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Are 80% of Bisexuals Dating Online Really Just Gay (Or Straight)?

Among the revelations of dating site OK Cupid‘s data crunch of its membership: “Men are on average 2 inches shorter than they say in their profiles, while women are an inch shorter. About 50 percent of daters fib about their weight. Almost everyone exaggerates their income by 20 percent.” Oh, and this: “80% of self-identified bisexuals are only interested in one gender.” So, an actual website apparently unaffiliated with OK Cupid, is pretty useless then?

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  • missanthrope

    Because OCupid is such a brilliant measure of behavior. This is ridiculous.

  • Avarcirwen

    What surprises me is that anyone finds this surprising. Who hasn’t known one of these so-called bisexuals who in the end ended up either totally gay or totally straight?

  • Jeffree

    I briefly dated a “bisexual” guy and I won’t do it it again. I can’t generalize based on one person, but his track record was consistent: whenever he was with a woman he got o-bses.sed with men & did the converse when he was with a man.

    Too much drama for me. I’m not going thru that again, ever.

  • Swedish Fish

    I go to this bi cupid site, and they ask which gender I’m interested in. WTF? Does the definition of ‘bi’ not register with the people who run the site?

  • WalkderDC

    Well in fairness, the bi’s that are feeling like dating the opposit sex could probably just hop onto or something I guess.

  • Max

    Stop suppress male bisexuality! Stop double standarts! Imposing of female bisexuality has led to free of female homosexual behaviour, but male bisexuality is suppressed and gay men very actively participate in it !

    Male bisexuality was a norm for all men until christianity and islam. And a homophobia wasn’t. Study history!

  • Jeffree

    @” Max” Do you have any references to support your assertions? Which cultures do you refer to?

    Thanks Gilber and be sure to say hi to Jason from all of his fans!

  • Max

    Yes. In Russian language will arrange? Ridiculously to demand the reference to acknowledgement of existence of bisexual culture of Antiquity!!!

  • Lookyloo

    I’m bi. Though, I’m only attracted to fit, good looking guys. Whereas I have been with women of differing types. I like having sex with both but I find guys a bit more fun and less baggage. I do find myself more romantically involved with women so, maybe, that’s the way I lean.

    One problem is, women are usually freaked out about my bi-ness so it’s a tricky thing of when (and how) to tell them. The guys I’ve been with haven’t cared.

    Many MANY gay guys, without even knowing me, DEMAND that I’m really straight or lying. Whereas straight people say I’m really gay and confused. As far as I’m concerned, I’ll fall in love with who I fall in love with.

    Though, I’m pretty sure the only saggy, old, wrinkly man I want to see walking around my house in 30yrs is me. Saggy, old, wrinkly woman aren’t nearly as creepy. LOL


    Couple o’ things I have found on the internets:

    ~ 85% of men tend to add 2″ to the size of their sometimes not so manhood

    ~ 99.9% of men describing themselves as “versatile” are bottoms up on the bed within 30 seconds of entering the bedroom……. :p

  • Rick Brannon

    Maybe they are neither gay nor straight, but bi.

  • jason

    I think the number of bisexually oriented people whose feelings and fantasies are divided exactly equally between the sexes is actually quite small. The vast majority, in my view, are predominantly oriented towards one sex. They are still bisexually oriented albeit with an uneven distribution. I think it’s also important to consider the bisexual orientation in terms of the gender of the person who’s claiming to be bisexual, which I will now do.

    In a broad sense, women use their sexuality to market themselves to men. It’s a means of obtaining a reward that is not just about her sexual satisfaction but also about obtaining financial and economic security for herself. Therefore, it’s not uncommon for a woman to claim to be bisexual in order to “turn men on” and obtain the associated benefits.

    Men, on the other hand, are not similarly rewarded by women. If a man says he’s bisexual, it’s despite women, and not because of them.

  • jason

    Another thing I should point out is that the bisexual orientation is not defined by threesomes despite this very suggestion by the image accompanying this article on queerty. The bisexual orientation has nothing to do with threesomes. We really need to stop allowing porn to influence how we think about sexual orientation.

