Meet Maarten Hurkmans, the handsome Dutch rower who’s continuing in the Pride season tradition and just came out as bi on Instagram.
Though he hails from the Netherlands, the 22-year-old rower currently studies at the University of California, Berkeley as a student-athlete. He made the post as a way of showing that men do not compromise their masculinity by coming out as queer.
“Everyone that knows me will say that I’m very unapologetically me,” Hurkmans begins. “I have a clear presence, you can always read my mood straight of my face, and I can be the absolute worst morning person.”
“I am also bisexual,” he admits, “something that I consider to be an important part of who I am. For many people, sexuality is not something to consider much. However, for many LGBTQ+ people, a lot of time and anxiety can go into discovering, accepting and reconciling themselves with their sexuality. I am very lucky to have been brought up by amazing parents in an open and accepting environment, and luckily, I have never experienced my sexuality as much of a burden. Not everyone shares my experience though.”
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“It can be hard to come out, especially in sports,” Hurkmans goes on. “Not many elite athletes identify as LGBTQ+ and there are few role models to look up to and show that it doesn’t matter and it’s nothing to be ashamed of…To many, I do not fit the stereotype, but I do want to be an example to anyone that feels like they can’t be their true self.”
Hurkmans then makes a plea for acceptance of queer men in athletics. “Identifying as part of the LGBTQ+ community,” he writes, “does not make you less masculine, or able to compete and win. In the end, we all line up at the same starting line with the same anticipation as we endure those final minutes before the start. Equally tense and ready for the green light.”
He closes out his announcement with “#pride.” In other words, exactly what we feel right now.
Donston
I am getting more and more annoyed with this obsession with protecting masculinity, and folks really need to start calling out this type of insecurity. I know he’s still young, but somebody needs to tell him that ain’t it. First, a lot of these guys who think they’re so “masc” and “straight-passing” come off like total “queens” no matter how butch they try to present themselves. More importantly, we really need to start confronting why males are so damn fragile when it comes to masculinity, sexuality and orientation. Genuinely masculine and secure “queer” males don’t feel the need to keep talking about their masculinity and how much they don’t live up to certain stereotypes. That’s perhaps why he got into sports in the first place. I do feel like the post was heartfelt, but putting so much emphasis on protecting masculinity is not a helpful message. It makes him come off like so many dudes who feel as if they’re “out” because they’ve publicly embraced an identity, but they still haven’t acquired genuine self-comfort. They’re still greatly driven by insecurities, frail male ego and sociological validation. Once again, he’s still young. But people gotta keep calling out how problematic and counterproductive this “being out doesn’t make you less of a ‘real man” crap is. Until we subdue hetero pressures, gay insecurities and masculine divinity people cannot genuinely be themselves. Being truly “out” ain’t about an identity.
Smith David
Welp,this is what he’s afraid of, 50 cent,”If you a man and your over 25 and you don’t eat pu**y just kill your self damn it. The world will be a better place. Lol”
rickmann
Well put
justgeo
Call me old-fashioned bi still feels like an avoidance of commitment to gay.
Coruna2018
It’s because you’re not bi, Justgeo. Bye, from Bi-sexual, the real thing!
Donston
Why does anyone have to commit to anything? Perspectives like that is why so many people don’t keep it 100. Yes, some do still go the bi route primarily to avoid an attachment to “gay” and refuse to confront their internalized homophobia and gay shame. But many people are inherently bi and stay that way throughout their lives. Some people experience fluidity or shifting dimensions and have an evolving sense of self in their lives. There are quite a few more inherently bi people or people who experience some type fluidity than people who are homo in every way throughout their lives. While the romantic, sexual, affection, emotional investment, relationships contentment is wide and varied. Your perspective just leads to more people being defensive. Stop telling people they need to commit/adhere to an identity and a perspective, and that goes for the “bi pride” folks as well.
I will say that when you’re bi identifying, an athlete and hyping up how masculine and “un-stereotypical” you are it can be a sign of some stuff you need to work on, whether you are inherently bi or not.
ryanM
And scientific basis for your criticism is..? Since when do we have to “commit” to a sexual orientation? Do you make your partner sign a binding agreement? Did you sign one? And what happens after one commits? Are they tattooed, issued a card or recorded in some gay registry?
You’re as guilty as the homophobic parent who thinks that being gay is just a phase. Just because you can’t relate, why project your limitations onto others?
