It happens all the time — well, in porn films. And on Reddit.
User HKML000 shares a tale of considerable woe; a tawdry anecdote that involves gay sex, a camping trip, and then — because life is hard — a gale of static followed by radio silence.
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The story so far: this self-professed “straight-acting” gay guy is part of a Boy Scouts group that regularly takes weekend camping trips, and he and his pal Cory took several of those jaunts together.
How about we take this to the next level?
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Think long poles, tent flaps, and vain remorse once the campfire sputtered out and died…
Take it away, HKML000:
Cory and I were sharing a tent. Obviously, as guys do, we ended up talking about girls. He was bragging about everything he had already done because he was a year older and I (obviously lying) told him I had done some things too…
Me being a gay guy, [I] got a boner. And then the weirdest but most exhilarating thing happened to me: I’ll save you the gory details, but we did some oral stuff and used our hands a lot. This set-up may seem unnecessary but I’m stating it to show you that he came on to me. I’m sure I gave him no reason to believe that he owed it to me or that I was coming on to him. Anyway we did this for the first night and then one final time in the evening when we were “taking a nap”.
Now this is where I get confused. After we did it for the second time, he just completely changes and shuts down. He acts as if I don’t exist but when he had to take notice of me he treated me like a child…. When It came time to go home we had to car share but the whole journey back he didn’t speak to me, not once, whereas when we were first driving down he had been talking to me the whole time.
Bummer. And it gets bummier.
In the end, this young man stopped going to his Scouts group:
I had had enough of being spoken about behind my back (And by the end I was openly being called “Gay” and “Gayboy” in a derogatory way) and I was afraid that I was slowly falling in love with someone who hated me for something I had thought we both enjoyed.
Now, an entire year has gone by, and judging by the reams of purple prose he’s written on Reddit, he’s clearly not over the emotionally unavailable candy-sadist he once called a friend:
In a way the entire experience has helped me metamorphosize into who I was really supposed to be, but even a year later I still have the doubt in my mind. Why does he now dislike me? We have messaged each other since but when we have they have been fleeting conversations with him refusing to talk about it and pretending as if it never happened. He pretends as if we are fine but I can tell he is still wary of me.
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He’s asking readers what exactly he did in order to earn his ex-friend’s wrath –“Did I do something wrong?” — and he’s wondering if he can do anything to patch things up and restore the relationship.
Readers have been to offer their two cents.
“The problem might be that he feels guilty about what happened,” responds one Misstress of the Obvious, “and rather than addressing the source of that guilt, he has decided to repress it and cut you out because you’re a reminder of what happened.”
“He hates himself,” says another. “This has nothing to do with you and is his lesson to figure out.”
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A third reader posits a different theory: “Experimenting with you has ultimately led him to the conclusion that he’s straight and now he doesn’t know what to think and how to feel about the things you did…”
So — short of waiting another year and then building a fire out of his ex-friend’s property like a good Boy Scout — what should he do?
Sound off in the comments below.
Scribe38
It sucks, but you move on with your life and ignore the hell out of him. Maybe when other people viewed you as gay, he couldn’t take it or be seen around you (happened to me in H.S). Find someone who is out and into you, don’t chase DL guys. Don’t text or message the dude, don’t respond if he contacts you.
Mack
The “straight guy” is having the feelings that “what happens in the tent, stays in the tent”. Move on and live your life. Your life is too important to worry or think about a person who not sure of himself yet.
[email protected]
The sex was lousy. Otherwise you wouldn’t be able to get rid of him.
Atomicrob
It’s nothing new. It’s called homosexual panic. He probably liked it too much and now he doesn’t know what to do next . . .
bourbonbear
I ended up having a drunken encounter with a very close friend. It was probably inevitable as he took things a little further every time we were together and this time wanted to go all the way. I resisted, knowing there was a risk. Yup. Two days later he freaked the F*ck out about it. Said I ruined his chance for a normal married life, yadda, yadda, yadda.
This happened in January. Pretty much over him now.
Oh and he wears diapers.
scotshot
Walk away and be happy you won’t spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.
Minerva pomerantz
Doll, this happens all the time in the big city. Just because you fuck in PS don’t expect them to talk to you in WeHo. It was what it was.
BriBri
Consider yourself lucky to be dumped by a “straight boy”, they always have dirty holes.
charleyp_1999
closet case for sure.. He’ll be coming out in a big way screaming mary.. and Felicia and snap snap snap.. maybe he’ll come back after he does that..
mrzodiac2003
Move on with your life, forget him, not worth the trouble. You’ll be happier and so much better off. Been there.
Jaroslaw
Scribe 38’s answer is the best.
