It all began innocently enough, as these things often do.
Andy Mientus, a Broadway performer (who also plays the baddie in The Flash) posted an Instagram pic of himself holding up a handwritten sign on which he describes himself as “an out bisexual (seriously)”.
The sign, which didn’t sit well with some crampy online troll, reads:
I am an out, bisexual (seriously) theater-maker.
I fight for diversity in ALL its forms, in all aspects of theater-making (casting, creative, administrative), as a means to evaluate underrepresented voices.
So far, so empowering.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
But that’s when the aforementioned Instagram joker named ahmedkillzone decided to let the bi-phobia flow:
Bisexuality don’t [sic} exist. People are gay or straight if he in a relationship with a man he is gay this how I see it.
Related: Broadway’s Hottest Bisexual Has An Important Message For All You Bi-Deniers
Fortunately, Mientus wasn’t about to take all this bi-phobic blowback lying down.
He responded:
Are you devoid of sexuality when you are single? Are people only gay or straight if they are in relationships? Furthermore, have you ever considered that (gasp) not all relationships are monogamous?”
Take that, ahmedkillzone.
And while you’re at it, take this, too:
Black Pegasus
Every so called self identified “bisexual” I’ve known has been an extreme narcissist jackazz. Totally self absorbed and dripping with delusions of grandeur. Bisexuality is a myth. While you can perform the act of having sex with both genders your authentic sexual orientation is either Gay or Straight.
End of story.
elderan
I strongly disagree with you, Ive hooked up with many bisexual men who were in healthy relationships, most were with woman, but one or two were with men (I felt uncomfortable with those ones)
theres also a large portion of older bisexual men, Ive had a lot of married older men hit on me, its uncomfortable.
and I can tell you that despite being gay, Im not completly gay, I find certain aspect of woman attractive, they are physically and emotionally attractive i have no problems cuddling or making out, hell I go to a strip club, I like watching woman dance, but that as far as Ill go, anything beyond first base makes me super uncomfortable
unreligious
Actually the reality is that there is a wide spectrum of sexuality. Very few people are totally straight or totally gay. Most people fall in between leaning more one way or the other. People who make pronouncements from Olympus as to how things are, rarely have the data to back them up. https://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/23/magazine/the-scientific-quest-to-prove-bisexuality-exists.html?_r=0
ErikO
What’s your point besides that you are a bigot that’s just as hypocritical as someone that’s homophobic?
Donston
elderan is the perfect example of the straight-worship that delude so many gay men (and lead so many gay men to adoring bi-identifying men and lead to so many gay men wanting to see themselves as bi). You’re hooking up with random guys who are supposedly in “healthy” relationship with women? Do you not see the irony?
And claiming to like to “dance with women” and make-out with women makes you “not completely gay”. Lordy. Being gay doesn’t mean you’re sexually scared of women (and I would know this having had sex with plenty of women in my teens and early twenties). Just like being straight doesn’t mean you’re sexually scared of men. In fact, there are plenty of inherently gay men who never have sex with guys.
Ability and acts do not reflect sexual orientation.
Brian
One of the problems is the word “bisexual”. It suggests that you swing both ways all the time and at the same time. That’s not the case.
dwes09
A bigger problem is a man who claimed not so long ago that gay men cannot have sex, but only “imitate sexual acts” because there is no procreative potential somehow thinks he can be taken seriously about anything.
Donston
Yes, Brian comes off like a self-hating, hetero-male worshiping, misogynistic, delusional gay man. He’s one of many unfortunately.
flybyKnight
Bisexuality does indeed exist, however that part of the spectrum of human sexuality has lost some credibility over the years because a number of gay men (and perhaps lesbian women) have used bisexuality as a means to soften the familial and societal blow of their true homosexual natures. This is unfortunate, because in some ways, bisexuals have to endure a huge credibility issues when coming out, while other members of the queer community seem to receive general accepatance of their sexuality revelations (for better or worse).
deeedeee
I like this comment. I hadn’t considered the negative ramifications of homos using the label of bisexual to ease the coming out process, and that seems so obvious now. Thank you!
Brian
A monogamous person can only be mono-sexual. That’s because the person you’re with is either male or female, not both.
However, that does not mean that the mono-sexual person cannot have desires for another person, either male or female.
deeedeee
Um…I’m not sure you know what monosexual means. It just means you are attracted to only one gender, be it you are gay or straight.
