oh jesus

Breaking: Vatican’s Sex Abuse, Gay Prositution Ring Discovered to Be the Work of the Devil

Don’t you wish your company had, next to the chief executive, the chief operating officer, chief security officer, chief technology officer, and chief revenue officer, a chief exorcist officer? The Vatican has one. His name is Father Gabriele Amorth, he’s 85, he’s had the job for 25 years, he’s handled 70,000 cases of “demonic possession,” and he knows why the Vatican is plagued by sex abuse scandals.

Because the devil is in the details. Or rather, THE DEVIL IS IN THE HOLY SEE!

The assassination attempt on Pope John Paul II in 1981? The work of the devil. When that woman attacked Pope Benedict XVI last year? Lucifer was up in that. All those priests molesting young boys? Satan on the move, yo. And certainly the recent uncovering of a gay prostitution ring operating inside the Vatican was the work of Big Red.

It must also explain why former Silver State Christian School principal Daniel Brock, in Colorado, was embroiled in a scandal alleging he fondled two male students! And the reason Brock was acquitted? Angels. And if Brock manages to fulfill his dream of re-entering the education profession? It’ll be the work of Jesus himself. That one of Brock’s accusers, Zach Scadden, killed himself the week after Brock was acquitted? Ugh, the devil again.

Always with a convenient excuse, the Vatican can pretty much blame the devil for all wrong-doing. But nobody ever accused a Bible-thumper of being nothing less than an artful master of spin. Except the devil.

[London Times]