Self-proclaimed “Bible-banging homophobe” Timothy Kurek (pictured) was raised by conservative parents in a strict Christian household in Tennessee, where he was taught that homosexuality was a sin and gay people were not “normal.”
In 2009, a friend of his came out as a lesbian. Kurek witnessed firsthand the pain she experienced after her family disowned her and, as a result, began to question his own faith. He wondered if perhaps he should try “walking in the shoes of the other” in order to gain what he refers to as “intentional empathy.” So he decided to try a little experiment: He pretended to be gay for a year.
Related: 10 Bible-Based Reasons Why Christians Should Love Homosexuality
Kurek recently gave a TEDx talk at the University of the Aegean in Greece about the eye-opening experience.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
After “coming out,” Kurek says what shocked him most was not the judgment he received from friends and family, but rather their flat out rejection of him, which left him feeling isolated and alone.
“Overnight I ceased to exist,” Kurek said during the speech. “The vast majority of my community closed their doors on me that day, and it felt as though I had died.”
He spent the next 365 days immersing himself in his local gay community–going to gay bars, joining a gay and lesbian softball team, volunteering at Pride, and even working as a barista in the coffee shop of a gay bookstore. Over time, he began to understand how labels can have a “ruthless effectiveness in separating us from the other.”
Related: Five Bible-Based Responses To Common Arguments Against Marriage Freedom
But the moment that really changed his perspective was when he found himself at a karaoke event outside an LGBT community center and a drag queen busted out a “praise song” he knew from church.
“Never in a million years did I think, as a straight Christian under cover in the gay community of Nashville, that I would hear that song, because I was taught to believe that gay people were Godless,” Kurek said. “Yet there I stood, the ‘normal’ of my past life confronting the same ‘normal’ in a completely different community.”
That praise song was followed by another, and then another. Soon Kurek witnessed, “one of the most intense worship sessions that I had ever heard.”
He became overwhelmed with a “deep and profound sense of shame,” as he realized that all his life he had believed a “vicious and ignorant stereotype that separated me from my neighbor.”
“My ‘normal’ and other people’s ‘normal’,” Kurek observed, “are not all that different.”
Watch Kurek’s powerful speech below…
h/t: Gay Star News
Louis Goodrich
I admire the sentiment, but what you experienced isn’t what a “real” gay person experiences. We don’t have the “Ta-Da” moment when you say just kidding. We’re not play acting.
Glad you’re not homophobic any longer.
Sidney Davies
You can’t “go gay.” You’re either gay or you’re not.
Octavio Roca
“goes gay”?
Jon Wood
Not been following Queerty for long but I’m already concerned by the number of articles that play into the hands of naysayers suggesting being gay is a choice.
GTT
Sounds like a very interesting experience. Good for him.
We are all the same basically.
Brent Malone
He was gay
Masc Pride
So you’re not a bigoted douche anymore, great!/so what! Seems like Kurek is just desperately fishing for commendation.
Or maybe this was more than just an experiment. A year is a long time to “pretend”…
Avery Alvarez
Yeah, it’s great that he had a change of heart, evolved, the whole nine yards…
but something about this seems off.
Oh well, I guess if he’s encouraging others to look into themselves and have a change of heart, it’s not harm.
Ladbrook
Gotta give him bonus points for just coming up with the idea. It must have been extremely painful when he learned that the unconditional love he’d had from his family and friends was (literally) paper thin.
When I was in college, I dated a student who was Jewish. After a few months he attached a Star of David pin to my backpack. A couple of days later a student walking behind me on the quad muttered “fucking Jew” as he pushed past me. This was in 1982, and the guy lived in my dorm. For a very brief second, I felt incredibly vulnerable. Hate is real. It’s just scary when you realize where it’s actually hiding… everywhere.
Atrius
I understand why his religious sensibilities helped him make a connection to the gay community, bit as a gay atheist I find it disappointing that people have to find some personal reason to treat people with the respect that should be afforded to everyone.
Clark35
What do they mean he “goes gay”? Pretending to be gay, and actually being gay/LGBT are two completely different things.
