What if L. Frank Baum’s classic The Wonderful Wizard of Oz had begun after Dorothy’s return from the Emerald City? What if she’d spent years away from Aunt Em and Uncle Henry in Kansas only to return to a Midwestern life she barely recognized?
Next week, I will be doing something that excites me and terrifies me as much as the Wicked Witch of the West did in the 1939 film version of Oz, something I haven’t done in nine years. I’ll be stepping foot on U.S. soil for the first time since March of 2010, revisiting and rediscovering what it’s like to be black and gay in America.
I will be returning to an America post-Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner, Sandra Bland, Moonlight, Get Out, Black Panther, Empire, and Jussie Smollett, where to be black still can be beautiful and dangerous — but to an exponentially greater degree of both.
The last time I left the U.S., Kevin Hart was free to be openly homophobic, onstage and on social media. Billy Cosby was black America’s beloved father figure. Donald Trump and Omarosa were just teaming up for a dating game show called The Ultimate Merger. “Bill Cosby, Inmate NN7687” and “President Donald Trump” were unfathomable.”
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And how will Trump’s America welcome me back? Will Trump’s America welcome me back at all? I’ve written a lot of negative things about him since he became President. It wouldn’t surprise me if I’ve ended up on a “Do not admit” list.
I wonder if my border control holding cell would have WiFi, so that I at least could experience Grindr for the first time ever in the United States. That’s one of the things I’m most curious about. Will I blend in on the grid (as I did in Cape Town, Berlin, Paris, and London, cities with significant black populations) and still be objectified by guys who have never gone black (as I have been in Cape Town, Paris, and London)?
Is there a gay man left in America for whom that would be a default result of a dearth of black men, as it was in South America, Australia, Asia, and eastern Europe, and not a deliberate choice?
Over the last year and a half, I’ve Grindr’d in 21 European countries (last stop: London, a Grindr nightmare). I’ve encountered subtle racism and overt racism. I’ve been called the N-word by guys who had been courting me only a few sentences earlier. I’ve read “No Asians,” “No fats,” “No fems,” and “No oldies.” The one thing I’ve yet to read is “No blacks.”
My gay black friends in the U.S. have warned me to brace myself. “No blacks” has been an American mantra forever, and apparently, the boys on Grindr back home don’t mince words.
How will I feel the first time I read “No blacks”? It might be in the profile of someone I wouldn’t have been interested in anyway, but that doesn’t mean it won’t sting.
I’ll be returning to an America where phrases like “gender fluid,” “non-binary,” and “looking for?” have become essential to the LGBTQ lexicon. It will be a brand new world where gays can fall in love and legally marry. But it will continue to be a place where being black and gay can be two strikes against someone. We didn’t need Jussie Smollett to show us the darkness and the light.
No, I haven’t forgotten what it used to be like to be black and gay in America. But it’s been a long time since I’ve experienced it firsthand. It’s been even longer since I left the country of my birth to begin my expat life abroad, eventually logging living time on five continents (South America, Australia, Asia, Africa, and Europe).
On September 15, 2006 — the day I moved from New York City, after living and working there for 15 years, to reinvent my life and career in Buenos Aires — the world, and the United States, were completely different places. George W. Bush was President. Social media was basically MySpace. Gay men were still going out and meeting each other in bars and clubs, for Grindr was nearly three years away. (Happy belated 10th birthday!)
Barack Obama had just entered the national consciousness the previous year as the newly elected U.S. Senator from Illinois. He was still a few years from becoming the first black American president, one I never really got to experience from the front row.
I was away for Obama’s entire administration, both of Hillary Clinton‘s presidential bids, the rise of Donald Trump from reality TV star to leader of the free world, and most significantly, the heating up of racial tension to a boil more furious than any level of hostility that scalded me during my previous lifetime as a U.S. resident.
For me, a gay black man who has spent nearly 13 years as an expat, the homecoming will be like my own post-Oz experience. Only I’ll return not to Kansas, but to a United States that, in some ways, feels more like 1964 than 2006, or 2010.
Despite my apprehension, I’m looking forward to my upcoming landing (first in Chicago, then New York City). As Dorothy said as she prepared to depart from Oz, there’s no place like home. And even if I barely recognize it, America will always be home.
iamru2
This guy needs to step away from social media and the news and get out of his own way! His paranoia is ridiculous!
cynicalsteve
@iamru2 – sit your silly a$$ down you tired old troll queen.
