Talk about some serious family drama.
A bisexual man in the U.K. just discovered that he slept with his new fiancée’s father and now he’s not sure what to do.
Here’s what the guy wrote to advice columnist Mariella Frostrup at the UK Guardian:
I have been in love for the last year and recently proposed. After 10 years of bisexuality (though I had more female partners than male) I was happy, excited and in love. She introduced me to her parents three months ago and her father and I recognized each other from a local cruising site.
Awkward!
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But it gets worse. Or better, depending on how you look at it.
The man continues:
We have been intimate on about three or four occasions. He has made contact with me and asked me to tell my fiancée about my sexuality. I asked if his wife knew about his, and we have reached something of an impasse. He has since taken screenshots of old photos of me and I have also found some of him.
Now he wonders:
Shall I just walk away from the woman of my dreams?
The first thing Mariella asks in her response is: “Are you for real? If so, life truly is stranger than fiction. The odds on such a coincidence occurring must be staggeringly high.”
After getting over the shock of it all, the veteran advice columnist offers some pearls of wisdom to the groom-to-be:
Entering into a marriage without a degree of honesty about who you are dooms the relationship to disaster from the outset. This isn’t just some little drunken overnight diversion, but a decade-long bisexual predilection that no doubt still exists. Surely your fiancée deserves to know the details of your sexual tastes?
We agree. Honestly is the best policy.
Mariella continues:
If she can come to terms with your admission, then you’ve chosen the right person for you. If not, she probably isn’t your “dream woman” after all. Looking on the bright side, this current dilemma is actually a test of your compatibility.
Um. Sure. That’s one way of looking at it.
As for the father-in-law, that, Mariella says, may be a little more complicated.
He certainly doesn’t come out of this looking good, but…your first task isn’t to enlighten [your fiancée] about her father’s cruising days – that’s a dilemma you can leave him to face up to.
In other words: Don’t tell the woman you slept with her dad. Four times.
Mariella continues:
If you really do care for this woman, she deserves to know the man she is marrying and to be allowed to make her decision about her future based on full disclosure. That doesn’t mean you need to focus on the details (such as the dalliances with her father), but you should fill her in her as delicately as you can on your previous sexual history.
What do you think? Does this fella’s fiancée deserve to know her future husband bumped uglies with her pops? Vote in the poll below.
Xzamilio
I have my doubts about this story being true, but in any case, that’s not something your significant other needs to know. Nothing beneficial would come of it, and frankly, if it’s something in the past, it’s not of concern to the present, unless they’re thinking about hooking up again. She should definitely know if he is bisexual, as there is nothing wrong with being honest about your true sexual orientation, and not just having her think that women are the only “threat.”
Harold Vera
What a pickle!
Vincent Jv
PUSSY!!!!!!
Jere Williams
To be fair, this headline is a bit misleading. The guy met his fiancee’s parents and only then realized that he recognized her Dad from hookups in the past. He didn’t get engaged and then hook up with his future father-in-law. The columnist’s advice was pretty solid all the way around, although I’m torn about also telling her about his hookups with her Dad. On the one hand, this is a detail that is really none of her business, but, on the other, it seems to be just the kind of family secret that will come out in the future somehow.
James Crowe
Why be greedy? Pick a side.
Tackle
Just a side note. I noticed that here recently there has been a lot of gay stores coming out the UK, or things gay going on in the UK. ( 82- yr- old man grabs a truckers privates.) A Black group in the UK say gays cannot use a certain word. Many studies about LGBTQ people on this and that.
What’s up with this UK stuff…
Alexis Last Call Perez
So died the father walk his walk his daughter down the aisle and kisses her …..
AND HIM ? I’m confused
enlightenone
@Xzamilio: “…Nothing beneficial would come of it…”
Actually there is a “benefit” if you don’t rationalize his and HER FATHER’S behavior and identifies her expectant husbands lack of consideration and RESPECT for her, as well as his obvious lack of boundaries and impulse control at a minimum!