MikeSauce
Sensationalist title, but why are people trashing this guy? At least there’s one formerly homophobic straight guy who now understands first hand what it’s like to be gay. I say, good for him. It’s a very valuable thing to have straight people on our side who support us.
Marcus A. Moutra
Who is running Queerty? With all these “go gay” or “straight men decides to try gay sex” BS the person needs to get fired, because sexuality isn’t a choice. You sleep with the same-sex willingly you are gay, lesbian, or bisexual point blank.
Rick Doell
I like to think its freedom of choice for some , others are just wired that way
NoCagada
He’s no longer gay…just his butt, his dick, and his mouth…other than that…
Randy L. Wiley
Some people are really missing the point!
John P Farinhas
at least he isnt a homophobe but glad this one isnt gay!
Giancarlo85
Sexuality isn’t a light switch or a choice.
However I can respect this guy for trying to learn more. I don’t think he was ever gay to begin with. Maybe he did immerse himself in the community, but that was to learn more about people.
Sensationalist clickbait article… as expected. At least this one isn’t about that idiot Davey Wavey.
Ron King
Go away…
Kevin Wotipka
I think a lot of people are missing the point of this story; he didn’t just go the extra mile to gain a greater understanding——he went all the way. Many of us lose our families when we come out through no choice or fault of our own, but he took that risk because he wanted to understand US better, and he did it because of what he believed. How many of US would be willing to do the same. I think if I ever meet this guy, I’ll go the extra mile just to thank him.
Kevin Wotipka
@Kevin Wotipka: And BTW, THANK YOU, Timothy Kurek. Thank you truly, deeply, from the bottom of my big gay heart. Don’t be surprised if you get an email from me saying basically the same thing.
Giancarlo85
@Kevin Wotipka: I do understand that point of view. He did try to understand more and walk a mile in our shoes.
Kevin Wotipka
@Randy L. Wiley: Understatement
Stephen Scott
I’ve read the book and as a gay atheist (although reared in a very conservative christian household), I found it to actually challenge me to be a better person. It was alarmingly easy to identify some of my “liberal” behaviors and intolerance with those of conservatives when he points them out directly through his fears and experiences.
His brother actually disowned him during the process when he found out the whole thing was a lie and experiment. Sounds familiar? How many of us have been accused of living a lie when coming out and being shunned by them for having not lived in truth. Ironically, when the truth is told they abandon us, supposedly not for being gay but for lying.
I thought it was an interesting read.
Kevin Wotipka
@Giancarlo85: Agreed. More than just a mile.
Mario Andres Lc
I enjoyed this story- but maybe a different title would’ve done it more justice, stepping into someone else’s shoes takes great strength and humility.
jwtraveler
Interesting experiment. As usual with Queerty, the headline is misleading. Apparently most of you don’t bother to read the story. He didn’t “become gay”. He pretended to be gay to experience the social reality of being gay in the U.S. and in his community. I was about to commend him until the point where he decided that it’s OK to be gay if you’re a Christian. As a Jewish atheist, I’d invite him to walk in my shoes for a year to get the full experience and erase the rest of his bigotry.
heatstroke1981
Can you not immerse yourself into the gay culture without having to be deceitful about your sexuality to your family and the “new friends” you are making? Pat on the back for you, dude, but at the end of the day you’re just like a rich person that lives like a homeless person for a week. When you can pull the plug at any time and go back to what is normal for you, you neverreally know what it is to walk in another’s shoes. Great plug for your book. Take care
Kevin Wotipka
@jwtraveler: “As a Jewish atheist, I’d invite him to walk in my shoes for a year to get the full experience and erase the rest of his bigotry.”
How would you suggest he do that?
Tommy Gaige
I’m actually more interested in how the gay community embraced him as a bearcub, that’s really a more interesting story, did he find himself automatically accepted as part of the LGBT community?
Kevin Wotipka
@heatstroke1981: OK, since you seem to think it’s easy, let me propose an experiment for you, specifically. Try living as a straight Christian for a year and write a book about it.
