Are You a Church Belle?

These days, you can hardly blink a properly-groomed eyelash without seeing another article on how gays are “struggling” to find a place in that social abstraction known as “The Church.” If it isn’t that some synod declared that a close eye should be kept on boys who insist on playing with dolls of the Virgin Mary, it’s that rumors are swirling about a soon-to-be-released Vatican edict. Will it say that to even think about an erection gives a person a one-way ticket to blazing hellfire?


Queerty’s understanding of theological matters extends to transubstantiation, yet we wonder if our “struggling” brothers and sisters would be better off if they stopped bothering their brains about where they fit into The Church. Believe us when we tell you that celibacy isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. Once you’re lying in bed with your lover after a night of passionate intimacy, gently kissing each other, you’ll want to kick yourself for not having done what The Church says is “intrinsically disordered” much, much sooner.

Outside The Church, girl, there are videos that make even the shortest sermon seem boring. And the fashion possibilities; ironic, no, that to wear decent threads you have to quit being a man of the cloth. Even if religious homos have no desire to take up a life of steamy hot sex, we hope they’ll stop caring what the church says about them; reading about all these defrockings and subsequent debates is as much fun as a barrel of heterosexuals.