Disoriented

Bisexual guy wonders if he’s gay or just experiencing a ‘bi-cycle’

We all know by now that bisexuality is a legit orientation and not just a gateway to being gay, but it’s also true that sexuality isn’t necessarily static and that some people slide around on the Kinsey scale. So after one bisexual Reddit user realized he hadn’t been crushing on women lately, he started wondering if he’s experiencing a “bi-cycle” or if he needs to rethink his identity.

Related: Why does bisexuality still make us so uncomfortable?

“So basically I’ve been using the label bisexual for just under a year now,” he wrote on the r/bisexual subreddit. “However, I feel like I have no attraction for females at all recently, sexually or romantically. How can I tell if this is just a bi-cycle or if I’m just gay?”

Commenters on the thread could relate to his quandary. “Could go either way,” one wrote. “3 years ago I came out to my friends and family as bi. 2 years ago I was in the same position as you are now, so I [came] out as gay (coming out 2; electric boogaloo). This year … I’ve been telling people I’m pan if they ask (unless they seem like they might freak out because I say pan and not bi). Really though, more than being attracted to any particular gender, I’m just interested in sleeping.”

Related: Tommy Martinez sets the record straight about bisexuality

Another commenter pointed out that sexuality is often fluid: “To me, sexual attraction isn’t enough to determine my label. I label myself based on who I would want to actually be with in the long term.”

“I’ve been going through the same kind of thing lately, but I feel like it ebbs and flows,” a third wrote. “Either way, you’ll be fine”

On a different thread, a bisexual woman said that she hasn’t experienced any “particular rhyme or reason” behind those same ebbs and flows. “The nice thing about being bi is you don’t have to overanalyze your fantasies with a ‘WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!’ all the time,” she added. “It means [you’re] fantasizing about doing something with someone you find attractive.”