moments of clarity

Before Saturday Night, We Only Thought Taylor Lautner Liked Boys

Does discussing Taylor Lautner’s sexuality equate discussing Taylor Lautner’s sex appeal? Or his sexual relations? Because, given the guy is 17, that’s kinda creepy. Or have we been treating America’s underage female stars the same way for years? We’d argue yes. We’d also argue neither is terribly appropriate for upstanding members of society. But because we have readers under the age of 18, who are morally and legally able to lust after Mr. Lautner, we are going to excuse ourselves. Especially because we just saw Mr. Lautner on Saturday Night Live, and OMG that was gay.

Particularly because, literally, it was gay. Exhibit A:



(Click to watch)

And in Exhibit B, we learn that cross-dressing does not make you a gay, but effortlessly manufacturing feminine character traits does. Especially when the actor doing so is, well, not that great an actor, so you know this isn’t talent.



(Click to watch)

And in Exhibit C, Taylor’s opening monologue, we see that he’s the worst heterosexual boyfriend, like, evs:

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55 Comments

  • David Dust

    My Gaydar BROKE while watching Lautner on SNL, and therefore I’ve come to the following conclusions…

    Taylor Lautner is gayer than Provincetown in July. He’s gayer than Sunday Brunch on Rip Taylor’s patio. He’s even gayer than a Unicorn carrying clutch-purse full of rainbows … at the Tony Awards.

  • Chris

    My (straight) brother watched it for ten seconds and said, “Oh, he’s gay. Yeah, he’s gay.”

    Gay or not, legal or not, he’s insanely adorable.

  • FakeName

    Oh my lord, that “monologue” was painful to watch.

  • Republican

    I though the monologue was awesome. No, it wasn’t particularly funny, but the martial arts stuff was impressive.

  • Josh

    Not convincing as straight at all….

  • FakeName

    Repub, I will admit that I do admire the way he handled his staff…

  • Taylor Siluwé

    That monologue was probably one of the corniest routines ever. But why did it TOTALLY turn me on?

  • James

    He’s not just gay – he’s “parade” gay… lol

  • Lauther Lover

    I wasn’t sure until saw SNL….but he is gayer than Clay Aiken and Perez Hilton combined! His “romance” with Taylor Swift is just the latest in a long and storied history of Hollywood giving gay actors a “beard” for the public….but until America continues its’ progress of accepting gays, pretending to be str8 is good for his career.

  • terrwill

    My Gaydar was pinging like the torenau clock shop at
    midnite!!!!!!

  • Same Crap

    His monologue was lame and painful even with the martial arts, but he was actually pretty good in the skits; a little hammy at first. But he found his groove as the night went on.

  • dk

    Very gay… It was a horrible show too, but I don’t blame him for that, the skits were lame except for Kristin Wiig.

  • GeoffM

    He’s 17. Leave the kid alone.

  • ryan

    Gay gay gay gay gay. And hot. In the state in which I am living it is acceptable to say he is hot.

  • 7sn

    I’m barely 18, so I’m totally good, right?

    Oh god, please be gay, please be gay, please be gay…

    Taylor Swift is such a fag-hag, she’s already ‘dated’ Joe Jonas, too, and that one…well.

  • 7sn

    Also: Taylor as “Mikash”: total Bel Ami boi.

  • jason

    I think it was camp, not gay. Big difference. Camp is flamboyance, gay is two men in love.

    Let’s make sure we distinguish between camp and gay in order to prevent the trivialization of our sexuality.

  • naghanenu

    Isnt interesting how gays obsess with straight guys as if hoping they are gay?

    This kid is sooo straight…im a straight man btw

  • Ryan

    Maybe. It doesn’t really matter though. He could have gone into denial mode and lashed out at the rumors, acting just as immaturely as many people who are accused of being gay at his age (whether true or not), but he didn’t. So I don’t think we should be actively trying to push him in any direction. He’s 17 and still entitled to come to terms with it if he is gay or bisexual… and he may not be. I hope if he is gay that he’ll find the courage to come out, but I wouldn’t begrudge him at all if it took him a few years to do it.

  • Clark

    Naghanenu, he gay. And I’m not attracted to twinks, but I can tell. He’s gay as the day is long. It’s just not ok to say so, even in 2009.

  • Joe

    I have gotten flak for saying this to my friends, but I have thought he was gay for a while now. Although I wonder, would we be considering this so strongly if he didn’t have that body and wasn’t as cute as a button?

    Although until I saw him on SNL, I didn’t really have much evidence to point to…now I kinda do. During his monologue just his speaking style and the way he carried himself he seemed pretty gay. Who knows, maybe he’s just a little effeminate.