    Porn says bisexuality is about threesomes but this is just crap.

  • John Raymond Barker

    Seeing how most bisexuals are not necessarily 50/50 on the dot, it’s not shocking that most prefer one gender over the other.

  • Jon

    I think more studies on sexuality are needed all the time and what bi, gay and queer all means….I know it doesn’t matter but it does matter in counseling and the future of relationships and how flexible they should be.

  • Max


    You will achieve nothing by criticizing fake female bisexuality. To solve this problem can be possible only advancing male bisexuality, beauty of a male body and spirit!

    Bisexuality it is not an inclination to both sexes us 50/50. The inclination can carries episodical and/or a temporality.

    Now straight porn industry imposes bisexual double standards. It can become catastrophe for gays. This paradigm as though imposes that female body can be the beautiful only and that men can be only heterosexual, and homosexual men automatically become segregated.

    Male bisexuality was a norm for all men until christianity and islam. And a homophobia wasn’t.

    It is necessary to advance male bisexuality. Gradually to change mass consciousness.
    Make alternative porn. Not straight and not gay. Bi porn.
    For example, – very hot threesomes!

    And other methods besides a porn.

  • Tony

    I believe it’s as simple as this: various dating websites tend to attract specific crowds, depending on reputation. Some even attract more “bisexuals” or “bicurious” depending on what options are available when making profiles. Now get this; bisexual/bicurious guys are not lying just because they mainly use these stupid websites to flirt with and meet other guys. They’re likely meeting girls the old fashioned way, in real life.

  • Enron

    I think a lot of these guys who proclaim they are interested in both women and men are actually gay, but are embarrassed to be gay or they believe if a family member or someone who doesn’t know they are gay sees their profile and sexual preferences will at least not be so alarmed. Maybe not.

    But the amount of male facebook profiles I have been through with men claiming they are interested in both men and women, then when you look at the details, they are in a relationship with a man is overwhelmingly high. I have yet to come across one that says he is a relationship with a woman. Its either single or in a relationship “man named xyz”.

  • Max

    And who has told that bisexuality it is totally and always inclination 50-50??? And more part bisexuals towards heterosexual, and not masking gays!

  • Mark

    What the hell does the comment “most bisexuals either go totally gay or totally straight”? Hmm, maybe a lot of people in this world are interested in monogamy?

    I’m bisexual, however I’m 85% of the time sexually attracted to men. I only want to date men, though I generally have more sincere friendships with women. Tell a straight guy this I am told I am gay, tell a gay guy this they tell me I’m in denial. I am not in denial. Some women are, in fact, very much attractive.

  • Tony

    Oh come ON people! Just because a bi dude signs up for a dating site, it does NOT mean that he’s committed to dating both girls and guys there! He’s just broadening his horizons.

    Also, just because the bisexual guys you personally know are mostly dating other men, does NOT mean that you have anything like an accurate sample. Obviously, most bisexual guys who prefer women, have less experience with men, or are uncomfortable with their bisexuality (thanks, in part, to people like yourselves) are calling themselves “straight” to avoid debate and criticism.

    The point is that most bisexuals call themselves straight, and most people who call themselves bisexual have been dating the opposite sex for some time, and are now undergoing a sort of “coming out” and are dating the same sex more for the time being.

  • JOHN


    LOL. This is just like the Tops who will bottom for the “right guy.” Narcissists like yourself better not get wrinkly – nobody puts up with that kind of stuff if you ain’t pretty. And by the way, many women don’t want a wrinkly man either.

  • Avarcirwen

    @Mark: It means most of these so-called bisexuals seem to end up with either a man or a woman, not both.

  • Amie

    Why is something like this posted on a queer site? It’s hurtful to write something like this without mentioning the validity of the information. Simply perpetuating the bigoted myths about bisexuals is irresponsible. I’m thinking that this is a big pile of bull*hit and not a scientific study with controls etc and has to do with the nature of a dating site where you pick ONE PERSON.

