It’s Bisexual Awareness Week. To mark the occasion, Broadway actor Andy Mientus has written a lengthy but powerful Instagram post about the stigma many people still attach to bisexuality.
Related: A Heartbreaking Look At Why So Many Bisexual Men Remain Closeted
The 29-year-old Spring Awakening and Les Misérables star says he is often contacted by young people still coming to terms with their sexualities, and “it breaks my heart to learn that they are denying their hearts, bodies, and souls just because of what other people will think of them.”
“I try to be visible all the time just by being true to who I am,” Mientus says, “but I know many people struggle with this because of the stigma associated with bi-ness.”
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“Have you ever doubted someone who tells you they are Bi–‘Sure, Jan’–or debated the validity of that claim behind their back?” he asks. “Do you have a preconceived idea of what bi ‘really’ looks like based on what TV and movies have told you? Do you think of it just as a sexual kink or as a true identity?”
Related: Would You Date Someone Who Identifies As Bisexual?
Mientus continues: “When I encounter ignorance about my identity, I always try to approach it from a place of warmth and education, so this is not me lecturing the monosexuals out there. I’m inviting you this week to think about your own feelings towards bisexuals and ask yourself if there is any lingering doubt or prejudice there.”
Check out the full post below…
Masc Pride
Really hate to see such a hot guy stressing out over nothing. Bi-denial = jealousy. Plain and simple. We have a huge dating pool, experience all that sexuality has to offer, and aren’t confined to any one experience or box that dictates how we must think and live. Lots of gay and straight people resent all the options and freedom. #BiWinning
kent25
I find it very amusing a bisexual man is only bisexual when he’s dating another man, lol find one in a relationship with a woman to come out as bisexual, lol they don’t exist , Gay men and the lesbians got it right stay away from these types of people, Nobody like sloppy seconds LMFAO
Mo Bro
As a college guy who’s open about dating both men and women, I have friends on both sides of the spectrum who don’t understand, and that’s fine—no one is required to “understand” me. Gay men and straight women alike think I’m refusing to exit my closet . . . in fact, my handle, Mo Bro, is what some friends have labeled me as a result of having an occasional tryst with another guy. Fact is, I’m equally attracted to both, which is why I’m perusing sites like this one (despite its tragically liberal bent).
@Masc Pride: Agreed. I’ve said it before: Physical attraction is universal for guys like us. Dating options are expanded. Fewer restrictions. Less game-playing. The only drawback I’ve heard is that some believe we are incapable of monogamy, which is patently ridiculous (not that I’ll be ready for monogamy any time soon—having too much fun).
Heywood Jablowme
@Mo Bro: @Masc Pride: Interesting… you guys are both bisexual, and you’re also both right-wing kooks. Is there a connection? 🙂
inbama
@Masc Pride:
Larger dating pool?
Yeah, women are just lining up to marry c——-rs.
It’s such fun at bridge parties when your husband amuses the guests with tales about the men he serves at the local rest stop.
kent25
LMFAO!!!
Mo Bro
@Heywood Jablowme:
Yeah, there is: the capacity to see things from more than one narrow perspective.
Sansacro
@Heywood Jablowme: LOL
notcisjustmale
What do we call this, hide behind your wife privilege? Every “bisexual” male I’ve ever known is married to a female.
CaliKyle
@notcisjustmale: Andy Mientus identifies as bi but has a husband, not a wife, I believe.
CaliKyle
@Mo Bro: Just out of curiosity, are you equally attracted to both sexes romantically as well as sexually? I self id as gay but whenever I post here about having also had sex with women I get offensive responses from obnoxious know-it-alls telling me I am either lying about my sexual history with women or am in deep bi denial. The reason I id as gay and not bi is because my sexual attraction to males is notably stronger and more persistent than to women. Im also romantically drawn to boys and not at all to girls. So I label as gay instead of bi since that to me connotes a propensity to date and fall in love with both sexes when the truth is I date and fall in love with biological males only. Sexual activity in and of itself does not necessarily define one’s orientation in real life.
notcisjustmale
@CaliKyle: since I’ve never known Andy Mientus, what’s your point?
