fall into line

Are You Prepared for Sunday’s NOM Rhode Island Rally? Here Are the Rules! (Yes, Rules)


In case you were thinking about stopping by the National Organizaiton for Marriage’s ridiculous “Celebrate Marriage & Family Day” in Rhode Island on Sunday, be aware: there are rules to be followed! This isn’t some haphazard event for the riffraff, but a non-political event “to celebrate unions of husbands and wives” — and continued inequality for America’s homosexuals! A reader forwards a note from Christopher Plante, NOM Rhode Island’s executive director, which spells everything out for ya. Like how the event is on private property, so “No disruptive behavior will be tolerated at any time during the event” and “No clothing shall be worn which contains any messages or symbols deemed offensive to the sponsor of the event.” So ditch those “8 is Hate” tees and put on some “8 is Great” polos! And remember, you won’t have to worry about spilling coffee on them, either.

While we are excited for the event, there are a few last minute instructions we want you all to have in order to make this day as enjoyable as possible. Please remember, this event is held on private property. The event is open to everyone who wishes to celebrate unions of husbands and wives with us, regardless of whether they are personally married or not. It is not a political event; its purpose is to celebrate and affirm the value of marriage in Rhode Island, which remains by law a union between a husband and wife. The vow renewal is for couples who are eligible for marriage licenses under current Rhode Island law. Singles and others are welcome to watch from the sides.

The following rules are intended to make the event safe, respectful, dignified and enjoyable. Any person disregarding or violating these rules, in the sole opinion of the event sponsor, will be removed.

1. No grills or outdoor cooking.
2. No pets.
3. No swimming in the bay.
4. No posters, signs, displays or booths except those previously approved by the event sponsor.
5. No leaflets, handouts or literature may be circulated or distributed without express permission of the event sponsor.
6. No costumes, masks or outrageous clothing will be allowed.
7. No disruptive behavior will be tolerated at any time during the event.
8. No clothing shall be worn which contains any messages or symbols deemed offensive to the sponsor of the event.

Sunday August 16th is going to be a fun and safe time as we gather together to celebrate the goodness and wonder of our marriages to our husbands and wives. Please come on out and enjoy the day with us.

Looking forward to a day with you all,

Christopher C. Plante
Executive Director
National Organization for Marriage – Rhode Island
Westminster Square Building
10 Dorrance St. Suite 809
Providence, RI 02903
Office : (401) 228-7602
Mobile: (401) 954-7173
Fax: (401) 228-7603
Email: [email protected]

[Ed.: Normally we redact this type of contact info, but we have a feeling Mr. Plante will appreciate your text messages on Sunday!]

(Thanks, Joe!)

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  • Lance Rockland

    I love you guys!

  • Dave

    Geez…can you imagine how boring a party this is going to be…UNTIL the SWINGER SIDER of those married horny [email protected] comes out and all the lemondae has been imbibed, I can see the train on Mr. Plante and big ol’ Mags Gallagher is going to be like? Totally the reason for no outdoor grilling…I would’nt want to taste any chicken on that ass!

  • Latebrosus

    Well, it says that “others are welcome to watch from the sides,” and it’s a celebration “of our marriages to our husbands and wives,” so gay couples, show up!

  • Julian Edward Domain

    Why wait to text him on sunday? I would think he has time to listen to us since he insists on forcing his religious values on us.

  • Amy

    Does this mean I can’t wear my “Maggie Moo” shirt, cap or pins?

  • WTF?

    Is that Miss Swan?

  • Jaroslaw

    I can understand a FEW rules – they are a private group and they don’t want it to be a battleground or circus. But there are so many rules, and it is scripted, why bother? If they already agree 100% with each other and are so afraid of even the possibility of even a tiny digression from the pre-ordained point of view, what is the point of the event? Robotrons unite! (apparently.)

  • jessi

    its jabba the hutt!

  • Lance Rockland

    It’s like a Nazi rally without the nifty uniforms.

  • uffda

    bitch love her donuts, don’t she?

  • Robert, NYC

    If any of us are able to show up (on the sides), we should make it known that Gallagher was once an unwed mother, having sex before marriage no less, contrary to her cultist beliefs and so-called family values queen, what a fucking hypocrite.

  • fitz

    @Robert, NYC: The problem with showing up is that it is in RI. Not the happiest place on the planet.

  • Lance Rockland

    @fitz: Oh, there are much worse places on the planet, believe me.

    Want to vacation in Iraq sometime, buddy?

  • Bongo

    The place they’re holding the event is where Meet Joe Black was filmed.

  • fitz

    @Lance Rockland: Iraq, I admit, is SLIGHTLY worse than RI.

  • ...

    no rule against nudity!

  • Lance Rockland

    I would give my left nut if someone would pelt Maggie G. with eggs and tomatoes during her speech.

  • Lance Rockland

    I went to the thing. It was nauseating…..and BORING!

    And I met Maggie G. too. UGH!

    Not even a plethora of drag queens could’ve livened up this deadly dull affair.

  • Kevin

    It was a wonderful, family event and I applaud everyone for being on their best behavior!
    God Bless all of you.

  • Lance Rockland

    @Kevin: Why are you hanging out on a gay web site?

    Looking for a hot date? ;-)

  • Kevin

    Lance, apparently, the same reason that you are hanging out on a hetero website (NOM-RI). When I googled the event, this was the first site that came up, nothing more sinister than that.
    I have a hot date—my wife—we renewed our vows yesterday. It was a great day!

Comments are closed.