Journo Identifies New Species

Chicago Gays, Bird Watchers Clash Over Park

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Turf war! Bird watchers and sex trolls are clashing over Chicago’s Montrose Park, thus giving reporter Joel Turner an opportunity to flex his imagination:

Luis Munoz, an avid bird watcher of 12 years, has seen a remarkable range of rare winged creatures this fall migration season, including the Nelson’s sharp-tailed sparrow and the red knot.

He also has come face to face with one species he hopes never to encounter again but knows he will: the Chicago cruiser.

That’s far more flattering than the name we were thinking, which we’re sure most of you can imagine.