A 27-year-old woman on Reddit is seriously confused, you guys. She recently started dating a bisexual man, but she’s not sure how to handle the situation.
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“I was initially attracted to his bisexuality,” the woman writes. “I mean, I had few crushes on gay guys before, so I thought why not? But he’s very different from the typical gay person.”
For instance, she says, “you can’t even tell he is attracted to men, by looking at his manners, sense of fashion, etc.”
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The woman goes on to say that the sex “isn’t bad” but sometimes he makes comments about how “it’s been a while since he’s been with a woman.”
All this has got her wondering: “His past few relationships have all been men. So am I like a phase, a change of scenery, before he swings to the other side?”
To help gauge the situation better, she tried suggesting they have a threesome with another guy, but “he’s not enthusiastic about it.” He’s also never brought up anal, which she finds odd for a man who claims to be attracted to other men.
“In short, he isn’t anything like I imagined a bisexual guy to be. Other than his sexuality, he’s a normal guy who I enjoy spending time with.”
She wonders: “Are there any things I should know about before dating a bi person?”
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Her fellow Redditers waste no time pointing out everything that is wrong with this woman’s thinking.
“You sound like you’re trying hard to define him by his sexuality instead of accepting him as a person whose sexual orientation happens to be bi,” one person writes.
“Quit trying to make this dude live up to your stereotypes,” another person says. “Get to know him, not your mental image of what a bi dude should or does look like.”
“If you changed this post and made it about a black man and started listing off things like ‘he doesn’t listen to rap, why?’ how would you feel about that post?” a third person asks.
But perhaps the most interesting and useful response comes from an actual bisexual man:
“Bi men don’t exactly have a particular appearance or manner,” he explains. “I mean, gay guys don’t necessarily, but there is definitely a gay culture which is becoming increasingly less noticeable.”
He goes on to say that the reason he boyfriend probably hasn’t dating many women is because “dating guys can be easier.” As for the whole threesome thing, he says, he just might not be into them.
“Same with the butt stuff,” he says. “Like, I’m cool with that from either end but, yeah, some guys don’t find that particularly enjoyable.”
Finally, he says, “the only things to know is that we don’t like being told that it might be a phase or that we’re probably just gay or expect we’re more into men. Because those assumptions definitely don’t define me and I don’t know if they would to your BF.”
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Aromaeus
Her boyfriend should dump her because she’s clearly got a lot of homophobia and biphobia. He tells her he’s bi and she’s trying to look for gay stereotypes. wtf
Jack Meoff
Why does Queerty keep posting these fake ass Reddit stories????
Chris
Yesterday, he was gay; today, the boyfriend is bi. In both cases, the women are trading in stereotypes.
Goodness. You are dating an individual. Learn if this person, regardless the labels, does it for you. If so; stay. If not, leave. It’s that simple.
Josh447
From this article it would seem she is simply surprised that her new bi guy doesn’t have a total gay man’s characteristics. Totally makes sense, they have a different chemical make-up. They also have a bird’s-eye view point of both sides of the coin regarding being gay and straight. In that way they are very privileged. I don’t know what the stats are concerning bi people acting with gay mannerisms but from my experience I have found none of the ones I have met have had any gay type characteristics. In other words you could not tell for a moment they were gay. But then I’m sure that there are some that do.
She should enjoy the ride and have a great experience. I would if I were in that situation.
If someone is making these articles up, no probs. Always fun to answer. And you can bet this situation is going on somewhere in the world. Always fun to have interesting topics regardless of their origin.
Danny279
Sad that gay and bi men are saddled with stereotypes of effeminacy. Stereotypes promoted by Queerty. That homophobic woman could have easily acquired her bigoted beliefs simply by perusing this website.
ErikO
@Danny279: Very true.
Brian
I agree that it is easier for a man to date a man than a woman. Women tend to treat sex as a commodity whereas men treat sex as a basic human right.
When two men get together, it’s a case of one basic humam right seeking out another basic human right. It’s cheap, easy and driven by necessity.
dustashed
Why do people keep assuming that reddit stories are always fake?
I get it that some of them might be confabulated or exaggerated but I believe for the most part there are plenty of people who do find comfort in in airing out their thoughts and experiences online. I know I used to write my own until I have come to terms with it.
I tend to think that the more authentic posts are the “one of” posts, users post when they are in distress and have nowhere else to turn but the internet.. as soon as those issues are “resolved” they vanish and fade back into reality.
At least that was my personal experience.. I wrote when I was in distress, ambivalent over something etc. this was during my tumultuous years, when i got better at handling them, I just didn’t care to follow up on those postings anymore
dustashed
And I agree with what the Bi- guy said,
dating or finding hookups with guys is easier than finding hookups/dating with girls. at least imho
Brian
@dustashed: I knew a guy who was strongly attracted to women but only weakly attracted to men. However, he dated more men than women. People thought he was gay but that wasn’t the case at all.
It was because men are far more easy to date than are women.
inbama
Oh, for Pete’s sake.
Wishing her Bi boyfriend had some of the more admirable “stereotypical gay qualities” isn’t homophobic but the opposite.
ErikO
@inbama: It’s both homophobic and biphobic.