“Keep it white or Latin.” “Not into Black or Asian.” “Less than white? Not interested.”
These are snippets culled from real Grindr profiles, and included in an article published by Mic.
Related: Scruff Founders Defend App’s Ethnicity Filters — “Personal Preference” Or Casual Racism?
Entitled “Here’s One Brutal Truth Every White Gay Man Needs to Hear,” the first-person piece — worth a read in its entirety — finds journalist Matthew Rodriquez discussing his experiences as a Latino gay man, sharing examples of the discrimination he regularly faces on dating apps.
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“Gay white men were born gay, but they were also raised and socialized as white men — the social group vested with the most privilege in America,” he begins. “But here’s the brutal truth — the social privilege of whiteness still affords them a disproportionate amount of power in the gay community.”
He continues: “That privilege elevates white, gay men above men of color. They cover both gay and mainstream magazines. They lead primetime shows about gay men. White, gay men set the standard against which other gay men’s attractiveness is measured.”
Rodriquez says that the only way to “eradicate racism within the gay community” is for white gay men to “acknowledge their privilege — and the way it’s used, in ways subtle and not, to denigrate minorities.”
He goes on to discuss his own firsthand experiences of how his skin color impacts the way he interacts with the gay community at large:
“Like other black and brown gay men, I feel the effects of racism in everyday interactions with white gay men. But perhaps the most casual and most common place minority gays experience racism is in interactions on apps like Grindr, which to some degree have replaced gay bars as a nexus for dating and hookups.”
If you think Scruff or Grindr are hardly worth getting upset about, Rodriquez begs to differ.
“It is serious,” he writes. “Grindr is the new watering hole. How you comport yourself on there matters.”
Related: This Is Nelson. He Has Something To Say About Racism In The Gay Community. You Should Listen.
That’s why he feels it’s imperative that gay white men stop framing “desires according to racial categories — no this, no that.” It’s a point that seems readily obvious, but perhaps it’s one that bares repeating (over and over and over.) After all, we still see plenty of profiles with “No Asians, please.”)
If you want to help simplify your search for sexual partners, Rodriquez encourages readers to “frame your desires around specific acts and qualities you like. It could actually get you laid faster. Wanna play a sub bottom? Just say so. Wanna take it from a hung top? Say it loud and say it proud.”
Hmm. We tend to see a lot of that, too.
So what do you think? Is “the social privilege of whiteness” still leading to an uneven level of power in the gay community? Sound off in the comments below.
KiraNerysRules
Yeah. This kind of stuff happens. These are sleazy hookup apps. They are looking for @ss, not a gentleman. I wouldn’t want sleep with a guy who is so stupid that he has to think about not being a douche anyway. Those types of headlines and profile tidbits don’t bother me unless one of those douches messages me when their headline says they aren’t into guys who aren’t white. I think Queerty needs to give these click bait race articles a rest and look at its own problem – the glaring lack of articles about gay guys who aren’t white. Stop policing stupid hookup apps and look at your own product. What’s worse? A hookup app where certain people are douches or a supposed gay news site where the content is slanted towards only white gay guys only?
Zodinsbrother
Obviously discrimination in the world at large is odious. And personally I have slept with black, white, South Asian and East Asian men. All of them equally beautiful.
But I think when it comes to who we chose to let penetrate us or who we seek to penetrate that we have absolutely sovereignty over our own bodies. Whatever our preferences in terms of gender or ethnicity that is our business and nobody else’s.
If a woman decides she fancies me am I obliged to entertain her advances despite the fact that I know I have no interest in her. Am I sexist to insist that only men approach me?
I seems to me that, as long as people are respectful that they have every right to be open and honest about their preferences and to not be judged for it. Or are we saying that the social Conservatives were right that our sexual and romantic preferences, between consenting adults, should be subjugated to “moral” judgement and censure.
Mr.Tim
If white guys tried to have their own hookup sites the PC Police would go fucking nuts. Yet here we have just 3 examples of choices for Peole of color; BLACK http://www.gayblackhookups.com/ , ASAIN http://www.gayasianmale.com/ and LATINO http://gay.amor.com/ . It’s time to stop policing guy’s sexual practices and preferences. In the meantime please stop white washing gay media and stop perpetuating the “Perfect Gay Man” agenda.
dsharpark
I’m tired of being told by minorities (who know nothing of my life story or struggles) declaring that I need to ‘confess to my priviledge’. Screw you people… don’t assign me duties and obligations based on the color of my skin, right?
And if I don’t want to sleep with someone based on their looks, political views, race, Creed, national origin, ethnicity, employment status, disability status, education, hairstyle or favorite tv show…. that’s my prerogative!
Quit trying to get white guys to guilt-fuck you… if you think guys of a certain group should be getting laid more, then you can lead by example and bend over for them. Don’t try to shame me into it… no means no.
mikenyc352
Although I don’t necessarily think any of it is fair or right, how is stating preferences for race any different than people desire for certain ages, body types, heights, eye color, shoe size or the various other characteristics that get some people going while it leaves other people completely uninterested? I personally have no particular sexual preference for or against any race but there are definitely body types and other physical characteristics I am attracted to and others I just am not. I can no way of changing those any more or less than my strict preference for men and not women.
soweird101
It’s called a preference. I am so sick of people that get rejected blaming it on racism.
barkomatic
Those guys Grindr responses are downright rude.
If you’re not into a guy for whatever reason, just don’t respond. Anything else really is a put down. That being said, other men should not demand a response either or insult someone who doesn’t.
DDstar1me
@dsharpark …..I agree. As a gay black man I have never sought after any type of white validation. Furthermore, I’ve been with plenty a white and latino men who prefer black men and only date black men.
