A frustrated Asian man is at his wit’s end over what he calls the “white-painted gay community” that he feels constantly rejects him.
“As a queer man of color—I’m Asian—I feel wounded whenever I am exposed to gay men in New York City, Toronto, or any city where white gay men dominate,” the man recently wrote to advice columnist Dan Savage. “Gay men, mostly whites and Asians, reject me because of my race, and no one admits to their sexual racism.”
Related: Adult Film Star Peter Le Redefines The Asian Male As A Dominant Sexual Force To Be Reckoned With
He continues: “I understand that sexual attraction is subconscious for many people. But it is unfair for a gay Asian like myself to be constantly marginalized and rejected.”
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He then goes on to list all the things he has in common with other gay men.
“I fight for gay rights too. I believe in equality too. I had the same pain of being gay in high school and the same fears when coming out. Why is there no acceptance, no space, no welcome for me in this white-painted gay community?”
Related: See Guys React To Ridiculously Racist Grindr Profiles
“I’m six-foot-one, 160 pounds, fit, and very good-looking,” he concludes. “What can I do? I might as well be a sexless monk!”
Of course, this is hardly the first time we’ve heard from Asian males who say they are discriminated against within the gay community. In 2012, film editor Justin Huang published a powerful op-ed in which he detailed the ways in which he feels constantly “aesthetically marginalized” by other gay men.
And we’ve all seen those Grindr and SCRUFF profiles that explicitly say “No Asians.”
So what do you think? Are gay Asian men pariahs in a community dominated by white men? And, if so, what can be done to ameliorate the situation? Sound off in the comments section below…
h/t: Chicago Reader
Grant Mealey
Too bad, maybe he’s not hanging with the enlightened crowd? As far as I am concerned and most gay men I know (my crowd) this isn’t an issue….i agree there is a lot of judgement among people in general ð???
Christopher Hayward
May he meet someone soon, to make his heart happy.Best wishes dude.
Georgie Land
Oh, shut up! He’s just upset that he can’t impose his own forms of racism as easily and that he can’t get enough white men to ‘date’ him!
Mike M. Phil
White gay men are notorious for blatantly practicing racism. Hiding behind the false virtue of “gay minority status” they oppress, deny resources, marginalize, and silence ethnic minorities within the LGBT community.
Georgie Land
AND, btw, I know SO MANY white men with a fetish for ‘Asians’, so what’s he carping about?
Bailey Bednar
I like a bit of asian… and I’m white…. I like the rice…. but maybe it’s just because you might be an asshole.
Mark Reimer
Hard to believe that someone as cute & appealing as this man is suffers from being ignored, Suggest that he moves to #NOLA.
Sweetie Pie
Asian gay men also discriminate…welcome to the human race
David Scrivens
Don’t feel bad man, it isn’t just you. Unless your between 18 and 35 and all buffed and white you just don’t fit in and your not alone. As I grew older and became a senior citizen, I, along with many others who aged are pushed aside for the younger crowd. What they forget is they will age and be pushed aside also.
William Bowman
Yes it’s not you, it’s everyone else why is it in the second paragraph you speak of being discriminated against by whites and Asians? Incidentally I love asains
DCguy
I’m not really living his life so can’t speak to it. He could very well be discriminated against. Or maybe he isn’t as good looking as he thinks he is. But he can probably tell better than I can from reading the article. There is definitely discrimination out there, no doubt.
DistingueTraces
Excluding a “six-foot-one, 160 pounds, fit, and very good-looking” Asian man from the gay community just because of his race certainly is unfair.
We all know that that gay community should be welcoming to all tall, muscular, able-bodied, physically attractive people — whatever their race. That’s the meaning of equality.
hollaforadolla
people all over the world have REAL problems they are dealing with. this is not one of them. to this man: stop being a superficial little bitch. people prob don’t like you bc you are a whiny little shit with no personality, not because of your race. #growup
Stefano Gant
It’s a very clickish ignorant small group. Majority of gay guys are not.
Jim Long
I hope that I have never made anyone feel less than.
Race has never been an issue for me. If I chose not to date a certain person, it never had anything to do with race, it was either personality or weather or not you took pride in your appearance.
I know that last part sounds harsh, but in my experience, if a person doesn’t take pride in their appearance, then odds are they don’t take pride in themselves in life.
DistingueTraces
Actually, I’m a little bit ashamed of my post above.
The position of Asian men in the gay community isn’t the same as that of gay men who are marginalized for other reasons — it’s part of the way sex and gender are tied together in our cultural imagination, with some races reading as more masculine than the (presumed white) norm and some as less so.
It must be uniquely frustrating to be part of a group that will be perceived as desexualized and emasculated regardless of appearance or behavior — gay men in general get that already from the culture at large, but we’re not trying to hook up with the culture at large. Getting the same treatment as a gay man from another gay man would sting.
David Bumgardner
I love Asian men! Send them my way!
Masc Pride
What are we supposed to “sound off” about if we’re not Asian. How exactly would we know, Graham? However, I find it interesting that he’s also calling out other gay Asian men as well instead of putting the sole blame on white guys (like some other do).
hollaforadolla
@Mark Reimer: i wanna suck your dick mark
Masc Pride
@Masc Pride: (like some others do).
Irish Ryan
I guess he must want a white guy?
Mark Jenkins
You’ve got to enjoy what life hands you to be happy- make some lemonade!- Gay popularity has to do with looks and age- sadly. I had an African-American friend who was well known in the community- but died sad and single because of his general attitude-(no one likes me- I’m old I’m fat I’m black)- Loved the guy- and he had many friends-but a true sad sack- and you’re the only one who can change that- others can’t change it for you.
Michael Hunter
onthemark
The article says the guy wrote this complaint to Dan Savage (ha ha ha), which is just asking for trouble, no matter what the question is. So what the hell did Dan Savage say? Queerty doesn’t include that part here. Just curious.
Martin Steele
Then he’s surrounded by morons
heavylifter
Cultural Marxist nonsense.
Failing to score white dick on Grindr is NOT “oppression” or an injustice or a violation of anyone’s rights.
White gay guys are not obligated to find an asian man attractive, just like they are not obligated to be attracted to transmen or “gender fluid” types or whatever this year’s edgy new sexual identity is being peddled on the likes of Huff Post.
Matthew Thompson
I’ve dated men of every background that’s doesn’t matter to me at least. But I am getting tired of every time someone doesn’t get their way it’s white gay mens fault. That is a prejudice and hostel statement.
hollaforadolla
@heavylifter: agreed. heavy lifter. now lift us some dick pics baby girl.
Jim Van Matre
I’m a white guy. My Grindr says ‘no white guys’.
onthemark
I’m all in favor of casual (safer) sex. However…
Anytime a gay guy types yet another tale of woe about not being “accepted” by the “gay community” – i.e. conflating that with not getting enough random sex to satisfy him – I wonder how many gay male, NON-sexual friends he has. If any. In this case, I’m guessing none.
Chris Duffy
No one gives it to you dude. Stop whining and go out and take it.
Glücklich
I see plenty of white-Asian gay [what I assume to be] couples around. I mean not lately as Mr. Glücklich and I have been traveling since Christmas but at home it’s not like white-Asian couples are a rarity.
Spike
Funny, whenever I express my interest/attraction for Asian gay males in predominately Asian gay forums, I am accused of being a rice queen and fetishizing Asian gays.
hollaforadolla
@Spike: i’d eat some rice if you jizzed on it. like a natural soy sauce if you will. interest?
Ummmm Yeah
I’m so sick of asians and blacks demanding white welfare dick. No one has to fuck you and they can have any reason for it, including your races. Get over yourself loser. On top of that he’s probably another one that won’t have sex with his own race and only chases white guys. You’ll notice he ain’t said nothing about black guys but claims to be sexless because whites and asians won’t fuck him.
Adrian Lehman-Sizemore
for me i have always sought the company of men of color! i know my husband today is not reflective of that as he is scottish american but for the most part my life has been peppered with the various men of color and nation that i have dated and kept company with! hang in there! there is someone for everyone!
Ogre Magi
My dick is equal opportunity
acrobaticninja
This is stupid, he’s just jumping on the racism pity-party bandwagon. What else is new. White people are constantly accused of racism but nobody wants to admit that white people are discriminated against too and are constant targets on the subject. I have been with plenty of Asian men, and more often than not they don’t have much going on in their pants. Everybody deserves a long term partner that can make them happy in ALL aspects of a relationship. For this reason I don’t typically seek out Asians, but I am always open to being pleasantly surprised.
He’s a good looking man in his picture, but that “woe is me” look on his face will make me pass him up pretty quick.
Steve Russell
Maybe it’s because a lot of Asian gay men are effeminate. My first boyfriend was Filipino. He was so controlling and always smelled like curry.
Kangol
Part of what Dan Savage says in response (the link is at the bottom of the Queerty post):
Chu feels there’s plenty of blame to go around for this sad state of affairs. “It’s the gay media,” said Chu. “It’s Hollywood. (Even with all the LGBT characters we have on TV now, what images do we have of Asian-American ones?) It’s that LGBT-rights organizations still haven’t diversified enough, especially in their leadership. And it’s all of us, when we’re lazy and don’t confront our own prejudices.”
Booster and Chu are right: Racism is a problem in the gay community, some people within are unfairly and cruelly marginalized, and we all need to confront our own prejudices.
Even you, EDDIE. You cite your height (tall!), weight (slim!), and looks (VGL!) as proof you’ve faced sexual rejection based solely on your race. But short, heavy, average-looking or unconventionally attractive guys face rejection for not being tall, lean, or conventionally hot, just as you’ve faced rejection for not being white. (Though granted, the cultural baggage and biases that inform a preference for, say, tall guys is a lot less toxic than the cultural baggage and biases that inform a preference for white guys—duh, obviously.)
Jeff Eiselman
Another race victim.
Avery Alvarez
White gay men are fed up, too.
They are feed up with all the low self esteem, narcissistic, entitled non-white gays demanding access 24/7 to their bodies.
To put a spin on a Feminist point of view, ones that’s very true – You are NOT entitled to a man’s body. He has 100% agency over it, and can deny your for ANY reason, or no reason at all. He doesn’t owe you anything.
And you can take your pity party, and cries of “ràcism” just because someone doesn’t want to be fetishized by you, and head over to your nearest “Safe Space”, have a good cry, and hopefully, get the Fck over yourself.