    The myth that bisexuals are unable to decide, want both, are exploring blah, blah, blah is just garbage. People go through stages when they come to terms with their sexuality in our culture, and those stages are different for each of us, but that doesn’t mean that bisexuals are in an arrested stage of coming out! I lived with a woman for 4 years and a man for 9. Women are beautiful and men are handsome, I’m neither gay nor straight nor confused, I’m a bisexual no matter who I’m dating at the time.

  • L.

    @missanthrope: And the New York Post such an acme of journalism, as well :)

  • Avarcirwen

    @Amie: And who did you end up marrying? Yeah, that’s what I thought :roll eyes:

  • Roger Rabbit

    Of all the TRUE bisexuals I have known they seem to be emotionally attracted to one sex and sexually attracted to the other. Some will get their emotional needs from men and sexual from women or vica-versa. Others will like to control one sex but be controlled by the other. It’s very interesting from a clinical sense, but makes it difficult to deal with as gay men trying to establish a relationship with these issues.

  • jason

    The reason many self-proclaimed male bisexuals are in sexual relationships with men has to do with nature. Men are hornier than women and are thus easier to pick up than women if the purpose is strictly sexual. A bisexually oriented man who seeks a sexual partner will thus find it easier to pick up a man than a woman.

    It doesn’t mean the seeker of sex is “really gay” as some posters seem to think. Rather, it reflects nature.

    Oh, I also agree with the notion that sexual thoughts and feelings can oscillate in an episodic fashion between the genders. I know bisexually oriented men whose sexual feelings concentrate on women for a week and then switch to men for the next week. There’s an episodic element to it.

  • jason

    I should also add that, due to the widespread social and religious stigma against male-male sexuality and intimacy, many bisexually oriented men are forced to identify as straight. The vast majority of straight-identifying men are bisexually oriented to varying degrees, but they don’t admit it due to the stigma.

  • Max

    28, 28 – of course. Only reason of our tragedy is Avraamistic monotheist religions!!!

    Besides greece-roman antiquity, Bisexual behavior of men also is often mentioned by historians in many pre-Christian cultures. (Indians of America, The German tribes, Russian tribes,African tribes, Persia, Japanese traditions of Samurais and many other examples. It is just History.

    Look at ethnos Pushtuns in modern Afghanistan where centuries-old traditions of sexual and romantic relations between men are so strong, what even Islam couldn’t destroy it.

    But since Ustinian rules in Europe (6 century) male-male intimacy was fantasticly discredited.

    And now it is necessary to destroy straigt porn hegemony and influence, “male gaze”! (But this gaze was generated because of influence 18 levynite.) This industry make rules for sexual behavior of people in 21 century (still homophobic).

    Many homophobs feel a latent attraction to other men (and this a reason of their agression), but can’t realize it because of homophobs traditions of the Christianity world. They are not gays, they are bisexuals. And we must advance male bisexuality!

    It is necessary to help men to open own homoerotism and freely to show the feelings to men as it was in Antiquity!

  • alan brickman

    Bisexuals do exist..and denying their existence might be the reason gays are having a hard time getting rights…

  • drums

    To the people who are saying “bisexuals always end up with either a man or a woman, therefore it proves they were either straight or gay”…are you even listening to your own half-assed logic? Most people end up with just one person. Monogamy is the end game for a lot of people. When a gay man ends up with just one man, it doesn’t mean he stops being attracted to other men. When a bisexual man ends up with a woman, he doesn’t stop being attracted to other men and women. It’s just that these people, regardless of their sexual orientation, have chosen to stop acting on their other attractions for the sake of having one committed partner. WHO YOU END UP WITH DOESN’T CHANGE WHAT YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION IS.
    And, speaking as a bisexual person, you should know that it’s incredibly hurtful to see the people who are supposed to be your brothers and sisters in a common cause turn on you and deny your existence.

  • jason


    I gave you a tick because you make a valid point.

  • Bisexual and monogamous

    The idea that because a bisexual person ends up with a spouse, is no longer bisexual or their bisexuality is invalidated is absurd.
    I am married to an AWESOME woman. She completes me and I love her dearly. I couldn’t hurt her by taking a man. But I definatly have sexual feelings for the fellas.