The guy is Dutch, and grew up in an environment whether neither his parents but his culture had a problem with homosexually. I’m willing to bet that he was never closeted, and expressed his gay/bi side once he was old enough to express sexuality. That’s certainly true with many of my Dutch and Scandinavian friends and acquaintances. In other words, his bisexuality is genuine and not some mechanism to hide being gay. He certainly has no reason for such a disguise — not in the Netherlands and not at Berkeley. In fact, it would be an inconvenience since it invites sexual interest from women, not something a gay man wants.
As for coming out, I don’t think he actually came out. My guess is that he was already out at Berkeley. Just because it was never discussed in social media doesn’t mean that he wasn’t already out. Much of my life, for example, is not in social media. I’ve never shared my income, my education, religion, girlfriend, HIV status, etc. But that doesn’t mean I’m closeted about any of it.
ryanM
Damn auto-speller messed up my post. Should’ve been:
”The guy is Dutch, and grew up in an environment where neither his parents nor his culture had a problem with homosexually…”
Donston
RyanM, your perspective is just as naive as justgeo. Growing up in a “progressive” environment and have an accepting family doesn’t mean you never contend with internalized homophobia or hetero pressures or masculine pressures or self-misandry or homo inferiority complexes. There’s been many guys with accepting families who still stayed closeted for many years or got married to a woman before coming out or went from a bi to gay identity. Sometimes that stuff as to do with confusions or fluidity. But sometimes being “branded gay” is too much of a persistent punch to man’s ego. I’m tired of people leaning on the idea that having an accepting family means you don’t face any real struggles with being out, self-understanding or self-comfort. Struggles with sexuality, orientation, sociology, identity and ego are often far more complicated than whether your family accepts you or whether you feared being bullied by your classmates. Anyone who knows many “queers” should need to be told that. I’m not saying this young man should be questioned. Outside of his problematic “being out doesn’t mean you’re less of a man” nonsense I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t let him live and identify as whatever. But your perspective is also incredibly shallow and naive.
You also don’t seem to understand the tons of reasons people identify as what they identify as. There are indeed bi identifying guys who have no sexual interests in women. They identify as “bi” because they simply don’t want to be viewed as “gay” or because they’ve dated women or can have some romantic passions or emotional connections towards women. While there are actually plenty of gay-identifying men who seemingly do have sexual interests in women or attractions towards women. They appear to identify as “gay” because they have same-sex relationship ambitions, prefer appealing to and pleasing their sex, prefer persistent same-sex passions, affections, romantic bonds, commitment. Just like there are still many dudes who say that they’re “straight” but hook up with guys.
We need to just leave the identity politicking behind. People do what they do or identify as whatever they identify as for whatever reasons. And the gender, romantic, sexual, affection, emotional investment, relationship spectrum is incredibly wide and varied. Trying to constantly cape up for whatever identity or dictate identity is not helpful, and it usually just exposes someone’s lack of knowledge concerning just how varied people and their motivations are. So, both justgeo and RyanM could use some education.
dali
Call me old-fashioned, but when you say that you are fluid or bi, you’re only telling people before dating them that they are about to get their heart broken.
blackhook
Lose the snark; it’s not up to any of you whether he’s gay, bi, straight, or anything else. Maarten is adorable, that’s for sure!
lovetennis
I agree. What a cutie!!
Jim
It’s the 21st century. Get over yourself.
RFD
Good for him! Welcome brother!
Chipster
Whoa nellie! Watch yourselves there…
– If it’s OK for straight men to act effeminate (and you support that), why is it “wrong” for a gay (or bi) man to act masculine? This guy’s an athlete – he’s been “role playing” the attributes of strong, confident, “masculine” most of his life. I applaud him for adding to that existing personality that WHO he loves doesn’t define HIM or his “masculinity”.
– You cannot explain to straight people WHY you’re queer… and you shouldn’t have to! So just why is it you insist on questioning his “queerness” because he describes himself as BI?
– I applaud the line in his post: “I am unapologetically me!” – That is what I hope and wish for ALL people: gay/bi/straight and anywhere along the masculine–feminine spectrum that they fell comfortable being their own true selves! But that means supporting the “alpha male” whether they were born male or female, or whether they consider their true gender identity anywhere on that spectrum!
We (as an LGBTQ community) need to be careful that we support people being WHAT and WHO THEY ARE, not just who and what WE are!
lord.krath
I love armchair psychology! Just look at all of the comments by those making this mans journey about them and their opinions. I’m sure he wasn’t trying to trigger anyone with his phrasing.
As for the subject matter, good for him.