JerseyMike
Dude take a seat. I’m sure you discriminate against Asians, blacks and anyone else you are not attracted to. Stop getting mad because most white dudes don’t want you. When you date exclusively outside of your race (assumption) this is what happens. As a black man I primarily date black men and dark Latinos. Stop begging for white peen. It’s not a good look. You should be embarrassed for writing this article.
Stache
@Kangol: Great response. There are things about me that get me rejected that I have no control of too. Do I bitch about it. Well, maybe sometimes. Ha ha.
The fact that he describes himself as “VGL” tells me that he does his own share of rejecting which would just make him a total hypocrite.
redcarpet30
“I’m six-foot-one, 160 pounds, fit, and very good-looking,” “What can I do? I might as well be a sexless monk!”
OK so when’s the last time you fucked a fat guy? I’ll bet he’s rejected his fair share of dudes because they were bears. I don’t deny white sexual racism, it is a problem, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t anyone for him out there. I suspect there is more to this guy that involves arrogance and his own discrimination than it simply being everyone else’s fault he can’t get laid.
JerseyMike
@Ummmm Yeah: Sorry dude, not all blacks want white welfare dick or any other white dick. Like my meat well done. Blacks and Asians chasing white dick exclusively get what they deserve with the racism.
Michael Spike Vincent
Well, I know a LOT of gay men who prefer Asian dudes. Lot of Gay men like Latin Dudes or Black Dudes. I think it has to do more with looks and age than race
SonOfKings
As a Black, Gay man in Toronto I don’t date, pursue, or respond sexually to White men at all. I believe that men of color should date other men of color. Whether those men be Black, Asian, Latino, or some other non-White ethnicity. Let Color be for Color and let White be for White. Then let’s call it a day. Many of my lovers have been Asian men, and they have been sexually satisfying. It shouldn’t matter that White men don’t like Asians , because White should not even be on the Asian menu. It’s been my experience that most White men want their own kind and we should leave them to that, and not be interested to look that way.
acrobaticninja
@JerseyMike: Amen! I love black men 🙂
Stache
@JerseyMike: Oh come on. “White welfare dick” is pretty funny though.
I live in LA and see your point. There is white discrimination too at certain clubs. The Abbey has men of color every other wknd. I’ve been there a few times. I’ve not been treated bad. Just ignored. I have to admit i’m not used to getting zero attention but I understand and appreciate it all the same.
CWM85
I can understand how he feels and I feel its shallow to only date based on someone’s race but whining about it does nothing. There will be some man who will accept him and look on the bright side of things. Why want acceptance from people who are so shallow? Perhaps he should try to date other race if he can’t find Attacking whites perse is not the way to go about it tho. Just makes him appear a cry baby and wanting the majority to like him. He should check his self esteem and self worth.
redcarpet30
@SonOfKings: Ahh I see what you did there!
Anthony Burgos
Thats interesting. I’m Hispanic and feel like I’ve mostly been ignored by Asians.
Rodrigo21
I’m always getting ignored by them lol.. and I talk to anyone..
McShane
@SonOfKings: Wow, that’s one way of looking at it.
Justin Weeks
It’s not that hard to find dick just saying
Ian Cescu
I’m white, and I’m sure this guy wouldn’t give me the time of day. His problem isn’t so much racism, it’s that he’s not getting the attention he wants from the white men he deems good enough for him. That’s what they call a hypocrite where I come from!
Rimminit
Sorry dude it’s not your race, it’s your eyes.
Sam Oropeza
Aww, poor dude, hope he soon finds what he’s looking for.
SarcasaticMisanthrope
Alec Mapa doesn’t seem to share you opinion. Are you a potato queen look for a rice queen or what?
Mark Townsend
Fishing for compliments….Next!
Dominic Thorncroft
I’d date him
Creig Stearne
While referring to people as “white painted gay community” is hardly going to make you friends or get you laid. I am tired of the whining using the colour of your skin as the reason. There are as many black and asian, bigots out there as there are “white” ones. I live in a building which is 60% young asian. I could be on fire and now one is looking at me. And what do you care if not white guy is longing, tons of blacks, asian, etc out there. Oh you don’t like them, hmm interesting.
da90027
I have news for him EVERYONE is marginalized at some point…age, weight, hair color nose too big chest not developed enough, don’t make enough money…life beats us all up you just keep plugging along until you find someone who wants YOU. At my age I don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks. It’s one of the few perks about being over 50
AtticusBennett
i’m just gonna leave this right here.
http://littlekiwilovesbauhaus.blogspot.ca/2011/11/oh-abercrombie-fitch.html
Michael Smith
I personally wouldn’t reject him. I know there are so many in the gay population that are beyond picky when it coming to finding a guy. I am actually married to a older guy, but sexually I have always been into younger guys than myself. I fell in love with his personality and 15 years later I wouldn’t change a thing. In other words, some gay guys should actually open their minds and try getting to know different types before they dismiss them. Just my thoughts about it.
RoughRugger
Oh for fuck’s sake, not this BS AGAIN. IDGAS if you’re black, white, Asian, Eskimo, canine, or Martian…nobody owes you their dick or their hole just because you feel like you’re not getting enough.
What, do you really want pity-fucks from guys that aren’t attracted to you? Yes, there are guys…of all races…that aren’t sexually attracted to Asian men, just like there are guys…again, of all races…that aren’t attracted to black men, white men, Latinos, gingers, short guys, old guys, overweight guys, hairy guys, smooth guys, kinky guys. What’s next, gay men being labeled sexist because they won’t fuck women? Transphobic because they aren’t interested in the FTM dude that still has a vagina?
Stache
@AtticusBennett: Yeah, Abercrombie discriminates against those over 30, not ideal height/weight and yes not white. Big deal. When people stop buying their crap they’ll listen. Oh wait…
Chip Byas-Ortega
date an asian guy then…
AtticusBennett
breaking news – the most pathetic of whites refuse to acknowledge the realities of living in a white-worshipping culture.
movie at 11.
Stache
@da90027: Yes but that doesn’t count. This guy is hot as hell according to himself. The hotties have different standards and being rejected for anything is complete discrimination.
dahunt
@DistingueTraces Glad someone took a chance on this average-looking totally-blind guy, and just as I was feeling most rejected and ignored by the VGL and able-bodied.
Twinkee
What about poor Whites who have to deal with this! runaway..runaway…eeee
siflwr
there are a lot of variables at play here. One is perhaps the “right” man just hasn’t come along yet, two, rural areas are just as hip as urban areas, wonder off outside the city handsome. three, Age and race discrimination has and always and will be prevalent in the GBLT communities so don’t preach to the congregation, we know it already. I hate to say this but use an online dating service I did and have found 11 years of bliss. My information included age race and religion and no exemption. Why limit yourself? We only get one chance at this life- make the most of it while your here. Open an unexpected door. Happiness may just be right inside. throw caution to the wind and one more piece of sage advise I wished I had learned a long time ado. NO ONE IS IN CHARGE OF YOUR HAPPINESS EXCEPT YOU…
AtticusBennett
frankly, i always giggle when i see and hear guys complain about being single, and wishing they could just find a guy to spend their lives with…followed by “no fats fems asians or blacks”
that’s why you won’t find a great guy. you’re not one, and don’t deserve one.
Rodrigo21
Best Comment
Stephen Cage
I like Asian guys
Joe Suniga
Welcome to weho! Blahhhh
Ives Meagher
He is probably pretty spot on?
jar23666
As a gay white male who dated many gay Asian men in his earlier life, I understand his frustration very much. I heard his feelings quite often of intolerance, prejudice, and bigotry among other gay white men. The most common stupid, asinine remark regarded the Asian man’s penis size being substandard to that of a Caucasian or Black man.
Still today, the thinking has not changed. I found my relationships with those gay Asian men to be more heartwarming, loving, and wholesome than Caucasian counterparts. They were just more reserved about being open in the 80s, 90s, and millennial period. The issue with those encounters was mostly me and my lack of personal management.
I feel liberal gay white men, still today, can be some of the most insensitive bigots around when it comes to race relations and relationships. Yes, things with time have improved and it is great. But this beautiful handsome man should not have to do adult films to be a man—he is a man with a lot of contrite, wholesome feelings that overshadows his non-Asian counterparts in the gay male world.
chargeboy
This, this right here, is why I am glad for same gender loving because we all need to learn that you should seek acceptance from your own community first and that it’s okay to be accepted by them first and that you don’t need anyone else’s acceptance other than that of your own community. If you want to go date whoever you want to go date hey that’s on you it ultimately comes down to what you do in your bed and how you feel about it but here right here is where the problem is created. this man is so pissed off and angry that he’s not being accepted and welcome to into white LGBT culture and community that he writes a letter and saying I’m just like you I’m a part of you but the reality is you’re not and you never will be. So instead of shedding tears and driving yourself insane trying to be something you’re not and be accepted by a culture that wants nothing to do with you first and foremost love the person you are and the culture that you are within. I see too many black men do this as well and even at one point I myself was pissed off and mad at how black people contribute so many things to the LGBT but then receive nothing in return but third or fourth class status just above pets and fetishes but the reality is once you begin to love you first love your culture first it does not matter if any other culture once you or accept you because you have acceptance of your own. if they don’t want to date you hey they don’t have to because I guarantee you that once you stop trying to look for one of them that will date you, there are thousands of your own that want you and in understand you millions upon millions of times better, just as you are, then those that you change yourself to be accepted by only to receive rejection. The problem is not them the problem is you, love you and your people first, it then doesn’t matter if they reject
Amaurys Arias
Everyone that is not white is marginalized in the gay community… We try to scape straight marginalization, just to horribly and soul crushingly discover, that we are going to be marginalized, in all aspects of our lives, in the gay community….
ps., you wanting to be wanted by white men feeds into their superiority complex
TampaBayTed
Is he from the city of Whi-ning in Asia/
austinw
I am a gay asian man, and notice this problem as well, however, I also notice that asian men themselves often only want to date white guys too. I actually made a short film about this exact topic called “Gaysian”, and it played at film fests around the world, including Outfest and Palm Springs. Here’s a link to my film in anyone wants to check it out!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKAqWhSxGk0
truth_bomb
He could try his luck in California….esp. San Francisco.
Travis Goldstrom
Awww hes pissed he can’t get laid. Well boo fucking hoo to you.
Stache
@AtticusBennett: I’m on the fence on this. However, it really just comes down to whatever makes your dick hard at the end of the day. Those that don’t get rejected and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Spike
@hollaforadolla: I tend not to mix sex with food. I know, crazy, huh.
Stache
@AtticusBennett: Then again if you date for status, wealth, youth or something like that then you are fucked in head.
