Birthday Bitches

Britney Spears Is Not an Old Hag, But Not Yet a Middle-Aged Woman

britney-spears-girl
Britney Spears at 20. Credit: Youtube.

Britney’s 30, bitch! She made it, and we’re actually very proud of her. People talk about the “27 Club“—the accursed age at which so many of our beloved stars fall prey to the final throes of addiction and self-harm—well, Britney crossed that line three years ago.

But for us, 30 is a bigger bridge for Britney to cross since it’s such an official badge of womanhood—a subject she’s been playing with since “Hit Me Baby (One More Time).” She’s always been known for her girlish charm, even as she played out the all-too-familiar Good Girl Gone Bad storyline, from virginal Disney star to crazy cracked-out bald bitch and everywhere in between. But she’s never been that much of a scary drug addict, really. There’s the hilarious video where she’s stoned out of her mind, but it’s not frightening or worrisome. We’ve all been there.

Anyway, congrats on the milestone, Brit. You’re totally a woman now, but not a middle-aged Rachael Ray type who’s gonna get fat and complain about dieting and wear ugly momjeans anytime soon.

Oh, and what? Jason Trawick might put a ring on you soon. Think twice before you say yes.

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8 Comments

  • ~PR~

    @jason: this idiot gay man supports (note that this isn’t past tense, I still love the sound) her because he likes that electro-pop style. Ok, now I need to stop this third person shit… I like her music. I don’t think she has a good voice and I know that auto-tune is her best friend. So what? I also happen to like some musicians who have raw vocal talent. I have a wide range of musical interests, not just the artist you pigeon-hole all gay (idiot) men to! Of course, it isn’t a suprise that you jump on here with yet another woman-(and gay)bashing diatribe complete with those sweeping generalizations you seem so fond of misusing. Tsk tsk.

  • Phil

    That title is just mean-spirited.

  • why?

    Go britney!! Glad she didn’t go lohan.

  • Mark

    The Queen

  • jason

    If it were a man lip-synching and faking his musical performances, I bet you wouldn’t support him. But, being the fake gay guys that many of you are, you hop on the pro-female fake bandwagon. You support female fakes because they project the essence of what the modern gay guy is – ie fake.

  • Daine

    This stigma of 30 needs to stop. You’re still young in your 30s. 40 is the dealbreaker, though.

  • Bob

    This caption doesn’t make ANY SENSE.

  • Evan Mulvihill

    @Bob: It means “This is Britney Spears at 20 years old.”

Comments are closed.