A straight-identifying man is freaking out because he’s about to embark on a year-long trip around the world with his girlfriend, but he doesn’t know how he’s going to get his secret “man fix” while they’re traveling together.
“I don’t consider myself bisexual and I’m certainly not gay, but every now and then I get the urge to be intimate with men,” the man writes in a letter to advice columnist Just Jane at the Daily Star.
He goes on to explain that he and his girlfriend have been together since 2015 and that he’s never had “full sex” with anyone else in that time. But he has messed around with a few dudes.
“I’ve kissed, groped and indulged in intimate acts, but have never given my real name or arranged to see an individual more than once,” he admits.
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And every now and then he goes to the gay bar just to see what’s poppin’.
“I tell her I have work commitments then hang around particular clubs and bars and see where the action takes me.”
He wonders: “Does that count as real cheating? I don’t know. She’s the only person I am interested in having a proper relationship with. We make love twice a week and it’s always lovely, but I’m aware I’m a complex character.”
The man recently began freaking out because he and his girlfriend have a big trip planned in 2020 and will be touring Australia, New Zealand and South America for the entire year. He doesn’t know how he’s going to get his “man fix.”
“She’ll have her eye on me the whole time,” he worries.
In her response, Jane holds nothing back.
“Are you seriously asking me if what you’re doing is cheating?” she begins. “Of course it’s cheating.”
“Your girlfriend will be devastated to hear you seek out other partners for thrills and sexual stimulation. Maybe you don’t have full sex, but intimate acts are unacceptable and they count. What if you discovered she was sneaking around with other partners?”
Jane goes on to say their whole relationship is “based on a lie.”
“Now you’re being forced to face your demons with the prospect of this foreign trip,” she continues. “You may not care admit to yourself that your secret assignations are an important part of your life, but you’re obviously hooked.”
Her advice: “Start being honest with yourself. If you are bisexual or gay then so be it, but you can’t continue to use your girl as a shield.”
rikard_pearson
laughing so hard i can’t catch my breath. the dude is hilarious, but when jane weighs in… i’m dying.
dinard38
I especially loved the “Are you seriously asking me if what you’re doing is cheating?” she begins. “Of course it’s cheating.” LOL!!!!
I mean, duh!!
So tired of these so-called straight men with their “I’m not gay or bisexual. I just like to suck d**k, get blow jobs, a little anal, a little kissing……. BUT I’M NOT GAY!!!!!
Whatever, dude!!!
sanfranca1
Are you kidding me? What a douchebag.
Cam
So…….”Straight Identifying” is the new way of saying “Closet Case”?
msc1208
I live in the U.S. in the South and I am 50. That’s the way it has always been my entire lifetime. They just finally gave it a trendy sounding name for the interwebs. I’ve probably met more “straight identifying” men in my life than I have gay men. If I didn’t have fun with some of these types I’d hardly ever get to have any fun at all. Still a very repressed nation, especially in the Trump South.
enlightenone
Not new, porn “stars” have been using this “label” for at least the past 20 years!
Paco
If you are fretting about how you are going to hookup with other men while on a trip with your girlfriend, you are not straight no matter how you self-identify.
It deserves to be said again…
If you can’t enjoy your heterosexual vacation because you can’t have homosexual sex with random strangers, you ain’t straight. Delusions aren’t attractive.
enlightenone
Amen!
winemaker
What a douche bag, pure and simple! And using a nice straight girlfriend to cover up the fact he likes guys! Wow a double whammy. Time for this guy to be honest with himself and her and stop wasting time and the heart of this girl who thinks he’s there for her. It’s unfair to her and to him. And what about STD’S. has he thought about the possibilities of these? Really he needs a dose of reality and the sooner the better
djmcgamester
Normally I don’t like to proclaim someone’s sexuality, but he’s either bi or a completely closeted gay man (I’m betting on the latter). Guys who just get a little DL action DO NOT freak out over a year long trip with their gf because they can’t mess around with other guys during that time.
Regardless, he doesn’t deserve that woman and I hope she moves on. She doesn’t deserve a cheater who actively lies to her about where he is.
Dymension
You know, bi-sexual doesn’t have to be 50/50. There is an entire sliding scale and he could be 1/5, 2/4, 3/3, 4/2, 5/1…
It’s just that little itch that has to be scratched once in a while…
t
So, does she know? No? Then, 1) You ARE cheating, and, 2) You are at minimum BISEXUAL. Not a fan of labels? Then you have a c*ck fetish, admit it. Don’t want a label? Don’t give yourself one and don’t be worried about what labels other people give you, especially your lady once you tell her about your popsickle fetish.
thisisnotreal
If you consider his cheating and blatant lying to himself about his sexuality to be just a cute and innocent scratching of an itch, then remind me never to date you EVER.