    If he is gay, I hope he doesn’t stay in the closet. I hope he can find the strength to come out ala Rupert Everett & Niel Patrick Harris. And not follow the path of John Travolta & Tom Cruise.

  • Jessica

    OMG, that skit where they were eating yogurt… at first I was offended like,”why they gotta make the punchline that he’s a gay guy? that’s not even funny” then I thought, “well at least he’s portraying the guy accurately without any lisps or ubercampiness, it looks natural” THEN it turns out that he’s not even gay in the skit. I knew right then…

    The only thing that could keep him from coming out in the near future is either mega superstardom or the church of scientology

  • Scott

    I think he’s a great actor in that his performance on SNL had everyone’s gaydar pinging. I’m guessing he’s straight and the powers that be ordered him to play the role of host the way he did in order to set the gay men a-twitter thereby getting him more free publicity, more noticed, and, therefore, more in demand.

  • G

    He could be a camp straight guy. They exist, contrary to popular belief.

    Regardless of whether or not he’s gay (I don’t think he is – but if he is, he’s never coming out… dream on), I think it’s great that he’s at least gay friendly. He doesn’t have problems doing drag/camping it up, and he seemed to have no problem with the gay question when asked it in Rolling Stone.

  • Vegas Tea Room

    He looks like Juliette Lewis in drag.

  • Landon Bryce

    I’m remembering why I quit watching SNL– since Lautner’s girlfriend or beard posted a great show several weeks ago, it’s been consistently awful, Andy Samburg’s digital shorts being the only successes.

    Lautner was not funny at all, but he was very pretty and seemed really, really gay.

  • jason

    Many gay men have a petty obsession with calling everything gay. There’s a bizarre form of ownership going on here, as if “gay” is a piece of territory.

    For instance, if a man engages in one act of same-sex behavior with another man, he’s suddenly gay. Yet if that same man engages in many acts of opposite-sex behaviior, he’s still gay.

    Petty, petty, petty. And we wonder why the gay community has lost all credibility….

  • FakeName

    Get over yourself Jason. So a bunch of homos who will never have a shot at taylor Lautner no matter what his orientation are having a little fun on a message board. This hurts the cause how exactly? Oh, right, it doesn’t.

  • romeo

    Oh, Jason, get over your clueless self. LOL

    BTW: he was a hoot in that blonde wig.

  • Taylor Siluwé

    @no. 28 Jason —

    You have a great point about the ownership/territory thing, as if we were canines we’d walk up to Taylor and pee on him.

    But so what? Ultimately I agree with FakeName & Romeo – you should probably get over it.

  • SG

    He was way gay. Not that it’s a bad thing. But the romance with Lautner is funny when you want this SNL and realize the poor guy has no idea what a flamer he is.

  • schlukitz

    This video has been removed due to yada, yada, yada.

    Damn!

    I was really looking forward to seeing Taylor shake not only his booley, but his, uh…vitamin water as well. ;P

  • sal(the original)

    ok i have to admit i did think that too buttttttttt i dont wanna jump to conclusions,i mean if he is straight its nice that he’s so secure in himself so i dont wanna make straight guys feel like they have to be some stereotype to be straight

  • sal(the original)

    we gays of all people should not hate on a guy who doesnt feel bound by some silly image of what we should and shouldnt be

  • Chuck

    Thank you for reminding me why I quit watching SNL about 25 years ago! This totally sucks.

  • CyD

    Still not gay for me.

  • Stef

    The bit about him winning an oscar was well placed. Skit was shitty, but that line got me to crack a smile.

    Dude is way hot. As a straight woman who is 23, I’m totally embarrassed and feel extremely creepy and cradle robberish. But dude is hot.

  • Bob

    “Gayer than a Unicorn carrying clutch-purse full of rainbows … at the Tony Awards.” Wins the thread. I don’t actually care one way or the other, but man, he seemed gay in every sketch. Like, he was the least gay when he was wearing a wig and doing the “Team Edward vs. Team Jacob” skit. And that was pretty gay.

  • AxelDC

    Gay??? Next you’ll be telling us he’s on steroids!

  • jason

    Many of you are dysfunctional. I’ve actually noticed this a lot on the gay scene. You have this need to claim even the slightest hint of camp as “gay”, the slightest bit of interest in men as “gay”, and even restaurants.

    This mindset comes from either one of two things: you’ve either spent too much time having your brains washed by gay commercial interests who use the word “gay” as a marketing ploy, or you’re drug-fucked.