Chicagoedgewater
The gay community can be crazy hyper about looks and never to be swayed away from what the IDEAL gay guy in supposed to look like in the larger community. I hope the guy finds a RICE queen who specifically looks for a Asian guy as HIS ideal. They are out there so keep searching and you will find each other.
The same idea has been felt by bears, heavy-set gays, twinks, but yes the Asian men seem to feel the brunt of non-acceptance.
Keep searching your mate is out there.
Ken Dobson
There is bigotry in the gay community with people from an Asian background being referred to as “rice queens” … let’s face it; it’s there. A pertinent question to ask is: is it bigotry centred on racial appearance; or is there a lack of preference for some cultures? The former is blatant racism; but what about the latter? I’d be interested in people’s views. The gay community can be generally mono-cultural however: young, anglo-saxon and defined body in white-dominated communities. In Asian countries, it may be different.
Raoul Wijnands
you can’t blame people for prefering certain features over others. but what i do find disgusting, is the way some people express these preferences on their dating profiles. instead of writing ‘no Asians’ you could write something nicer.
Heth Dudeck
Strange as the asian guys where i live have white boyz throwing themselves at them!
Regg Valencia
Oh jeez I’ve never understood the concept of “fitting in” or waste my time sitting and wondering why someone doesn’t want my ass. The world is too big a place. There is ALWAYS going to be someone for somebody. Trust me I live in Vegas and I’ve seen the hookups and the oddities, lol.
AtticusBennett
orientations are innate. concepts of attraction and preference are influenced by society, culture and community.
which is why the gay men who are most-obsessed with “masc” come from homophobic and misogynistic families.
“i like masc men who are masc and manly and not fem cuz i’m A REAL MAN!” – translation: i really want my dad to think i’m a real man because he makes fun of gay people.
Howard Menzer
We all have our own desires. I am a very white Gay man who has been with an Asian man for more than 20 years. Attitude can have a lot to do with rejection. Maybe the first step is to look inward for the answer instead of pointing fingers
asa1973
I love watching the flood of white tears (http://verysmartbrothas.com/white-tears-explained-for-white-people-who-dont-get-it/) that get shed when a post like this goes up.
[email protected]
The bigots are not worthy of your beauty.
Stache
@[email protected]: Ha. That reminds me of this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ldAQ6Rh5ZI
dwes09
@dwes09: That should say “don’t want to have anything to do sexually with f-t-m men…” I have met enough transgender people to know that they’re as likely to be fun to hang out with as anybody else.
Doug Beaton
Unfortunately in today’s society everyone tends to have a preformed judgmental classification, or labels for each other. Everyone one has a self imposed check list of do’s and don’ts, goods, and bad’s or must have’s instead of just being physically attracted to one another and getting to know each other. Some things tend to be because of culture clashes, and others just tend to be too critical and impatient. I have always been attracted to Asian men, though through opinions, labels, and incorrect judgments I get cast into a false identity usually because someone falsely judged me without really getting to know me through a 1 on 1 conversation, instead of a interview. I know a few Asian men that point to articles just like this, yet when they are out and about they usually are always in the company of other Asian men, they are often are not speaking English, they will whisper or quietly converse with each other, and will make someone like myself feel as a outcast or really not part of the group. I have a group of friends who hangout all of the time who have formed a nickname for their group on Facebook or Instagram called the GasianMafia, and because I am white I am not often included in pictures, or even group activity’s. I used to be called a Rice Queen by many Asians who seemed to be turned off by my attraction towards Asian men, yet many Asian men I know and have met seem to be predominately attracted to White men, and more specifically fit, active, well educated, professional, white collared, successful, White men, So me being a blue collared business owner, who is better described as a Stocky bear, who prefers to live in the country, and drive big 4 wheel drive trucks, and prefers outdoor activities versus going to bars, clubs, and large parties, tends to frighten if not scare away most, but not all Asian men, which totally sucks, but it hasn’t stopped me from being me, and my pursuit for happiness with one other, despite him being Asian or not.
skilos
You turn me off just by one of your comments, “I’m ………… and very good-looking,” Almost everyone is discriminated against in one way or another. I was going to say in the gay community, but believe it applies to everyone. Most people are TOO this or that, or NOT…. ENOUGH that or this. If you’re 6’1″ and 160 pounds, you are probably TOO skinny for my taste, nothing to do with you being Asian.
KEVolution
@Georgie Land: “fetishization” of any non-white race IS in fact a form of racism. look it up.
JAW
Most likely it is because he identifies as a queer not because he is Asian
Most gay men do not see themselves as odd… since he does… that could be the reason
DCguy
@SonOfKings: You posted the following -> As a Black, Gay man in Toronto I don’t date, pursue, or respond sexually to White men at all. I believe that men of color should date other men of color. Whether those men be Black, Asian, Latino, or some other non-White ethnicity. Let Color be for Color and let White be for White. Then let’s call it a day.
Your comment exactly mirrors what the Ku Klux Klan says. You might want to think about that before you repeat it.
dezstpete
Come to St Pete, I’d love to date a very handsome Asian Man!
Bradley Swallowz
CWM85
This dude has a self esteem problem if rejection from white men bother him this much. And him listing his stats, like he is a god. Lol… maybe he should value his own self worth before anyone dates him. Wow. Smh
Mugsy6263
I am a little confused about this. Please get a GRIP!
CWM85
One more point I think its shallow to not date outside someone’s race, skin color, ethnic background but its ultimately up for the individual. I think the correct attitude its their lost and they could be missing out on someone good. I’m a mixed race American. White, native and black and do not set guidelines on race. Before my current white partner, I dated asians, blacks, whites, native American… a ex before my current bf was from Honduras.
dwes09
@AtticusBennett: Without empirical back-up “social theory” is pointless. all your comments express are opinion and your personal values regarding “masc.” If in fact a preference for men who have traditional masculine appearance is the result of dysfunction as you constantly assert, the preference for men who have traditional feminine appearance would also have to be the result of dysfunction. Taken to its logical extreme, any preference at all (as opposed to wanting to couple with anything that moves) would be the result of dysfunction.
Your statements, with no research to back them up, are no different from the early Freudian assertion that all male homosexuality was the result of a distant father and an overbearing mother. We all know now that his beliefs were lame: nothing more than an expression of the homophobia of the time. So are yours without the facts to back them up: assumptions based on your own prejudices/upbringing/preferences, nothing more.
And thank god there are differences in preferences! That is the only way there are enough men to go around. If you find the hyper-masculine unattractive, more power too you. More for me and others who go for that!
Matthew Farris
The “gay community” is overrated. You have to make your own community.
joeyty
Part of it might be the idea of Asian men all having small genitalia (of which I have no idea re. true or not). But gay men are so often penis-fixated.
Stephen Mervine
I’m white, and have more of an “Asian Preferred” policy. I’ve done my best to please as many as I could. 🙂
alphaking5
Here’s what I never get: If fit young white men are truly no different than everyone else, then why should you be upset if they’re not into you? You should be just as obsessed over old guys or ugly dudes or women too or wait what were we talking about?
Dennis Gordon
I think Asian men are hot
Frederick Lant
Has he considered dating African American or Latino men? The focus on dating white men is interesting…
AtticusBennett
@dwes09: i’d like for guys like to prove it – let’s see you and your awesome family! HAHA *crickets crickets crickets*
AtticusBennett
gay men who are obsessed with “masculinity” are merely expressing how insecure they are as men. truly comfortable men don’t worry about such things.
preferences are learned. there’s a reason that gay males born to right-leaning families are mrs hung up on being with “masc white guys”. it’s obvious, it’s pathetic, and it’s high time y’all got over it.
here’s two fems who love each other 😛
https://www.instagram.com/p/7kzmyrh0gw/?taken-by=atticusbennett
AxelDC
First of all, you cannot criticize someone for whom they are attracted to. If you like another adult, that’s your prerogative. Your dating life is not controlled by the EEOC. If you are only attracted to a certain race, body type, education level, etc., it’s your life.
Second, I know lots of “rice queens”, white gay guys who exclusively lust after Asian men. If the OP cannot find someone to date, it’s probably his own personal flaws that are to blame.
Which raises the question, why does he only want white guys after him? If it’s wrong to discriminate against Asian guys, why doesn’t he chase them? What about blacks, Hispanics, Persians, etc.? NYC and Toronto are filled with Asians, so if he cannot find love with the white folk, why not with his own peeps? Oh, because he’s not attracted to Asians???
joeyty
BTW : Asians are really good at rope bondage, if any of you are geared that way. They all have that Fu Manchu thing going on.
Kevin J Desmond
Living where I do I see all kinds of gay couples, some prefer white some prefer asian some prefer black and some prefer latin … what it all comes down to is the persons prefference. If this guy is bitching because somebody isn’t attracted to him then he needs to get over it already.
Gregg Kimball
Easy fix: date non-Whites.
kuma6963
@AtticusBennett: thank you. Your comments give me hope than anyone understands.
Tim Koolmees
What a baby……get over it that not the whole world is attracted to you! Grow up. Man up!
queerT
If all the Asians that complained about white men not fucking them would fuck each other they’d be fine. Maybe they need to address their internalized racism. Its pretty typical for people of all sexualities to date their own race. Yes there are exceptions but blacks date blacks and Latinos date latinos. Maybe asians should start talking about why they don’t want to date each other.
nowliveit
Everyone’s sexual preferences are from deep inside them…just like being gay or straight is. I cannot condemn someone for liking who they like. It’s not my business.
I’m an intelligent gay man who has committed the worse gay sin: being overweight. Talking about finding the few gay men who will tolerate extra pounds take patience and self acceptance.
And the way for him, and me, to deal with this is just that: self acceptance and knowing there are some men who’s preferences include Asian, or overweight.
My question to him is: I’m a great, intelligent in mind and heart, gay man who is overweight. Will you date me?
We are all pretty sure that his preference in men includes in shape, masculine or whatever kind word is used.
Dude, when you put your attention on what you see as the problem then you are stuck. Shift your attention to self love, self respect and being yourself. Then that right man will come along.
joeyty
@queerT: Maybe it’s the “shiksa goddess” (for old time Hollywood producers) thing. White men are the trophy.
Marshall Boyd
As a white man who has dated the spectrum of races, I agree our society is very superficial and narrow minded but that’s unfortunately the world we live in. I love my Asian boyfriend and him being an older Asian man he has more potential for being my husband than any other guy I’ve dated
qsw84
Everyone is entitled to whatever floats their boat. Grow some balls, not everyone will want to date you no matter how tall and attractive you are. You just have to believe that the right guy will come along and also remain open minded.