OzJosh
Interesting that the advice focuses almost entirely on the cheating aspect, and only deals with the question of his sexual orientation as an afterthought. I would have thought that was the bigger elephant in the room,
Brian
I’m wondering why the same crowd who think that you can be whatever gender you want to be just by identifying that way are so hell bent on telling this straight identifying guy that he’s wrong.
thisisnotreal
“I don’t consider myself bisexual and I’m certainly not gay, but every now and then I get the urge to be intimate with men,” Are you friggin kidding me?! Dude enough with the bullshart stop lying to others but mostly stop lying to YOURSELF. your either gay or your bisexual cuz genuinely straight men don’t crave intimacy with other men to the point where they freak out like a drug addict at the potential for penis withdrawal. Bisexuals get enough sh!t as it is without douchebags like this trying to cheat and lie about their true feelings to themselves and the people in their lives. ZERO sympathy or respect for people like him who would rather lie and cheat than be their authentic true self and risk losing some of that sweet sweet hetero privilege.
just me
I feel sorry for the guy and for the people he causes harm while doing his thing. but maybe it’s all for the best, a year long trip, where you spend practically 24/7 with your partner can really put a stress on the relationship and test it. Add to that his repressed need for guys (who knows what kind of upbringing he had and what social pressures he has had to endure) and kaboom… something has to shift. not sure where, maybe they’ll break up, maybe he’ll tell her and she’ll be ok with it (doubt it), and maybe he’ll commit. too bad there’s no follow up 🙂
jonasalden
Just grow up and tell your girlfriend you want a vasectomy, or plan your medical tourism at a later date. Wait…
Kangol2
He’s also not very bright. Not to encourage cheating but since he’s clearly not straight and clearly must have d!ck, has he never heard of Google? Hell, you don’t even need cruising apps on your phone, just search CruisingforSex, etc. Latin America has sex clubs; cruising spots; hustlers; you name it. He sort of reminds me of a story I heard about a woman who couldn’t grasp that her husband was clearly bi/DL. He was as queer as a three dollar bill and had a thing for rough trade. He used to like to go on “night walks” and “night runs,” etc. She was like, He loves to get night air as he exercises. (And d!ck, honey!) A decade or so later, she figured it out, after a few of those night walks left him very bruised up (how many times can you trip in the dark and break a wrist or elbow?) and wallet-less.
Invader7
Here’s the question I ask supposedly self-DELUDED ‘straight” males ( not men – big difference ) : ” When YOU have sex dreams, is with women or men ” ? If they answer men, uh – bro : you’re gay. And in DEEP denial if you try to proclaim you’re “straight” &/or involved w/ a woman. Yeah, you’re USING her to cover up your DEEPLY closet identity. STOP IT !!!
Invader7
Well, Miss Jane read him the Riot Act . And read his beads. The selfish, sleazy,sneaky, sorry ,lame, a-hole LOSER !!! Males like that are a dime a dozen. COWARDLY,SPINELESS d-bag.. He better feel bad & guilty.Bet he doesn’t. Which could make him a sociopath!!!
Roan
Put Grindr or one of the other apps on your phone. Check for other horny blow-n-gos at your hotels. Just have a cover story. Grab an ice bucket and go out for ice. Or run down to the front desk for more towels.
Yooper
Christ, is he an idiot? For someone who has been doing the “on the side” thing for years you would think he was a bit of a clever one. A man can get man sex any place, any time. Back in the day it was the Y, tubs, public restrooms, truck stops, a walk in the woods. Now it’s still the Y, tubs, plus easily found m4m massage, and more hook-up sites than you can shake a stick at (except Craigslist Personals, which I still morn).
I make no judgement on his concept of straight, bi, cheating. Will say, if he and girlfriend have been together since 2014, she most likely has an inkling of his discontinuous man sex jonesing but chooses to ignore it in hopes of someday having that ring on her finger and house in the suburbs. A tale as old as time…..
Paco
He better hope his girlfriend, or people that know her, don’t read that advice column. Anyone that knows about their year long trip, to the same countries named in the article, is certainly going to suspect it is the couple they know.
enlightenone
“Just Jane” didn’t mince words. Good for her. This was as black/white as it gets! Joe Kort would have his back. Google him! I just wish homosexuals/gay males would have more self-worth not to indulge this pathetic CREEP!