“…and not just having her think that women are the only “threat.”
… when in REALITY her FATHER, lack of boundaries and lack of impulse control… Being “bisexual” (or Gay?) is the least of her problems!
Rafael De Jesus
Bruce Carley hahahaha
Rob Laughlin
Hot
Leo M Kiernan
This will make for some “interesting” family gatherings in the future, not to mention “camping trips” with the father in law….
paris92
I am a bi-sexual married guy and came out to my wife years ago. she was not happy. if I was him, I would keep my mouth shut and break off the engagement. telling about her father would be awful and not very classy and once married and the sex becomes stale with her, he will be looking for men again in no time. in the short term, this will be painful, in the long term, he is doing her and himself a huge favor. Move on.
TheBigOne
Sounds a lot like the plot of ‘The Man Next Door’. It’s on Netflix 🙂
da90027
If this story is true I believe honesty at all costs. Better to get this out of the way now for down the road it could cause more trouble.
I am Gay (just like you), Black, HIV-Positive, and Back Bitches!!!
But neither the husband, nor the father were going to disclose such information anyway…
And I bet the father would even be thrilled if this obviously heterosexual fella ended up being the one to finally give him a grandchild…
This columnist’s advice was decidedly anti-male! Being a stupid woman the bride to be would only allow the information to ruin her image of her father, and how decidedly anti-gay is that? The wife doesn’t need to know, and why should either man ruin “a good thing”? Afterall, “Loose lips, sink ships! they always say.”
Sidney Davies
Okay, they hooked up BEFORE he met his daughter. People judge to much. I bet if it was the mother who hooked up with the guy before he met the daughter no one would be judging this hard.
Get over yourselves.
John
Hi I am 75 year old man married to a woman for 45 years and have been a closeted bi for most of them to her anyway, told her “I am attracted to other males” but did not go into the details. She is unaware that I had intercourse twice before we married nor the one episode of male/male oral. The fact of the male/female sex is a burden I wished I would have told her and now it would be more pain for her s I keep it hidden.
I would recommend you at least tell her that you are Bi and that you have had sex with guys u until XX date, I would NOT tell her one of our partners was her dad..
Who knows maybe she will enjoy you desires and maybe she even has the same desires. But the real thing is openness…
John
Danny Mills
I think I’ve seen that video
charlie_jackpot
@Tackle: As an Island Nation Homosexuality was only introduced in the last few years, we’re still getting to grips with it
FrankSF
I remember a story in the paper many years ago about a young Greek bride who was in the kitchen with her mother making dinner when they heard a scream coming from the back of the house. They rushed to see what was the matter and found the bride’s father in bed with her new husband. So, this story could most definitely be true.
Shawn Laudun
Definitely needs to tell his fiancee. Honesty is always the best policy!!! He might also want to tell her that he is bisexual too!
chuck
Maybe he and the father should run off together!
Timothy Herbert
I’ve seen that porn plot…
Greg Morris
The people in these stories are never as hot as the people in the pics associated with the story.. so meh.
Sammy Schlipshit
@TheBigOne:
The correct title is The MEN Next Door….and it has a very low rating according to my scale…but I have it in my cue anyway.
Wooly
Darling, keep mum and enjoy the best of both worlds. Why not let the males of the family have this littel secret outlet to enjoy?
Saint Law
@I am Gay (just like you), Black, HIV-Positive, and Back Bitches!!!: Wotevs.
But what brought you back to queerty, cracker? You get banned from your local petting zoo?
Just kidding. Of course you never went away, did you Jason. Or is it Jim? Or Micheal?
