Butt Print Bandit Terrorizes Nebraska Town

Police and residents are on the edge of their seats in Valentine, Nebraska:

Some man has been skipping from one business to another in the dark of night, pressing his naked behind — sometimes his groin, sometimes both — on windows.

It’s easy to tell.

Store owners, church workers and school janitors have had to wash lotion and petroleum jelly off the windows he selects.

“This is the weirdest case I’ve ever seen,” said Police Chief Ben McBride.

A wad of chew in his mouth, he didn’t crack a smile as he talked about the case.

“It’s not funny,” he said. “We’re worried about the next step.”

Well, actually, we think it’s kind of funny, but do what what this “next step” may entail. Matthias Hermann, is that you?

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  • Woof

    I loved the “A wad of chew in his mouth, he didn’t crack a smile….”

    There has got to be a Jeff Foxworthy “You might be a redneck” joke in there somewhere.

  • Mike in MO

    It’s not funny, it is HEE-LARIOUS!!!!

  • Roy Pyatt

    Has anyone checked the whereabouts of Rush Limbaugh?

  • key

    It’s all fun and games until you wake up with a vaseline butt print on your window.

  • L Moosman

    I know Chief McBride, he was a Denver, CO law enforcement officer before moving to scenic Valentine, NE and is a serious person who is very good at his job. This butt print person has left graffiti and “presents” on private property. Obviously the next step could be to invade a home and/or attack someone.

Comments are closed.