A 25-year-old gay man is worried he’s becoming addicted to male escorts, and so he reached out to The Sun‘s advice column “Dear Deidre” for help.
“I had sex with two escorts in three days,” he writes, “and now I’m worried I’m getting hooked on them.”
The anonymous man, a computer programmer, says he’s never had a boyfriend and doesn’t find himself sexually interested in people at the office: “Everyone is geeky and they’re wrapped up in their work rather than wanting to go out.”
But this guy wants to go all with a number of escorts ever since a friend introduced him to an agency. His first meeting was six months ago.
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“When he had sex, it felt so good,” he writes generically. “I met him the following week and we had sex again.”
Now, he’s ordering escorts all the weeks.
“I’ve tried to find another hobby but I soon get bored and go back to escort guys,” he writes.
“I don’t really have the money to keep doing this. I’m using my credit cards and I think it’s getting out of control.”
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Deidre says dumping money you can’t afford into an escort’s underwear is a road that might lead to trouble.
“But I don’t think I’d label this an addiction,” she writes.
The real problem is that you haven’t come out in a way to help you build up a full social life, giving you the opportunity to meet potential partners who want you for you, not your wallet.
Focus on building a new life for yourself and take a positive step in that direction every time you feel tempted to contact the escort agency.
Ever found yourself spending too much money on sex workers? Spill the tea in the comments below.
WindsorOntario
The biggest issue young gay men face today isn’t really about acceptance but more about their expectations and judgment. So many have spent years online looking at nude photos of young jocks (none of whom are gay) and fantasize about these same types of men at school or the gym (again, few if any are gay).
Then after coming out they discover that none of these gay men they’re seeing in real life resemble those in the photos and fantasies. They’ve conditioned themselves into only being turned on by a specific kind of guy that they are just not likely to find in the gay community. We make up such a small percentage of people as it is – then to expect the kinds of men that are rare in our community – these newly out guys are miserable. They’re devastated. The guy they’ve been fantasizing about for years is nowhere to be found.
Until you start looking for these escorts who are usually not gay but very hard up for money. I have a hard. time feeling sorry for this guy because these are the kinds of men who seem to think that ‘typical’ or normal gay men aren’t good enough for them – they think they deserve these straight guys who look like baseball players or something – meanwhile emptying out their bank accounts in the process. These straight escorts exploit gay men like this because of their misery, desperation and easy money and the gay men exploit these escorts because they can finally get their hands on the type of guy they’ve waited years for. If only for an hour or two.
Deepdow
We don’t make up a small percentage of people actually and straight men have similar issues with regard to what images they fantasize about. You also assume so much. How many? The biggest issue? Really? Sigh
WindsorOntario
Deepdow you completely missed the point of what I was trying to say. If you’re that stupid, don’t bother commenting. Have fun slobbering on the short yellow bus.
Heywood Jablowme
For once, Windsor, I don’t particularly disagree with what you’re saying – but as usual you propose no solution to the problem. As usual, you seem to think that as long as you lecture the gay community enough (anonymously on a somewhat popular gay website), we will somehow change our misguided ways. How do you propose we get young gay men to develop more realistic expectations? You don’t suggest anything.
According to what you’ve written in the past, you haven’t managed to find a boyfriend yourself and you’re still blaming the gay community for that. So let us know when you find your way out of that paper bag!
ChrisK
No the real problem is that you’re sexually compulsive. Escorting is only about convenience and not the core problem.
Sam
Yep, well stated. Unrealistic expectations lead to disillusionment and despair. I’m as guilty as the next gay man, though.
Captain Obvious
I like how everyone is a an unattractive geek but him.
Heywood Jablowme
Geeks are underrated, IMO. They’re usually horny as hell and grateful for the attention. 🙂
MediaGuy
I would say yes, he actually and literally is getting “a-dick-ted”.
Jack Meoff
Why any gay man pays for sex when it is so easy to get for free is beyond me.
Realitycheck
Probably because he is most likely average or below average, yet he is looking for high end guys, good-looking or muscular, something he would never be able to get in real life, I agree with Sam (above) unrealistic expectations.
ChrisK
Wow. Nice that you can get 10’s any time of the day. I get free too but 5’s are the best I can do.
Juanjo
Nice to know Jack is a 10 and gets all the action he wants. But an older friend of mine used to say back in the day, “I’m not paying to have sex. I am paying for a sexual interlude with no drama and knowing the costs up front, where the other person will leave when we are done without any awkward nonsense.”
ErikO
Exactly, if you want sex, hook ups, etc. they are freely available from pretty much anyone who you want of any sexual orientation, or gender.
Jack Meoff
To ChrisK and Juango I never said I was pulling 10’s but I certainly don’t go wanting. Having realistic expectations helps because lord knows even most of the rent boys out there aren’t 10’s either. Now pull your claws in gents I wasn’t attacking anyone.
radiooutmike
Except for the financial strain he is putting himself through, there’s nothing much wrong with him. Guy buying time of some sexually attractive is unusual? /s
What he should do is get out and meet people, or use the apps everyone else does.
phallictomato
I think this guy buying escorts isn’t addicted, he’s just lonely and wants a romantic fix, or to fulfill his ‘fantasy’. Most people wanting an escort knows that nothing will ever come out of it – if it did, that’s a rare and beautiful thing, but there should be no expectation of a real relationship with an escort, because at the end of the day they’re doing their job and want to get paid – it’s just a service that the escort is providing. The person paying the escort, is paying for that service, or that fantasy, or that romantic fix, knowing that it’s an exchange that both parties are willing to provide.
Money for a temporary romantic fix/fantasy. I see nothing wrong in it, and I wouldn’t really call it an addiction. The one and only thing the buyer should be worried about is his bank account – as he says, he can’t really afford any more escorts. So a word of advice – only pay for an escort when you can afford it. It’s one of those luxury things, that should be the last thing on your list of things to fork out money for. Bills, eating (surviving), etc. should always come first. If you have any money leftover for a bit of temporary romance, by all means, go for it, but bills and surviving should always come first.