Breast Milk Keeps Babies Straight, Claims Indonesian Mayor In Dire Need Of A Nutritionist

In search of an explanation for the recent uptick in LGBTQ voices in his country and around the world,  Mayor Arief R Wismansyah of Tangerang, Indonesia has come up with and irrefutable theory.

A changing political landscape that empowers queer people to come out of the shadows? No, that can’t be it.

The internet linking up disenfranchised people and opening up hearts and minds to different experiences? No, gross.

Umm, breast milk? Hell yeah!

“To create Indonesian children that are healthy, smart, and competitive, the most important thing is, from the beginning, to provide them adequate nutrition, especially breastfeeding,” Wismansyah said, sounding almost credible. But wait.

“So, it’s no wonder that recently there are more LGBT,” referring to busy parents who rely on canned milk and similar products.

That’s the best guess for what makes people gay since semen lattes.

Attitude reports that separately, the Indonesian Defense Minister Ryamizard Ryacudu said moves for gay rights put his country at risk: “[The LGBT movement] is dangerous as we can’t see who our foes are, but out of the blue everyone is brainwashed – now the (LGBT) community is demanding more freedom, it really is a threat.”

The country also recently banned “effeminate” men and drag queens from appearing on television.

Yikes.