A bisexual man in the U.K. just discovered that he slept with his new fiancée’s father and now he’s not sure what to do.
Here’s what the guy wrote to advice columnist Mariella Frostrup at the UK Guardian:
I have been in love for the last year and recently proposed. After 10 years of bisexuality (though I had more female partners than male) I was happy, excited and in love. She introduced me to her parents three months ago and her father and I recognized each other from a local cruising site.
But it gets worse. Or better, depending on how you look at it.
The man continues:
We have been intimate on about three or four occasions. He has made contact with me and asked me to tell my fiancée about my sexuality. I asked if his wife knew about his, and we have reached something of an impasse. He has since taken screenshots of old photos of me and I have also found some of him.
Now he wonders:
Shall I just walk away from the woman of my dreams?
The first thing Mariella asks in her response is: “Are you for real? If so, life truly is stranger than fiction. The odds on such a coincidence occurring must be staggeringly high.”
After getting over the shock of it all, the veteran advice columnist offers some pearls of wisdom to the groom-to-be:
Entering into a marriage without a degree of honesty about who you are dooms the relationship to disaster from the outset. This isn’t just some little drunken overnight diversion, but a decade-long bisexual predilection that no doubt still exists. Surely your fiancée deserves to know the details of your sexual tastes?
We agree. Honestly is the best policy.
If she can come to terms with your admission, then you’ve chosen the right person for you. If not, she probably isn’t your “dream woman” after all. Looking on the bright side, this current dilemma is actually a test of your compatibility.
Um. Sure. That’s one way of looking at it.
As for the father-in-law, that, Mariella says, may be a little more complicated.
He certainly doesn’t come out of this looking good, but…your first task isn’t to enlighten [your fiancée] about her father’s cruising days – that’s a dilemma you can leave him to face up to.
In other words: Don’t tell the woman you slept with her dad. Four times.
If you really do care for this woman, she deserves to know the man she is marrying and to be allowed to make her decision about her future based on full disclosure. That doesn’t mean you need to focus on the details (such as the dalliances with her father), but you should fill her in her as delicately as you can on your previous sexual history.
What do you think? Does this fella’s fiancée deserve to know her future husband bumped uglies with her pops? Vote in the poll below.