C*CK SHOTS

Battle Of The Bulge, Round 2: Which Celebrity Has The Most Impressive Package?

battle-of-the-bulge-queerty-joe-jonas-romeo-miller-Novak-Djokovic-joe-manganielloQueerty’s quest to determine the best celebrity bulge continues this week with ten new celebrity hopefuls.

In May, Queerty readers voted overwhelmingly for Jon Hamm’s headline-grabbing schlong as the best celebrity bulge, with actor David Henrie’s poolside package coming in second, followed closely behind by Michael Fassbender’s sweatpants surprise.

Surprising upsets include David Beckham, Mario Lopez, and Trey Songz. We guess overexposure works against you in a competition like this…

Below, check out the ten new celebrity contenders, and as always, feel free to suggest men for Round 3 in the comments section below.

joe-jonas-bulge

Joe Jonas, singer

tyson-beckford-bulge

Tyson Beckford, model

joe-manganiello-bulge

Joe Manganiello, actor

chris-pine-bulge

Chris Pine, actor

Novak-Djokovic-bulge

Novak Djokovic, professional tennis player

Shemar-Moore-bulge

Shemar Moore, actor

taylor-lautner-bulge

Taylor Lautner, actor

Grant-Bowler-bulge

Grant Bowler, actor

henry-cavill-bulge

Henry Cavill, actor/model

romeo-miller-bulge

Romeo Miller, rapper

[polldaddy poll=”8091220″]

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46 Comments

  • Gil

    I knew Novak was hung…have yet to meet a tall, skinny white boy without a huge penis…but Novak must be at least 10…*sigh*

  • jiminsd

    That’s a tennis ball in Djokovic’s pocket.

  • Stefano

    I want a ‘larger breast’ contest !!! Please please please !

  • Billy Budd

    I love Djokovic.

  • carey579

    Couldn’t care less.

    I agree with Stefano – let’s have a contest of the biggest/best PECS or ASS!

    The parts of the celeb’s anatomy that we can actually see /have seen!

  • Giova13

    People. Novak is a tennis player. What do you think he keeps in his pocket? If you said two tennis balls, you be correct. Thats not all him.

  • Qjersey

    Schwing! for the tennis player

  • modelo giro

    Tennisballs in your pocket don´t really count and the real thing of the tennisplayer is not that impressive. I´m not voting this time. Didn´t feel a “wow!”

  • cflekken

    And gays wonder why straight guys feel so paranoid around us. If we want to win the “fight” and be accepted, this kind of sh*t needs to stop. As much as we say, “just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m checking you out”. Well, guess what, that’s a load of bull.

  • vive

    The editors need instruction in male anatomy. Imagine mistaking the contents of someone’s pocket for his package. I say revoke your gay card.

  • bambinoitaliano

    @cflekken: ohh ohh straight guys!! Don’t look!! They will shrink like a violet.

  • Dxley

    Meh

  • Desert Boy

    None compare to Jon Hamm. Looking at his enormous, low-hanging cum delivery system is as close to a religious experience as I’ll ever know.

  • Teeth

    When hot guys who are models or porn actors show off their goods it’s one thing. They chose to. But this is creepy and just the full stereotype that our worst enemies have of us. Seriously, scoping out a guys bulge as he walks down the street? Queerty is SO freakin sensitive about not offending people by using the magic T-word, but posts crap like this which is on the verge of predatory.

  • Tony4457

    I want to include in the “bulge” KEITH HARKIN, lead singer of Celtic Thunder. That man wears the tightest jeans and is always showing a basket to dream about!!! I don’t feel its fair adding on Obvious Fakes (aka Novak)….even in his speedo on the catwalk, he wasn’t swinging that much!!! Thanks :D

  • Jamie

    @cflekken @Teeth … C’mon guys, you make it sound like gay guys are the only ones who notice and admire attractive people in day-to-day situations. You think straight guys don’t notice a woman’s breasts if she’s wearing a tight shirt?

  • truckproductions

    that tennis player clearly just has something cylindrical in his pocket.. ur lust for the guy has made you stupid enough to believe he’d be walking around the court fully erect with such an obvious boner..

  • tjr101

    Novak has a tennis ball in his pocket. I voted for Shemar Moore.
    For the soap box moralist on here, it’s not just gay guys that watch packages straight women do as well they’re just not as open about it with anyone besides their friends. Straight men watch women’s breast and ass all the time.

  • Bee Gaga

    @Gil: Um sorry to disappoint, that’s a tennis ball in his pocket sweetie. Not his penis, obviously lol

  • Billy Budd

    I don’t care of it is a tennis ball. The tennis player is extremely sexy and I would certainly invite him to my bed if I ever met him.

