A gay man isn’t sure how to handle his boyfriend’s boss’ repeated sexual advances, so he’s seeking help from online advice columnist Rainbow Man.
The man explains that he and his boyfriend, both in their early 30s, have been together for six years and enjoy a committed, monogamous relationship.
“I pride myself by the fact that we have never cheated on each other sexually or even kissed another person,” he writes, “though we both are of similar age and we both are in a line where we meet hot men every day.”
Enter his boyfriend’s boss.
Related: Worker says boss sent him x-rated pics to “turn him gay,” hijacked his calendar with gay sex dates
“My boyfriend’s boss is also gay and told him that he finds me desirable,” the man writes. “My boyfriend didn’t freak out at that moment, rather he told him ‘Sorry he is taken.'”
“Last week when they were drinking together, his boss was rather explicit in his wish to anally penetrate me. My boyfriend thought that his boss was just too drunk and that’s why he blurted that out.”
After that, things took a turn for the worst at the boyfriend’s office. His boss has begun “troubling” him at work and the man believes it all stems from “that drunken night about me.”
He continues: “My boyfriend then very coolly suggested that maybe we should open up the relationship and I should have sex with his boss because that may better his prospects at work and make things better.”
Understandably, he was offended by the mere suggestion. Now he feels “disgusted” and “cheated.”
He wonders: “I know that my boyfriend loves me, so maybe he was forced to ask me that? What do you think?”
Related: What do you do when your evil ex-boss hits you up for sex?
In his response, Rainbow Man kindly reminds the man that he is not some sort of transactional sex object his boyfriend can use to maintain a good working relationship with his employer.
“I know you love your boyfriend. But you do not have to offer yourself, your body, or your soul to anyone in exchange for the love you receive,” he writes.
“Your boyfriend’s boss issues are something that he will have to handle independent of you.”
He continues, “Irrespective of whether this is a gay relationship or a heterosexual one, to ask your partner to have sex with your boss so that you could seek a better position at workplace is despicable and should not be encouraged.”
“If you both would like to open up the relationship or discuss a fantasy openly, it should be fine,” Rainbow Man concludes. “However, the premise here, as I read, is about securing a better working relation with your boyfriend’s boss for which he is expecting you to sleep with him.”
What are your thoughts about this situation? Sound off in the comments section below…
ingyaom
What could go wrong?
just me
who makes these stories up? they look like a story line for a bad netflix movie or a porn one…
McJuvenal
It’s not an invented story this happens in real life, not only in gay relationship to tell the truth even heterosexual relationships and friend of mine recently asked the same thing to his girlfriend to earn a prom
frankcar1965
I love all these gays who THINK they are in a monogamous relationship. Give me a break. Everybody THINKS they are, but it is usually is only one.
sportstar2600
“I am in an open relationship, but no one told me”
DarkZephyr
So you think all these “lone gays” who believe in that ideal and stick to it *never* actually manage to pair up?
tf3.0
How about recording everything, and suing the company for sexual-harassment?
If it is a large company, millions could be made.
sanfranca1
Don’t do it! It will ruin your relationship.
rand503
Hell no! So you sleep with the boss and get your promotion. Think it ends there? Hell no! Boss wants more sex now. So you fool around some more to keep him happy. Is that the plan?
Or maybe Boss eventually gets tired of you, so he decides to drop you. Now what ? He’s got someone on payroll whom he sees every day that reminds him of his mistake. You gotta go, and trust me, he’ll find an ugly excuse to fire you.
Or maybe you don’t want to have sex with him anymore. Then you get fired.
Sooner or later, it will end up bad for you. Tape the proposition, then take it to your attorney to learn your rights.
Wicked Dickie
“I pride myself by the fact that we have never cheated on each other sexually or even kissed another person,” he writes, “though we both are of similar age and we both are in a line where we meet hot men every day.” I’m having a hard time figuring out who is the bigger A-hole, the boyfriend who says that he sees hot guys everyday and proud that he doesn’t;t chart on his boyfriend, or the boyfriend that says he sees hot guys everyday, never cheated on his boyfriend, but is torn as to whether he should sleep with his boss for a promotion.
jcoberkrom
Sexual harrassment should never be tolerated.
Although the hook up may be tempting for various reasons, it will ultimately come back a bite the employee in the ass. ( Sorry I had to.)
The boss should be reported to HR and the employee should start looking for work elsewhere.
Heywood Jablowme
Reminds me of Russell Tovey on “Looking”… one of many reasons to hate “Looking”!
witwoud
“…explicit in his wish to anally penetrate me.” Quite the romantic, isn’t he?
Man About Town
Did this come from an outline discovered in Jacqueline Susann’s files?
Oranos
The boss is at the beginning of a possible hostile work environment situation, which is the very LAST thing any HR department wants to hear. Covered by federal guidelines, and it can COST the employer dearly.
The rest of it sounds odd. The letter writer’s boyfriend first tells the boss, “Sorry, he’s taken,” but then a few weeks or months later, he changes his tune and encourages his boyfriend to sleep with the boss. What changed his thinking on that? What does he stand to gain from the boyfriend’s sleeping with the boss.
This is way off. Something’s not being revealed here.
Kangol2
Record or document the boss saying this (make sure you’re in a one-party consent state when it comes to audio or video recordings), get a lawyer, then file an HR complaint for sexual harassment, and if the company doesn’t provide a nice settlement, SUE. This is blatantly inappropriate and actionable behavior, and no boss nowadays should be acting like this, even if it were on a porn shoot set.
zp2i
I echo everything Rainbow Man has said.
It is unclear if all three work together because some socialising had occurred. Stop, socialising with your bf’s boss if you don’t value threesomes, open-realtionships or triads and if you don’t work with them. If you do work at the same place HR compliant maybe the way to go.
The bigger relationship issue is between you and your bf. You speak of a loving monogamous six year relationship and your bf has openly raised the possibility of you sleeping with someone else. Either you have not been clear to your bf about your relationship values. He would have stopped his Boss’s advances. Or, after six years your bf crave a change in your relationship dynamics.
Many organisation have policies against employees having sexual relationships for good reasons & for the same reasons sex with your bf’s boss is bad for you.