DCguy
Oh look, the account whose job is to protect and cover for right wing anti-LGBT bigotry doesn’t like the fact that people are aware of it.
truthseeker
Hmmm. With the dangers of fake news, why is Queerty using a fake Photoshopped image in this story?
Queerty doesn’t want to spread fake news and accuse the ladies in the photo of saying something they didn’t say, right? Those ladies could come back with slander
youarederanged
You’re so right. It’s racial baiting, totally a fake news picture, and they know it. Moves like this encourages people to hate gays.
DCguy
Hey Queerty, you now have the first two posts on this story (And nearly ANY story about race) coming from acknowledged right wing troll accounts that continually defend anti-LGBT bigotry.
Blackceo
Wow. Interesting story. Envious that he has been abroad for the past 9 years. My plan in the very near future is to live 6 months in Europe and 6 months here in the states. As a Black gay man, he’ll have the same challenges he did before Trump, but certainly being on US soil as a Black gay man, there will be a sense of unease that hasn’t been felt in years. Oh and its no one else’s place to criticize his feelings about coming back here. They are perfectly legitimate and ultimately he will have to see if those feelings are validated once he settles back into the US.
As for that picture, I agree that is irresponsible. Even though for many Trump supporters, that’s what MAGA also means for them, that is a photoshopped picture and shouldn’t have been used for this article. Do better, Queerty.
youarederanged
I know “many” Trump supporters and not one believes America should be White again. There are always a few extremists on either side of the spectrum, but the majority of both sides are loving, non-racist Americans who have different opinions. This picture is the opposite of that. It’s blatant extremism.
Blackceo
@youarederanged that’s why I said many and not all. Its great that none of the Trump supporters YOU know don’t believe that, but when you have David Duke out there as a big fan of the man, clearly there are supporters out there who do believe that. So that doesn’t dispute my original statement.
youarederanged
“Many” is a very specific word choice that implies a lot of Trump supporters are racist. Choosing one example of such an extreme man as David Duke proves that you are handpicking the worst tiny fraction and implying that “many” are the same as him, which is irresponsible and just plain wrong. Many Trump supporters aren’t racist, just like “many” Obama or Hillary supporters aren’t Jew haters, despite some who are. I could find extremist on any side, but that does not equate to “many”.
Blackceo
You know what….I’m not playing this tit for tat game. There are a lot of racist Trump supporters. You’re not wrong about Obama and Hillary voters, but that’s not what we are talking about. Stop deflecting. And yes I’m still going to say “many” of his voters are racist. ALL of his voters were comfortable with his racism to vote for him. It wasn’t a deal breaker, which says a lot about them. Do I have a specific number? No. Do I know that its many? YES! Stop acting like we aren’t past this in this country.
I’m not talking about the twice Obama voter who voted Trump because his messaging was better than Hillary in terms of jobs and economic policies. Those people dismissed his racism because they voted for their financial needs, which I do understand. Trump was a hail mary for a lot of people; many of whom are regretting it. But lets not act like its a few bad apples here when it comes to the racism angle. We at least need to be honest about this.
truthseeker
@Blackceo
“Trump was a hail mary for a lot of people; many of whom are regretting it”
LOL. Where are you getting this information from? Sounds like your taking your opinion and turning it into “fact”. Just because Rachel Maddow says something on her show, it doesn’t mean it’s true
Who are the “many” Trump voters that are regretting their vote and wishing they voted for Hillary Clinton? All of the current polls show that support for Trump among Republicans and those who voted for him is in the majority, not the minority.
If it’s not Queerty using fake news pictures to sensationalize their stories, it’s commenters like you using fake news and opinion because you can’t support your opinion with hard facts
DCguy
@youarederanged
Troll tactic, they try the “Don’t believe what your own eyes have seen because I know LOTS of people (That fit whatever demographic the discussion is about) and NONE of them believe (Whatever the discussion is about).
Here’s a thought Sweetie, why don’t you call all of those Trump supporters who support a man who said Nazis were good people and who appointed people with known White Supremacist feelings and tell them to write posts. Otherwise you’re just another lying account defending Trump.
Blackceo
@truthseeker
Once again, people seem to have this issue with the word “many”. First of all, I never said those people who regret voting for Trump wished they voted for Hillary.. Those are your words. So who is fake news now? Don’t put words into my mouth. The information I have comes from pollsters and people I know who have canvassed those rust belt states during the mid terms that helped Trump win in 2016, and who told me story after story of people who said they regretted voting for Trump.