  • AxelDC

    @Jason:

    We can’t think someone is gay based on our observations of his behavior, but you can diagnose us as clinically “dysfunctional” just based on a few anonymously written comments on a gay blog?

  • jason

    I’m diagnosing on the basis of my vast experience on the gay scene as well as the posts I see here and there.

    I sometimes can only weep at the deterioration of the gay community. It’s become an unthinking mass of collective idiocy. Gay men today are more interested in dancing to the latest over-processed dance tune than in activism.

  • Anyway

    His highly athletic schtick in the monologue is the reason he’s been assigned fame. Certainly not the acting. As such, we’ll see him seven to ten years from now coming out (iffffff he’s gay, of course) as an attempt at a second act, a la Lance Bass.

  • Chris

    Gay guys want to think the cute boys are gay for the same reason straight girls want to think the cute boys are single. Sure we’ll probably never meet him, but it’s nice to dream.

    As to why we think he’s gay? Come on. I’m glad Jessica mentioned the yogurt shop sketch (the only really funny sketch all night) where he was just supposed to be playing a shy teenager, and the character came across as blatantly gay. Like Jessica, I kept waiting for the “punch line” where he’d reveal he was queer… but it never came.

    Sure, it’s possible he’s straight and just has very gay mannerisms. Same for Zefron. On the other hand, if it lisps like a duck… ;-)

    I do feel a little bad for the kid. He is only 17, after all, and if he’s questioning or unaware or uncomfortable with his orientation, stuff like this could be really hurtful for him. On the other hand, based on his mannerisms and the interviews where the question has been raised, I’d wager he’s pretty comfortable with himself and just keeping quiet because – whether we like it or not – it’s a wise career move for a teen heartthrob.

  • vitamine

    Idk…I’m picking up potential “churchdar.” You know how sometimes you’ll meet a guy who seriously confuses your gaydar, then you find out they were raised religiously and it all makes sense? I say he’s either gay or uber Christian.

  • kelly

    No one ever questioned Michael J. Pollard’s sexual orientation…

  • Marcus

    I wouldn’t feel bad that people are questioning his orientation, Chris.

    Yes, he’s 17, but he seems more self-aware that we could ever know…if I didn’t know any better, I would say he reads what we write, and if he doesn’t I’m sure that Sean guy he’s been seen everywhere with is telling him.

  • Michael W.

    “I hope he can find the strength to come out ala Rupert Everett & Niel Patrick Harris. And not follow the path of John Travolta & Tom Cruise.”

    Yeah, why choose the path of those guys, who became two of the biggest movie stars in the history of cinema, when you can be Rupert Everett and Neil Patrick Harris instead? LMFAO.

  • LWJII

    I think that’s Joe’s way of calling them gay, but anyways. Lautner seems to be a good actor, and someone nice to look at on the big screen. Whether he’s gay or not don’t really care, it’s not like we will ever be with him, wishful thinking. If he is gay there’s a lot of pressure that a 17yr old actors have to deal with, that it doesn’t help for people try to pressure him to come out of the closet.

  • hannah

    okk. he may seem gay to other men out there or older ignorant women. im 18 and find him so adorable gay or not. i have a gay cousin. a gay friend. and my mother is gay. not one of them says that taylor lautner is gay. he just doesn’t put that off. he is an outgoing boy who i think could go either way. otherwise he is just someone who will do something funny and gay to get laughs. i think he does the whole gay act to fake and in character to truly be gay.

  • AxelDC

    So, the kid has a nice bod. His face is nothing to look at and he seems as bright as the Xmas bulbs I threw out.

  • whatever

    how rude of you to assume that hes gay from a skit. leave him a lone hes 17 plz If you guys really met him in real life, and I doubt you did. He is super super nice. and anyways I have met him hes not gay. You a mean ppl to think hes gay over a TV show.

  • whatever

    You ppl are probably just jel about him any way I had looked at all your comment and I don’t know if I was the only person who knew, but most where in fact B,O,Y,S

  • Tina

    TAYLOR IS EXTREMELY GAY. WHY DON’T THESE ACTORS JUST COME OUT ALREADY? GEORGE CLOONEY, ZAC EFRON, CHACE CRAWFORD, TAYLOR LAUTNER..HELLO, HELLO?

    THEY WOULD PROBABLY GET BETTER ROLES IF THEY JUST COME OUT!

    AND FOR ALL OF YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE IN DENIAL THAT TAYLOR ISN’T GAY…JUST LOOK AT HIS ROLLING STONE COVER? IF THAT’S NOT A CUPCAKE, I DO’NT KNOW WHAT IS.

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