BREAKING: “Gay Men Aren’t Pedophiles” Says Boy Scouts’ National Commissioner

Screen Shot 2014-07-31 at 10.27.39 AMThe Boy Scouts of America seem to progress about a quarter century behind the rest of the country. That would put them today in the social equivalent of 1989.

In 1989, gay people were tolerated, which is a far cry from accepted. Of course in the actual 1989, the Scouts were operating at a 1964 level; aka, don’t even whisper “gay” if you know what’s good for you (though I could swear there was a lot of muffled commotion in bunk three last night). Better to stuff those feelings down and wait ten years to pop the cork in therapy.

Repression gets so much better with age.

Let’s get back to today, 2014, or 1989 in Scout terms. Gay Scouts are finally able to join, because, you know, “we’re open minded.” But gay Scout leaders are still out of the question. “Just think of the children!”

But Boy Scouts of America national commissioner Hector ‘Tico’ Perez wants you to know it’s definitely not homophobic to ban gays from leadership roles. And his reasoning is kind of like a nervous kid saying, “I definitely didn’t eat the cookie. That cookie that was in the jar with the sprinkles and yellow frosting? No, I didn’t eat that one.” You’d believe him, right?

Here’s what Tico had to say in an interview with InfinitelyWild when he was asked if the Scouts considers gay adults “predators or pedophiles”:

“Let me be as clear as I can be on that topic: No, no and no. This has never been an issue of predators or pedophilia.

We have studied every piece of data and every piece of information that the rest of the world has and there is no relationship between homosexuality and pedophilia. That is not the issue.”

So what is the issue?

“Our focus is the kids, we are not a political organization, we serve young people.”

Ahh of course. It’s still only 1989, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.