William Brogan
Get real. Im tired of all the white bashing lately. Im a proud white gay man.
Brian
Gay-identifying men tend to have penis fetishes. They generally look for substantially big penises. Asian men generally have small penises, and thus lack that which is fetishized by gay-identifying men.
I would advise the frustrated Asian gay-identifying male to avoid the gay scene altogether. It is a selfish world of fetish. If you want to stay sane and balanced, mix with straight-identifying guys and avoid the gay-identifying ones like the plague.
Peter Lny
Many Asians are racism too, they just want to hang out with non Asian.
And gay Asian just want date with hunk muscular white guy but end up with older guy. Wth? Nothing wrong with older guy, but Asians are drama queen.
The point is, nothing to be worry about here, it’s all preferences.
If someone doesn’t like Asians, so what? Move on, get over it !!
If you find love based on race, it’s not love, but horny.
Roger Honeycutt
Boo hop if they aren’t attracted to you learn to deal with it. There are plenty out there that will find you desirable
Allie Pocket
#teamfedupwithwhitepeople
John Ruff
I think you are very hot!
UltimateSin
@AtticusBennett: “breaking news – the most pathetic of whites refuse to acknowledge the realities of living in a white-worshipping culture.
movie at 11.”
This for the win. Thank you for being one of the few people on this board that are intelligent enough to look at this objectively instead of automatically being defensive and aggressive. In other words thank you for not being trash.
joeyty
@UltimateSin: Well…we DID invent this computer you’re using to complain about us white guys.
Mark Klein
Plenty of guys like Asian guys.
joeyty
@UltimateSin: BTW : It’s a big-genitals-worshipping culture too. In the gay world. That has to be acknowledged here.
SonOfKings
@DCguy: The smug, dismissive responses of many of the White men in this thread is further evidence that men of color would do well to avoid Gay, White men as I have.
“I feel liberal gay white men, still today, can be some of the most insensitive bigots around when it comes to race relations and relationships. ”
That’s a very apt statement above, and I second it.
Don’t go seeking a White blizzard and you won’t feel the cold.
Black love is beautiful when shared among Black men, and other men of color.
CWM85
Whites sure do get attacked a lot… most of it is whining… I notice most liberal sites never have things in reverse. White rejection or whites being discriminated or attacked. I have known and see. Plenty of profiles over years saying, “No whites” whites get treated as a punching bag for all problems by liberals. Damm lol
Dalton Moses
I only date/fetishize hot black guys. Hate it for you
joeyty
@SonOfKings: I agree. And all the calls to desegregate can get tiresome. But let’s be consistent and not criticize those who are attracted to a race other than their own. No one can help what he’s attacted to.
Nahald
I dated a gay asian man once. He was far in the closet that it made me feel bad about myself. I hope this guy isn’t the same.
macrochap
Oh GTFO. There are men who would crawl on broken glass for a fit trim asian guy.
I’ve seen MANY profiles saying Asians a +
Also I like this line ““I’m… very good-looking,” So he thinks he should be treated like a super model.
Boo fucking hoo. Get over yourself.
Aranos
Well cutie, come here, I will console you…
Windsor519
There’s no nice way to say this: too many of us are angry and devastated after coming out – for years most of us fantasized about what life would be like after living our truth only to find other gay men that looked nothing like the men we had fantasized and hoped for. I blame the gay media and porn – selling us images of money-hungry young straight athletes who have no interest in gay men whatsoever except using our money to feed their addictions, child support payments or spending money on their girlfriends. When the videos are over and the magazines are gone, we are left with other gay men, who are most often a couple hundred pounds fatter and at least 20 years older than those men we have fantasized about. The same thing goes for men who are non-white…either white men are really interested in them, or the non-white men have no interest in white men. There’s no winning this. Since gay men only make up 2-3% of society, your chances of finding someone you are physically interested in (mutually), want to date, and live in the same area are so low that you’ll be waiting about 40 years to find anything close to that. Unless you want to move every two years to new cities in hopes of finding what you’re looking for, the awful truth is coming out and being gay means you’re likely going to end up alone.
There just aren’t enough gay men in society to pair up equally. Sorry, but it’s true.
Glücklich
@Windsor519:
If just-out guys’ fantasies are so immediately and thoroughly devastated, it says everything about their immaturity and inability to manage their expectations and nothing about the reality of the world. Most children learn to separate the fantasies portrayed in movies and TV from reality at about age 8.
dwes09
@AtticusBennett: I told you the truth. Fuck you for making fun of it. There is no reason to respect your unsubstantiated dogma if you feel you have thr right no simply to disagree, but to make fun of others. I cannot show pictures on this site, and my folks are dead so shove it fool!
You state the same exact tired crap in every post, that men who don’t go for feminine men or who are not feminine themselves are working out the hate from their fathers. Well then, YOU make the statement YOU provide substantiation. Otherwise it is simply your imagination and inability to accept diversity in the sexual desire of others.
As for the lame crickets comment. Are you out of high school yet, do you think that makes some sort of point?
C Bruce Turner
A smile would go a long way. I wouldn’t ignore you.
Mack
As a senior gay man, I’ve pretty much dated them all. I have no preference except not to be nelly. That’s me, like it or not. If I wanted to be with a woman I would but I want a man. I don’t care what their race is or age as long as they act like man. They can be top or bottom or versatile I don’t care as long as they’re human and loving.
BornSerious
Unfortunately, gay people forget what it felt like to be marginalized when they were in school and, as a result, suppress their empathy (if they had any to begin with). That said, we are afforded the right to assemble with those we want to be around. If this guy finds himself unwelcome anywhere, it is his right to walk out and not look back … without guilt. There are plenty of nice people out there but it is up to us to find them by just being ourselves, giving to others, and knowing when to say “good-bye” to unkind people (the lesson of Sodom and Gomorrah).
dwes09
@AtticusBennett: “gay men who are obsessed with “masculinity” are merely expressing how insecure they are as men. truly comfortable men don’t worry about such things.
preferences are learned. there’s a reason that gay males born to right-leaning families are mrs hung up on being with “masc white guys”. it’s obvious, it’s pathetic, and it’s high time y’all got over it.
here’s two fems who love each other :P”
You really do have some sort of problem. Did anybody here say that two fem men cannot be in love? Where do you live exactly that this would seem odd to you? And how short a time have you been out of the closet little boy that the diversity of tastes and mannerisms in the gay community is so hard for you to deal with? You are as rigid and dogmatic as any right winger! And the odd notion that somehow right wing families spawn more masculine gay men is about as rooted in reality as the notion that only fem or androgynous men are authentic to themselves! Where do you get that crap? “Queer studies” (as I have said, social theory is not scioence, but an exercise in imagination; if it isn’t empirical, it is myth)??
Perhaps you will feel differently when you have a little emotional maturity under your belt. But your way of being is not the only way, your neuroses remain neuroses even if you embrace them as the proper way to feel. That you so freely denigrate others who are not like you speaks volumes about you, and that you are so “one note” does as well. There are conventionally masculine gay man, conventionally feminine gay men, men along the spectrum in between. Some of them are attracted to opposites, some to similars. None of their family dynamics can be plumbed with the odd simplistic dogma you cling to. It is so lame as to be laughable. And nothing is as maddening as stupidity holding itself up as wisdom. Get over yourself.
Dennis Crowley
He hasn’t contacted me yet
joeyty
@dwes09: Instead of arguing with a certified loon, you should be responding to my link on Hasidic inbreeding on that other thread.
Glücklich
@dwes09:
I’m in your corner for the ensuing comments war. There are plenty of ways to be out and gay. If yours doesn’t jive with someone else’s, fuck’em.
youarekiddingme
@AtticusBennett: I’m sorry, I don’t buy your statement, “gay men who are obsessed with “masculinity” are merely expressing how insecure they are with their own masculinity.” I don’t understand how you come to make that statement. I am a man. I like men. I do not prefer women. I like the feel of a hard body…not soft tits. I guess that means that I like “masculinity.” This is a preference, yes. Have I dated effeminate men? Hell yes! I did not marry one though. It had to do with a number of factors that made that connection. Am I insecure in my masculinity? I don’t think so Atticus. I think you can show that preferences are developed over time (for a variety of reasons, not the least of which are life experiences), but you can’t make a blanket statement saying that if you have a preference one way or the other it means security or insecurity of your masculinity. There is simply no scientific data to support such a generalization. It would be as ridiculous as saying that all bald men have a 25% lower IQ than the general public…no such scientific data to such a preposterous generalization!
stanhope
OK this comment won’t make me popular here. Thank goodness I don’t care. I often marvel at many Asians I see in gay social situations. More often than not they are cajoling and buffooning in front of the gay white men. When they get one they wear the white boyfriend like a Neiman Marcus label. They don’t countenance the Latin or Black men. I never see them take a serious sexual look at another Asian. By the mere nature of the comments this man is making, it would follow that he may be hung up on white men. I’d say this, appreciate your own. Expand your horizons beyond the white men that apparently don’t want you, at least not in daylight.
dean089
I think Asian guys are hot, all kinds. Always have.
stanhope
@Windsor519: Damn you are seriously fucked up.
joeyty
@stanhope: But IF he’s only attracted to white men, we shouldn’t tell him to “expand his horizons” and go after other Asians. He likes what he likes. Just like we shouldn’t tell him to “expand his horizons” and go after women.
aliengod
@AtticusBennett: It would serve all of us best if you’d stop projecting your “daddy” issues on the rest of us. The fact is, each person has very distinct sexual preferences. There are things that each individual may find as a turn off. Personally, I’m attracted to masculine men. I like guys that act like guys. I completely respect guys that are feminine, I simply don’t find them sexually attractive. It’s called preference. Perhaps you aren’t attracted to men that want to shit on your chest or piss in your mouth. It’s no different. It’s about attraction.
I’m sorry you’ve got issues with your father. I see that he seems miserable in your videos. But that’s not our fault. He’ll come around eventually. Stop blaming the rest of us.
joeyty
@aliengod: You shut up !!! Your father hates you! You must be a Republican ! Atticus Bennet’s life is great !! You’re miserable!! He’s singing Nessun Dorma with the Grand Opera of Canada and his parents clap!!
cabe
Some of this has to do w/ the fact that there is very little male Asian presence in TV, Film or print ads. I remember a study done w/ little black girls a few decades ago and they were shown pictures of white and black women. Most of the black girls judged the white models as more attractive because that was the image most celebrated by the media. Asian men have zero visibility in the media and are hardly seen as leading men. They are usually cast as the local computer geek.
aliengod
@joeyty: LOL!!! Great response! I appreciate your sense of humor.
