Imagine being forced to flee your homeland only to wind up in a place where people constantly fetishize you for being a refugee. That’s what happened to 25-year-old Elia.
Originally from Morocco, Elia is currently living in the Netherlands. While his life may no longer be threatened on a daily basis, he quickly found himself faced with a different dilemma.
“On Grindr, loads of men start conversations by calling me ‘master’, because Arab men are seen as dominant in bed,” Elia tells Vice.
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“That’s why I decided not to have sex with white people any more, because I’m tired of being fetishized and made to feel like I’m only around to fulfill other people’s sexual fantasies.”
Elia says he’s also stopped going to gay bars for the same reason. Whenever he went out, he says, guys would treat him as some sort of exotic trophy and assume he must be “up for anything.” Some went so far as to demand he go home with them.
“I don’t want to be in that situation again,” he says.
Related: CEO Joel Simkhai officially out at Grindr… Will the sexual racism he promotes go with him?
But if you think that’s dark, it gets darker. Because Elia says another issue he regularly deals with are guys who fetishize refugees.
“When I was living in a refugee center in the northeast of the Netherlands, older white men would regularly drive to the camp just to try and sleep with refugees,” he recalls.
“I’ve been harassed by a guy there for that reason.”
Of course, there’s also the flip side to it all. Because for every guy who fetishizes Elia for his race or his refugee status, there’s another who will reject him for it.
“People say things like, ‘I’m not racist, but I’m just not attracted to Moroccans,'” he says.
Related: Being cisgender, white, and gay is no longer enough to make a guy interesting
h/t: Vice
whatsaywhat
“But if you think that’s dark, it gets darker” ???
We get it loud and clear, Graham. Dark= BAD
Interesting choice of words for a card-carnying member of the PC police to use when bemoaning “everyday racism”…
Teddy Ready
My Apologies for the Arab Refugee Gentleman who is frustrated by the Categorizations and presumptious Stereotypes that are replying to his grindr account. I am not familiar with the Grindr App, but I have only been educated about it as far as I have read and heard about it. Could the Presentation of yourself be condensed with some explanations or wishes on your behalf to distract the flood of non-desirables from pursuing your Grindr ad ? just saying. Best Wishes too !
Ummmm Yeah
“Of course, there’s also the flip side to it all. Because for every guy who fetishizes Elia for his race or his refugee status, there’s another who will reject him for it.”
So in other words this guy, Graham Gremore and the rest of the professional victims are going to bitch no matter what.
Kangol
Not surprised by any of this. I wonder, is there a word for people who fetishize refugees though? Xenophilia? Or is that being attracted to strangers?
am_psi
Why exactly was his life threatened on a daily basis? Homosexuality isn’t a death penalty offense in Morocco the way it is in other Muslim countries. And if he’s so oppressed in the Netherlands, why not seek refuge (if he actually needs it) in a middle eastern nation.
whatsaywhat
A few awkward grindr dates in NL = ‘Racist white people marginalize & traumatize refugee!!”
Beheaded and/or thrown off a building in Saudi Arabia = “Who are we to judge the tenets of Islam?”
ChrisK
They just want him for his BAC. Can’t all you horny Crackers see him as a human being!!
AndThenTheresMax
OK stop it Elia! Quit your effin whining! I’m a dark-skinned mulatto gay man. My entire life “white” men have wanted me just because I’m half black (trust me and I’ve some rockin’ sex because of it) and this was long before Grindr, Growlr and Scruff. In fact, I’ve had Asian men, Black men (yes you read that right other black men), light skinned mulatto men and Latino men want to “be with me” because of my BBC (not the British Broadcasting Corporation).
You cannot blame this on white men. When you say, “That’s why I decided not to have sex with white people any more, because I’m tired of being fetishized and made to feel like I’m only around to fulfill other people’s sexual fantasies.” Here’s my response from someone darker than you, “Oh boo hoo! Grow up!”
