In a new Reddit thread, a bi guy who is married to a woman asks his fellow bisexual brethren how they get cope with their homosexual urges.
“I’m a hetero-leaning bisexual man in an opposite-sex relationship,” the post begins. “Most of my sexual urges are currently for women, but I’m aware of some desires for men. They’re not strong enough for me to want an open relationship, and my main sexual priority is my love life with my wife. But my fantasies and porn consumption cover the full Kinsey scale. That’s about all I need to scratch my ‘homo itch.'”
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The man continues: “I know that most bi guys are in opposite-sex relationships. But I’m curious about those who are in same-sex relationships — how do they scratch their “hetero itch?” Watch straight porn (there are a surprising number of gay-identified men who do)? Arrange for the occasional threesome? Get a Fleshlight? Just ogle women?”
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Now, let’s dig into some of the responses.
For one guy, it’s all about porn consumption:
I’m a bi guy married to a man. There are definitely times when I want nothing more than to fuck a girl, but we are monogamous and that’s what works for us. But to help me ‘scratch the itch’ as you put it, I watch straight porn and solo girl porn. Also I have a fleshlight. … I admit it’s tough, and it can be a little frustrating sometimes, but I love my husband and we just don’t think poly would work for us. We have been together for 12 years now and I had girlfriends and boyfriends before him on and off.
For another, it’s about not indulging in fantasies:
If I tell my husband that I had a straight sex dream, or that I feel like having sex with a woman today, he’s like “challenge accepted!” Seriously though, fluidity has been a serious problem in all my relationships except this one, and I attribute this, in part, to my not looking at any straight porn. Sometimes I see a pretty lady or start looking at bi porn and think “Nope! Avert your eyes!”
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One guy uses dating apps:
Ugh, it’s not easy, compared to men hahahah. I’ve had great luck with the website fetlife.com. Lots of women, the site is specificity about sex and the kink community, so open relationships, bisexuality and such is “small potatoes” to these people. I also say it right out on my tinder “in an open relationship, looking for good meaningful hookups with people whom I connect with.” Be upfront, have it advertised, let them make their own choices, you’ll be surprised how many match with you.
And for another, it’s all about creating a open relationship that works for everyone:
I’m in a polyamorous relationship with strict boundaries. We all have to agree before someone decides to date someone else. They have to be known clean for STI’s and have known them long enough to be trustworthy. Our gf has a bf and a gf. My bf has a gf. And we are always upfront about how we feel.
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Kangol
You should negotiate whatever works for you and your consenting adult partner(s), and live your life accordingly.
Heywood Jablowme
I’d never heard of a “Fleshlight” so I had to look it up. Ew. I’ll stop clicking on these “bi” articles.
Armiya
I’ve always wondered with what is going on in our world, why Queerty seems to make the most reductive news, and uses Whispet and Reddit. Is shit so slow and the office that this is the dreck you have to make a column after?
Armiya
*Whisper
Captain Obvious
Sounds like typical closeted male behavior. This is why most men and women don’t want to be in a relationship with people who claim bisexuality because of crap like this… true or not.
Too many self-proclaimed bisexuals claim this exact scenario of the constantly wandering eye. Just stay single and screw to your hearts content. Why be in a “relationship” but keep looking everywhere else?
Just sounds selfish and immature. Just because you’re bi you don’t get a pass to be wishy washy and all over the place like a kid in a candy store.
dloehmann
Well, you chose the right name, Captain Obvious! I agree with you 100% on this one. Seriously, if you are in a relationship and have urges, tell your partner so you can talk about it openly. Ya never know, your BF maybe the most realistic looking drag queen in the world but never ‘dressed up’ for you ’cause he thought you’d freak! Other than that, getting ‘urges’ is normal and will usually pass. After all, marking it on the side takes a lot of energy and believe me that energy dies off with age.
Brian
@Captain Obvious:
There’s nothing wrong with rampant desire…so long as it remains rampant desire. This applies to all people in monogamous relationships.
I don’t subscribe to the idea that being in a monogamous relationship precludes one from having rampant desires.
broadshoulder
Why is Qweerty pushing this bisexual thing – it ends in disaster
Realitycheck
Bisexual say they are the most discriminated and they are perfectly capable of being faithful, well this article proves otherwise LOL
May be the real solution would be for bi to date and marry bi… that way they wouldn’t need to hide anything.
I still remember when a woman was asked if she would date a bi man, she said no, and when asked why, she simply and
logically said, I would not want to date a man that loves penis, and that is the way I feel I have no interest in a man that love
munching on muffins.
dloehmann
LOL Got muffin? Oh hell to the No! 😉
Kenney G
Amen! let them date women and other bisexual and trans men
ErikO
In these comments gay men show how they can be just as bigoted and hypocritical as people who are homophobic.
Of course there are TONS of gay men who are married or partnered to other gay men who cheat or want to but they don’t mention this.
RamblingManNJ
Yes I know. I hate it as a gay man when I hear other gays say, “bisexuality doesn’t exist”. How would you know that if you are not bisexual? It is the same type of arrogant behavior exhibited by some straights when they say homosexuals chose homosexuality because they themselves never had homosexual feelings.
dloehmann
LOL I for one can tell you that bisexuality most definitely does exist because that’s the only type of dude I seem to attract for some reason!!! It’s a bummer, I can tell you. I wanted to be with another dude who was just a regular guy, but they all loved grabbing p***y to quote a certain person. That was OK w/me, but it was always so painful to be told ‘I really love you, but I will only do a relationship with a woman, like a ‘normal’ man.’ Those dudes got the heave-ho from me right away.
Y3s H0m0
So this totally contradicts what most pro-bisexual groups say about bi people: that they’re at no increased risk of infidelity and can be as happy with one partner as a gay or straight person. Based on this article, it sounds like they have to actively suppress or “deal with” 50% of their sexual attractions to be in a monogamous relationship…like their partner will never be enough because they lack both sets of sexual organs.
You can’t have it both ways (pun intended). Which is it?
Kenney G
First of all no gay man want to have sex with a woman, that man that want a threesome is Bisexual not gay. all bisexuals like threesomes because they are all greedy. let them date each other they are all bad news
Kenney G
I don’t know why Bisexuals just don’t settle down with the opposite sex.
They don’t have any desires to be with the same gender. That’s Bullshit.
I pity any lesbian and gay men that end up dating someone who’s bi. A lesbian should know a queer woman is not a lesbian, She will always miss and want to be with a man. And the same goes for the gay guy who try to date a bi guy, It’s only a matter of time before he want to eat the pie. So have some self respect and date your own kind, there are plenty of gay men out there for you to date. Gay is gay and Bi is queer and or straight, You can be friends with bisexuals but don’t try to date one. If it’s just sex hey go for it but if you want a relationship date a gay man. A Gay man won’t be looking for a chick to screw. Let the bisexuals date each other, They like 3somes and orgies. Two bi guys can share a bi chick , and 2 bi chicks can share a straight man, they like that.