Mike_M
Try being not “fit” or over 35, or not able to blow a few hundred dollars on a “date” while being gay. It isn’t just being Asian, its being anyone or anything that is marketed to gay men that’s the problem. If you aren’t bone thin, hairless, wealthy, and covered in the right tacky designer gear, prepare to be ridiculed then ignored and made fun out of as if you can’t see or hear the behavior. You’ll find if you aren’t that perfect little thing, you’ll be labeled and marginalized by the very people you foolishly thought would support and celebrate your differences.
joeyty
@cabe: So it’s not just the c–k size ?
UltimateSin
@William Brogan: did you get that white hood for Christmas that you always wanted?
joeyty
@cabe: “They are usually cast as the local computer geek”. I only saw one film with a computer geek Asian character. Most Asian actors portray martial arts masters and fighters.
UltimateSin
@joeyty: and you did excel in genocide
joeyty
@UltimateSin: Yes, but we were amateurs in genocide compared to Asians. And you can choose to stay away from both our genocide AND our computers if you want.
Aaron
What people think
or don’t think about you
should be none of your business.
If there is one thing you should learn
about living a fulfilled life is that
no one owes you anything.
SonOfKings
@joeyty: Of course you can help what you are attracted to. I choose men of color because that is where I belong. I don’t belong in White gay society. You get in where you fit in. Be for the brother man, not the other man.
joeyty
@SonOfKings: More likely you choose men of color because they’re what you’re attracted to, in spite of where you feel you belong or don’t belong. Some can’t help being the “other man” if they only like the “other.”
SonOfKings
@Aaron: Sorry, but politics of identity doesn’t work that way. Life is about relationships, alliances, and exchanges. Call it a social barter system if you like. Everybody owes somebody something at some time or another. Nobody gets unit out of a circle for free. I knew that from the get go. I thought you would have heard by now.
joeyty
@SonOfKings: Maybe you should just decide to be heterosexual too.
SonOfKings
@joeyty: I am attracted to men of races, but I CHOOSE men of color because those are my brothers.
Jim Philbrick
I’m a white guy and I think many Asian guys are studs!!!
joeyty
@SonOfKings: Well, then…you’re agreeing with me on attraction. But if this Asian guy ONLY likes white men…it’s not our business to tell him, “No, you have to go for other Asians.”
SonOfKings
@joeyty: “Maybe you should just decide to be heterosexual too.” That’s a false equivalency. I was born to be gay. Racial selection is driven by identity politics and choices. I am simply saying that as Whites choose to promote and idolize their own kind MOC should do likewise. To each his OWN.
joeyty
@SonOfKings: Okay. But I still think the Asian guy might as well go for whites if he wants, and just wait for the one that’ll eventually want him back.
Eddie Poole-Boccio
There is an Asian guy that works at the Chinese restaurant in my town, and I think he is just as cute as can be.
DCFarmboy
He raises a legitimate issue worthy of consideration. But he needs to work on his phrasing. He says “Why is there no acceptance, no space, no welcome for me in this white-painted gay community?” but quickly makes it clear he is not talking about acceptance, space and welcome in the community but hook-up opportunities. These are different things.
Jordan Walker
There are rice queens
bicurious
Is this guy sure that he is having hook up difficulties because he is asian? I dated a guy of Mexican descent once and as we parted ways it turned out that all along he thought I was a refried bean chaser and had a chip on his shoulder because he thought I was only interested in him because of his heritage. The truth is he is the first Mexican guy I ever dated and I never gave it a second thought and in fact never even heard of the “phrase refried bean chaser” until he used it. What he didn’t realize, and what this asian guy possibly doesn’t realize, is that it is the privilege of white people to not think about race and it is extremely likely that the Asian guy is disliked for entirely different reasons.
UltimateSin
@SonOfKings: just ignore him, I’m sure joeyty has a Klan meeting to get to soon.
joeyty
@UltimateSin: You must be from homo-friendly Zimbabwe.
Matt Barker
Asian men are hot as hell!
Jay Emerson
wrong feminine gays get ignored too
Carrie L McClure
Perhaps now men will feel what it is like to be judged on what your body looks like. Slightly outside of perfection and you’re trashed. It’s great ha ha welcome to equality.
MinWoo
The gay community demands tolerance from heterosexuals yet do not show tolerance towards each other!?!?!? The double standard is too real….
Prinny
How pathetic. Did he ever consider its his personality that’s drives away people from him,and not his race!!!
joeyty
@Prinny: That’s a good point. Although I don’t know for sure about this one guy’s case, there are those with lousy personalties who try to shift the blame for their lack of dating success on race reasons.
sdterp
I’m attracted to Asian men but I was told numerous times by other Gay Asian men that I was “exoticizing” my Asian lovers. It’s a catch-22. You don’t date Asian men, you’re marginalizing them due to their ethnicity/race, you date them, you’re marginalizing them by objectifying them. 🙁
joeyty
@Matt Barker: Bruce Lee was/is still the hottest Asian man, ever. (At least since the dawn of photography).
joeyty
@sdterp: See that ? You can’t win, either way, in the gay world. So, again…..just go after what you like and screw the criticism.
dean3000
@sdterp: the fact the Asian is. Defining characteristic is the problem. I like to keep my mind open and talk men who I haven’t initially found attractive change after a conversation
dean3000
I must say the number of replies confirms that racism is still a problem. For all the talk of equality this is the one area of gay life which will have the spotlight firmly on it in the future. It does need to be addressed. Frankly i couldn’t care less but it seem the right thing to do.
joeyty
@dean3000: The “one area”? I think there are other more pressing problems facing gay life than this one.
Greg C
I would take you buddy, come to daddy for some relief!!
uktnla
First of all, this guy describes how good looking he is, so he is obviously as superficial as the guys he puports to criticize. Everyone knows the gay community is fickle and shallow. Welcome! I see plenty of gay guys thriving in it. Maybe this guy lacks the self-awareness to really diagnosis his problem. Perhaps he has the looks but has an awful personality. Also, he lists the things he has in common with other gays, so is his problem that he can’t find a relationship/sex, or that he can’t join the community at all, even on a friendship/volunteer/member basis. I find that really hard to believe. I live in LA, and the gay community is full of Asians. Granted, there is definitely a bias against Asians when it comes to dating and sex from some corners, but guess what, that exists in the hetero community, too. Studies have shown that Asian men are at the bottom of pile when it comes to the dating world. Even Asian women don’t want to date them. My guess is that this guy wants to date white guys, not Asian men — so what does that say about him???
dean3000
@joeyty: yeah sure it doesn’t affect you so it doesn’t matter. Idiot
dean3000
@Prinny: so true racism dosent exist
SFaznMan
Just curious. Does this argument sound different when coming from a white man?
https://youtu.be/d2ZwkSWClxY
youarekiddingme
@dean3000: He’s a mindless troll. Don’t waste your time trying to reason with him. See all the inane posts he’s already made tonight? R@cist, stereotype, bigot!
Creamsicle
It’s highly dependent on where you live. I am a gay asian man. I live in Santa Barbara and rarely get hit up by guys around my age. It makes sense. Gay guys here are obsessed with white frat boys. Whenever I go to visit LA I get hit up by different guys as I pass through different areas. It’s enought to make me wonder if I’m gonna have to bite the bullet one day and leave small town paradise for sprawling city hell.
joeyty
@dean3000: @dean3000: “Frankly I couldn’t care less” is what you say, so I guess it doesn’t affect you either, idiot. And the rise in venereal diseases is still more important than that shallow gaysian guy who thinks he’s so goodlooking.
joeyty
@youarekiddingme: I’d say Syrian refugees gaybashing in the Netherlands, ISIS throwing guys off roofs, the growth of varied venereal diseases,and monetary compensation for priests molesting kids is a little more important that some stuck up Asian individual with a white fetish. Okay, troll ?
joeyty
@dean3000: True racism does exist. Ever hear the real sentiments the Japanese have for the Chinese ? Or Koreans for….anybody ?
youarekiddingme
@joeyty: or your fucked up comments above about Asians being in martial arts, rope bondage and c@cl size huh you fucked up mor@n? Bigot! Lowlife! R@cist! Btw, scumbagi never said I don’t care about those other causes u cited…nice try diverting attention from yourself though. LOSER.
joeyty
@youarekiddingme: Hey fool . Are you going to deny they’re portrayed as Martial Arts stars ? From Lee to Jackie Chan ? How many computer geeks do you see portrayed by Asians on screen ? Seriously…let’s have an answer. As to equipment size, I said I have no idea if the stereotype is true or not, but that a lot of gays believe it is. Go back and actually read it, you drunken clown. As to bondage, that’s such an obvious joke, but…like I said, you’re drunk.
Jerome Kugan
I am an Asian man who needs gay attention… hit me up… #yolo
paulbear30
You’re not fed up enough. If you were, you’d be do everything within your power to undermine the mythical “gay community”. Not everyone is benefited by community, and those who are, are likely your worst enemies. They used you at some point to get to where they are. That goes for any community whether it be racial, sexual, generational, political, etc. Stop whining and start sabotaging.
dean3000
@youarekiddingme: hey thanks for the info.
joeyty
@dean3000: “Frankly I couldn’t care less”. LOL.
Leonard Woodrow
@David Scrivens: Oh come on, David! Did YOU date old men when you were young? It’s not the norm, and nobody should date just to be kind. I’m afraid that’s the way life is, and we older people have to accept it.
blackberry finn
IF YOU’RE AN ATTRACTIVE ASIAN, YOU WILL HAVE NO PROBLEM GETTING LAID
IF YOU’RE AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK GUY, YOU WILL HAVE NO PROBLEM GETTING LAID
WHITE, BROWN, GREEN, BLUE, IF YOU’RE ATTRACTIVE ANYTHING, CHANCES ARE YOU WILL
HAVE NO PROBLEM GETTING LAID.
DON’T BLAME A SITUATION CAUSED BY YOUR LACK OF ATTRACTIVENESS (IF THAT’S WHAT IT IS) ON YOUR MINORITY STATUS.
Alan David Smith
are you pursuing the right match. i am at the point i want dates. not hook-ups. the very fact that you described yourself as vgl. would have sent me in a diffrent direction. do we have anything in common. if i could go to see any artist in concert next year i want to see reba. how about you. and i noticed you said white men. how many black men or other asians etc. have you turned down. or men of a certain income or age. think about your biases as well.
inbama
I@onthemark:
Actually, Dan Savage gives a thoughtful response – contrary to what gay men who bash other gay men to look noble in the eyes of transgenders would think.