Arcamenel
Tell your wife you like guys but leave the stuff about dad out of it. The father-in-law to be probably has more to lose in this situation since he was most likely married when they did the dirty. How many men can say they have leverage over their father in law.
tampaed
We’ve all seen this Porn before. I doubt this is a True story. But if it is the best realistic advice I can think of is to beat the Old Hypocrite (Father)to the punch and tell the fiancée You’re Bi and leave it to her to decide what to do. When she says GET LOST you’ll see She’s Obviously NOT the girl of your dreams Nor is the Father the Man of them. I’m betting if you tell the truth they’ll both disown you. That’s just How Most people work. IF she says ok Get over the Shock and then think 400 times before you do this. Not only is this going to be Hell to deal with now and in the future and every time you have a Family gathering (Talk About UNCOMFORTABLE) It sounds like you like Man Meat too Much to settle down with a woman in a Monogamous relationship. Looks like Trouble brewing in paradise no matter which you choose.
Clark35
@Xzamilio: Yeah it’s probably not true. Even if it did happen he should tell her.
Avery Alvarez
Didn’t this happen on Friends once? Where Monica dated Richard, then dated his son.
And the response of the others was, “Do you really want to be in a relationship where you can say, “That’s not how your dad used to do it?””
LubbockGayMale
Weird, if true, but the guy definitely has to tell the betrothed he is bi leaning to exclusivity with her only… then she can make an informed decision about her options. NO NEED to bring daddy into the confession though.
Charles Blake Shannon Benn
where did this guy and her meet?
William Mc Gregor
The only thing he shouldn’t do is tell about her father, that is for her father to do. But what I don’t like is the he says “we have been” which suggest present not just past hook ups. If that is the case he definitely needs to tell her he hasn’t been faithful, so she can deiced for herself if she wants to marry a bisexual, knowing that sometime in the future his “needs” will come up and if she is secure enough to handle an open relationship.
Trevor McGee
I think the advice is solid. I would follow it exactly, & hope for the best. Who knows, she might say, “Yeah, my Mum & Dad have an understanding. He likes a little guy time every now & then. Just be safe, & tell me when it’s happening. Though, I’ll probably know.” And then for good measure, “Oh hey, just don’t get up to anything with Dad!” New letter….
Don Tate
Go with whichever one you like the best; sack-wise.
Desert Boy
Kinda’ hot. Not as hot as twins but still hot.
JohnMc888
Monty Python needs to be consulted on this one.
Jim Laughlin
NASTY
SteveDenver
Get a reality TV show contract FIRST and then let the producers guide the cat out of the bag.
Xzamilio
@enlightenone: The hell are you talking about? The article indicates that any hookups the guy and his fiance’s father had were PRIOR their relationship, so NO, she doesn’t need to know that… why the hell would she? What would that benefit? As far as her father is concerned, that’s an issue with him and his wife, not the future son-in-law and dad or whatever. He can tell her about the prior hookups if he wants to, but he’s not obligated to. And as for daddy’s “impulse control” problems… eh? I don’t care.
Xzamilio
Wait, what the fuck? Is this before or during the relationship, because the use of present and past tense is all over the place here.
dang
A.) I think its funny that people think this is such a rare scenario.
B.) If this man Truly is in love with this woman, then he most certainly should not tell her that he banged her dad, Maybe he should tell her that he is bisexual and has had relationships with men and women in the past but Loves and wants to commit to her.
Mark Stanley Bridges-Music
As long as he fully intends to be monogamous, I fail to see how it is relevant. Everyone has a past, and it shouldn’t be allowed to screw up their future. If he can’t be monogamous, he needs to fess up and get out if she can’t accept an open relationship. The whole blackmail thing is just screwed up. Both have too much to lose. Idle threats.
Brandon McKinsey
I disagree, unless he is actively pursuing other sex partners, I don’t believe he has to say anything. If he has been faithful to this one person like he says he has then the past is the past. Now if he down the road shows interest in the same sex then that is where honesty is important, and disclosing past events may be helpful. Certainly may open the bedroom up never know. Also testing? Really? Tests like wars can have unforeseen results, and consequences that are completely unnecessary. Plus when you test a person, or relationship that’s really self sabotage, and looking for trouble where trouble may have in fact never been. Nothing wrong with being in the now, and moving forward. Unless one’s actions are still current, and hurting others. Then we are responsible for what one has done. Not what was done before ever knowing somebody.
