POOF

Bizarre Leaked Documents Detail US Military’s Plan To Turn Enemies Into Gay Sluts

military-butt-grab

It’s no secret — well, no longer a secret — that a United States Air Force research laboratory once proposed developing a chemical “weapon” that when dropped on enemy camps, would act as a potent aphrodisiac and turn everyone gay.

Funny, we always just assumed that’s what they put in the fog machines at circuit parties.

But for readers who aren’t familiar with the government’s so-called “gay bomb,” it might surprise you to learn that what sounds like a diabolical 1950s plan ripped from the cutting room floor of Dr. Stragelove, was actually conceived of in 1994.

The same year Ace Of Base saw “The Sign” and the Cranberries asked if we had to let it “Linger,” some government-paid shill sat in a basement in Ohio trying to actualize a gay bomb. 1994 is also the year the Clinton administration enacted Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

And even if you do remember the story, which broke in 2007 through a Freedom of Information Request by the Sunshine Project, and went on to earn the lab the Ig Nobel Prize (the Razzie awards of the scientific community) the same year, chances are you haven’t actually seen the documents in question.

The entire thing reads like a high school science fair project gone very wrong, starting with the title — “Harassing, Annoying, and ‘Bad Guy’ Identifying Chemicals”:

gay-bomb-leaked-doc-title

It goes on to suggest such brilliant ideas as dropping chemicals that would attract aggressive rodents to enemy camps, and chemicals that would give enemies an “annoying” smell.

And then at the top of page two — “Category #3: Chemicals that effect [sic] human behavior so that discipline and morale in enemy units is adversely effected [sic]. One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior. Another example would be a chemical that made personnel very sensitive to sunlight.”

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You can find the full three-page document here, which goes on to request such technological gems as a chemical that would “attract bees and cause them to sting.”

It concludes that “Some chemicals should only be used on enemy forces, while others could be used on mixtures of enemy personnel and civilians.” How very comforting.

The whole thing would be a lot funnier if it wasn’t so real, though that didn’t stop Tina Fey from taking up the subject in an episode of 30 Rock about a year later:

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12 Comments

  • Billy Budd

    The military mind is diseased by definition. Their job is to KILL. I don’t understand how in this day and age there is still need for this.

  • crowebobby

    “Chemicals that effect [sic] human behavior” the reason we ended up with the moronic use of the word “impact” for “affect,” though I suspect many of you have never even heard the word affect. (Not insulting your intelligence, just lamenting this cultural change.)

  • redcarpet30

    “Lets do this.”

    God that show really had its moments!

  • chris_clb614

    This gay bomb “thing” was successfully executed in the Raging Stallion movie Grunts, at least two scenes worth, I think.

  • youarekiddingme

    @Billy Budd: The military mind is diseased? Their actual “job” is to obtain an “objective.” The means are often lethal, but have you ever studied the efforts of the Green Beret units for example? How about the humanitarian roles the military has been fulfilling throughout the world is recent history…Here’s just a short example of the Humanitarian Roles played by the KILLER, DISEASED MINDS of the MILITARY! http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/cuny/laptop/humanrelief.html

    I’m sorry you don’t “understand” the need for a military in this day and age. Perhaps a bit of a look around you would give you a bit of perspective. This country certainly has resources that others may want to acquire if left to their own devices. I’m not quite ready to leave the front door open and just allow anyone to come in and do/take what they like (as in an unprotected home). I’m not an alarmist by any means…just a realist.

  • Daniel-Reader

    The follow-up question would be: what other things have been attempted and/or unleashed?

  • EvonCook

    Does anyone know if this spray or chemical was developed and how I could get some? I know a lot of situations, groups and places I’d really like to spread it around generously. Instead of waking up with a hangover, I’d like them to wake up with spent, drained and sore members and very fond subliminal memories, and I ‘d certainly like to be right there to help them along!

  • barkomatic

    The gay bomb would be a plot for a pretty hot porno. Lol

  • youarekiddingme

    @Billy Budd: Another little “Tidbit” for you Billybud…before you throw stones in our backyard…look in your own (Brazil).

    Brazil has the largest military in Latin America.

    Brazil has the 2nd Largest Navy in the America’s (2nd only to the US) and Brazil does nowhere near the humanitarian work that the US does.

    Brazil still has mandatory conscription of males when they reach the age of 18. EXCEPT…Upper and Upper Middle Class who can find “deferments” for service.

    Brazil’s military (even though mandatory) is comprised mainly of lower and lower-middle class recruits.

    Source of my information: http://thebrazilbusiness.com/article/brazilian-armed-forces

    So you should probably clean up your little piece of heaven (Brazil) before you throw stones at the US huh?

  • Dave Downunder

    @EvonCook: Way to sound creepy and stalkerish. No wonder straight guys think we are all out to seduce and convert them.

  • Captain Obvious

    Way too many Americans are utterly stupid. Every time it’s proven that our government spends billions in the development of mind control weapons we ignore it or consider it conspiracy. It’s right in front of our faces and somehow still going over our heads? Ignore the gay part, that’s a mind control weapon. They literally talked about using one. You think that’s all they wanted to do and who do you think they test these things on to make sure they work?

    Everyone called Snowden a liar.

  • Guy068

    @EvonCook: You’re talking like a fetish story for a gay hypno website and a goo done too!

Comments are closed.