Savage quotes from a study that shows gays are actually far less racially exclusive than the population in general:
“…according to 2010 US Census data, as crunched by the Williams Institute at UCLA, same-sex couples are far likelier to be interracial (20.6 percent) than opposite-sex couples (13.9 percent)”
So, WGM, you can stop beating yourself up.
http://www.thestranger.com/columns/savage-love/2016/01/13/23413123/savage-love
Kim Garvin
I think you need a good spanking.
You sound like a spoiled brat.
AxelDC
@austinw: Great video! Loved it!
Berkleyguy
He needs to align himself with organizations and venues that cater to Asians and the men that like them. There is an international organization called Asians and Friends with chapters all over the world. When I lived in Houston, for instance, there was a very active chapter there. I have a friend who is a native of Singapore and he travels for work. He seeks out this organization in every city he visits to see if they have a chapter and if they are hosting a meet and greet happy hour or some other social event. He now has friends all over the world and some are friends with benefits. It sounds to me like he’s not traveling in the right circles. In some cities, there are bars that cater to Asians and the men that like Asians. If he would do this, I bet he’d be a lot less frustrated.
Glücklich
@Mike_M:
You and Windsor519 should exchange numbers.
Gigi Gee
Maybe it’s the furrowed brow that’s turning men off. He’s cute, but doesn’t look like a lot of fun.
Gigi Gee
@SFaznMan: Some people suck. Gays aren’t perfect.
youarekiddingme
@joeyty: You seem to make a lot of “jokes” at others expense on this forum…hmmm.
Saying the “stereotype” of Asians being portrayed as geeks, martial artists, etc., You’re perpetuating a problem that NO ONE even mentioned. You are the problem! You are just too obtuse to recognize it. Do you think it would be any less r@cist or bigg@ted for me to say that black men had huge dicks or that they were “portrayed” in the movies as good dancers and excellent servants? Wtf is the matter with you?
onthemark
@inbama: Thanks, I’m glad to learn what he replied. I was aware of that census data too and, indeed, I cited it here on Queerty once. Want to guess what the response was? A lot of hysterical screeching about how I was “denying there was any rac*sm in the gay community,” yadda yadda yadda. Well I wasn’t doing anything of the kind, merely pointing the statistical FACT that we date & mate interracially far more than straights do.
@Gigi Gee: That’s not a photo of the guy in question, that is a stock photo. He doesn’t look all that Asian to me, in fact I think he’s John Leguizamo… kidding, kidding!
onthemark
There is also a stereotype that gay Asian guys are “supposed” to be on the bottom, “submissive” etc etc. Although this guy doesn’t specifically mention that, it might be an element of his complaint.
Does he want to be on top in these hookups and is annoyed that few of the white guys go for it? He doesn’t say that but okay, I can see how that would be annoying!
joeyty
@youarekiddingme: Shush. You already showed you can’t read and comprehend.
John Wilkinson
Wow the comments are even worse than the article. He’s not a “fetish” ð???
joeyty
@youarekiddingme: My saying Asians are portrayed as martial artists in films is a direct answer to the poster stating they’re ususally portrayed as computer geeks. You really should stop now..
JerseyMike
Most gays are hypocrites.. We don’t like being discriminated against but we will discriminate in heart beat against others. If you don’t want it done to you don’t do it to someone else.
Avery Alvarez
So glad to see Atticus Benett get SHUT DOWN both on this thread and the one about Stonewall. The simple pleasures of life.
RushtyCrush
@Georgie Land: I can’t tell if you’re trolling or just profoundly dumb, but being seen as the object of a fetish is not a desirable thing.
JaBourg
@David Scrivens: Responding to the guy who says he’s older and has been pushed aside by white, 18-35 year old guys with buff gym bods: Not all gay men are white, between the ages of 18 and 35, and buff. If you had any interest in those of us outside that tiny demographic, you’d feel better. But you’ve pushed us aside.
austinw
@AxelDC: Thank you! 🙂
LibraOracle
I find it really ironic that homosexuals have this ignorant conception,on the natural level racial selection is used to transfer physical traits to the next generation and that’s intented for normal heterosexuals,I don’t see why homosexuals do racial selection like they were going to make infants…
“Homosexuals racial selection is not natural it’s psychological”
onthemark
@Avery Alvarez: “So glad to see Atticus Benett get SHUT DOWN both on this thread and the one about Stonewall. The simple pleasures of life.”
LOL – Did you notice that Atticus disappeared for about a month there? I was hoping he had choked to death on his father’s c0ck.
Glücklich
@onthemark:
Same with Blob the Blech who has also returned after what was, unfortunately, merely a hiatus.
youarekiddingme
@joeyty: Back peddling again I see. First, you’re just making jokes(poor taste I might add and at a minority’s expense) and now you’re blaming your foul-mouthed comments as a response to someone else…u sorry little man. All those flippant comments u made to all those people above…and almost no one appreciates them.
dwes09
@joeyty: Can’t recall whihc article that comment was on. but you like, atticus seem not to understand the difference between empiricism and wishful thinking (granted you are not nearly as bad as him and certainly not mindless and neurosis driven as he is), for example your comment about computers being the invention of white men. You say”
“Well…we DID invent this computer you’re using to complain about us white guys.”, which is about as simplistic and incorrect as one can get (much as your comment regarding Chassids, which I did address; if you responded with an empirical study on inbreeding in the ultra orthodox I didn’t see it). Computers (both hardware and software, analog and digital) were developed over a long period of time by a host of researchers and engineers who were of all races and both male and female. Even at the very start a woman (Ada Lovelace) is acknowledged these days as being as instrumental as Babbage in the first “computational engine”. And there have been a number of black men of great importance in the architecture of modern computers.
joeyty
@youarekiddingme: Anybody can go back and read what I wrote. You’re looking like a buffoon.
joeyty
@dwes09: You’re almost as bad as Atticus Bennet. Almost as much of a kook, who pretends what he wishes to be true ….is true. Which black men have been instrumental in the invention of computers ? And look up more about the Hasidim and inbreeding. Every Jew (“false Jews” according to the Hasidim) knows about it. And read Failed Messiah sometimes if you want further proof of the inbreeds who are destroying Israel and will certainly never produce a Salk.
joeyty
@dwes09: BTW : Can I tell him he can’t use the white man’s automobile then ?
Hu7w
I do not totally agree. I understand his discomfort but THE BEDROOM IS THE ONLY SPACE WHERE THE DISCRIMINATION IS VALID.
For example, I do not like sexually the effeminate men or unattractive men, and that’s only a sexual preference, therefore it would be an innocuous and legitimate discrimination.
paulbear30
@Hu7w: That’s a dichotomy you’ve created only in your mind. It does not exist in reality.
youarekiddingme
@dwes09: He’s a “special case”
paulbear30
Fix this buggy site please. My comment is “awaiting moderation” and all of these duplicate comments are still posted.
joeyty
@youarekiddingme: You’re in a special school.
Hussain-TheCanadian
It seems to me that the cute man in the article’s thumbnail looks alot like the actor from Lost, Daniel Kim?
@joeyty: You are the last one to be talking about looking like a Buffoon there Joey; you did not create anything; please step out of the bubble!!!
youarekiddingme
@joeyty: Seems more and more people are stepping up to put you in your place…time to take your spanking and learn from your mistakes while you’re ahead.
joeyty
@youarekiddingme: Oh, no…a whole gang! I’ll smack you down and that molestor priest along with you. And Hussein defends the shooters at Charlie Hebdo. so he doesn’t even belong in western society.
joeyty
@Hussain-TheCanadian: You’re ticked off because Baghdad didn’t invent anything after the Mongol invasion.
youarekiddingme
@Hussain-TheCanadian: Look at the rebuttals now…totally psychotic. Trying to “hurt” me about being previously molested (takes a twisted mind to come up with that one). Funny thing is, he’s a nobody to me, his words mean NOTHING! He sure does get wrapped though when criticized on his rediculus, bigoted comments.
Hussain-TheCanadian
@joeyty: Yeah I thought so, you are mentally ill, and ganging up on you is just cruel – I was born in this society and am part of it – get use to it.
All one has to do is read your drivel and realize you belong with the very same Wahhabi Salafist scum called Daesh; your opinions and bigotry are pretty much on par – Are you sure you are not talking to us from Syria?
Hussain-TheCanadian
@youarekiddingme: I think he’s a mentally ill troll, and I agree with you, don’t let the likes of him get under your skin – He wants us to be as hateful and insane as he is.
joeyty
@Hussain-TheCanadian: I’m mentally ill ? When you’re the one bowing down to pray over a carpet and thinking dog saliva prevents your prayers from reaching heaven ?
joeyty
@Hussain-TheCanadian: LOL. You and Kidding and Lil’ Kiwi. Queerty’s Rogue’s Gallery.
paulbear30
Lol, this site is a fucking joke. Now this comment will likely be posted without delay yet my comment which told the truth is awaiting moderation.
joeyty
@youarekiddingme: I did hurt you. And annoyed you pretty effectively. So you just should have kept your mouth shut to begin with, or at least reserved your venom for the posters who really SAID what you falsely accused me of saying.
youarekiddingme
@joeyty: If that helps your psychosis…so be it!
joeyty
@youarekiddingme: Okay. Next time…..choose the right target, like the guys actually saying Asians have small ones or that they are always portrayed as computer geeks in films. Don’t get mad at them and then impose your craziness on me.
Hussain-TheCanadian
@joeyty: How’s the weather in Syria?
P.S.
I don’t pray on a carpet and I love dogs.
youarekiddingme
@joeyty: There goes the psychosis again. Take your meds joey. Good night.
joeyty
@Hussain-TheCanadian: Yeah…sure…
joeyty
@youarekiddingme: Don’t drink tonight.
Hussain-TheCanadian
@joeyty: Oh honey you’re the one who shouldn’t be drinking any time.
Mattes
LibraOracle,
That’s why I’ve always said that the hypersexualism perpetuated by the visible gay community is in fact, antigay..not necessarily on the personal level, but in principle.
Mattes
Therefore it makes sense that racism and other forms of provincial thinking is linked with heterosexual mating. Ultimately the current gay community is just a mirror of all of the straight community’s bad traits on a smaller scale. Not exactly something to be proud of.
SFHarry
For all the middle aged men out there complaining that the young men are ageist and pushing you aside(I’m 50 and think you are delusional), I hope you are out there fucking the 80 year olds.
