BLOWING OFF STEAM

Straight Man Slips, Breaks Shoulder On “White Substance” In Gym He Calls Gay Hot Spot

sauna-4A reportedly  heterosexual NYC man claims Bally Total Fitness gyms nationwide are hotbeds of gay sex and is suing his branch after slipping on a “foreign white substance” and breaking his shoulder.

Before we go any further — just…thank you. Thank you Marc Moskowitz for making us glad we woke up this morning. Moskowitz, 66,  claimed that at the Bally’s on E. 55th St., gay “cruising and lewd behavior” is “commonplace [in] the steam room, sauna and locker rooms.”

The New York Daily News reports Moskowitz defined “cruising” as “the act of searching for homosexual partners in public places” and claimed “it is prevalent at Bally’s across the country.”

Moskowitz denies any prior knowledge of the seedy same-sex sauna shenanigans when he joined the gym, with his lawyer David Grover astutely adding, “Unless you’re involved in that lifestyle you would not know that.”

And thanks to that “lifestyle” and the accompanying “searching” in “public places” there were “bodily fluids and other evidence of sexual activity wherever it occurred throughout the gym,” says Moskowitz’s suit.

Instead of having the gym’s staff swab the decks, the managers simply leave “a hose and liquid soap” for people to do their own swabbing, Moskowitz claims. Gym manager Kyrell Buckhead said the saunas are cleaned regularly but that it’s “a wet and slippery kind of place.”*

Showcasing the kind of dedication to journalism it’s known for, the Daily News had a reporter “poke” his head into the sauna and found that, indeed, Buckhead was telling the truth:

The floor was slick and the two lights barely cut through all the steam.

Digging further, however, the paper realized that Moskowitz may be onto something after all. According to Craigslist the Cruising Gays City Hookup Guide review of that particular Bally’s, “There are 2 LIGHTS in the Steam Sauna. The rear light is out 1/2 the time. When it is OFF the party is ON.”

h/t: Joe My God

*That’s what she said.