Minyassa
I’m not going to try to make an armchair diagnosis of someone I haven’t met and observed, I’ll just go straight to “what should he do now”. Move on. I know it’s confusing and sad and upsetting, but the problem is his, not yours, and you deserve to go have friends that aren’t confusing and upsetting. Go make some nice friends that don’t go all weird on you (in bad ways–weird friends can be nice too).
bourbonbear
I’d like to think the reaction was delayed because he went to bed the next night with his GF and asked her to rim him and SHE freaked out…
heavylifter
Why did she think it was anything serious? A bit of random fooling around on a school trip and she starts browsing wedding planner websites?
No wonder the straight guy ran a mile.
What is it with queens, you barely give them a polite “Good day” and they think that means you are going to be their baby daddy.
Josh447
It seems to me if the guy was experimenting, falling for him was the problem. When people have sex things change. He obviously wasn’t into the love vibe. Makes total sense he would bolt. There was no future anymore for him in the relationship. It had taken a turn he wasn’t into and could not reconcile back to the way things were, which was easy going and on the same page. Hence the fork in the road. Let go and find someone on the same page.
David Myers
@heavylifter: You’re either a bigoted self-hating gay man or a Troll. Where do you get off making so many stereotypic and transphobic assumptions about a person you don’t even know (you don’t know if he is effeminate yet you keep calling him she)? You’re use of ridicule and put down shows that you are a bully. I think you are a Troll, regardless of whether you are gay or not. Begone Troll . . . you have no power here!
Brian
There is no such thing as gay sex. Sex cannot have an identity.
If they had a lusty episode, it’s their right. They don’t have to take it any further. Experience doesn’t need to become an identity issue.
a68xke
Don’t make his issue – your issue !
joe
this happened to me growing up, i felt different and i thought my three friends liked playing around then the next summer everyone was into girls and i wasnt feeling it. to this day i see these guys at family functions or old neighbor parties. two are hard core right wing church going types. i only go to these parties if i have too, i feel ignored and rarely have conversation with either. just try to let it go and move on dont be like me i felt guilt and shame for years over it, let alone the whole gay thing. i still have my moments but justtry to suck it up go on…
Brian
We need to tell all men that homosexual feelings and experiences are normal but that you don’t have to identify as gay if you have them.
bottom250
so romantic.
DutchGay
He might come back when he sorted out his feelings. But don’t wait for it as life goes on.
curan
Guys do this not because they are dismissive of the person, but because they are afraid of the stigma and status of not being entirely straight. They put their friendship and their fear on a balance, and the fear wins.
This is always a concern when initiating new sexual habits with someone close to you – they will identify you with the activity, and run from both if the situation can’t be handled maturely on both sides.
After grim experience, I ask for an overnight reconsideration before I go all in when I am at all concerned about keeping the friendship. This closes the door to a fair bit of sex, but I don’t have to delete contacts quite so much.
Dave Downunder
I don’t put much store in anything that comes off reddit. If this guy has been posting about this for over a year it sounds like he is just bored and after attention.
Dirtybird_Mary
Yeah, who the fuck knows where’s this supposed str8 guy’s head is at, or what exactly his major malfunction is…
Screw him anyway, it’s his problem, his head-trip.
I say enjoy it for what it was, & then don’t look back, …& don’t chase dudes “on the DL” or those who are married, or that claim to be str8 (or whatever). Whenever I hear “discrete” or “DL” – I say, “oh fuck no, I don’t think so” …it’s a big red flag.
Brian
Let’s stop saying to men “you must do this or you must do that”. Men have enough pressure from women. We men should not be joining women in moralizing to men about sexuality.
Gay-identifying men can be the most self-righteous, moralistic people out there.
MediaGuy
My Dad slept with my sister’s boyfriend (turns out 3 times), and then she found out. THAT was a shitstorm. OMG.
Josh447
Mediaguy,
Wow, what was the outcome/reactions over time?
pscheck2
It’s interesting that the str8 guy was the initiator of their sexual tryst and went back for seconds! We can speculate on what caused his turn about but in any case, he is living in fear that he is gay! It appears he had a sexual awakening and found fulfillment in the act, but, unfortunately, the norms in his life, forbade him in going there! If he did find fulfillment, you can bet he will explore this ‘avenue’sometime in the future, regardless of his marital status! So, in conclusion, he should forget about him and move on. It could turn into an ironic situation, that sometime down the road, the two should meet in a gay bar. Oh, well.
MediaGuy
@Josh447: I really shouldn’t put the entire truth on Queerty. But, WOW. I’m afraid that the 6 degrees of separation in this case might be 2 degrees and someone would know who I was talking about. It’s a surprisingly small world. Last I heard Dad is still pushing the kids face into the pillow any chance they get even though both of them are now married to women and one of them lives in Berlin. I really wouldn’t mind if lover boy wrapped his legs around my neck either. That must be some kind of sweet sugar.
Matt1961
Young men need to feel in control, and they need to be able to save face. If indeed this was young experimentation, then they OP needs to allow the friend to save face and let him off the hook. He’s not yet learned that having sex together doesn’t automatically lead down the aisle. If he truly want’s to keep the relationship as friends he will need to make sure the other guy doesn’t feel he must perform sexually to keep the status quo.