong with the phrase is that it might be overused. But, it was amusing originally.
level75RDM
@RealBlast3: Alright, I’ll take the bait. Educate me; tell me about “all that it meant to be gay.”
Older straight people are always lamenting how their kids aren’t having children, about how they’re staying in school longer and longer, about how they rely so much on the internet for community building. And, apparently like the gays, they don’t respect older traditions.
Looks like Millennial Shaming isn’t exclusively a older straight generation thing.
Captain Obvious
@Cam: But they never replace anything offensive with white to get the point across, especially when speaking with other white people.
In fact nothing offensive about white people ever passes their lips. So for that reason they should leave everyone else’s ethnicity out of their mouths when it comes to making offensive comparisons for the sake of clarity.
If I was to run around saying “Replace that with white.” I’d be hearing reverse-racism.
We’re not tools to be used as a barometer for offensive language. They have an ethnicity too and can use their own to get their point across. In fact it really makes more sense because more often than not the other person being spoken to is white as well.
Kieran
I don’t think there is anything wrong with Andy attempting to educate people about something sounding condescending or offensive. Using blacks as an example often drives the point home in a particularly effective way. Personally, I would find it uncomfortable and condescending to hear a white person talk of “My blacks”. Same principle applies here. Nothing wrong with Andy attempting to educate. Think of it as a “teachable” moment.
Arcamenel
@Kieran: The point is that these people are quick to use the black community to drive home their point but then are mum on actual issues facing the black community today or even say things that perpetuate anti-blackness. They remember us when they want to make a point but also conveniently forget that we are nowhere near having full racial equality. It’s just disingenuous.
Blackceo
@Arcamenel: EXACTLY!!!!!!! Spot on comment!!!
teh_sqwirl
@sfsilver: Hear, hear! While I have to admit that Mr. Cohen causes me no shortage of loin-quivering (it’s the silver hair), I agree that this is way too much ado about nothing. Have we gay men become so wealthy with friends that we backhand those who use an innocent term of endearment towards us? Times once were that we gladly would be some divas’ “gay”…