    SO does that make me a closeted hetero, dyke or just a bisexual in a lesbian relationship? I would say bisexual in a lesbian relationship. Lucky for me my wife is also bisexual so she understands where I am coming from when I have a moment of, OMG I want him, when I see some particularly hunky man.

  • Eiriksson

    I’m a bisexual guy but I’m not 50/50. I prefer relationships with men because they are easier but I also love sex with women so when I’m single and just looking for action I go either way. No, I don’t feel a need to have both at once or to constantly alternate men with women. And I don’t do open relationships.
    Having said that, I know a lot of guys who are gay and have no attraction towards girls but still call themselves bi on dating sites. Why? Apparently it makes it easier for them to snag the closet cases. From what I can tell, a lot of closeted or “curious” men will rather hook up with a guy who calls himself bi than one who identifies as gay. Maybe it’s some kind of homophobia or maybe they think that they are less likely to be outed by a bi than a gay.

  • Bisexual and monogamous

    I would say I am probably as close to 50/50 as a person can be. I have never met someone as split on this as me.
    I litteraly had some serious crying scenes when I was in my teens and early 20’s trying to decide who I wanted to be with. If I chose women I lost the comfort of being with a strong man and feeling protected. Inversely if I chose a man, I would lose the soft touch and gentle love of a woman.
    I never did make the choice. I came out bisexual in my mid 20’s and have always made sure my girlfriends/boyfriends knew I was bi. It can cause issues but it is being honest.

    Falling in love fix’s the bisexual dilema. It no longer matters that I do not get to have men, I have the love of my life who is a woman and now the only way I would be with a man is if he was a mutual sharing between me and her and what she wanted. (not that that has ever come up, but it is the only scenario I can come up with that would get a man in my bed.)

    Bisexuals are real. We are not a myth, confussed or greedy. We are people who love and form relationships just like the gay and hetero crowds.

  • Drake

    I always thought that it’s 99% of the bi guys that are really gay. I think that most “bi’s” are in a phase, on the way to gay. It’s a way to “test the waters” and to maintain the fronts that they need for their own process, and before letting family, friends, and work know the score, that they are actually gay. Most bi’s do not advertise this to friends, family, work, for whom they usually put on the straight facade.

  • TampaZeke

    According to some of your definitions a right-handed person who has ever used his left hand to do ANYTHING is actually ambidextrous.

    I don’t doubt that there are real bisexuals, just as I don’t doubt that there are people who are truly ambidextrous, but some of you go to extremes to call just about anything “bisexuality”.

    In your fantasies, most people are actually bisexual, but in reality it’s no more common than being functionally ambidextrous, a true “switch hitter” in both senses of the term is quite rare. Just because a person CAN hit a ball, poorly, left handed doesn’t qualify him as a switch hitter.

    I know the gay community gets all a’twitter about the idea of bisexuality, or better yet, STRAIGHT men having gay sex. What ever turns your crank, but fantasy doesn’t determine reality.

  • kyals

    I find it shocking the amount of people in these comments who seem unable to grasp that some people can, *gasp*, actually be bi. I’m bi, I’m real, we exist, deal with it. Stop making assumptions based on your own narrow experiences.. just because you only like guys it does not mean bi guys only like guys too.. and bi women don’t only like woman. The world isn’t all like you.

  • Russell

    There might be bisexual people but there´re also many gay men who define themselves as bisexual because they´re afraid to recognize their homosexuality. I´m gay, I was always attracted to men and I had experiences with women, though that really didn´t make me feel bisexual.

  • PopSnap

    @Bisexual and Monogamous

    Thank you for putting this here- namely, the last paragraph are so. THIS is why bi guys have trouble being accepted. If they end up with a chick, gay guys flip out because, well, they aren’t with a guy so they might as well be straight!

    I, for one, am jealous of bi people. I wish I were bi, it’d make it a hell of a lot easier to find love here in Ohio.