I don’t know if any of them would’ve voted for Hillary, but I distinctly remember hearing that some of those people also said that they still wouldn’t have voted for Hillary and would’ve probably either not voted or voted 3rd party if they knew then what they know now about Trump. I’ve heard enough of these stories to be able to make a reasonable conclusion that there are many out there. Again, “many” is what you want to make it but anyone who has taken a basic statistics course knows that if you keep hearing similarities about something from different people taken from different areas, chances are there are many people out there with the same feelings. I can’t put a number on it, but I still say its many.
Anyway, this is off the whole topic of this article about this Black gay man stepping back on US soil for the first time in a long time and good luck to him.
youarederanged
@DCguy
It’s hilarious that you are commenting on an article that originally used a proven photoshopped picture that was fake (and deranged) with your own proven to be false claim that Trump said Nazis are good people. You really need to step outside of your information bubble. Just go on YouTube. There are tons of videos out there that prove this claim is total BS. He said there are good people on both sides of the tear-the-monuments-down argument. Not the insane white supremacists. Not the Nazis. None of that. He was talking about the debate around the historical figures that have monuments around our country. Personally, I think tear them all down, but there are good, history-loving Americans who disagree with me. Some people like to remember where we came from, and that’s who Trump was talking about. It had nothing to do with Nazis lol.
The bigger issue is whether you’re aware that you are promoting a lie and just don’t care, or if you actually believe that lie. Either way, in a matter of two minutes on Google/YouTube you could see that Trump never said that about the Nazis. That’s leftwing propaganda, soundbited to create a false narrative and you fell for it hard.
dwes09
@youarederanged :
Overwhelmingly, the “Jew haters” are right wing. This is fact, as any actual Jew knows. Overwhelmingly, the right cannot seem to make a distinction between Jewish people and Zionism, and their “love” of Israel has more to do with two myths than it does with any love for Judaism:
1. Israel is protection against the savage Iranians (we should be more concerned about the savage Saudis and movement of Israel towards the ultra-right).
2. Israel will be instrumental in the “return of Jesus” and the End Times. None of that is real. None of that will ever happen.
In the late 20th century and 21st century no more than 25-30% of Jews has voted Republican. And just as there is no “blaxodus” of black people from the left to the right, a move of Jews towards the republican party is also fake news.
As for the picture, I assume you had it analyzed by someone with the expertise to determine the use of photoshop? Opinion does not change reality.
dwes09
“He said there are good people on both sides of the tear-the-monuments-down argument. Not the insane white supremacists. Not the Nazis. None of that. He was talking about the debate around the historical figures that have monuments around our country. ”
Actually, the debate was specifically about CONFEDERATE MONUMENTS; monuments to (mostly) men who supported the slave economy and were in every sense traitors to the United States. And Trumps remarks came after a torch lit march in which people chanted “Jews will not replace us”.
There are no substantive facts that you can use to argue that Trump is a uniter as opposed to a divider of America, no examples you can find that show the modern republican party supports ethnic and religious and sexual diversity in the US. There are no examples that indicate Trump or the republican party wants to maintain or expand the enfranchisement of minorities in the US. He refused to repudiate supporters from the KKK, and lied when he said he had no idea who David Duke was (after Duke endorsed him). Past quotes from Trump indicated he knew exactly who Duke was, and what his politics were. Statements from him dating back to the 1980’s make his distaste for people of color clear.
CobraPowers
People, please do not pay attention to Soros paid troll DCguy, he is just another loony conspiracy theorist still crying “Russian collusion”.
Jboo
@Blackceo – People don’t have a problem with your using the word “many.” They have a problem with your lack of credible sources and research. And yes, you are ALL about that tit-for-tat game, until you can’t argue with someone else’s logic (typical victim mentality).