Mo Bro
@CaliKyle:
I don’t necessarily “identify” as bi, it’s just a fact about me. I don’t date men, per se, just mess around with them, but I’m open to the prospect of being romantic (women are insane and can be such a pain in the ass, whereas guys have fewer neuroses). Regarding people’s opinion of your sexuality, fuck ’em if they can’t grasp it; it’s their hangup, not yours. And we always have the option of privacy—no one is entitled to know everything about us but us.
Be well.
jjose712
@notcisjustmale: His point is very obvious, you are saying that all bisexuals marry women in an article about a bisexual actor married to a man.
jjose712
And frankly i’m not that sure about the wide dating pool. A lot of women and gay men seem very reluctant to date big guys which a supose is the whole point of Mientus instagram. There’s little visibility in the media to bi men, and they are easily put in the straight or gay categories depending of who they are dating
CaliKyle
@notcisjustmale: That not all bi guys are hiding behind wives as implied by your earlier comment.
CaliKyle
@Mo Bro: I agree the whole topic of orientation and how its defined is one big hang up for most people, especially Americans. Not only do I get hostile responses to identifying as primarily gay but also when I mention that Ive hooked up with more than a few legitimately straight guys who were both horny and curious enough to “sexperiment” with me. Almost all of it happened in high school and college yet various ignorant, pissy queerty posters insist that any guy who acts on same sex curiosity is automatically gay or bi. Hypocritically, this sentiment never extends to similarly curious females.
Brian
Men who can swing both ways are very common. It’s the most common sexuality out there.
However, many men don’t want to admit to it. If they do, it threatens their relationships with women as women feel threatened by the power of such men.
If a man can swing both ways, it destroys girl power.
kent25
No some women just don’t want to be with a man who act like a woman with other men
scotshot
@Masc Pride: @Mo Bro:
Having a larger dating pool does not guarantee your a better chance of getting a date.
It does however guarantee that you will be turned down by twice as many people.
kent25
yes indeed, once they find out he’s bisexual , bisexuals are Pariahs of the straight and gay communities
jeff1370
@Mo Bro: This is a GAY site, so of course there is a liberal bent. because of the way republicans have treated us in the past, we would be self-haters not to rebuff the republican orthodoxy.
Britney
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kent25
true! you guys can have all the Menage- a- trois you want, you know the old saying your not bi unless your four guys and one girl shagging like animals in heat. (hence) the greedy, slutty reputation, you people are like sex fiends , learn to keep it in your pants
Mo Bro
@jeff1370:
First of all, Queerty claims to be lgBt, not just gay.
Secondly, what’s up with the insistence that all of us who aren’t mainstream heteros must be liberal? If you’ve been told this, you’ve been lied to.
Lookyloo
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Lookyloo
@Mo Bro:
Just a little FYI: If not for people with a “liberal bent” you would not safely be “a college guy who’s open about dating both men and women” these days. Your student status would be shaky (you could be kicked out), going on a public date with a guy would be unsafe (denied service, arrested, ‘legally’ beat up or lynched) – also your living prospects and job ops after graduation would be super limited (shunned and denied.. legally).
It is only because of people with a “liberal bent” who strived for acceptance, both socially and legally, for people with even the slightest gay-bent that you enjoy the freedom and safety and ability to be open you have today.
Because people with a “conservative bent” spent their time striving for the exact opposite.
Hu7w
I am convinced that the most of people are probably bisexual (in some degree on the scale of Kinsey) and it would be great if they accept totally and openly their sexuality.
But if a guy leads a straight life (as the most of bi guys) in practice he is actually straight.
For this reason, I do not believe that the bisexuality could be equated with the gayness. I mean, the bisexuality is only a theorical level but on the practical level finally they have to choose a straight path (frequently) or a gay path (rarely). However a gay guy (monosexual) is gay in both levels (theorical and practical). This discordance is an inherent quality in bisexuality that they should accept.
drelocks15
Wait. This guy is bisexual and married to a man? That sounds….complicated.
RamblingManNJ
I have no doubt bisexuality exists. Bisexuals get some undeserved negativity and doubt from gays sometimes. I guess we are very defensive and know that the evangelical crowd will seize on anything to say “you see it is a choice
Mo Bro
@Lookyloo:
That depends on your priorities. Purely subjective. It’s like telling blacks they have to embrace the Republican party because it was Republicans who freed the slaves. I’m just as appreciative that liberals paved the way for me as you are that hetero white men paved the way for you, so I guess we’re even.
