Are You Sending The Wrong Messages With Your Hook-Up Texts?

Even though he’s straight, comedy writer Sam Greenspan knows a lot about using the internet to have cheap but gratifying sex with strangers. In fact, he’s written a book about it called 11 Points Guide to Hooking Up. It hit stores this week and to tease your eyeholes into buying it, he’s provided a sneak peek at some very helpful punctuation tips when using Grindr, Adam4Adam, PlentyOfFish, or whatever cyber-slut hook-up site you’re using these days.

Short version: only uptight prigs use semicolons or brackets; too many exclamation marks, question marks, and emoticons make you look desperate; and ellipses, tildes, and asterisked footnotes can make you seem damned sexy.

You can thank us by screaming “Queerty!” when you climax.

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  • hyhybt

    You can thank us by screaming “Queerty!” when you climax.

    Only if you want to *guarantee* there will never be another climax with the same person.

  • DNK

    Semicolons are awesome; I use them all the time!

  • paul f

    If I’ve had major surgery involving a partial ileostomy and bowel resectioning, does that that mean I HAVE a semicolon? Does that also mean DNK gets to use me any time? Enquiring minds would like to know. :)

  • Jeffree

    Sorry guys, but we simultaneously scream “Pam’s House Blend!” when we’re at the O-tastic point. “Bilerico” just doesn’t have the right consonants, and we’re not sure how to pronounce “Towleroad”.

    Don’t take it personally. This is still the go to blog for reading.

  • hyhybt

    I believe it’s pronounced “toll road.” Though shouting that during sex could leave the impression that you’re a prostitute.

  • Jeffree

    @hyhybt: Good one! I’d prefer not to be mistaken for one of those hookahs!

    Lately we’ve been reading more international press, so in the throes of the O’s we yell “Yagg!*” or “Libération”!

    We stopped using “Lez Get Real” as our safe word because it turns out it was run by a str8 dude. Thats a thought that somehow just ruins the moment.

    [*lgbt french blog]

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