What do you do when your boyfriend of almost five years suddenly tells you he’s straight? That’s what one Reddit user wants to know.
“Yeah, umm. So a quick recap,” the man, who describes himself as gay and “40ish” begins. “We’ve been together 4 1/2 years. During that time he maintained a bisex stance. Fast forward a few disconnects and hurtful phrases later he came out as straight.”
He continues: “We’ve gone back and forth about this before. Like years ago when we first started dating. He kept coming back and apologizing after he brought it up. So now he is straight.”
Just to confuse things even more, the man says, his now-straight boyfriend “says I’m the only guy for him” and that he doesn’t want to break up, even though he’s not romantically interested in him.
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“He wants to stay. He also has no other place to live. He does love me. I love him.”
Their sex life has always been “underwhelming,” and they’ve been to couple’s counseling with three different specialists, but, the man says, nothing has worked.
“We don’t know what to do,” he writes. “Our lives are heavily intertwined. I loathe dating and don’t want to start again. He likes the women for the sex but he doesn’t want to deal with the other issues he feels comes with dating women.”
Now let’s check out what his fellow Redditers have to say…
“Ridiculous,” one person writes. “Just break up.”
“Four years isn’t the end of the world mate,” another person says. “It’s a chunk of time but it’s still pretty insignificant in the scheme of things. I dated my ex gf for 5 years from the age of 18, I’m 25 now and it feels like she was just a speck in my past.”
“All of this boils down to basics,” a third person writes. “You have spent fifty four months of your life with him, at the end of which he is stating that he isn’t gay or bi, he is straight. … F*ck him.”
“Kick him to the curb,” a fourth person says.
Then there’s this piece of actual sound advice: “In all honesty what I think this sounds like is that he loves the convenience you bring and not necessarily you as a whole person.
And also this: “You both sound… how to put this politely? Nuts.”
What do you think of this man’s predicament? And what advice would you offer? Sound off in the comments…
mj7417
“He also has no other place to live.” I think that is all you need to know about why he still “wants” to stay with the guy. That is, if he didn’t just use the guy this whole time for what he could provide for him.
Xzamilloh
So basically, he’s a hobosexual… gay until he can get his own place.
Daniel-Reader
LOL Xza
dash_board1
OK, that gave me a good chuckle.
stevetalbert
Gay for pay basically. Actually probably just very conflicted about gay sex. I guess religious background and small town. Although, the gay guy is 40ish (does that mean 55 in growlr years?)…but he doesnt say how old the other guy is.
ChrisK
Oh please. If you read between the lines he’s dating a kid or someone much younger. This is a story as old as time and what usually happens in those circumstances.
not a clone
comment for the ages .. 🙂
Bob LaBlah
@Xzamilloh…….”hobosexual”. That was funny. Considering how many of them I have ran across in my travels across the country I think you should call Webster’s Dictionary and see if you can get that one patented. lol lol
Bob LaBlah
Lord, there I go again. I should have said coined, not patented. Just thought I’d get a first strike in before Madame English pops in and corrects my grammar. lol lol
Jaxton
Lots of straight-identifying men have acted on their homosexual impulses. Every man you see out there with his girlfriend has probably had – or is still having – homosexual impulses.
Whether a man acts on his homosexual impulses is up to his values and the forces that shape them. Women play a big role – don’t underestimate the homophobic attitudes of women in this regard.
Women do have a big influence on such men. The bigger the influence, the less likely he is to act on his homosexual impulses.
DarkZephyr
You have created a fantasy world for yourself that you constantly want to expound on.
leigy
Yep, Brian. Women are just leashes – squeezing and restraining all straight-identifying men from homo-contact. If only women weren’t so mean and homophobic. If they were just a bit less homo-fearful, all the hot straight guys would be lining up to suck your dick.
miserylovedme24
Generally it’s those that think being gay is a choice that think “all men” have homosexual impulses. But the thing is, that’s just not the case. They’re usually just gay and in the closet and think everyone deals with those feelings, which they don’t. I’m pretty sure fully straight men don’t have gay impulses anymore than I have an impulse to hookup with a woman.
