moments of clarity

Before Saturday Night, We Only Thought Taylor Lautner Liked Boys

Does discussing Taylor Lautner’s sexuality equate discussing Taylor Lautner’s sex appeal? Or his sexual relations? Because, given the guy is 17, that’s kinda creepy. Or have we been treating America’s underage female stars the same way for years? We’d argue yes. We’d also argue neither is terribly appropriate for upstanding members of society. But because we have readers under the age of 18, who are morally and legally able to lust after Mr. Lautner, we are going to excuse ourselves. Especially because we just saw Mr. Lautner on Saturday Night Live, and OMG that was gay.

Particularly because, literally, it was gay. Exhibit A:

(Click to watch)

And in Exhibit B, we learn that cross-dressing does not make you a gay, but effortlessly manufacturing feminine character traits does. Especially when the actor doing so is, well, not that great an actor, so you know this isn’t talent.

(Click to watch)

And in Exhibit C, Taylor’s opening monologue, we see that he’s the worst heterosexual boyfriend, like, evs: