A woman is at a complete loss after discovering her “amazing boyfriend” is gay but that doesn’t want to break up with her. In fact, he would like to get married one day.
“I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now,” she writes in a Reddit post. “A few days ago I found on his Instagram that he follows a lot of gay porn so last night I brought it up.”
Related: Woman Wonders If Boyfriend She Discovered Sexting With Multiple Men Is Cheating And Possibly Gay
What happened next completely threw her or a loop.
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“He said that he has had sex in the past with one man and no women but that he has dated only women,” she writes. “He said that he loves me and wants to continue dating me. I asked if he could see us getting married and he said yes.”
But here’s where it gets really confusing. Because even though he wants to date and possibly marry this woman, he identifies gay and is even out to his family.
“I am very confused if dating a man who identifies as gay as a straight woman is even possible,” the woman writes. “Obviously I don’t want to dump him because I love him and things have been going so well. But he also has said that he doesn’t think about having sex with me or really find me sexually attractive which is really painful.”
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On top of that, she says, “he also looks at gay porn every day,” although “he said when we make out it’s fine” and he’s “very touchy and affectionate” when they’re together.
She wonders: “How do I keep dating someone who doesn’t want to have sex with me and who is gay but who loves me and said he can’t see his family with a man but with a woman?”
We have no idea what to tell this poor woman. Luckily, her fellow Redditers have plenty to say about the matter.
“It sounds like you really want to be with someone who can find you attractive and you can have sex with,” one person writes. “He is not that person.”
“You aren’t dating a gay guy, you are friends with a gay guy,” another person says. “He doesn’t find you sexually attractive and you have never had sex. He has no interest in sex with you and doesn’t even find you attractive.”
“He sounds deeply fucked up, internally,” a third person writes.
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And pretty much everyone agrees the woman needs to dump the dude.
“Break up with his ass,” one person says.
“Dump him, its over,” another person says. “Hard to hear but life is too short.”
“Run,” someone else adds. “You deserve better and you should start looking now.”
What advice would you give this woman? Share any pearls of wisdom in the comments section below…
Heywood Jablowme
Where do you find these crazy people? Oh right, Reddit.
Heywood Jablowme
And is there a particular reason you guys ran a generic stock photo of a black couple? When the Reddit complaint doesn’t mention them being black? You know that’s gonna be trouble. I guess you guys like to cause trouble once in awhile? – lol
Paco
Kudos for him being honest with her. However, she needs to realize that a marriage with him will include him having his sexual needs met from time to time. Something she will not be able to satisfy for him. It is probably best if she move on and remain friends with him. Sounds like he is just securing a “womb” should he get the urge for children at some point.
Josh447
This situation where the guy knows he’s gay yet dates women and has no intention of having sex with her is criminal. These guys should be locked up for knowingly destroying someone’s life. This is no less harmful than an hiv patient spreading aids without telling his status. This guy should a least get mugged for his brash boundary violation. He needs his kicked big time. He’s nothing less than a human trafficking vampire.
Brian
They are a perfect match. He doesn’t need to sexually penetrate her to be happy, and she doesn’t need to be sexually penetrated to be happy. Women rarely enjoy sexual penetration.
If he’s kissing and cuddling her, that is a perfect match.
If she is still concerned, she doesn’t need to be. You have the perfect husband, lady.
Hussain-TheCanadian
@Brian: shush it brain; what kind of piece of sh*t advice is that!?
Listen lady, he didn’t even say he’s bisexual; he likes men, only men, and that will never change. Cry now rather than having a heart break later.
Jack Meoff
@Heywood Jablowme: Queerty run plenty of stock images of white people when articles do not specify the persons ethnicity and they get accused of white washing now they use an image of a black couple and get slammed for that. I guess when it comes to using images of black people Queerty are damned of they do and damned of they don’t.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
If she was any kind of a decent lady the thought of s.e.x. wouldn’t even enter her head… she and her beau could spend time together shopping for soft furnishings and starting an antique doll collection.
CaliKyle
@Brian: “Women rarely enjoy sexual penetration.” Utterly absurd and false, Brian. Penetration alone does not lead to orgasm for women as reliably or often as it does for men but that doesnt mean they dont enjoy it.
Aromaeus
Men like her boyfriend haven’t fully accepted themselves yet. He may not see himself being with a man right now but eventually as time goes on and acceptance grows his worldview will change. He’ll meet some guy he can actually see himself with and she’ll get left in the wind with wasted time. She needs to get out now.
Heywood Jablowme
@Jack Meoff: Well… okay, that makes sense.
Brian
Her boyfriend has been totally upfront with her. She should cherish that. She should also cherish the physical love that he gives her.
Just because a man identifies as gay, it doesn’t mean he can’t bring her to a shuddering climax. Her body’s sensation of pleasure can be derived from many, many things that don’t involve erectile penetration.
All you nay-sayers out there are either bigots or buffoons.
Heywood Jablowme
@Brian: You seem to have a vast array of very personal experience in this area, Brian!
Bob LaBlah
@Brian: “They are a perfect match. He doesn’t need to sexually penetrate her to be happy, and she doesn’t need to be sexually penetrated to be happy. Women rarely enjoy sexual penetration.”
Brian, stick with men. You clearly know nothing about women and have never had explained to you the story regarding vindictive and a woman scorned. And by the way, doesn’t a story coming from Reddit raise a flag?