Cheeseball Bear Offers Shirtless Cautionary Tale

WTF from Matt Zarley on Vimeo.

Ah, just the way we like our dire warnings delivered: in sensual slow-motion with plenty of chest fuzz and gratuitous crotch shots.

In his new music video, musical beardo Matt Zarley delivers a tale of woe regarding a bear betrayed by his very own cub. This is why you must define the terms of your open relationship in advance, people! Sneak around behind your daddy’s back and you’ll wind up with burned bacon and heartbreak.

According to The Advocate, the breakup portrayed in the video is based on a chilling true story involving a “well known actor.” Though Matt won’t say who the actor is, we’re going to go out on a limb and guess it was notorious lothario Mickey Rooney.

And while the visuals are very fun on their own, we probably won’t be downloading the MP3 anytime soon. In case you’d like to listen to something else to while you watch, here is the soundtrack to Dark Side of the Moon.