Just love yourself and be who you are and the right guy will love you for it. I hope I live to see the day when a person’s skin color is as important as a strand of hair.
Brian
Male homosexual desire is very exclusionary by nature. It will never change.
MarionPaige
It seems all of these people purporting to decry how racism affects them as minorities pick White forums in which to express their feelings. How many people of color, gay or otherwise, know of mic.com? Mic.com is an interesting site but, it seems to be clearly geared towards a twenty-something “White Male Audience”.
Like these minorities desperate for validation from White People, Gay White Men, in general, seem desperate for validation from “the mainstream” and,
The advertiser driven image of “Gay” is probably more destructive to White Gay Males.
Paco
It is certainly a thought provoking article. How much of our dating preferences are actually rooted in bias against a certain group and how can we tell the difference between preference for what we like and socialized or learned bias against what we don’t like?
I go by what I find attractive about another person. Their race is never a factor that influences if I will go to bed with them or not.
etseq
It is hard to take this “critiques” seriously because he isn’t challenging what is truly wrong with grindr, etc. – reducing gay identity to endless anonymous sexual encounters, usually unsafe and drives by crystal binges is the real “truth” that gay men don’t want to here. The fact that it is also racist, sexist and full of internalized homophobia is sort of besides the point – would it be any healthier if it was politically correct?
etseq
Also, MIC has so jumped the shark – it is a pure SJW internet outrage machine…
joe
@mikenyc352: perfectly put …i’m into my perferences, like any other preferences listed, race is just another one, like it or not its just the way i feel. i would never tell anyone that its their race, i’d never be remotely rude to anyone i’m not into. how is saying i have preferences offensive?
chillbrutha82
I am a gay Black man who lives in a small town in Texas. Have I been turned down because of the color of my skin? Absolutely! I simply take it and believe that the ones who turn me down are not the ones that I should be with. Case closed. Are there White men who chose to only date other White men? Yes. But there are also Black men who only date other Black men, Hispanics who only date Hispanics, and Asians who only date Asian men. That being said, there are also men of ALL races who LOVE Black men. I dated two of them in college: one white, the other Hispanic. I suggest that the author of the article stop cruising hookup sites and go out, get a life, and find a man of his own. Then maybe he wouldn’t have such a jaded and incorrect view of the LGBT community.
SnakeyJ
I don’t understand the argument here. Racism will not be eradicated by white men taking a closer look at what they are attracted to sexually. The same people who don’t find someone of a particular race sexually attractive, can be extremely accepting of all people when it comes to other types of relationships.
This article ends with “If you want to help simplify your search for sexual partners, Rodriquez encourages readers to “frame your desires around specific acts and qualities you like.” Uhm… isn’t that what these guys are doing?
I don’t think this whole issue is cut and dry. If these guys stop putting “No Asians” or “No Blacks”, they’ll just ignore the messages/chat requests. It doesn’t solve anything, and you can’t stop someone from being sexually attracted to who they’re attracted to.
On another note, these types of articles end up making it seem like caucasian men are the “prize” among gay men who aren’t white, which I’m sure isn’t accurate in most cases.
Tackle
@dsharpark: Hey I have some good news for you. “Speaking from a Black mans perspective”,the vast majority of Black men don’t give a fu@k about you, and tend to be into other Black men. Asians and non-Black Hispanics I don’t know about… Believe me, the only people who are going to be hurt by this, are those people of color, who tend to be into, and favor and need validation from White men…
And I will say tis, I wish that this hook-up preference would stay in the bedroom, but unfortunately it doesn’t. I have been saying for yrs on here. That I don’t believe that people can turn it on, and then turn it off. What people find sexually stimulating and attractive, is what they will go out of their way to smile more. Be more helpful/nice to.. Show more empathy and sympathy to. These things can greatly affect someone job or apartment hunting. And one of the best examples of attractive preference, is Matthew Shepard. If he were anything other than young, White, cute and blond, the dominate gay community would never had made such a big deal out of his death…
junk4sts
I clicked the link and read the article, I don’t like the “white privledge” wording and I don’t think it’s necessary. The overall point of the article is that studies have proven that race based exclusions are rooted in learned racist attitudes.
Of course guys will still say, it’s just a preference, but the science says that isn’t true. What the article doesn’t go into is that there are men of color with these same learned racist attitudes toward their own race.
As a group that wants to be accepted, LBGT people need to try to unlearn racist, bigoted thinking. White people are not the only racist, bigoted people in the world, sadly all peoples and cultures have an element of “hate based” thinking.
Racist and bigoted attitudes can and are so ingraned in a soceity that individuals don’t realize that they are affected by these attitudes, and this is where we all should try to open our minds a bit, and recognize our own racist or bigoted thinking and attitudes for what they are. When we do this we stop seeing a “black” man and we just see a man, we stop seeing an “old” man and we just see a man.
Some of the most beautiful men in the world are not white, some of the kindest and most loving people in the world are not “young”, and some the best lovers in the world don’t have “six pack abs”.
light
I call bullshit on this being an issue. People are attracted to who they are attracted too. Anyone who says physical attraction plays no part in a healthy relationship is kidding them selves. Personally I would also prefer white, it is what I look for and it is just what I like. However, I wouldn’t out rightly state no to anything else, if the opportunity arises I wouldn’t reject it. I just wouldn’t search for it.
But that’s just me, you can’t force people to want to be with someone that they aren’t attracted too. May as well force all gay men to be with woman and I know very few of us want that.
MarionPaige
@etseq: “Also, MIC has so jumped the shark – it is a pure SJW internet outrage machine…”
Mic.com also seems to be one of those websites designed for mobile devices, which is its prerogative, of course, but, it also goes towards indicating its target audience (i.e., younger people using smartphones).