  • Teeth

    @Jamie: There are plenty of straight guys who post pics of unsuspecting women’s revealing clothing. What do you think of those men? And we don’t even have THAT luxury because we are the (feared) minority. We are playing out the stereotype. Well, not we… Queerty. I’m not a sexual prude. My hard drive is about 50% hot porn. (though, tbh I am not a size queen.). And of COURSE, I notice that hot Mexican guy at my gym with the swinging nads in his dark blue basketball shorts…. I digress…. posting contests of unsuspecting men’s moose nuckles on a website makes us look predatory.

  • Dwayne420

    Novak Djokovic’s pic on the right is tennis balls…don’t LGBT’s watch tennis? He always puts 2-3 in his pocket…that pic is disqualified! LOL

  • lew1004

    For round 3, I suggest Tom Welling. There is one scene from Smallville, where he was running and his junk was all over the place!

  • Random

    Hmmm….this just proves that gays can be every bit as creepy as straight men.

  • tricky ricky

    SHEMAR MOORE. there is actual photographic proof of it. photo of him was snapped at a nude beach

  • Bjarne Henriksen

    I watch plenty of tennis – and can’t ever see anything impressive in Novak’s pants… I love him, but in this department, he’s not #1… or #2…
    My money’s on Taylor Lautner… just google more pics of him…

  • Rick

    I hate to tell y’all, but that’s a tennis ball in boyfriend’s pocket.

  • Black Swan

    There was no bulge in Chris Pine’s pictures, and Novak had shit in his pocket. I’d hate to say Shemar Moore, because he is so already passe, but for the record that’s exactly how you take a bulge pic. Shirtless, soaking wet, and with your cap crooked to the side. So that leaves me with the two Joe’s, and the Lautner guy. Who to choose? Joe Jonas it is! He’s a cute kid. Who knows. Maybe he’ll be filled with infectious gratitude, and somehow shower me with affection some day.

    And to all the queens who took this survey just to bitch, moan, and complain about gay/straight comparisons: It’s a survey meant in fun, and we would only be giving the oppressor a taste of his own medicine if what you say about the straight man is the truth. I never said straight men were predatory leches. You did you self-hating homosexuals. Now, get yourselves some therapy: sadly you missed that this was supposed to be the fun part of your day.

  • Black Swan

    Alright. I just checked the poll results. How in the Hell is this fucking Novak kid in the lead?

  • ric

    @cflekken: Hey. I agree 1’000%. This shot do’ s need to stop.

  • Ty

    @jiminsd: THANK YOU!!

  • Bully2

    @Gil: I too voted for Novak — and I never manage to vote in the majority, so that’s a first for me!

  • jerryo

    @Gil: that’s a tennis ball in his pocket. I’ve seen him in speedos and believe me there isn’t all that much there to get worked up about!!

  • Rob Moore

    @Gil: Except that impressive bulge in the photo on the right is 90% tennis ball in the pocket of the shorts he is wearing. The photo on the left is what he really packs.

  • greatdane813

    I would like to offer the following evidence to include Zachary Quinto into the next celebrity package contest! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vB4aYwaKdUg This is Zachary on the (amazing) Bonnie Hunt Show when Star Trek was in theaters. It’s no wonder he sat with his leg on the seat! The best crotch shot is almost the end of the video.

  • Liamiii

    Taylor because it is all natural not enhanced by undies or half erect like the tennis player.

  • Markajv

    Poor women. What they have to go through,,,,,This is sad….What are we trying to say here? Just another way to make the people that think all “Homosexuals” are sex obsessed. Bulges prove nothing. You know they make “Enhancing” underwear?

  • musclemutt

    @Teeth: The only thing creepier is posting pictures of high school wrestlers. Even then, there’s a difference between appreciative [no matter how age inappropriate] and leering [with comments too disgusting to say even to somebody you’d just screwed.]
    Men have dicks, women have breasts, and everybody has an ass. What’s the point of interrupting to let everybody know that you noticed? What does that prove?

  • Donald Dork

    The only one I’d suck off, if given the chance, is Taylor.
    But what do I know?

  • o.codone

    @Black Swan: Did you really just post “infectious” gratitude. You may want to re-think the choice of words next time.

    @tjr101: Shemar Moore? That pic is so old I think Shemar is now too old to even get it up. That’s from like 1985 or something.

    @modelo giro: I didn’t feel a “wow” with any of them, then I thought about who I would swallow and I knew right away.

    @Bjarne Henriksen: Brush up on tour internet etiquette, you can’t simply say “google it”, you have to provide the link. Jeeze man.

  • Guy068

    I can’t decide between Novak Djokovic or Taylor Lautner. Can I have both?

  • nmharleyrider

    No contest. Novak wins pants down

  • Karlis

    I don’t know about the tennis ball claim. If that’s a tennis ball in that picture, it’s one long and skinny tennis ball. Looks to me like Novak’s sporting a woodie in that picture. Wonder what he was looking at.

  • tusgold

    I WOULD A DATE WITH CHRIS PINE

  • tusgold

    I WOULD LOVE 24 HOUURS WITH TAYLOR

  • norodeocowboy

    @bambinoitaliano: Well, they might put a cap in yo’ ass.

Comments are closed.