  • Johnny.p

    I think a lot of people talk bad or deny Bisexuality because they been hurt by someone that is bisexual . I know my last boyfriend was bisexual and he cheated on me with a girl who just so happened to be a friend and the first thing i said was i will never date a bisexual guy again because this is what they do. but i have calmed down and i know not every Bisexual guy is like that. I think it is also Fear that you can possibly lose your boyfriend to a women and also a man . look at it this way if your boyfriend is gay you have to worry about losing him to another guy that fear doubles when Women is added into the mix as well.

  • Ryan

    I understand both sides , Bisexuals should be acknowledged and at the same time i feel Bi guys should understand where a lot of gay guys come from , we aren’t programmed like you guys so when we date a guy and he wants to be with girl or are attracted to girls its kind of unsettling, like Johnny said it’s a fare some of us face when getting with a bisexual guy , does he want me for sex and a women for a meaningful relationship or vice Versa. I been with a Bisexual man before and although i am only 22 it was pretty bad . he was with me then started a relationship with a women he would want sex from me and then after be on the phone with her saying how much he loved her. that’s when i had to put an end to that because he acted as if i was a toy he could use and then go and be with her he never said he loved me , he wanted the emotional stuff with her and the physical stuff with me . anyway we are who we are . my best friend is bisexual and i seen him with his girlfriend who he loved but it didn’t work out and he is with a guy now and they are so much in love he calls him the one and i believe him and he never cheated on his girlfriend and he would never hurt his boyfriend now so he is an example of the true meaning of a monogamous Bisexual he is attracted to both but he loves who he is with.

  • caffesilvia

    I’m definitely bi, but I’m not sure where all of the male attraction comes from. Certainly I like men. But I also get a major thrill out of thinking that it’s “naughty” to look at (or interact with) another guy in a sexual way.

    I don’t know how much the “illicit thrill” factors in there, but I think it’s been pretty substantial — because I’ve found the more socially acceptable gay sex becomes, the less exciting it seems also.

    I’ve also found that when I’m with guys, women seem more alluring and vice versa. Anyone else?

  • toyotabedzrock

    This one belongs in the DUH, column. I’d bet that most of them are btms too.

  • NinOtt


    I am a straight female in a realtionship with a guy for three years. We have shared a lot about our childhood sexual moments, I was molested by my uncle as a child. He later told me he was molested by his uncle and said he always hated himself for it and was happy he could finally tell someone, etc. Well since then, I discovered that he had called gay phone sex lines. When I questioned him about it, of course he became very angry at me for “checking his phone” and tried to deflect talking about the real issue,at least what i thought was the real issue, why did you call gay phone lines. I know he has always called female phone sex lines and I have never cared. He said that he called because he was “investigating.” As you can imagine i was confused what he meant by that, but he said he went on the phone and asked these men, why they hurt boys? HUH? i said I found that hard to believe and if he was curious in any way I would understand. Women can pursue bi-sexual behaviors and it is not frowned upon, but for men there is a double standard. He insisted that was the reason and he would never want to be with a guy. Well, the fact that I was left feeling like he was not being honest has really ruined our relationship. and Now i am constantly checking up on him. and sure enough recently he went on the computer and went on some internent site where you can met people for sexual encounters. He marked that he was straight but made advances at men. when a man emailed him, he replied that he was sraight but recently has had fantasies about being with a male and if he met the right guy he would follow through. then the next day he cancelled his account. about a week ago he called male phone sex again, but did not stay on the phone long enough (in my opinion to really do anything). Plus we have been having more sex wherein he wants me to stimulate his you know what. My brother recently came out and said he was bisexual. My family has no problem with it only that i think it sucks for a bi-sexual male to have to constantly defend his sexuality. I used that as a segway to talk to my boyfriend and he still wlll not come out at all. As a matter of fact he said he cant imagine it, cant see how a man can be with another man, etc. I think I have to break up with him, A. because I am now a person that I dont want to be in a relationship spying on my boyfriend is psychotic, i get it, but B. becuase I think I can be setting myself up for some real heartache. Anyone have any advice. and please i feel bad enough as it is that I invaded someone’s privacy so if you can refrain from telling me how horrible I am I would appreciate it.

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