The site has put some interesting ideas “out there” but its articles seem to lack any substantial debt. For example,
The site has no commenting system. It just seems “odd” for the site to continually through out provocative stories and yet provide no method for exploring those ideas in debt.
MarionPaige
that should be depth
Black Pegasus
Everytime this issue comes up I just grab a coke and some chips while laughing at the snow queens who are still seeking an inviting eye from a white guy. I truly feel sorry for you guys. And for some of the white gays who left provocative comments regarding this subject matter, just let me say that the Black men who are breaking their backs for your approval are the ones we don’t want anyway! They are spineless self loathing queens. There is an entire universe of successful college educated Black men with gym memberships who don’t want to play in the snow!
@Tackle: LMAO thank you so much for that comment.
JerseyMike
@Tackle: High Five/Fist bump.. don’t matter to me. What you said is nothing but the truth. I’m a black man who only dates black men and don’t apologize for it. White guys or whoever can date who they want to without apology.. Like you said, the only ones caring about that are those dudes of color who are chasing the white peen. White guys don’t apologize for your likes or dislike because I’m not going to.
truckproductions
I find this mostly on grindr. Honestly I haven’t seen anything like this on scruff in the 4 yrs i’ve been on.. last week a dude wrote #whitepower in a message to me on gringr. 😮
Xzamilio
@Zodinsbrother: You can phrase that stupid ass statement as many ways as you want, and it still sounds stupid. Not like a woman doesn’t make you sexist… it makes you GAY.
With that said, Tackle is spot on. I have never and refuse to give a flying shit about what Willy McWhiteBottom wants in his bedroom. He wants another white man? Good for him? No blacks? No Asians? No Indians? Do you, baby. People can’t help what they’re attracted to, and while there are ways to word it diplomatically, wouldn’t you rather someone show you who they are from the jump?
And yes, Tackle is spot on another front: it seems the other ethnic groups caring more about this are themselves more attracted to white men, because I’m looking at this not giving two country dumps because why would I care what someone else is attracted to when it ain’t disrupting my life and won’t change their attraction? What, you wanna guilt the white guy into giving you some affirmative action? Girl, bye… maybe log off and go out into the gay scene. Or maybe you think others should change their standards to suit yours.
How is that? Is that self-hating black man enough for you?
sdsinmpls
Further, Scruff, Grindr, et al, are just more ways that gay men can treat other gay men badly, regardless of our ethnicity. The number of posted profiles that list all things you can’t be and all the things you must be to get the user’s attention FAR FAR FAR outweigh those posted by gentleman. Now you don’t even have to leave the comfort of your home to be subjected to rude, “holier than thou” behavior. Yay.
Marky
@MarionPaige: mic.com is geared toward a 20 something FEMALE audience.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
FFS! Black and Asian guys are equally allowed to express a racial preference and some do. Next!
stadacona
My Body. My Choice. I will reject whatever race or ethnicity that I damn well decide to reject. SJW’s are really pissing in the wind on this issue…as usual.
skcord
I think most of you are missing the point. One can have preferences, no one is asking you to make your bedroom the new United Nations. All that is being asked is that those preferences are stated in a way that doesn’t denigrate and demean other groups. It’s funny to see so many decry the label of “privileged” while demanding minorities conform to the way you want things… isn’t that an obvious manifestation of privledge? And the fact that I even have to say this – The reason there are dating and entertainment sites exclusive to minorities is because the majority of institutions in America are catered to and made for a white consumer. Why would you need a white exclusive dating site or a white exclusive entertainment chanel when the majority of them already are all but in name?
mokuhulu
I never cared about a person’s ethnic background. I like cultural differences, if we don’t click its for other reasons.
KyleChi
Only you can allow someone to demean or degrade you.
Paco
When a person excludes an entire race from their list of what they find attractive, I do have to wonder if it is more than just a preference and actually a r*cial bias at play under the surface. If they can honestly say that all men of a certain race are unattractive to them, then at the very least, it deserves some self reflection to understand why they feel that way.
Of course the apps have done a fine job of dehumanizing people and turning them into nothing more than disposable objects devoid of anything that makes them a person to the “shopper” that just wants what they want for the moment. So it is no surprise that many of the profiles tend to be insensitive with language towards others.
The full article ends with…
“It’s the duty of anyone who cares about r*cism in the gay community to call it out when they come across it. Words have power. By calling out r*cist language, we can interrupt decades’ worth of hard-wiring that says branding minorities as undesirable is okay.”
And I agree.
kiriakis1
1. I’m not a white gay man, but this constant whining from my fellow minorities is way past tired.
2. I’m also not on Grindr which may be why I find it hard to sympathize.
3. I’ve never been attracted to a white gay man. I don’t think that makes me racist.
4. I don’t go around advertising that I’m not attracted to everyone except white gay men. That would indeed make me racist.
kiriakis1
1. I’m not a white gay man, but this constant whining from my fellow minorities is way past tired.
2. I’m also not on Grindr which may be why I find it hard to sympathize.
3. I’ve never been attracted to a white gay man. I don’t think that makes me r*cist.
4. I don’t go around advertising that I’m not attracted to everyone except white gay men. That would indeed make me r*cist.
skcord
@KyleChi: That is silly… Considering the definition of degrade is to treat or regard with disrespect – the action is completely out of the control of the person toward whom that behavior is directed. – Also, for your edification, degrade and denigrate aren’t synonymous
Ruffnik
@skcord You have made some great points, and it seems some people are missing the underlying case of combating racism that is inherited in societies. I think the subject of race really gets people emotionally charged resulting in some really harmful, negative, or hurtful comments. You can get your point across without bashing each other!