And people SHOULD criticize his article. It’s a written article, placed in a public forum, subject to fair comment. A free and diverse society should allow dissenting opinions. But of course people like you (a.k.a. the left) see only their views as legitimate and rightful while anyone who disagrees is intolerant and [Insert various liberal ‘ics’ and ‘isms’ here]. You love to dish it out, but you sure can’t take it.
youarederanged
@dwes09
You seem to be able to read but somehow manage to miss the points entirely. Can you find bigots on both sides? Yes. Do both sides have a long, sordid history of discriminating against different groups of people at different times? Yes. You do know this, right? Neither side is perfect, but both sides are made up of mostly good Americans who just want what is best for their family and their future. It always strikes me as odd that the left can’t admit that about the right. But, derangement and hatred can naturally only lead to one conclusion: everyone on the opposite side of you is a racist, bigot, Nazi, bot, etc. There is no compassion, no humanity, and certainly no love.
Also, as far as the picture they used, it’s not my opinion. It’s fact. Try Google. One simple search of “is the Make America White Again picture fake” will bring up a long list of websites that have proven this to be false. You know what else is proof? The fact that the picture has now been replaced. It was a vile, totally racist picture.
As far as the monuments, you again missed the point. Everyone knows it was an argument about Confederate monuments. Like I said, tear them all down, in my opinion, but we are a nation of different people with a wide range of opinions and feelings on history. That should be considered, and that was specifically what Trump was talking about. You and DCguy, with the assistance of the left-wing media, are the ones who keep applying his statement to the white supremacists. There was no good in that march, and Trump has disavowed them over and over again. You really need to expand your information pool. You literally are repeating CNN and MSNBC talking points, and it’s totally fake news.
You also should learn a little history about slavery in America. African slaves were brought to Jamestown in 1619, and the use of slaves continued for nearly 250 years until a Republican president ended it. The idea that these men were “traitors” is just not true, as there was no “America” without slaves until after the Civil War. The men who founded America, wrote its founding documents and laws, including laws on treason, all lived in a nation with slavery. Many even had slaves. The idea that a group of men who wrote the laws on treason were traitors to those laws is just bad logic. They might have been bigots, but they weren’t dumb. They would have been considered traitors if they fought against slavery. Now, does that make it okay? Of course not! Slavery was a despicable stain on humanity that was, and in some cases still is, a global issue. But history is history, and revising history is dangerous.
I’m just always amazed by the self-righteousness of the left. People who stand on a pedestal and declare their opinions are the right opinions just creep me out.
youcant_handlethetruth
Sometimes, I read comments. I’m always somewhat surprised by the lack of empathic conversation in this space. While I would like to think that there could be more authentic and meaningful exchange of ideas, I’m beginning to think that it may not be possible. I’ve also wondered if some of the more racist, heterosexist, and transnegative comments are from bots who are aiming to be divisive.
iamru2
How can you expect civility when you have labeled people racist and homophobes for what I’m guessing are things they’ve said that you don’t agree with? And then you call them bots! People need to be more open minded to difference of opinion.
cynicalsteve
Boy, these russian bots (@iamru2) sure do get a bit defensive from time to time. They must be reminded that racism and homophobia is not tolerated.
Heywood Jablowme
Most likely the biggest shock for Jeremy will be finding out that at age 50, HE IS TOO OLD FOR GRINDR. Maybe it’s different in those sad-sack Eastern European places he spent so much time in, but in the U.S. he is definitely too old for Grindr.
Try Scruff! I’ve never once seen anybody say “no blacks” in a Scruff profile (or “no “Asians” either). Not once! The Scruff age group is focused on what they actually like, not on what they DON’T like. And here’s a radical idea: if someone sends you a message you find annoying or offensive, (a) it’s not necessary to respond at all and (b) there is a Block feature. Seriously, there’s a new invention called Block. You’ll be amazed at how useful it is.
Or at age 50, one could try something even more radical like a serious dating site! Or jeez, join a volunteer group or something, it’s not like all the problems of the world have been solved. There are still a few things happening in real life.
dwes09
‘Try Scruff! I’ve never once seen anybody say “no blacks” in a Scruff profile (or “no “Asians” either). Not once! The Scruff age group is focused on what they actually like, not on what they DON’T like. ‘
Absolutely agree. After reading a Queerty article about how people of color don’t get much traction on “dating sites”, I counted the number of minority men who made the “most woofed list”. It was consistently between 30-40% men of color. Very much in keeping with the %age of people of color you see on the site. I have occasionally seen exclusionary statements about age and body type, but generally not using insulting language.
If anything there are too many folks with daddy fetishes on that site who don’t understand what “no thank you” means.