NoCagada
Married men fucking and sucking with men all over the place…
I had a co-worker once who was in a sex club one night sucking some older man’s dick…when his eyes adjusted to the light, they both realized…it was his very church involved, Catholic, Italian born father…
Jason Ketchem
Im gay and if it was my daughter; I would tell her to save her from being hurt later- My daughters happiness comes first!!
Damon Robbins
The story just doesn’t make sense , you mean to tell me he just met her father ? It sounds very strange that he did not meet her father during the dating process? Well if that was me I would just shut my mouth and end the relationship because one way or another the truth is going to come out and it’s going to be very ugly!
Kevin J Desmond
I would go with the one who’s better in bed … just aying
aidanbh
I had had a similar situation when I was bonking a husband and wife, though not together. It is inappropriate to out the father. He is entitled to his own privacy and to deal with the complexities and pressures of our gay or bisexual lifestyle in his own way. I have the right to be as public about my sexuality as I like, but I do not have the right to be as public about someone else’s… unless, of course, I detect an element of hypocrisy. (E.g. I have had sex with a conservative member of parliament [our National Party] who is married and in the closet. But I have never mentioned it, because at the time of our own Homosexual Law Reform Bill and subsequent legislation on human rights, civil unions and marriage equality, he consistently voted in favour of all such reform. Without the slightest hypocrisy, morally I am obliged to respect his choice to be private.)
Kevin C Staed
Uh don’t do family.
jkb
Once I was walking down the street with my best friend in San Francisco on a busy street. And I see a guy I tricked with walking towards us holding a girl’s hand; they were obviously dating. He looked at us with a deer in the head lights looked and walked by. I didn’t flinch as I didn’t feel it was my place to put him on the spot (what would be the point?)…Well, after we walked by, my friend starts to giggle and says “I did him!” to which I replied, “So did I!” Can you imagine what was going thru his mind? Not one, but TWO tricks walking by him and his girl…
Daniel Sullivan
they are all fucked up in my eyes…….really grow up weirdos,stop playing games with people…
Glücklich
@ DannyMills, TimothyHerbert, et al – yeah, seen it, too. Cliff Rhodes and Colby Keller.
Gregg Jabarisidiki
Disgusting
Eric Carr
lol
J.L.Vargas
First… This story is one of those made for porn kind of stories. Second, although it is a rather hot “older/younger man on man” stories that could be a porn, the fact is this is real life. And being such, there are real people’s feelings to consider. The daughter being the one to be most concerned about. Personally, I feel this guy should just walk away from this girl all together and not say a word to her why he is leaving. Telling her he slept with her dad could send her over the edge. For starters, him telling her could ruin her relationship with her father. Then lets bring up the issue of trust. How could she ever feel comfortable with the two men in her life that they are still not doing each other behind her back? Its one thing to be OK excepting being with someone who is bisexual, but always wondering if its being done with a member of your family is just too stressful to put anyone through. I think its in everyone’s best interest to just walk away and never look back. It really is for the best.
Billy Budd
It is obviously fiction.
Rob Ridings
this is a really bad episode of Maury in the making
jason smeds
Many many men are capable of swinging both ways. Many, many men. It makes women angry because it means male power.
Keep in mind that men have very animalistic sex drives. Their sex drives can take them to places they’ve never been, such as other men.
Ironically, gay men also find such men threatening because it de-politicizes male sexuality.
Mark Alan McRoberts
I see a kiss-all book or at least porno based on this.
Montaigu Moselle
From a fella bi… I’m cool with him being bi, but fiancée’s father? Soooo uncool.
Eric Zelno
That’s just wrong on so many levels
Faggot
For those who believe in “total” honesty, perhaps the father could tell his daughter that:
1. he is gay
2. her fiancé is also gay
3. he and her fiancé have hooked-up.