@tackle Although I think people can change.. the older people get, the more set they are in their ways! Your points on preference in jobs/housing/outcry are something I agree with and have seen firsthand. That is why there are projections in place in our laws for those that are inherently disadvantaged. Ugly, but (brutally) true.
Having civil discourse on these kinds of issues can only help us to better understand and treat each other. We are all humans and part of the human race 🙂
Nera_Bellum
basically…you mad cuz u wanna fuck white dudes but they don’t wanna fuck you.real legit.
how about actual problems like how white gay men control the media image and create a false ideal of what a non-het guy is thus painting a false image of life as a queer person is as a whole .what about the working class guy or the queer and pooor.FEMALES.
worry about something other than white dick.
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
And here’s the truth Matthew Rodriquez and many of you need to hear, white gay men don’t owe you their dicks. They can not fuck you for any reason including your skin color. Deal with it. It’s a fact that isn’t going to change. You begging for it just makes you pathetic and less fuckable.
Kangol
In a nutshell: white queens are r@cist and privileged and use the fog of “preference” to justify their behavior.
A latino (or black etc.) queen who wants some of that white meat encounters white r@cism on Grindr/Scruff etc. and writes the umpteenth article about it. Girl, we get it! Let those tired white queens go!
Meanwhile, the white queens eventually encounter hom0phobic behavior from the white straight/hetero power structure which oppresses everyone but they personalize it and can’t see how they’re contributing to the oppression of others by helping to maintain the r@cist system. Maybe they wake up, but the evidence here is that they don’t.
Meanwhile, ultra right-wing types who spout r@cist memes like “SJW” post on Queerty as if no one else notices. Give it 2-3 weeks, and another version of this article and miasma around it will pop up again.
dustashed
As a non-white person, I’d like to say that we need to give the “Race” card a bit of a day off.
Sure I experience racism as well, but come on.. everyone is a “little bit racist” as per Avenue Q. For sure we need to keep our own personal racial bias in check but we also have to understand that people are not always as refined with their words as we would like them to be.. hence it is sometimes (and I stress “sometimes”) better to just shrug and move along our own merry way.
myloginname
I’m now in my late 40s. In my late teens early 20s growing up in Los Angeles Asian men would overtly hit on me, try inappropriately touching me in public and simply not take no for an answer. It made me erroneously believe all Asians were like that and thus I would not date Asians. I see the errors in my thinking now but all races need to stop and think about respecting one anothers boundaries.
Billy Budd
Yes, it is obviously r@cism. I lived in the US for 5 years and I could hardly find any interracial couples around in the country. White people in the US abhor other races, at least they don’t want them in their beds. I must add that I am white and my boyfriend is black.
bottom250
Sweethearts, I am into men of all colors so bring on the men.
jag4313
I’m white and I prefer ALL men of color… except white. I’ve never been fully attracted to white guys. I’ve been with a few white guys and some very attractive ones at that, but the darker the skin, the better the chance of a “panty drop”. HA
Tobi
@Paco: “I do have to wonder if it is more than just a preference and actually a r*cial bias at play under the surface.”
I find it a difficult question to answer myself. I’ve had lovers of many races, cultures and every colour under the sun. However, when I lived in India, I saw hundreds of thousands, met thousands and am friends with several hundred Indians, but I’ve never met one that sexually excites me. That said, I’d have better taste and better manners than to put “No Indians” on a profile. I’d rather skip or spend a few seconds to turn someone down as politely as I can.
seasailor
So, you’re allowed to state your preference for a physical characteristic like penis size, but you can’t state whether you prefer a physical characteristic like skin color. Really?
Josh447
Ya know what … races stick to their own genetic code in general, that’s human nature. It’s natural selection. Like attracts like. It’s not discriminating, but it is discerning. You don’t see horses mixing with zebras or hawks mixing w crows in the animal kingdom either. And I hate to break it to you; we are primates and primates are part of the animal kingdom. Trying to control sexual selection and whining when it doesn’t happen won’t solve the inferiority problem. Even getting laid within one’s own race can be next to Impossible for many. It’s a meat rack. There are rules. And there are some exceptions. But one must accept, or be frustrated.
If one can’t stand sub zero temps, maybe get out of the meat locker.
jonasalden
@Xzamilio: I totally agree. I refuse to give White men the power to make me feel bad about myself. Keep it moving.
jonasalden
@Tackle: I agree with just about everything you’ve said here. If these men are in America, and by extension the West really, it would seem obvious that such preferences are informed by the so-called “racial hierarchy”. Will I let that ruin my day, even if I found him attractive? No way. And as a matter of fact, my pride would never allow me to deign to point it out to him. It is not my burden to make him see that. Screw it. There are plenty of men out there who would be equally drawn to me and to you. This old-school idea of trying to get Whites to “be fair and equitable” is tiresome. Grow your own garden and let them enjoy their own lilies if they so desire. I’m actually sick of this on all fronts, whether it be dating or anything else.
DCguy
I’m not really sure I get it. Even if somebody tends to, for example be really attracted to blondes, they may statistically be less likely to find somebody with brunette hair, such as an Asian guy attractive.
However, hot is hot, and I have no doubt that there are Asian guys, or black guys, or Latin guys that the guy who prefers blondes will think is hot. So it seems like they are really cutting off their nose to spite their face.
Hot is hot, If a straight guy was dating Scarlet Johansen and then they broke up and he was dating Paula Patton He’s still dating a ridiculously hot woman. People need to lighten up.