Kevin Wotipka
@heatstroke1981: But if living as a straight Christian for a year doesn’t do it for you, you can always try living as a Muslim, or a transgendered person, or a person with a disability.
Chris
I walked many miles in our shoes; and he changed his views. Given how he had been raised to judge and to hate, I give him props.
tdh1980
This man engaged in a social experiment that changed his views on the LGBT community and made him an ally, so I fail to comprehend why so many of you are complaining. Isn’t this what we want? His method wasn’t the most conventional, but that doesn’t make it any less valid, especially if it led to enlightenment.
Kevin Wotipka
@tdh1980: “This man engaged in a social experiment that changed his views on the LGBT community and made him an ally, so I fail to comprehend why so many of you are complaining. Isn’t this what we want? His method wasn’t the most conventional, but that doesn’t make it any less valid, especially if it led to enlightenment.”
I really don’t get the fact that some are choosing the fact that he was a bit DECEPTIVE to focus on when human beings are deceptive by nature—after all, we practice deception to survive at times, just to get by from day to day. He did it for something better for once and people seem to have a problem with that, so I’m wearing a bit of an incredulous face right now.
Avery Alvarez
Most people agree with this.
Some don’t.
Can some stop over analyzing it to death, or even worse, plunge into pseudo-biology to explain human nature.
It’s a nice story. There’s no need to over defend it.
enlightenone
@Kevin Wotipka: “…he did it because of what he believed. How many of US would be willing to do the same.”
It’s called, the “closet!” And for most it’s more than a year. Hell, for some it’s a lifetime. So gullible!
Obesity is a SIN!
Andrew Yang
I applaud this guy. Unlike others suggested, I do not think he was suggesting that someone can turn gay, I think he was trying to understand what his friend went through when she was rejected for being lesbian. I think what he did was great, and if we could stand in someone else’s “shoe” for a while, be it Black, White, Jew, male, transgender, female whatever, we might appreciate each other and our struggles more, and be less judgmental.
Louis
While im glad he became a more compassionate and tolerant person he shouldn’t have to do this in order to become one.
He should have already had empathy and compassion for his fellow man and fellow woman religious or not.
Compassion and empathy are not difficult concepts to grasp.
What I did not like about this was the fact that after seeing some gay americans praying it seemed to have changed his perspective on gay americans.
What would have been better is if he had ignored what he was taught as a child and allowed himself to have his own mind and think the way he wished to think not the way his parents and elders did.
So as I said kudos to him seeing the light in regards to the fact that we just as human as he is and as everyone else in this world is and we deserve dignity compassion respect kindness and love as anyone else does as well.
However as I said it shouldn’t have taken all of this for him to see this it has nothing to do with a persons religious beliefs or their ability to pray to a God it has everything to do about showing ones humanity and compassion towards others.
Im glad he learned this but he should have shown that to begin with plain and simple.
john.k
@Giancarlo85: Neither he nor the article suggested he was actually gay. It says “He pretended to be gay for a year”.
Kevin Wotipka
@enlightenone: enlightenone enlightenone
@Kevin Wotipka: “…he did it because of what he believed. How many of US would be willing to do the same.”
“It’s called, the “closet!” And for most it’s more than a year. Hell, for some it’s a lifetime. So gullible!”
“enlightenone”, I hate to think you’re SO used to hating on Christians that you won’t even accept an olive branch, a good gesture, a token of appreciation, a cup of coffee or the time of day, or even the sacrifice Kurek made to understand US better. I really hate to think you’re SO bitter.
Try a little sugar in your coffee.
Kevin Wotipka
@enlightenone: And maybe I’m wrong to assume all that, but it’s how you’re coming across right now.
Kevin Wotipka
@Mario Andres Lc: “stepping into someone else’s shoes takes great strength and humility.”
YES! This, right here!
Kevin Wotipka
@Andrew Yang: “I do not think he was suggesting that someone can turn gay”
No, of course not; it was the misleading headline that said that. I think people who took it that way never watched the video, otherwise, WHY would they think he was saying that? The headline, of course.