Tebn
Every bisexual man has right to live his straight dream, that episode is only a little mishap.
Mike Schmitz-Hahn
John Paul Eubanks
Kenneth Birditt
Oh dear…train wreck in the making!!
A'Jay Carter
nahh
Chris
His father-in-law to be is threatening to expose him. The only way to deprive that man of this power is to tell his bride-to-be what happened and to tell her that the father is not just bi but also a blackmailer. They may break up; but would he really want to be married to someone whose father could destroy the marriage?
Justin Keith Maddra-Schoenman
Woof
stranded
I’m a full out bisexual. Though i get shot down a lot, i’d prefer that 100x more than my in-the-closet days. Guys are upfront about their disinterest, women tend to treat it like a novelty until they catch me watching gay porn. I don’t wear my sexuality on my sleeve, but I like watching gay porn, watching gay-themed movies and tv-shows, and books. If you really care about somebody, be honest. This isn’t something you should hide, especially as it’s part of your personality/character. As far as fucking daddy, that’s an awkward one. I’m shocked and not shocked by
stranded
I’m a full out bisexual. Though i get shot down a lot, i’d prefer that 100x more than my in-the-closet days. Guys are upfront about their disinterest, women tend to treat it like a novelty until they catch me watching gay porn. I don’t wear my sexuality on my sleeve, but I like watching gay porn, watching gay-themed movies and tv-shows, and books. If you really care about somebody, be honest. This isn’t something you should hide, especially as it’s part of your personality/character. As far as fucking daddy, that’s an awkward one. I’m shocked and not shocked by the dad’s reaction. He sees himself in the guy. But the big difference is that when they hooked up, the guy was a single, while the father was cheating on his wife. In an effort to “protect” his daughter, he’s going to expose the guy by whatever nude pics he has of him. That’s really fucked up, and honestly it seems to be more self preservation than truly caring about his daughter. It’s a generation thing. The dad could be gay or he didn’t have the opportunity to explore his bisexuality before he got married. Probably out of social norms 20/30 years ago. So he became an asshole and cheater and now that’s going to be exposed. Sad
Marcus A. Moutra
I didn’t bother reading this it’s digusting either way. Why not tell his own daughter I slept with your boyfriend to prevent her walking down the aisle with her dad’s leftovers. #GagMe And I’m bi that is not cute chances are when, she find out marriage will end in divorce.
seaguy
@Timothy Herbert: It’s been a staple plot in porn for years.
mmichael_24
He should tell his fiancee everything because what if the dad ends up giving the mom some fatal sexual disease. I wonder if the people saying don’t tell let it be a secret will be saying when that happens
Bryan Conti
END IT> For her sake.
TemptyK
Why are so many gay men offended by the FACT that there are men who are attracted to men but choose to settle with women?
Nikki Hatch
Obviously, the guy can’t be trusted to be monogamous.
Carlos Manuel Perez
Do the decent thing: Break Off the Engagement!
dustashed
It’s a difficult situation and while people are quick to recommend a solution while dismissing another; i doubt they would have the same degree of conviction if they were in that situation.
All I can say is, do what you think is right for both you and your fiancee. at the end of the day, you will be dealing with the outcomes of your decisions, no one else.
rikard
there is a great closeted tradition. do what you want. you clearly understand the risks. the comments here give you another perspective on having it all. as a gay man i’d like to say go fuck yourself for having everything and still finding something to whine about.
Jaroslaw
@Marcus A. Moutra: Since you didn’t read the story I don’t know why you would want to comment – obviously your dumb a$$ didn’t read the story since the man wasn’t engaged (or didn’t know) at the time he had sex with his future father-in-law.
Jaroslaw
@Damon Robbins: I too am curious how he hasn’t met her father before now. Great point.
enlightenone
@John: “I would NOT tell her one of our partners was her dad…. But the real thing is openness…”
Make up your mind John, it’s been 40 years!
enlightenone
@Xzamilio: “The hell are you talking about?”