DavidIntl
This debate gets a bit tiresome. There is real racism in the world, and it is a problem. But sexual preference is not racism, any more than homosexuality is misogyny.
Mykey
Am black and if anyone’s profile says no blacks, no whites, no asians, no latinos… then sorry you are not for me…
Chris
And people who limit themselves to certain age ranges are ageist; to certain body types are body shaming; and who serosort are…
I’m an old, overweight Latino fart. As far as I’m concerned, people can use whatever terms they wish to express who or what they want to do or to be done by. That is personal.
-ism’s come into play when people use those categories to deny people opportunity in the social spheres of work, shopping, and the like.
There is a difference. I focus on the latter and don’t worry about the former.
SamDixon3972
It is amazing that plenty of gay men – white, Black, Latino, Asian and so on – but often white gay man express the idea that their sexual preferences are just “theirs alone”.
Given the racial and ethnic segregation in schools, work places, residences and neighborhoods that has occurred for decades and still occurs, and will continue – these folks say, “my sexual preferences are just mine, alone” un-affected by anything else.
As if the segregation in schools, work places, residences and neighborhoods does not affect and select – the “boy next door” – when it most certainly does.
Given the racism and segregation in popular media – print, music, television and now the internet – these folks say, “my sexual preferences are just mine, alone” un-affected by anything else.
The millions of images contained in movies, TV shows, and advertising over the many decades with all-white casts & outlooks – affects, shapes and crafts desire & so much more. And these gay folks say, “I want what I want, my ideas are just mine, alone” as if un-affected by anything else.
Given the economic picture, earning power and the wealth of the various groups – white males are on top. That economic power translates into the goods and services demanded. It is amazing that these folks say, “my sexual preferences are just mine, alone” un-affected by anything else.
Put a white studly guy on a horse in a wilderness scene and plenty of men will flock to buy the poison cigarettes advertised. Put a white guy in tight white underwear on huge bill-boards in places like Times Square and gay men will flock to wear and buy over-priced men’s underwear. Create decades of white male only pornographic sexual images and plenty of white gay men will flock to segregated & segregating gay bath-houses, backroom bars and other places. Gay porn producers create thousands of white only gay porn and pictures of naked men. Gay magazine are often filled with only the images of white males. Segregating men will create mobile cell-phone app and other hookup dating apps and gay men will easily segregate themselves – all of the while claiming “my sexual preferences are just mine, alone” un-affected by anything else.
These gay men will still continue to chant, “my sexual preferences are just mine, alone” un-affected by anything else. Just like they were programmed to.
Chris
@SamDixon3972: Tackle the latters issues; the first one will take care of itself.
onthemark
Did anyone notice that “Grindr Fail” article the other day where one of the examples was a white guy texting, “I always wanted to see a black d1ck.”
The black guy was offended and replied, “Not gonna happen, dude.”
So even when it works the other way around, it can be expressed crudely or inappropriately.
Back when guys met IRL in bars, things like “whites only” or “I want to see a black d1ck” were simply never spoken. (Even if someone was really, really drunk!)
But in print, it all looks particularly bad – especially next to someone’s photo.
Kangol
@SamDixon3972: That’s how r@cism and white supremacy work!
Blackceo
Oh boy….this is a popcorn worthy thread. I mean what the guy said in the article is true. Not one lie in it. However, my issue is not so much that white guys aren’t into anything other than white guys, but its the way they go about saying it. There’s such superiority in the sentiment. I prefer Black and Latino men but have slept with just about every type of guy in the rainbow. But not everyone is open minded. Welcome to the world. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone so closed minded anyway. I’ve never done Grindr so I don’t know if you can just swipe away someone you don’t want but if you can just swipe left or right do it and move on.
Of course we all have preferences but to say that none of it is rooted in some kind of racism is just stupid. But ultimately there’s nothing you can do about it. If you like to play in the snow trust and believe there’s plenty of White boys out there who like to. So just ignore the ones who don’t want you. Being this pressed about it gives these kind of White men unearned power they don’t deserve. The end!!
UltimateSin
We all have preferences. I am turned off by guys who have flat asses and lips or small to average packages. Hence by default, not really into white guys.
Paco
“However, my issue is not so much that white guys aren’t into anything other than white guys, but its the way they go about saying it. There’s such superiority in the sentiment.”
——
Spot on. Many are either completely blind to their own privilege, or simply don’t even care because they don’t have to. Many don’t understand how publicly labeling minorities as undesirable is damaging and reinforces their own privilege over others. They don’t seem to understand that no one is trying to force them to sleep with people they don’t want to. It is their language about it that is being called out.
junk4sts
I clicked the link and read the article, I don’t like the “white privledge” wording and I don’t think it’s necessary. The overall point of the article is that studies have proven that race based exclusions are rooted in learned r@cist attitudes.
Of course guys will still say, it’s just a preference, but the science says that isn’t true. What the article doesn’t go into is that there are men of color with these same learned attitudes toward their own race.
As a group that wants to be accepted, LBGT people need to try to unlearn r@cist, big0ted thinking. White people are not the only r@cist, big0ted people in the world, sadly all peoples and cultures have an element of “h@te based” thinking.
R@cist and big0ted attitudes can and are so ingraned in a soceity that individuals don’t realize that they are affected by these attitudes, and this is where we all should try to open our minds a bit, and recognize our own r@cist or big0ted thinking and attitudes for what they are. When we do this we stop seeing a “black” man and we just see a man, we stop seeing an “old” man and we just see a man.
Some of the most beautiful men in the world are not white, some of the kindest and most loving people in the world are not “young”, and some the best lovers in the world don’t have “six pack abs”.
heavylifter
@junk4sts:
“The overall point of the article is that studies have proven that race based exclusions are rooted in learned r@cist attitudes.