Your imposing views about how the word bisexual meaning some impossible feat of simultaneously being attracted to both genders at once goes to show how shallow your comprehension it.
Brian
You can be sexual in thought or act.
A man who is bisexual in thoughts can be heterosexual in act if he chooses to abstain from homosexual acts. A man who is heterosexual in thought can be homosexual in act if he chooses to submit to a man, such as in a pay-for-play situation. A man who is homosexual in thought can choose to eat out a woman’s gina if he so chooses, thus engaging in a heterosexual act.
My point is that the word “sexual” is a tricky word. It is an imprecise term. Even more imprecise is the use of the world “bisexual”. There’s a huge difference in the psychology of a man who is a 5 on the Kinsey scale as compared to a man who is a 1 on the same scale. Calling both these examples “bisexual” is folly.
“Bisexual” is a fallacious term but the concept of a man being able to swing both ways is a very important one for male power over women.
Donston
“Bisexual’ is a fallacious term but the concept of a man being able to swing both ways is a very important one for male power over women”.
Someone get this guy some damn help.
ErikO
Bisexuality does exist but some of the most biphobic people you will ever meet are gay and lesbian people.
Donston
Exist in what capacity? Everyone seems to have their own opinion about what being bi-sexual actually means exactly. And that’s partly what causes the confusion, especially when it comes to bi identifying men. Honestly, based off his social media history this dude comes off like another self-hating, self-denying, female worshiping gay man who doesn’t want to primarily date men but wants to engage in his inherent sexual attractions. And that’s okay. But let’s get rid of the “bi shield” and call a spade a spade.
Prinny
Who is he?
BigWill
Um, I believe “a Broadway performer (who also plays the baddie in The Flash)”? But then, according to standardized tests anyway, I have decent reading comprehension skills.
MaxTaste
I simply accept people at their word. If they say they’re gay, straight, or bi, I believe them. They know themselves better than I do.
julia_morgan
dgfd
QJ201
Bi bottoms and c*cksuckers are a dime a dozen on grindr and scruff.
Just sayin’
Jack Meoff
Those guys are rarely bi at all just queens trying to butch it up a little.
Donston
Can we stop referring to gay men, even effeminate ones, as “queens”? It’s borderline derogatory unless they’re drag queens or have made it clear they don’t mind that type of label.
Heywood Jablowme
That “Barrier Free Access In Rear” sign seems to annoy him. Is he some kind of a disability-phobe? 🙂
Donston
It’s funny how so many gays rush to defend “bi-guys”, yet when bi-identifying men defend/explain themselves it tends to be messy or incomprehensible.
Yes, sexuality is a spectrum to some degree. But sexual orientation is simply having substantial and persistent sexual attraction to whatever gender you have it for (and sexual attraction is not the same thing as sexual ability or sexual desire or sexual acts or wanting to hang out with whatever gender). Very few bi-identifying men (if any) possess substantial and persistent sexual attraction to both men and women. No matter how much people (particularly people like Brian) try to complicate the meaning to fit their viewpoint it’s not more complicated than that.
There’s a reason most bi-identifying men tend to date women: they’re inherently gay men whose egos/self-hatred/habits do not allow them to let go of hetero dynamics and see men as serious romantic options rather than just sexual options. Often they’re straight or gay men who due to narcissism or sadism/masochism/domination sexual fetishes look to have have sex with multiple genders. Sometimes they are suffering from some degree of gender dis-morphia and being with different genders allows them to feel their gender and sexuality is “fluid”. Rarely, if ever, is it simply due to having persistent and substantial sexual attraction to both men and women.
I can jump on the “bi-guy” bandwagon if the majority of them were completely honest about why they see themselves as bi-sexual (like many bi-sexual women are). Unfortunately, the majority of them just say things “love is love”, “I enjoy different people’s energy”, “I just love sex”, “I don’t allow gender to determine who I date” or they offer extremely convoluted answers. These things just make them come off evasive, slutty, self-denying, confused and/or like head cases.