My perspective like you are providing and every other person who is posting their comments!
Why so emotional?
Rodrigo Lara
He should tell her that he is bi, but why does he need to tell her fiancee he slept with her father? Unless things are awkward between them father or her, then yes he should probably say something. He probably slept with the father before he got into the relationship with the girl.
Jaroslaw
The man should be open about his bisexuality but it is not his “job” to out his fiancee’s father. Let the father handle his own confession, which to me is not necessary. All are adults here, does the woman owe an explanation of all her previous encounters to the fiancee or her father? And vice versa.
jason smeds
Neither the father-in-law nor his son-in-law are gay-identifying. They are men who love to have sex with women but who also occasionally have had sex with men. In the son-in-law’s case, there is no issue because he hasn’t been unfaithful to his new wife – his experiences with his father-in-law occurred in the past, and that’s that.
Really, let’s not make a mountain out of a molehill here.
BazzaBoyz
Wow! He’s had sex with Daddy four [4] times. That is one HOT Daddy. As my old dear friend Muriel Moor used to say ‘best of both worlds’.
PS Does he say how many times he has had sex with the fiancée?
Dipest
The thing is can he be monogamous? Why should he get “so” involved? I think that if you can’t decide one or another you have to, at least, don’t ruin other’s lives. Engagement means family and, why not, children… will that be supported in the future? He needs at least to be true with her. May be she learns to use a dildo, jajaja!
I am Gay (just like you), Black, HIV-Positive, and Back Bitches!!!
@Saint Law: “Wotevs.”
Is that a real word fag? And if is you Nazi-fag then learn to spell. Apparently someone does care, because his fag-Nazi ass just responded using the name Saint Law fag! Oh, that’s you! Get the picture fag? Yes, or no fag? Yes, or no? Learn to spell you illiterate Nazi!
“But what brought you back to queerty, cracker? You get banned from your local petting zoo?”
Bitch, don’t start asking questions like you’re not passing at me you closet case Nazi fag! Asking questiona? Clear cut sign! Come out of the closet faggot! Seriously this time! You calling me a cracker hoping no one remembers how fond you are the word nig*er? Ha ha ha! Then you’re a fucking coward now too you closeted Nazi-fag! I wouldn’t need a petting zoo when I can see you here! You’re as good as viewing aliens from outer space bitch! Or resurrected from WWII! Get the picture Hitler?
“Just kidding.”
I wasn’t! I guess I won that time! Take a bath you ridiculous hippie! Nobody likes you! You only came back, because you hoped that my presence would give your ridiculous Nazi-ass credibility!
“Of course you never went away, did you Jason. Or is it Jim? Or Micheal?”
It’s all of them you paranoid Nazi, AND the World Court on War Crimes! Why don’t you put a bullet in your head twice Nazi? Be afraid! Be very afraid!
Rick Collier
To come to the realization that her father was one of his tricks is awkward but to continue the dalliance says a lot about his character and the fact that he shouldn’t even consider a relationship until he deals with his sexuality let alone the fact he may have sexual addictions! Hopefully, he is using protection before he passes an STD on to his fiancée!
Ron Parsons
I once met a handsome older guy for a quickie.
Months later, I met a college student,and after the 3rd time in bed, we were taking…turns out I had sex with his widowed Dad!
And, no, I never told either party about the other. That’s not my place to ‘out’ them!
James Wilbanks
The two men need to keep there mouths shut and take this to there graves !!
Allen Manual
Thats not right off with his head
Joshua
@Jere Williams: no you are wrong they only recognized each other from sites and after they met thru the fiancé they started hooking up. The title was spot on
Joshua
From the way the article is written the tense makes it sound like they had sexy after they got engaged. The we have had sex on three or four…could be past tense or current, it’s not clear when they did the deed. Am I the only one who read it as the father did him after the engagement?