Of course guys will still say, it’s just a preference, but the science says that isn’t true. ”
What science? All the article mentions is “studies” showing a “correlation”, which means sweet FA.
There is one obvious truth that blows the White Guilt/Sexual Racism narrative out of the water:
Gay asians who have been raised in asian cultures such as China or Vietnam immigrate to Western countries and immediately chase after whities while avoiding other asian men like the plague. They have not been “social conditioned”, or whatever Critical Theory mumbo jumbo phrase holier than thou Progressive/Social Justice Warrior types like to regurgitate, into chasing white guys. They have been bred and raised in an Asian culture with very little white culture exposure except for what they deliberately seek out on the internet or cable TV.
So much for the social constructionist propaganda about “socially conditioning” then.
heavylifter
@junk4sts:
“R@cist and big0ted attitudes can and are so ingraned in a soceity that individuals don’t realize that they are affected by these attitudes, and this is where we all should try to open our minds a bit, and recognize our own r@cist or big0ted thinking and attitudes for what they are. When we do this we stop seeing a “black” man and we just see a man, we stop seeing an “old” man and we just see a man. Some of the most beautiful men in the world are not white, some of the kindest and most loving people in the world are not “young”, and some the best lovers in the world don’t have “six pack abs.”
Here we go, so no one is allowed ANY kind of preference at all, because “muh feelings”.
So we should not “see” anything but “man” when getting sexually aroused?
So no one is allowed to feel disgusted by an obese queen who needs a special device justice to wipe their back end after taking a dump? You want us to “just see the man”, not be “bigoted” and dive right on in?
No thanks, bitter queens on Grindr and other hook up sights who keep trying and failing to score a whitie need to STFU.
Creamsicle
Of course these guys can have sex with whomever they choose. I personally take issue with the way that they choose to advertise their preferences, especially the ones saying “if you’re less than white/anything less than white.” I also question the necessity of taglines like that on grindr. Are they getting SO MANY messages from asian men, black men, and latino men that they can’t handle their day-to-day lives any more? What’s the problem with not replying? It gets the message across just fine and costs nothing. You don’t even have to say no politely, just don’t say anything at all and if you get repeat messages from guys you don’t like you can block them.
heavylifter
I read more of the original propaganda hit piece in MIC:
“You may be born gay and white, but you were not born perceiving Asian or black men as unattractive — or wanting to keep any racial group out of your bedroom, for that matter. Unlike one’s sexual orientation, race-based dating restrictions are socially constructed — not innate. Rather than deny or defend racial dating restrictions, gay, white men should admit that they stem from prejudice.”
What a load of BS. Zero science to back up those crazy accusations.
Social Justice Warriors need to keep they busy body noses out of other men’s bedrooms.
heavylifter
@Creamsicle:
” Are they getting SO MANY messages from asian men, black men, and latino men that they can’t handle their day-to-day lives any more?”
Yes it is like junk mail, so why not apply filters like the “No Junk Mail” on your letterbox?
“What’s the problem with not replying? It gets the message across just fine”
No it doesn’t. We are talking gay hookup apps here, have you even used one, you sound clueless.
Paco
@heavylifter: “So no one is allowed to feel disgusted by an obese queen who needs a special device justice to wipe their back end after taking a dump?”
——
So, going by your extremely offensive example, are you saying you are “disgusted” by minorities or people that are different than yourself? Your comment comes across like that.
Wow… Just wow.
heavylifter
@Paco;
“Wow… Just wow.”
Hey, you post like a teenage white female babysitter.
Did you bother to read the post I was replying too? Did you not understand his claims that no one is allowed discriminate on any basis, you are suppose to “just see the man”?
What do you find “extremely offensive” about my example, are you claiming it is not true or somehow “unfair” or “harmful”?
Why is everyone these days “like wow… just wow, sooooo offended” and “outraged” about everything but are incapable of cobbling together an even rudimentary coherent argument to support their point, let alone identify an opposing argument they need to respond to?
Paco
@heavylifter: The fact that you think it is ok to blatantly and rudely discriminate without any restraint or decency toward the humanity of others, only shows how much of a problem there really is and articles like the one we are commenting on are more necessary than ever.
We call out homophobes and bigots outside of our community for denigrating us with their language. The same should be happening within our own community because it is toxic and quite hypocritical to allow it to continue unchallenged.
Xtian99
@Xtian99: why is my comment not being published Putin I mean Queerty????
highestbidder
People have their preferences so to avoid complications it’s probably best to state them plainly at the outset. I know it might kinda suck for those excluded but it’s just casual sex it’s not access to medical care or something drastic. I know what he’s saying, I really do. My family is racially mixed, I have experienced vileness first hand and witnessed my brothers and sisters getting harassed and we all were told countless times that our mother was a n-lover. (I apologize for saying that word even as an abbreviation) I grew up in the 60s & 70s when biracial families were not so common, so we used to have to deal with situations such as being stared at in public, shouts from people driving by, and when I was in the military and friends of all races would see my family pics and ask who the black people were. I could write a massive post on this topic but for a comment thread I’ve probably already been too long winded. I’ll just sum it all up by saying someone not being attracted to certain features or appearances does not rank very highly on my list of discriminatory experiences. And as a white man I’ve experienced Asians and Pacific Islanders not wanting me based on my race when I was stationed in Hawaii and blacks and Mexicans not wanting me based on my race when stationed in California and here at home. And now that I’m in my 50s with a gut even the whites don’t want me so there ya have it. This writer wants us to believe it’s a one way street but it’s not totally. It’s good to talk about it though so we can try to reduce these occurrences but let’s not be overly dramatic and couch the discussion in terms of white privilege, it’s just sex.
heavylifter
@Paco:
Again you don’t even address the issue because you know you haven’t got an answer to my criticism, so you resort to “outrage” and finger pointing squeals of “bigot”.
