Countdown to Oscar

Call me dull: 10 of the all-time worst gay sex scenes in movie history

The Academy Awards are finally here, and Call Me By Your Name is in the running for four major awards (it t already took home top voting honors in the 2018 Queerties). Rooting for you, Timothee!

With the 17-year-old-character’s scene involving a peach sparking debate, we thought it a good time to take a look back at homo-sex in cinema. Ironically, latter-day queer classics like Call Me or Brokeback Mountain get their own share of criticism from queer audiences–for not having enough gay sex or for the sex not being graphic or real enough.

There is some merit to these criticisms. Many gay films, including Call Me, seem skittish when they get to the inevitable sex scene, creating a huge double standard as opposite sex gets more explicit by the year. I mean, when the sexiest scene in the movie involves penetrating a small fruit you know things could be a bit hotter.

However, sometimes caution can be good. Because full-on sex scenes are easily botched, leaving audiences frustrated and ignorant of the erotic possibilities.

On the eve of the Oscars, check out our list of the worst gay sex scenes in movies. Watch these titles at your own risk.

1. Shame

Observers tend to make a big deal about Oscar-nominated hunk Michael Fassbender showing off his oscar in this film about a sex addict. Yes, he goes full frontal, and yes he has  sex—some very bad sex. At a particularly low point, Fassbender’s character ends up in a sex club, looking to hook up with whatever he can. What transpires doesn’t titillate so much as make us want to take a shower in bleach. We love naked Fassbender, but the scene left us less titillated and more than a bit nauseated.

Shame streams on Amazon, iTunes and Vudu.

2. Wet Hot American Summer

The cult comedy earned a good deal of buzz for featuring a gay affair between two campers, played by Bradley Cooper and Michael Ian Black. Now granted, some people get turned on at the idea of doing it in a tool shed, even when played for laughs. We respectfully disagree.

Wet Hot American Summer streams on Amazon, YouTube, iTunes and Vudu.

3. Rules of Attraction

Brett Easton Ellis penned the original novel Rules of Attraction as a sort of semi-sequel to American Psycho, which itself has homoerotic overtones. The film version of Attraction features some of the most irritating gay characters in recent memory. Worse, the movie punts on gay sex, substituting a surreal dance number to George Michael‘s “Faith”.

In a movie that wants to be shocking, the scene exposes the skittishness of the filmmakers.

Rules of Attraction streams on Hulu, YouTube, iTunes, Vudu and Amazon.

4. Requiem for a Dream

This one goes out to the ladies in the house: Darren Aronofsky’s masterpiece about addiction features some characters doing some pretty awful things to get their fix. That includes Jennifer Connelly’s character, who agrees to perform sex with hooker featuring a double headed dildo. It was enough to scare anyone into never trying drugs—or sex with women—again.

Requiem for a Dream streams on Hulu, iTunes, YouTube, Vudu and Amazon.

5. J. Edgar

With a script by Dustin Lance Black, and leads played by Leonardo DiCaprio and Armie Hammer, you’d think that J. Edgar, the biopic of the kinda-closeted-but-not FBI director, could show a bit of homo sex. The film’s one love scene plays more like something out of Fight Club, yet somehow less homoerotic. Edgar and love interest Clyde share a kiss then proceed to beat the crap out of each other before confessing mutual love. A scene of the two watching lawn sprinklers might have been more erotic.

J. Edgar streams on YouTube, Amazon, iTunes and Vudu.

Related: Is this gay sex scene in ‘Call Me By Your Name’ the hottest ever to hit the big screen?

6. Cruising

The notorious thriller set in the S&M scene caused an uproar back in 1980, despite (or perhaps because of) the presence of young Al Pacino and Oscar-winning director William Friedkin. Loaded with ostensible man-on-man sex which invariably turns to graphic violence, we nominate any given frame of the movie as some of the worst gay sex in cinema history.

Cruising streams on YouTube, Amazon, iTunes and Vudu.

7. Six Degrees of Separation

Now Six Degrees of Separation hardly qualifies as a bad movie. It falters, though, in the lead performance by Will Smith as a gay hooker. Smith (allegedly under the advice of Denzel Washington) refused to kiss other men, making the film’s sex scenes a bit hollow as a result. Smith has grown into a fine actor. If he’d have had more courage at the time, Six Degrees might not only have become a classic, but Smith might have gotten the kind of adult roles that earned him respect much sooner in his career.

Six Degrees of Separation streams on Hulu, Amazon and iTunes.

8. Bruno

Yes, ok, Bruno is supposed to be funny. Still, we gagged more than laughed at the film’s sex scenes which involve an Asian twink, a fire extinguisher, and an exercise bike.

Bruno streams on YouTube, iTunes, Showtime on Demand, Amazon and Vudu.

9. Wild Things

Anybody who remembers the 90s likely remembers the sensation that this dud thriller caused—not for its scares, but for a girl on girl scene involving Denise Richards and Neve Campbell. Call it Hollywood lesbian exploitation at its worst. And remember, we’ve seen Showgirls.

Wild Things streams on YouTube, Amazon, iTunes and Vudu.

10. The Fan

Young Michael Biehn made us swoon, though his role as a gay stalker/killer in The Fan somehow managed to turn us on even less than when he gets splattered with acid in Aliens. Reinforcing the cinematic stereotype that gay people are maniacal killers, Biehn slices up a victim while receiving oral sex. Yeah, for those of us wanting to oogle Biehn’s square-jawed handsomeness, stick to more erotic films–like Aliens or The Terminator.

The Fan streams on YouTube, Amazon, iTunes and Vudu.