SportGuy
Trumptards are the greatest threat to our country.
gentlegiant145
No matter how gay and how black you can be, it’s still in a white country, including America, that you will find the most peaceful and tolerant place towards you.
dwes09
That is because the United States is not defined as a “white country”, regardless of how much the right wing wishes it were. We are a country with a majority of white citizens, and that is all. The difference is huge.
youarederanged
Glad to see the debunked/photoshopped picture that was originally used for this article has been switched out.
DCguy
Notice how whenever there is an article that even barely mentions black people the Trump trolls come in fast and hard on the attack? Hmmmmmmm
Blackceo
Whenever there is an article that mentions anything Black there is a lot of energy for it; usually negative. Too bad that same energy isn’t there for other things. What particularly bothers me about this are those who constantly seek out to dismiss the feelings and stories of Black gays. This man, nor any other Black gay or lesbian person gives a single damn about your trying to defend Trump or say that its White countries that will be the most tolerant of you being a Black gay. That’s not what the article is about, yet that doesn’t stop many people from being dismissive, or suggest that he is paranoid or overreacting.
truthseeker
Hopefully that gay black man doesn’t visit Chicago being that its MAGA country and all
Heywood Jablowme
@DCGuy: Wow, what a strange comment. I hate the Trump trolls too, but you can’t say this article “barely mentions black people.” Almost every sentence mentions black people! As does the headline.
CobraPowers
@DCguy – Notice whenever there’s a mention of Trump you go into a frenzy of lunatic rage, like HRC’s MK Ultra paid troll, or Soros paid troll (as it’s been CONFIRMED they pay fools to push certain ideology online).
Aires the Ram
@GetOffMyInternet: Bingo! You hit the nail right on the head! Thanks for your comment.
CobraPowers
If the writer were any dumber he’d have to be watered twice a day. Sorry boo, but paranoia and such delusions are typical of schizophrenia, you should seek out some help.
Being a gay African American in “Trump’s America” just means that you have, and always had, the right to choose and think for yourself which policies matter to you, instead of being expected to vote based on tribalism. It also means that if you’re a gay African-American and happen to be God-fearing or conservative, you’ll be called a racist, homophobic, white-supremacist.
dwes09
” It also means that if you’re a gay African-American and happen to be God-fearing or conservative, you’ll be called a racist, homophobic, white-supremacist.”
Learn to think!
Many religious folks are Democrats. Most racists are right wingers, most Homophobes are right wingers. ALL white supremacists are right wing, by definition. Not all conservatives are Republican, as that party has ceased to be about fiscal caution in favor of manipulating people through fear and an appeal to outdated codes of religious morals.
Most people would call a right wing gay black person what they are: a bit misguided given the realities of American life.
CobraPowers
@dwes09 – LOL, except that the Nazis were left wing (National Socialist), Che Guevara who had horrid things to say about the gays was left wing, North Korea is anti LGBT, communist China is anti LGBT, etc. So what are you even talking about?
And there’s nothing for religious people in the Democrat party, since the Democrat party has become the party of sexual immorality and abortions. It totally goes against decent folk’s values of modesty and self dignity, and the sanctity of life.
youarederanged
@CobraPowers
There’s no point in trying to bring up history with dwes09. He/she revises it, picks and chooses parts of it for his/her arguments, and ignores the blatant facts. We could write a long list of white supremacists, or other racial supremacists, who are left wing. Everyone with a brain and even the slightest knowledge of real history knows this to be true.
Just look at Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood, who was a straight up proud racist who wanted to euthanize minorities through her organization’s policies. That is historical fact. Yet, she and her organization are exalted by the left to this day. But do they talk about tearing down her monuments, of course not. She is a liberal icon, a hero to the left.
WindsorOntario
I have nothing against black men on Grindr. But over the last two years, nearly every black man I have interacted with on there, within 5 minutes of saying hello, suddenly is expecting money, rides, etc…what the hell is this? Are white gay men some kind of cash machine for black guys (most of whom aren’t even gay)? These men are predators who are looking for an easy cash source in our community.
This is just how it is. People don’t listen to their instincts because they’re afraid of being called racist or something else. Animals go with their gut – if something doesn’t look right; if they sense harm – they’re outta there. And I’m sorry but when 8 out of 10 of these guys starts hustling me for money, after a while I’m just going to stop talking to them all together. It’s as simple as that.
FunInTheSack
Spot on.
Could not of said it any better.
Jeremy lives a sad, pathetic life. And he’s created that for himself.