Relationship problems

Her boyfriend says he’s bi, but he doesn’t act like a “typical gay person”, so she’s very confused

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A 27-year-old woman on Reddit is seriously confused, you guys. She recently started dating a bisexual man, but she’s not sure how to handle the situation.

Related: Bisexual Man Seeks Help After Wife Forces Him Back Into The Closet, Denying Him The D

“I was initially attracted to his bisexuality,” the woman writes. “I mean, I had few crushes on gay guys before, so I thought why not? But he’s very different from the typical gay person.”

For instance, she says, “you can’t even tell he is attracted to men, by looking at his manners, sense of fashion, etc.”

The woman goes on to say that the sex “isn’t bad” but sometimes he makes comments about how “it’s been a while since he’s been with a woman.”

All this has got her wondering: “His past few relationships have all been men. So am I like a phase, a change of scenery, before he swings to the other side?”

To help gauge the situation better, she tried suggesting they have a threesome with another guy, but “he’s not enthusiastic about it.” He’s also never brought up anal, which she finds odd for a man who claims to be attracted to other men.

“In short, he isn’t anything like I imagined a bisexual guy to be. Other than his sexuality, he’s a normal guy who I enjoy spending time with.”

She wonders: “Are there any things I should know about before dating a bi person?”

Related: Bisexual And Heteroflexible Dads Talk About Kink After Kids

Her fellow Redditers waste no time pointing out everything that is wrong with this woman’s thinking.

“You sound like you’re trying hard to define him by his sexuality instead of accepting him as a person whose sexual orientation happens to be bi,” one person writes.

“Quit trying to make this dude live up to your stereotypes,” another person says. “Get to know him, not your mental image of what a bi dude should or does look like.”

“If you changed this post and made it about a black man and started listing off things like ‘he doesn’t listen to rap, why?’ how would you feel about that post?” a third person asks.

But perhaps the most interesting and useful response comes from an actual bisexual man:

“Bi men don’t exactly have a particular appearance or manner,” he explains. “I mean, gay guys don’t necessarily, but there is definitely a gay culture which is becoming increasingly less noticeable.”

He goes on to say that the reason he boyfriend probably hasn’t dating many women is because “dating guys can be easier.” As for the whole threesome thing, he says, he just might not be into them.

“Same with the butt stuff,” he says. “Like, I’m cool with that from either end but, yeah, some guys don’t find that particularly enjoyable.”

Finally, he says, “the only things to know is that we don’t like being told that it might be a phase or that we’re probably just gay or expect we’re more into men. Because those assumptions definitely don’t define me and I don’t know if they would to your BF.”

Related: A Heartbreaking Look At Why So Many Bisexual Men Remain Closeted