Bachmann Suspends Her Campaign With Nonsensical Concession Speech

After getting a measly 5% of the votes in the Iowa caucus, helmet-haired harpy Michele Bachmann has suspended her campaign. (Don’t let the door hit ya, Shelly!)

We tried finding an interesting quote to run from this speech to supporters in West Des Moines, but between laughing at her failure, groaning at her mere presence and scratching our heads at her incoherent babble, we couldn’t concentrate. Pilgrims? Clouds of witnesses? And now suddenly her entire campaign was about dismantling Obamacare? How do you run a massive political campaign that stands for nothing but being against what the other guy has done?

Well, we guess you don’t.