DarkZephyr
I am curious to know how old Straight Boyfriend is. I have a friend a little older than myself who constantly gets involved with straight guys who only “date” him when they need a place to live or want money and he KEEPS falling for their bullsh** because they are attractive 20 somethings and he seems to be youth obsessed. He won’t date a man with even a hint of grey in his hair even though he himself doesn’t have much hair left at all. He has a lousy sex life with them, they *always* dump his a** for females and they are never even that nice to him. Its his life and he is free to live it as he wants, but I sure hate seeing him constantly put himself in situations where he is going to get hurt all because he can’t handle dating his own age.
stevetalbert
Thats what i think. I bet the friend is 23 and they started “dating” when he was 19 and the complainer was still 40ish.
ChrisK
Ha. I see that we agree. He makes me feel so young vs this better come with a an unlimited credit card.
Mack
My second lover was similar. He would spend 6 months of the year with me, then spend 6 months of the year with his wife and children. At one point in our 7 years relations, him, his wife and their 4 kids moved in with me while she recovered from open heart surgery. The wife and I got along great and I was an uncle to the kids.
stevetalbert
That sounds great. More people should be relaxed and fluid about relationships. Insecurities cause a lot of heartache. Remember that envy is wanting what someone else has and jealousy is being afraid you will lose something. .
kurt_t
I’m with mj7417 on this one. This sounds like one of those “I know I keep you amused, but I feel I’m being used” situations.
Daniel-Reader
I’d tell him to work on self esteem issues till you don’t need the validation of a straight guy or bi guy or re-closeted gay guy who doesn’t want to commit to you. Plenty of D in the ocean.
Chris
I know lots of gay couples who have very little to no sex life; but at least they agree that they are gay and in love with each other. In this case, I’d do a Dan Savage: DTMFA.
sanfranca1
Painful as it may be, it’s time to say bye-bye.
Navalator
Not good bye. GOOD RIDDANCE.
Jaxton
He’s entitled to go back to women. You don’t own him. A woman can provide babies for him. What can you provide? A few puppies?
ChrisK
I don’t get you. You say the hetero relationship is better yet you hate women.
Kangol
Brian/Jason Smeds/Jaxton (whatever your name is or will be on any given day), you really need help. Why do you post on a gay site when you are so clearly homophobic? Does trolling like this give you some kind of gratification? Is that your “baby” or “puppy”?
Navalator
You must know a lot about puppies since you appear to be a bitch.
Jaxton
I’m stating facts: a woman can provide a man with babies whereas a man cannot. It’s a fact of life. Nothing wrong with stating a fact of life.
The other fact of life is that men have high and constant sex drives compared to women. This means men are more suited to each other sexually than they are to women.
Maleness is basically a battle between 2 forces: the need for reproduction versus the need for frequent sex for comfort, not reproduction. This puts male homosexual desire at odds with women.
Prax07
He’s not wrong about the need for some men to reproduce. Both narcissistic ex’s of mine claimed to be bi, and both performed much better sexually with men, both had a relentless need to dominate women while being more submissive towards men, and both felt they absolutely had to reproduce. One because of his family, the other to have lifelong proof that he’s a man, and to “own” the woman. He was going to get his ex, who left him after a beating, pregnant. That was his plan because no one leaves him. She kept coming back to him for sex after they broke up, but luckily he couldn’t perform well enough to get her impregnated, lucky because at 29 he already had two kids he didn’t care for. Some bi guys are just wired wrong when it comes to reproduction.
Navalator
Kick this deceptive “straight” guy to the curb and under the bus. He is simply using you for convenience and support and the goodies that come with being in a gay relationship and doing this without reciprocation. Then get yourself to therapy to find out why you have put up with this exploitation for more than 4 years. Are you THAT desperate and insecure that you are willing to wallow in abuse and compromise your self esteem and dignity?
Herman75
Straight issues? Better call Qweerty y’all.
Brody
Now THAT made me laugh out loud.
DCguy
Gee, what a shock, an article by Graham Gremore about a guy whose been sleeping with men for 5 years who says he’s “Straight”
sdmikaele
He knew the guy was bi from the start. He was willing to gamble. Women do it all the time with “bi” guys. Lucky they didn’t have kids. So, like most Bi guys he was drawn more strongly to hetero, his choice. Had he been with a women and he chose to live as gay she would have to deal with it. It was a gamble to start with, he was willing to risk it and be with the bi guy. It didnt work out. Move on. Being with somebody just coming out can be risky as well. they don’t know what they want. BUT, it’s not their fault. They haven’t lived or decided. It’s THEIR choice. This guy may have been the sweetest, shared expenses, been the same age, to assume he was a user, flake, gold digger is so judgemental.