This is not a white people’s problem it’s a porn problem. Gay men get all their early ideas of gay sexuality from porn and not just white men ALL GAY MEN. I find it interesting you don’t mention how many Arab men have said, “Oh give me that big Kebab!” You know it’s happened but you want to say because that means you would have say it’s not just white men. Do not blame white people for this! It’s not their fight.
The other thing Elia is if you don’t like being fetishized, stay in Africa. (I’m not being mean but that’s where Morocco is.) But do not blame white men for something that the adult film industry created and what it doesn’t ask in the article is how many white guys rode your Moroccan disco stick before you felt “like an exotic treat.”
So heed the words of someone much darker than you…quit whining! This is not a white man’s problem. Nor is this a black, Arab, Latino, Asian, Pacific Islander problem. This is your problem! So keep it there. Thanks.
Zambos271
^This! Enjoy it now because at some point you will be ignored and begging for the attention.
Heywood Jablowme
Isn’t part of the problem, referring to Arabs as a “race”? Arabs are just slightly dark white people.
A century ago it was common to refer to Italian immigrants as a “race.” (To use only one example.)
Polaro
As problems go, this guy needs to reassess his priorities.
Nowuvedoneit
“I’m in a country where I can be free but all I’m mad about is those damn homosexuals asking me for sex, like what do they think I’m gay”? He doesn’t want to be fetishized then go back to where he came from, he won’t last.
AdrianS
Graham, please, just stop writing. It’s not your call. Find other career. You write shitty articles (Not that I was expecting intelligent writing in Queerty) with terrible coherence, and rarely with an objective manner. So for the sake of everyone, just leave wahtevere Queerty pay you (Unless you do it for free) and just find something else more productive. Thank you and good luck.
AdrianS
And of course I forgot to mention, that you keep just recycling notes from other sites. So add unoriginal to the complain. 😀
Danny595
White Dutch men are driving into refugee camps looking for sex? Sounds legit.
Aranos
Isn’t it amazing how quick you get first world problems as soon as you get here?
Hussain-TheCanadian
Some of you Queens are too defensive dayum; did he hit close to home or what?
It’s his experience, we can at least listen to him and try to understand his point of view, not ridicule him and tell him to “go home”. Last I checked this planet belongs to all of us, and we should move and travel to wherever we want. If it was up to me, there wold be no borders.
mhoffman953
@Hussain-TheCanadian
A world without borders would be a dangerous and terrible place. A home without walls is not a home, a nation without borders is not a nation.
jason_melvil
Sorry but you seem to not get it – it’s not that we ridicule him without listening to him. We ridicule him BECAUSE we listened to him. Seriously?
The guy whines because people on Grinder wants to use him for sexual fantasies – It’s a hooking app for crying out loud. Everyone on it are using each other for sexual fantasies. If he’s looking for romance he’s doing it in the wrong place.
This is just incredibly stupid.
alphacentauri
Berber and Moroccans are white/Caucasian. But this is Vice and queerty so of course they’re going to ignore this fact and how in a lot of Islamic countries if you are bisexual or gay and a man you risk being murdered by your family and peers, and government in honor killings.
Kangol
Not all Moroccans are “white Caucasians.” Have you ever been to Morocco? Look at the people of that country, including Morocco’s King, Mohammad IV. They’re racially mixed, like the vast majority of North Africans.
miserylovedme24
So he complains about guys being into him and then complains about ones that are ‘racist’ towards him? And his answer to that is to then be racist towards whites? WTF? What a stupid article.
tham
Are you kidding me? So a bottom is mad cause white folks want him to be a top?
Man, how does that guy live with those kind of problems?
Jaxton
Arabic men can be very handsome especially if they have a good spanking hand.
surreal33
White men see all people and things as objects for their pleasure, use, and amusement. This is NOT revelation it simply is what is. Most important it’s not going to change anytime soon, therefore, you have to decide if you are willing to be objectified or not?
SiamSam
I am white and I object!
SiamSam
Did Ella flee to the First World just so he could complain about First World problems?
Nuttypea
love me for who I am… not for who I am.