“you think it is ok to blatantly and rudely discriminate without any restraint or decency toward the humanity of others”
LOL, now you really are acting like a hysterical female.
Why are you so triggered?
Are you one of those fat fugly asian fems on grindr always trying to get a hot masculine white jock?
And when you fail miserably you claim your “civil rights” have been violated, lol.
heavylifter
@highestbidder:
“People have their preferences so to avoid complications it’s probably best to state them plainly at the outset. I know it might kinda suck for those excluded but it’s just casual sex it’s not access to medical care or something drastic…
…I’ll just sum it all up by saying someone not being attracted to certain features or appearances does not rank very highly on my list of discriminatory experiences. ”
Finally, someone else is pointing out the emperor is wearing no clothes.
And it is no coincidence that it is a guy who has experienced REAL race discrimination in his life.
Unlike the bitter fugly queens on Grindr, furious that they can’t score the hot white jock of their dreams, the busy body nosy “Social Justice” gay activist jerks and consumers of Gawker type click bait , who try to invoke MLK for their self serving agenda.
Paco
@heavylifter: Being that you can only respond with increasingly offensive comments to defend your position, I’ll just accept that as proof that the article and this conversation is beyond your understanding and simply leave it at that.
misterhollywood
I honestly don’t see an issue with anyone stating a preference. It’s not racism if a Latino prefers a black guy or a white man desires to hookup with a Pacific Islander. Sorry I can’t agree with the message here.
joebloe
Why can’t I say the word “r@cist” in the comments?
joebloe
“If you’re white and raised in America, there’s no way not to be r@cist. Acknowledging that you harbor r@cist attitudes and beliefs is the first step to combatting r@cism in the gay community.” – Mathew Rodriguez aka author of the Mic article.
GC1985
@light: You call bullshit because you throw dirt into your own eyes and are biased.
R@cism is extremely common in the community. If you are someone of a racial and ethnic minority you will be sidelined and viewed as undesirable.
@heavylifter: You are a repulsive disgusting little man. You heavy lift what? Twinkies? Budweisers? Nobody wants white jocks. Latinos are hotter and people like you can’t see that.
White jock blah blah blah… You are just as dumb as Donald Trump.
GC1985
@heavylifter: Those femme queens are more attractive than a delusional disgusting dirtbag like you. You are a repugnant disgusting person who is worth nothing to no one. I bet you wouldn’t say half of what you wrote to a Latino or black gay man.
GC1985
@heavylifter: Too bad we can’t filter you off this site you nasty little bigot supremacist. You are what is wrong in this country.
rmarin776
I think many white men will never get this. This is not solely about sexual preferences. The truth is that many gay men of color feel completely invisible within the broader community. They are overlooked sexually and socially by their white peers, and there are all sorts of issues related to social status at play.
At the same time, I don’t think that white people are ever going to step up and take responsibility for this issue. There may be some well meaning social justice types who will give the issue some lip service. But as people of color, we have to deal with the anger and hurt, and find meaningful ways to move beyond it, ourselves.
jonasalden
@rmarin776: Exactly.
jonasalden
@Blackceo: That’s what I was trying to say. Well said!
Giancarlo86
@GC1985: You are a sad bitter old troll, go get a life.
Tobi
@GC1985 @Giancarlo86 LOL, will the real Miss Carini please
standshut up.Merv
This is full on regressive BS. If you have a problem with some people excluding certain races, then direct your concerns to them, not “every white gay man.” Don’t think your regressive-based prejudice doesn’t stink just because you couch it in simplistic and unscientific social privilege theory.
onthemark
@heavylifter: Let me get this “straight” – Quoting from your exchange with “creamsicle”:
” Are they getting SO MANY messages from asian men, black men, and latino men that they can’t handle their day-to-day lives any more?”
Yes it is like junk mail, so why not apply filters like the “No Junk Mail” on your letterbox?
“What’s the problem with not replying? It gets the message across just fine”
No it doesn’t. We are talking gay hookup apps here, have you even used one, you sound clueless.
——————–
So – what you’re saying is that your photos on Scruff & Grindr etc are so HOT and so awesomely irresistible to all these black/asian/latino guys that they constantly bombard you with requests so much, trying to have sex with you, that it’s practically a full-time job for you to NOT REPLY???
So as a time-saver, you MUST say “No blacks/Asians/Latinos”???
That is unbelievable. And also, really funny! (What a busy life you must lead.)
GC1985
@Tobi: Coming from you… Ironic. Biggest fake on this site. It is pretty obvious I am the real one.
The troll with the fake username is a well known alleged pedophile on a different site. I know who he is and I heard he allegedly tried to hook up with someone underage. Ignored as always.
@onthemark: I am sure he says “anyone who is darker than me need to apply. And if you are oriental stick to your own kind. I don’t need any commies contacting me!!!! Only red white and blue rednecks masc4masc for Trump for me!!!!!”
I may be exaggerating a tad… But perhaps I am right on the money.
yalopy26
I hate this article because you are pretty much implying white people are some godly person that you cannot achieve, which is just bullshit. You have no idea how many hot gay black, asian and arabic guys that I have seen that are way more good looking than most white people I have seen.