Masc Pride
@Heywood Jablowme: Right-wing? You clearly have me confused with someone else. I don’t even recognize your name.
@inbama: Is that how you view yourself? A mere c—sucker? Do you frequent rest stops?
@scotshot: Attempting to argue that a larger dating pool is insignificant totally proves my point about all the jealousy. More options generally means more opportunities for success in anything.
Masc Pride
@Mo Bro: I don’t think people really believe bisexuals are incapable of monogamy. The claim is almost always more of an ad hominem thing. Infidelity in heterosexual relationships isn’t exactly rare. And the gays? Well, we don’t even have to go there. Infidelity is common in all orientations, which has really made me question how natural or necessary monogamy is (or isn’t).
Mo Bro
@Masc Pride:
Yep.
I know of very few long-term relationships, which is understandable, considering people not only change over time, but they seem to either grow closer or grow weary of one another. As they say, familiarity breeds contempt. Nothing wrong with keeping ourselves open to that rare possibility of real love, but I doubt I’d ever settle down long-term with a woman, only because they’re fucking crazy, every single one I’ve ever met. Living with another dude, who knows? The prospect is intriguing.
garthjosen
I believe most people are bisexual to a degree. I can only speak for my experience seeing many bisexual men. I use the word seeing because all of these men were never emotionally available to me. They were all involved with women and saw me on the side. I guess it was easier to present themselves to the world as Hetero without denying themselves the need for sex with men. I never rejected them for being bisexual and even fell hard for some.
I guess those were different times and maybe bisexual men today would allow themselves to be seen with men and to fall in love with them. I do have some questions though and I am claiming ignorance and never disrespect.
How does one satisfy a need for one gender while being seriously involved with someone of the other gender? Do you stop needing one gender while involved with the other? How do you work that out with your partners?
Lookyloo
@Mo Bro:
First, I didn’t tell or suggest you join the College Dems or suddenly become liberal. I merely pointed out that your seeming disdain for people (or web sites) with a ‘liberal bent’ could use a reminding-perspective.
And you conflating political party names with ideology makes me think you might be going to a pretty low-end college – or that you’re just generally disingenuous,
Because, as history shows – and as we learn in school – it was liberals who worked to free slaves. This is because the political parties of today have virtually opposite ideologies than they did a hundred+ years ago. Lincoln – and the Republican party back then was liberal.. big-government liberal.
Telling black people to be thankful to the Republicans of today for ending slavery is a silly bullshit tactic by bullshit tactic wielding Republicans.
I did not take that tactic with you. I merely reminded you of actual factual history – without belittling you by assuming I could trick you – in hopes that you might reflect on the people holding an ideology you show scorn towards.
You say it “depends on your priorities”: I don’t care if you hate taxes or think people on welfare are lazy cheats — If you don’t realize AND APPRECIATE it was those with a ‘liberal bent’ that made things open, safe(er), and far more equal for you to live your life and have allowed you to have ‘other priorities’ these days, something is wrong.
Mo Bro
@Lookyloo: Well okie-dokie then.
Itsumo618
Funny, I posted my comment and nothing.
junk4sts
A lot of people (wheather they admit it or not) are looking for someone to call their own, and that get’s much more difficult with someone who identifies as “bi” sexual – Most people in their hearts know what they want, and know what will make them happy. To publicly label oneself as bisexual tells the world that in your heart you desire both men and women and that’s something you can’t get from just one person, so if you are bisexual, you can’t be what a “monosexual” wants, and a
“monosexual” can only be half of what you want. Neither gets what he wants so neither is if fully fullfilled. In this way bi can be seen as a different orientation than gay or straight. As a different orientation it’s not reasonable to expect gay or straight people to fully “get” you nor “desire” you.
Hank
As many comments above show, being bisexual is pretending to be straight and stay on their side against the LGBTQ cause. It is using homosexuals for sex and then throw away not to compromise.
kent25
I find it very amusing a bisexual man is only bisexual when he’s dating another man, lol find one in a relationship with a woman to come out as bisexual, lol they don’t exist , Gay men and the lesbians got it right stay away from these types of people, Nobody like sloppy seconds LMFAO