SFHarry
@David Scrivens: Or you can be glad you had a great time as a young man, hang out with other men who are happy they had a great time as young men and be happy for the young men who are presently having a good time with each other. Caring that the young want to hang out with the young puts you right in there with them in making it seem like the young are better. It’s this attitude that helps perpetuate the cycle(if there even is a cycle to perpetuate).
SFHarry
@DistingueTraces: What a great comment. I wish I could thumbs up you.
paulbear30
@SFHarry: That makes no sense. Actually, your comment perpetuates that attitude among the young. You assume criticism equals envy, rather than being a warning that someone should heed. Perhaps people should hang out with others for less idiotic reasons?
inbama
@SFHarry:
I agree.
Pushing 70 and my life being consumed by my husband’s deteriorating health, I find it quite funny that some older men hypocritically complain that they are victims of “age discrimination” when they themselves have no interest in men their own age.
But hey, this is the new Alphabet Soup Movement, and we all get to ignore our hypocrisy and self-created problems and instead increase of moral standing by crying “bigotry.”
Stefano
@inbama: you are so right. I’m only 47 yo and it is the same thing. Only older men hit on me.
onthemark
@paulbear30: I think you’re both (SFHarry) a little confused – you both seem to be making the usual mistake of conflating sex partners with non-sexual gay friends. That’s exactly what the Asian guy in the article is doing.
I’m also over 50 but when I was in my 20s I had lots of older gay non-sexual friends, occasionally WAY older, and didn’t regard that as unusual. My sex partners, however, were generally near my own age.
Apparently a new edition of the Official Gay Rulebook has come out since those days, ordering everyone to get everything mixed up?
paulbear30
@onthemark: I am in my 30s and in my 20s I had predominantly older and interracial sex partners and frankly, I’m all the better for not being bound by silly convention. In fact, I think I avoided the pitfalls of the negative gay scene precisely because I didn’t follow the script. I don’t think I’ve conflated here. I think you’ve conflated friendship with association. Any real friendship has a level of intimacy that could evolve into something else unless the parties have a good reason for resisting the relationship.
As I said under “Mattes”, the sad fact is that most people are just very provincial thinkers concerned with materialism. That’s the entire basis for “seeking the same” beyond the initial pattern of heterosexual pairing – to increase odds of breeding, thereby profiting economically. Afterall what other reason is there for relationships /sarcasm. My motto is if I want “the same”, I may as well just find a woman to impregnate.
amaurys
Is not just painted, the rest of us are just hanging on by our Nails on the edge of a cliff. You come into the lgbt community to be accepted, just to be put aside because of race … Is so ironic, I would laugh if it wasn’t so frustrating to our everyday lives.
Stefano
@paulbear30: you are absolutly right when you say that most people are very provincial thinkers concern with materialism…i saw so many men and women trapped in a relationship that does not suit them just because they are afraid to be alone or stay with their husban or wife just for economic reasons.
dwes09
@joeyty: I am sure you will object but, Dr. Mark Dean, a black man at IBM developed much of the architecture associated with the modern PC. Philip Emeagwali, a black african was instrumental in developing the protocols that built the internet. Emmit McHenry developed the TCP/IP protocol and DNS registry whiihc both enable the intercommunication between computers and other personal devices. These are just three. There is no one inventor of the computer, and the effort did not just involve white men no matter how your delusional mind might want that to be so.
joeyty
@dwes09: Mark Dean and Emmit McHenry look whiter than I do. But if you consider a touch of black ancestry means you’re black (like a taint, some say) go right ahead. Not to take away from those individuals, but in the great scheme of computer invention..those are pretty minor, and dependent on earlier white inventions. Are you still saying more black men brought the computer to fruition, to what it is today, than white men ?
John
We all have “types” or characteristics we are attracted to. He claims his height/weight and he then goes on to say he is quite good looking. Maybe that is part of his issue, a little humility goes a long way. We “eat” with our eyes first, when you are in a bar, grinder/scruff etc we each look for our “type” or something we find attractive. Does he want us all to have a diversity card that play buddies sign off on. “Sorry I can’t hook-up with you tonight I haven’t had my ration of african-americans, asians for the year etc… or sorry I can’t hook up with you because I have to do a Sr Citizen (or a twink) tonight to make sure Im not committing ageism discrimination. Or hell, why not make everybody bi…Sorry I prefer boners but need to get some “puss” tonight so I am not discriminating against women. Totally ridiculous. PC has gone too far.
youarekiddingme
@joeyty: I think what he’s saying basically is, stop being a BIG@T and recognize that people of other races (besides white) had something to do with the invention of the computer!
joeyty
@youarekiddingme: Then let him tell me that. (Not a goofball like you).
paulbear30
@John: Lmao. What a joke! WE don’t (maybe you do) *eat* with our eyes. You choose put sex first for strictly selfish reasons. Own up to it and stop making dumb excuses. But if you’re in such a rush to spread your seed, you may want to find the right hole. Lol Hopefully that wasn’t too “PC”.
youarekiddingme
@joeyty: Because you’re too STUPID to figure it out and he’s probably too tired of repeating himself over, and over and over again to a brain dead fool like you! Haven’t you passed out yet?
youarekiddingme
@paulbear30: Head blow up like in Scanners…
youarekiddingme
@youarekiddingme: Sorry…That was meant of JOEYTY, not you.
onthemark
@paulbear30: 1. ??? – I don’t see what you mean by “materialism” in this context – i.e. gay sex in general (as opposed to straight sex), casual sex in general, interracial sex in general, or what? What does any of that have to do with materialism?
2. As for your theory regarding friendship: “Any real friendship has a level of intimacy that could evolve into something else…”
Gasp. That’s quite casual and creepy. It’s not for me (uck), but it sounds delightfully casual and creepy. You make me glad I gave up getting stoned for a few months. 🙂
joeyty
@youarekiddingme: But you’re always butting in and commenting on something you know nothing about because you haven’t even read the earlier exchange between me and…whoever. Like with the martial arts/computer geek subject.
youarekiddingme
@joeyty: Because you’re such an easy target! You’re also a raving lunatic!!
paulbear30
@onthemark: Clearly you think you know what I meant by materialism as you imply that materialism has nothing to do with anything. Don’t ask a question if you know it all. By materialism I am referring to the real meaning- the philosophical or religious understanding. That meaning of course ia not unrelated to its secondary meaning..on the contrary.
What’s creepy about intimacy in friendship? Is that you not understanding what words mean again? Haha
It’s been 6 months for me. Perhaps you’re still a little foggy? 🙂
onthemark
@paulbear30: ??? – So I guess I shouldn’t criticize your use of the word “intimacy” yet. Maybe you’re using an obscure definition of “intimacy” just as you’re using a weird definition of “materialism” that I never even heard of.
You ARE referring to sexual intimacy? Between long-time friends of many years, suddenly going at it? Wow. Yes, that’s like a bad 19th-century novel or a previously well-wrtten TV show that “jumps the shark.” Yes, creepy. Hey, whatever floats your boat, just don’t act all morally superior and snooty about it like you seem to be doing.
Again, the OP (Asian Guy) was NOT referring to relationships, he was referring to casual hookup apps. Well, hookup apps are fine, as far as they go, IMO, but he was confusing rejection on those apps with lack of “acceptance” by the ENTIRE “gay community”! Those are his words. And that’s fvcked up.
emperor28_1
I’m glad to see so many positive comments here. This topic is of great interest to me, as I am a white male who is married to one gorgeous Eurasian. My husband is half Japanese, and definitely looks Asian, so he has experienced much of what the has been discussed here.
It’s important to know that not all gay men are biased, and many of us find Asians absolutely adorable. I love my husband with my whole heart, and I have no interest whatsoever as to what his eyes look like (after all, what do we ‘dog eyes’ look like to Asians!!).
There is far too much emphasis on looks in the gay community, and ignoring what a person is like within. I truly hope we can overcome that bigotry one day.
paulbear30
@onthemark: No you shouldn’t because once again you’re wrong. You’re a great example of what I mean by provincial. I’m using VALID and commonly used meanings but instead of accepting my usage, you’re implying that I shouldn’t use the definitions that I have because of your limited range of knowledge.
Sorry, but the entire gay community is based on casual sex and open “marriages”. You pretend that there is a real difference in the way gay men approach “relationships” vs. “casual hookups”.
My point is that if the “gay community” is no different that its counterpart, then either evolve or stop claiming victim status.
avesraggiana
I CAN DO YOH NEHL! LONG NEHL, SHOHT NEHL, NEHL WID GEL?!
onthemark
@paulbear30: “Sorry, but the entire gay community is based on casual sex and open ‘marriages’.” So what? So how are you gonna fix that imaginary problem? By typing a lot? You snobs are always scolding us on every gay site. After a couple of decades of internet scolding, I’ve seen absolutely no effect. You guys will just have to keep on typing. But I’ll admit YOU are a little different in that apparently you’re not a prude like the others: you’re having sex with your friends! Sorry, that’s casual sex. That’s very, very, very casual sex. I suppose you talk about religion and philosophy during it? Do that all you want, but you’re still a slut like the rest of us.
“My point is that if the “gay community” is no different that its counterpart….” But casual sex is how we’re different. That’s exactly why they hate us (when they do hate us). Apparently you want us to “evolve” and become exactly like straights, but talk about philosophy during casual sex and with more interracial mixing? Well we already have almost twice as much interracial mixing – see the 2010 census stats cited above.
Anyway, slut – I’ll see your “religious and philosophical materialism” and raise you one kinetic, chthonic and culinary cubism!
paulbear30
I guess 325 comments is the limit?
paulbear30
@onthemark: “So what”?
So the distinction you made was invalid. I elaborated in the subsequent sentence. Do you deny that there is no difference in the “casual” vs “serious” relationships? Sorry but I fail to see a difference when sex is prioritized in both. You can imply that I’m slutting it up with friends if you like, but I made no such admission. What I have said is that your conception of friendship is clearly something more akin to association. Let me guess, what qualifies someone as a friend for you is a total lack of sexual lust for that person and a good rapport ( and in that order)? Afterall, if there is sexual attraction, that means you should absolutely not treat this as you would any other situation. That impulse requires special attention. /sarcasm
But it doesn’t of course.
paulbear30
“That’s exactly why they hate us (when they do hate us”)
Believe it or not, there is a minority of gay men who say that being gay is not about sex and actually mean that – not just in the media or when debating the “religious right” on forums. Contrary to your belief, it’s not the stereotypes that “they” dislike.
paulbear30
I had more to add but apparently they are back to the censoring bs, so I won’t waste any more time on this topic. Any site that moderates so heavily is one afraid of the truth. Sad!
inbama
@paulbear30:
Anyone who thinks sex is “prioritized” in a marriage as in a pick-up has never had one.
onthemark
@paulbear30: Not all serious gay relationships “prioritize” sex. Where on earth did you get that idea? You must not know many guys in relationships. Or ever been in one, I’m guessing. And yes, most friendships do NOT prioritize sex or have it at all. If you do that you’re in a tiny, tiny minority, but that doesn’t make you morally superior.
