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Birthday Bitches

Britney Spears Is Not an Old Hag, But Not Yet a Middle-Aged Woman


Britney Spears at 20. Credit: Youtube.

Britney’s 30, bitch! She made it, and we’re actually very proud of her. People talk about the “27 Club“—the accursed age at which so many of our beloved stars fall prey to the final throes of addiction and self-harm—well, Britney crossed that line three years ago.

But for us, 30 is a bigger bridge for Britney to cross since it’s such an official badge of womanhood—a subject she’s been playing with since “Hit Me Baby (One More Time).” She’s always been known for her girlish charm, even as she played out the all-too-familiar Good Girl Gone Bad storyline, from virginal Disney star to crazy cracked-out bald bitch and everywhere in between. But she’s never been that much of a scary drug addict, really. There’s the hilarious video where she’s stoned out of her mind, but it’s not frightening or worrisome. We’ve all been there.

Anyway, congrats on the milestone, Brit. You’re totally a woman now, but not a middle-aged Rachael Ray type who’s gonna get fat and complain about dieting and wear ugly momjeans anytime soon.

Oh, and what? Jason Trawick might put a ring on you soon. Think twice before you say yes.

On:           Dec 2, 2011
Tagged: , , ,
    • ~PR~

      @jason: this idiot gay man supports (note that this isn’t past tense, I still love the sound) her because he likes that electro-pop style. Ok, now I need to stop this third person shit… I like her music. I don’t think she has a good voice and I know that auto-tune is her best friend. So what? I also happen to like some musicians who have raw vocal talent. I have a wide range of musical interests, not just the artist you pigeon-hole all gay (idiot) men to! Of course, it isn’t a suprise that you jump on here with yet another woman-(and gay)bashing diatribe complete with those sweeping generalizations you seem so fond of misusing. Tsk tsk.

      Dec 2, 2011 at 8:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Phil

      That title is just mean-spirited.

      Dec 3, 2011 at 5:09 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • why?

      Go britney!! Glad she didn’t go lohan.

      Dec 3, 2011 at 5:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark

      The Queen

      Dec 3, 2011 at 6:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason

      If it were a man lip-synching and faking his musical performances, I bet you wouldn’t support him. But, being the fake gay guys that many of you are, you hop on the pro-female fake bandwagon. You support female fakes because they project the essence of what the modern gay guy is – ie fake.

      Dec 4, 2011 at 8:36 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Daine

      This stigma of 30 needs to stop. You’re still young in your 30s. 40 is the dealbreaker, though.

      Dec 4, 2011 at 10:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bob

      This caption doesn’t make ANY SENSE.

      Dec 4, 2011 at 12:29 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Evan Mulvihill

      @Bob: It means “This is Britney Spears at 20 years old.”

      Dec 5, 2011 at 12:52 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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