TEAM SPIRIT

Chicago Cubs and Boston Red Sox to Tell LGBTeens “It Gets… Oh, You’ve Heard It Already”

At this rate, we’re going to have the Kansas City Royals holding up cue cards with the words It… Gets… Better… To the point, no?

Following the lead of the S.F. Giant’s tepid “It Gets Better” video, the Chicago Cubs tweeted that they’ll be the second pro sports team to contribute to Dan Savage’s video series. And like a set of falling dominos, the Boston Red Sox announced in short order said they’d be the third team after receiving a Change.org petition started by a 12-year-old fan asking them to get with the times.

Free advice for the Cubs and Sox: Don’t follow the Giants lead by just throwing a few nervous players, some on the disabled list, to utter listless and generic lines. We want to see recognizable faces (the lovable David Ortiz anyone? Bring conservative pitcher Curt Schilling out of retirement?)

Oh, and it would be helpful to ask the players to actually memorize their lines instead of relying on a teleprompter. It might actually help to have the athletes tour of an actual local LGBT youth organizations and maybe even toss a ball around with the kids. Not to sound ungrateful or anything, but you might wanna make sure the guys carefully annunciate the  letters “L… G… B… T… teens” so we don’t sounds like a gibberish acronym. Thanks!