no gays allowed

Belarus Launches Dateline-Style Investigation of Raging Homosexual Elton John

Belarus, the 18-year-old country carved out of the Soviet Republic, is an expert at shutting down the gays. So it makes sense the country’s Public Council for Morality plans to study the performances of Elton John to ensure that when he comes to Belarus’ capital Minsk on June 26 to perform, he isn’t going to fag it all up. Evidently, the council’s researchers do not have access to YouTube. (But they do have access to the web — more on that in a second.)

The council is requesting from the concert’s organizers previous performances of Elton’s, evidently unaware that most of them can be found online. We’d suggest his recent gig at the musical festival in Morocco, which also had concerns about Elton The Gay, and of course the numbers he sang at Rush Limbaugh’s wedding, because if ever there were a performance responsible for promoting a disgusting agenda, it was that one.

Keep in mind: The morality council already claimed victory over the band Rammstein, which was successfully prevented from promoting “immorality.” (Says one official: “If we had not interfered, there would have been sex on stage and the relief of physical needs right in front of the audience.” I want to go to that show!)

But that’s not the only queer thing Belarus officials are cracking down on. They’re also exiling all gay websites from the country’s TLD, or top-level domain, which ends in .BY. With an executive order signed by President Alexander Lukashenko, to crack down on .BY sites trafficking in “extremist information,” sites like might have to find new homes on the web. (They already have; it’s mirrored at

The irony, of course, is that Belarus’ .BY domain names are quite possibly the queerest on the web. Or is Gabon’s .GA even gayer?