My Advice for you is just stay away from people who says No asian or No black, because I can promise you that they are just the most close minded to talk too when it comes to culture or just life in general. I feel like they live in some sort of white bubble and just talking to them makes you feel like your some exotic animal they have never seen before. That why if you are going to try interracial dating I feel like you will have a better/enjoyable time with asians, latinos, Indian and black. There is some white guys that dont have this white bubble around them who are enjoyable to talk too.
ppp111
People shouldn’t have to apologize for whom they’re attracted to or whom they fall in love with. Period.
GC1985
@yalopy26: Usually those white gay men who say “white guys only” aren’t very attractive to begin with.
@ppp111: Yes but insulting people of different r@cial and ethnic minorities and making them seem less is disgusting. It is highly hypocritical as these same guys expect equal treatment, yet treat ethnic minorities in the community like sh*t.
Giancarlo86
@Tobi: GC1985 is a sad bitter old right wing troll in need of a good wash who stalks me and tries to fake post in my name. F.Y.I. I only post from Giancarlo86.
Nahald
Everyone has their own type of guy that they are attracted to. It’s honest to include your preference in any ad on Grindr or other dating site. Why waste a person’s time if you are not going to be attracted to them to begin with ?
GC1985
@Giancarlo86: Try again fake. You need to come up with something better. You are a 50 year old troll on a ch@t room who tries to hook up with teens from what I have heard. Fake loser.
GC1985
@Giancarlo86: pedo alert! Keep an eye on this neo Nazi pedo.
n900mixalot
Gay men are absolutely some of the most bigoted human beings in existence, whether referring to women, other gay men, other ethnicities, socio-economic groups, etc. The most awful things I’ve ever heard come out of anyone’s mouths have been out of gay men’s mouths. These posts regarding skin color preferences are nothing new, and while seeing it in writing can be absolutely gutting, these people are letting you know up front that their views are very specific, and that you’re wasting your time if you’re trying to talk to them about anything at all.
Like someone else said, these are slags, not gentlemen. They’re not looking for real friends or interesting people, they are looking to satisfy a particular fetish. It’s no different than people who are bareback only or into bodily functioning all over one another. They get to be and say whatever they want due to the freedom of anonymity and lucky for you guys who use apps like that, it’s all right there in the open for you to block.
I say, get over it and move on. They’re not worth worrying about. For the lonely ones out there who are discouraged by all of these types, as it turns out YOU are the better person and just know someone else is out there in your same situation looking for someone who is like you.
It’s a great big world out there. Smile and Jeep it moving! And be safe and save yourself for someone who will worship you like you worship them.
EbonyOnly
Get over it. When BET Awards are all inclusive…and ” Black Lives Matter ” includes ALL lives matter you need to clean up your backyard.
Giancarlo86
@Tobi: @GC1985 is #BatShitCrazy as you can see from her calling other commentators here at Queerty “Nazi pedos” for no reason. I recommend everyone ignores the sad old bitter right wing troll.
Nekobot917
@Black Pegasus: This, I’ve turned down so many white men after realizing that there’s nothing special about them over anyone else, their appeal is entirely due to the media glorifying them(which is just other white people promoting their own self image), the funny thing is that they act as if you are supposed to like them or something, just simply because they are white, never mind what they look like, personality and so on. Even worse when they will have r*cist profiles but try to message you, I cut that down really quick.
GC1985
@Giancarlo86: Coming from the fake who tried to hook up with a 14 year old allegedly, pure irony. Why don’t you come up with your own name, you pathetic slob? Or do you not have the capability in doing so? Try to be original for once! You are a Trump supporter too and I support Hillary. You are the right wing asshat.
Stilinski26
Latinos are so hot though
Mikedaelder
I completely agree with this article. I’m reading the comments and am not surprised in the slightest whatsoever. What kills me is how people try to hide behind “it’s my preference”. Let me break the word “preference” down to you. Preference is enjoying or like something over another. There is nothing completely wrong with that. The problem lies with you saying “white only” or “black only”. That’s not placing one over the other. That is saying you want one thing and no to everything else and that’s not at all preference.
On another note, since we are talking about a hook up site. I’m sorry but a penis is a penis. They all do the same Damn job wherever you get it from. There is no difference there except for what color it is. When you are having and sex, you aren’t constantly looking and getting off my the color unless you are extremely flexible.
Moving forward, I saw a comment saying, and I am paraphrasing, “well other sites have said they my for minorities”. Well, why do you think that is? If that person isn’t being represented in the mainstream, they tend to make something of their own. Which is why we have those sites.Which is why black people have BET, which is why Hispanics have telemundo. They weren’t being represented so they made their own.
I’m so sick and tired of hearing white people cry because they feel attacked. Sometimes you are, and I understand why and even though I don’t do it, I apologize on their behalf. But! Let this be known. It’s to a point in this world where even though they are attacked, it’s not going to make a dent in any social standing white people hold whatsoever and you all know that.
[email protected]
what a bunch of CRAP. water seeks its own level should cover the mentality of why any gay guy hooks up with another gay man. the myriad of buttons that are pushed by both to proceed to fuck with each other. white priviledge…oh pullleeezzz it only exists in your own mind u drank the cool aid and now u have a sick stomach. go lay down…dream of the top ur looking for…and then go get him. and have that grow up
[email protected]
@Mikedaelder: so ur not white so how the fuck would u know anything about being attacked for being white…shut up sit down and be nice
[email protected]
and given this is a far left whacko site to promote some fuckn agenda…my fellow white guys take all of this with a grain of salt. in case white guys don’t know this..WE ARE THE NEW MINORITY and have been for at least the last 15 yrs
antonio_beardall
I am white, and I notice that many gay men prefer white men. When it comes to men, I prefer men darker than I am, whether for relationships or just hookups. I have tasted men from around the world and every shade you can think of, and for me once there is chemistry that was good, skin color was not important.