My long-time friends are all over the emotional map: some I had sex with exactly once and it ended in giggling and a lot of talking; some are in relationships and personally I don’t mess with that (anymore, lol, older & wiser); one I’ve had a crush on for 30+ years but we’ve never both been single at the same time; and yes some I value a lot as friends and don’t have sexual thoughts about.
You’re a slut, and a hypocrite, and you’re seriously fvcked up. Please see a psychiatrist or at least stop pontificating on these matters.
paulbear30
@inbama: Anyone who read that is making shit up. Sex IS the basis of marriage btw
paulbear30
@onthemark:
Where on earth did you get the idea that there are serious gay relationships? In your attempt to twist my words, you’re begging the question. I’m done with you. You are a cliche and denser than the air in the arctic. But I probably shouldn’t expect much from a site call “queerty”. Nothing but mindless sheep. For the record, you would have been shipped off to a psychiatrist not too long ago so be careful in attempting to “diagnose” ME.
youarekiddingme
@paulbear30: You think sex is the basis of marriage? Sex may be the basis of a relationship, but I assure you it is not the “basis” of a marriage (not a secure long-term one) anyway. Certainly sex is VERY important in a marriage, but by the time marriage rolls around you have developed all those other things outside the bed that make you a good match for each other as well. There are 24 hours in a day, and you spend what 1 hour (not really but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt) in the bed having sex. What do you do the other 23? Sex is NOT the BASIS of marriage…GAY or STRAIGHT. I’ve been in a long-term relationship (wish we could say marriage but it wasn’t legal) for over 24 years. We have other friends who have been married 30+ years. I can assure you that the motivating factor in marriage was not sex (a factor yes) but not the BASIS.
You are entitled to your opinion of course but I BELIEVE you are way off base if you think the basis of marriage is sex. Way to shallow an answer…
youarekiddingme
@paulbear30: Here’s one little study: https://www.coursehero.com/file/p7n45sv/The-basis-of-marriage-for-most-Americans-is-Student-Response-Value-Correct/
youarekiddingme
@paulbear30: Mutual respect, shared goals and compatibility…here’s another little article. Read where paragraph 3 talks about the ingredients to a good marriage. It does list sex, but not at the top…Something for you to think about. This is from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201311/three-reasons-why-you-shouldn-t-marry-love
paulbear30
The fact that prioritizing sex is detrimental to the longevity of a relationship or marriage doesn’t help your argument. It helps mine.
Furthermore, what’s true and ideal and what actually motivates people and their actual behavior are NOT the same things. Humans have two basis motivations in seeking others – sex and transcendence. People with physical “preferences” aren’t seeking the latter. Consequently, there’s no sense in denying what one really is after – regeneration i.e reproduction, which entails finding the opposite sex. Once again, LibraOracle hit the nail on the head.
youarekiddingme
@paulbear30: I guess you were responding to me…
I have no idea where your statement that “…prioritizing sex is detrimental to the longevity of a relationship or marriage doesn’t help your argument…”
I NEVER said anything about PRIORITIZING…I said that it was not the BASIS for a marriage! What is the whole statement about LONGEVITY OF A RELATIONSHIP? We/I was discussing the BASIS (which you brought up in your previous statement) for marriage. My point was that sex is NOT the BASIS for marriage. Try to clear that up for me. I have NO idea where you’re going with that statement at all. Did you read either article I provided for you? I’m guessing probably not.
Your second point about what’s “…true and ideal and what actually motivates people…” Um, what is true is true (is it not)? Maybe true is false? Transcendence? “Existence or experience beyond the normal or physical level…rising above…magnificence…excellence…supremacy” I have no idea how that has anything to do with the Basis of marriage. More of a religious concept/superior concept. I don’t think a person gets married to feel superior.
You have shown NOTHING that cements your argument in all your “words” that validates the argument about “(basis motivations)” for marriage. You are telling me things. Opinions. No facts. Generalizations. Just because you believe it to be true or someone tells you it to be true doesn’t make it true.
Btw, LibraOracle (whoever that is) if they stated the reason for marriage is reproduction (haha)! That’s a good one!! Do you have any idea how many children are born OUT OF WEDLOCK? Yea, people don’t get married to “reproduce.” Some people don’t have children…so what about them? That’s just a twisted argument from the 1950’s.
paulbear30
You said that sex isn’t the basis of a *secure* marriage, meaning you didn’t actually refute what I said in the previous post. You just created a false category. We’re not actually disagreeing completely. Indeed, the less sex the better. But where you seem to misunderstand is the difference between motivation and action, description and prescription. As as example: “Do you have any idea how many children are born OUT OF WEDLOCK? Yea, people don’t get married to “reproduce.” Some people don’t have children…so what about them”? You take for granted that what people do is a perfect reflection of what they want to do, that what people do is what they should do. Now THAT’s a shallow perspective. Transcendence is one of the two basic motivations for seeking out others. It’s relevant because actions should align with ones basic drive.
youarekiddingme
@paulbear30: What I said about secure was was to further describe what I was talking about. A secure marriage is one that is based on things other than say, a marriage “of convenience” (hiding one’s sexuality or marrying to avoid immigration problems–usually for money, etc). Your ORIGINAL statement (barring all the smoke and mirrors about transcendence…still wrong usage), goes back to “The Basis For Marriage Is Sex.” I wholeheartedly disagree. Now, show me the proof of your generalization in that statement.
paulbear30
The qualifier you added made your response a strawman. The reason you think it goes back to that one statement is because you don’t understand context. My usage of transcendence is correct. I suspect that tou are misusing the word “based” however.
Uncle Mark
@youarekiddingme & @paulbear30: Honestly, you two…this has gone on for DAYS!! Just fuck and be done with it already!! I’m sure even the lonely Asian guy has found some White or Asian guy to fuck by now.
paulbear30
@Uncle Mark: Fucking as a solution? Typical!!! Let’s hope the lonely Asian took a critical look at what exactly he thinks he’s missing. He may discover it’s not much.
youarekiddingme
@Uncle Mark: Actually we’re discussing something. Quite frankly we may agree to disagree and we may NEVER come to terms with the logic of the other but we certainly don’t stoop to the dregs of someone like you!! This forum is quite frankly for discussion. You can keep your low-life comments and your profanity towards others to YOURSELF. You are hereby disregarded. Have a wonderful day!!
youarekiddingme
@Uncle Mark: One other thing sir…You don’t even know how to “address” a reply to someone. Do a little research before you jump into a forum and make an ass of yourself. Now have a nice day!
inbama
@youarekiddingme:
A dozen posts between you and the bear shedding no light on the subject at hand and Uncle Mark is the ass?
Sorry, but when a blog gets hijacked like that by a couple writing about themselves and each other instead of the topic (Atticus and Masculine Pride are another love/hate couple), the motive for this passionate bantering is fair game.
youarekiddingme
@inbama: Thanks for jumping in but you are so WRONG by a factor of 2!! Now, if you’re going to say that you couldn’t post a comment between my posts: (Jan 16– 9:50, Jan 18–9:00, 9:08, 9:14, 11:42, Jan 19–2:27) I’m calling BS.
Those 6 posts represent the blog being “hijacked”…in what world do you exist? Get a grip. We were agreeing to disagree. Nothing more nothing less. Oh, and nothing to explain to you, but since you come to try and compare/contrast to Atticus (again another false analogy) I guess I must point that out to you. Good day.
SAasianboi
@acrobaticninja: So you’re saying that all Asian men have small penises? so then you’d have a long term relationship with a black guy?
SAasianboi
there isn’t enough info to actually evaluate his situation, is he foreign Asian or native Asian to America or Canada? I’m guessing native to north America? growing up as a naturalized Chinese in south Africa I know where he is coming from. there’s even more discrimination against Asians in south africa than in north America because we are a smaller minority, but I have found its not just about how someone looks for some people. the fact that someone is westernized or not also plays a role in whether someone of a different race will like you. its a lot harder if you’re a foreigner who cant speak English properly. on the other hand there is lots of white guys who just don’t like the look of blacks, or Asians.
in that case this guy really needs to get over himself. personally, if no one likes me because I’m thin and skinny with a soft looking face then that’s not going to dampen my opinion of myself. my sense of self worth does not come from dating white guys or anyone else for that matter. I also understand this guys lonliness, something that we’ve all suffered from. but at the end of the day you get on with life, whether you’re single or lucky to have someone, especially if you’re lucky to get someone of your dreams. this guy is wasting his life spending too much worrying about whether white guys will like him.
SAasianboi
@joeyty: hahaha! really?? I didn’t know that and I’m Asian! 🙂 I should try it out sometime, lol!
SAasianboi
@RoughRugger: yes I think a pity fuck is the worst, although I’m not talking from experience, cause I’ve never had a pity fuck lol! how does one get erect for a pity fuck?
SAasianboi
@bicurious: that’s a good point…..
fishcrambeenyc
@blackberry finn: I do think getting laid will be no problem for him if he is a truly attractive Asian, I mean facial, hair, height, weight proportion. I had a Roomate I cared about so much that I ended up having to move. He was Asian and had serious settling issues. He hooked up every week and changed partners almost monthly, can never stay in for too lone. Kept saying he was looking for the right person. Before his 35th birthday we found out he had an infection that he was a carrier a long time Ago. Sad story of my life.
SF Jacob2015
@fishcrambeenyc: So you are saying he’s good looking so he got laids and got disease? There are a lot of good looking Asian guys. Most are always long term orientated. I seldom hear an Asian guy effects with aids. One thing is, To me there is always bias toward Asians among the gay scene or anyone who isn’t white. Still I met my husband, who happens to be Asian 12 years ago. I felt in love and has always only loved him. My advise to the guy in the article. Whether you are good-looking or not, don’t be so down on yourself. There always be someone out there for you who will love and cherish you. Don’t look at the hateful things people say. Tell yourself that it will get better.
wei_cong
Racism is always there, and a lot of times people discriminate unconsciously. You just need to keep your chin up and believe that there will be someone that is perfect for you.