Bachmann Suspends Her Campaign With Nonsensical Concession Speech

After getting a measly 5% of the votes in the Iowa caucus, helmet-haired harpy Michele Bachmann has suspended her campaign. (Don’t let the door hit ya, Shelly!)

We tried finding an interesting quote to run from this speech to supporters in West Des Moines, but between laughing at her failure, groaning at her mere presence and scratching our heads at her incoherent babble, we couldn’t concentrate. Pilgrims? Clouds of witnesses? And now suddenly her entire campaign was about dismantling Obamacare? How do you run a massive political campaign that stands for nothing but being against what the other guy has done?

Well, we guess you don’t.

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  • Ian

    Marcus is soooo upset! He sooo wanted to redecorate the White House!

  • MikeE

    he’d start by painting it beige!

  • Kurtis

    Every word of this is exactly what was running through my head as she made that speech.

  • Dick

    By merely suspending her campaign she gets to continue to raise funds that she can
    keep and spend any way she likes, even if it’s not for her campaign.

  • Storm

    I would have preferred to see her stay in the race, and I hope Perry stays, too. They personify the Republican party’s “crazy-factor,” and the more independent voters see that craziness and radical right-wing insanity, the better for us.

    There is one big lesson to take from the Iowa caucuses. Romney won by -eight- votes. If you’ve ever doubted that your vote counted for anything, read that again. Eight votes. So do not sit home on Election Day. These crazies will do their damndest to undo every gain we’ve made in the past couple of years.



  • B

    Apparently Michelle Bachmann has a problem with the preamble of the U.S. Constitution, which states, “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

    What part of “promote the general Welfare” does she not understand?

  • Oscar Raymundo

    “The precious principles of freedom that make it the greatest force for good that has ever been seen on the planet.” EVER!

  • JKB

    These comments about Marcus are out of line. Give that queen some respect.

  • Chuck

    I wonder what she’ll do with herself now. And by ‘her’ of course I mean Ms. Marcus. Lovely pink tie BTW you bloated closet case off to ruin the lives of young gay people with nutty religious zealot parents.

  • macmantoo

    The icing on the cake would be a gay person runs against her in Mn and beats her.

  • tjr101

    But I thought god was on her side?

  • GreatGatsby2011

    @Dick: Nailed it in one.

  • Kylew

    Man, this speech was sickening, the way she was trying to spin things to make it look like she had been hand picked by god to wage a holy crusade on behalf of the american people. Even even if you were not already as cynical as hell, this speech would make you want to vomit. Well done to the people of Iowa, and let’s hope her pitiful exit sends a clear message to the others that bigotry and hatefulness are not not going to cut it in the elections.

  • Tom

    Well she claimed God told her to run but now acknowledges that the voice of Iowa was loud and clear. Clearer than God? Wow!

  • shannon


  • mizzymm

    We have’nt seen the last of her, now that she does’nt have to pretend she’s human(epic fail) she’ll become even more hateful.

  • stevoj

    @MikeE: oh my gawd. i love neutrals

  • Wow

    Awww… I was hoping Marcus will get caught giving an intern a blow job. But, what am i saying? Even the white house won’t have a closet big enough for him.

  • iDavid

    Wow, exellent speech as a great reminder of everything most Americans don’t stand for. She is one troubled mess.

  • GayGOP

    @B: The Preamble carries no weight, and, as for the General Welfare clause of the Constitution, the Supreme Court eviscerated that when John Marshall led the Court. That’s not the federal government’s job.

  • Red Meat

    Good news, this bitch is out.

    Bad news, Santorum is gaining momentum and will probably beat Romney in the Bible Belt.

  • Shannon1981

    Glad she’s gone. Now, what exactly what was she saying here? Sounds like something out of the mouth of someone in need of heavy medication.

  • JR

    Good riddance to bad rubbish !!

  • the other Greg

    Last night, Jon Stewart showed a clip from her speech where she mentioned that Marcus had enjoyed shopping in Iowa for sunglasses for their dog, Boomer. (No kidding! – it was really in the speech.) Marcus made an embarrassed look at this.

  • Chris

    See through the smoke!! This cleared things up for me –

  • Jeremy

    I TRULY HONESTLY don’t understand what the heck she was talking about. Man, she’s crazy but obviously so is her speech writer.

  • The Liberty Professor

    Not much here in your post other than a mocking tone, but I suppose that’s par for the course in politics. I think Bachman left us with a prophetic warning about the nearness of a socialist system and our last opportunities to avoid it.

Comments are closed.