Donston
The problem I have with the bevy of labels is that people (particularly men) often use them to hide who they truly are. Many gay people cannot self-accept. For some it’s not psychologically healthy for them to self-accept. That’s okay. Some gay and straight people develop fetishes or habits that can be very difficult for them to let go of. Once again, that’s okay and not unusual. But don’t continue to use labels to lie to people and yourself. If you know you only have real, substantial sexual attraction to men but you prefer to primarily date women then just say that. Or you’re gay but you like to hook up women sometimes for whatever reasons then just say it. You’re straight but you’ve developed some attraction to a particular male then just say it. If you’re straight but you like being sexually dominated by men or you like to sexually dominate men then just say it. You’ve developed attraction to cross-dressed men only then just say it. Whatever it is just say it. Don’t use labels to hide who you are because you’re scared of being judged if you get too exact. We are all going through something. Not hiding behind terms and actually being forthright, plain and exact about your sexual attractions, your fetishes and your romantic instincts is what’s important for a greater understanding and acceptance of male sexuality. Unlike what Brian constantly, misogynistic-ly claims this is on men to fix, not women.
I came out when I was 16, but I still mostly had relationships and sex with women until I was 24. I wasn’t interested in seeing men as romantic partners, and I had become comfortable with being with women. However, I was always honest about who I was with the women I dated. I didn’t hide behind the bi label. And I actually think not doing that allowed me to eventually be much more comfortable with my inherent sexuality and lessened my self-doubt. Everyone has their own psychology, struggles and journey. Being direct about that is what will lead to progress not more bi/fluid/queer/sexual men.
Donston
Yes, men can develop some attraction outside of their orientation, and they definitely can learn to enjoy sex outside of their baseline orientation. But it’s typically just a reflection of sexual instincts, habits or narcissism. It’s extremely rare that it’s substantial, persistent sexual attraction to both men and women.
Ultimately, my point is not that men should stop identifying as bi, merely that it’s time to stop hiding behind labels and be willing to express what your sexual attractions, fetishes and romantic instincts actually are. That would help not only bi-identifying men be more embraced but also will help to somewhat whittle down homophobia, self-hatred, fem-phobia, trans-phobia and unhealthy obsession with hetero-normalcy/dynamics and masculinity. Unfortunately, most bi, fluid, queer, etc identifying men aren’t willing be straight-up.
Even someone like Nico Tortorella (an obvious over the top narcissist,) who has talked about his bi-sexuality and “fluidity” ad nauseam, hasn’t even said something as simple as “I’m sexually attracted to men and women”. In fact, throughout all his interviews he’s made it clear that his sexual attractions lie almost solely with men but that he doesn’t want to live the “gay lifestyle” (a term that will never die), enjoys hooking up with women and prefers to primarily date women. If he were simply honest about this there would be no need to give countless convoluted interviews. And if most bi-identifying men were honest there would be almost none of this contention and resentment.
Prax07
My current ex, a 29yo “straight” leaning bi guy, is Only bi when it suits his needs. If a gay guy with money showed interest, he’d be bi. If a gay guy had weed, he’d be bi. If he needs something from a gay man, he’s bi. Otherwise he’s as straight as they come. So yes, there’s bi guys out there, they’re bi when it suits their needs. Other bi guys I’ve known in the past were exactly the same. Straight guys who are bi when it suits their needs, otherwise they’re straight.
Prax07
And yes, my ex is indeed a textbook narcissist. Everything is about him, his problems are not his fault, people are on earth to serve him, he uses everyone, lies to everyone, he takes selfies obsessively, suffers from depression, anxiety, and has a huge persecution complex.
Donston
I don’t think anyone questions that there are plenty of men who have sex with men and women. The question has always been do these men have persistent, substantial sexual attraction to both men and women (which is what being conventionally bi-sexual means). Research, science and most people’s experience tend to agree that they don’t. That their frequent bi-sexual behavior is not due to finding men and women truly sexually attractive but is mostly due to being gay but wanting to hold on some hetero-normalcy for ego reasons, general hyper-sexuality, a convoluted gender identity, developing domination/sadistic/masochistic sexual fetishes, and basic narcissism.
Bi-sexual behavior and preference is very different than having a bi-sexual orientation. Your ex just sounds like a self-obsessed, troubled straight or gay user, which is a “bi-guy” stereotype.
Donston
Furthermore, a decent amount of those bi-identifying guys you’ve hung out with in the past were probably inherently gay, but their egos and their desire to retain hetero dynamics keep them from embracing their inherent homosexuality. Being with women sexually and/or romantically is a powerful ego stabilizer for most men, even gay ones. Well, especially for some gays. It can often make inherently gay men more content than embracing their homosexuality. Loving a man, being committed to a man is often too de-humanizing and too emasculating for most bi-identifying guys, even the ones who only have real sexual attraction to men.