Journo Identifies New Species

Chicago Gays, Bird Watchers Clash Over Park

Turf war! Bird watchers and sex trolls are clashing over Chicago’s Montrose Park, thus giving reporter Joel Turner an opportunity to flex his imagination:

Luis Munoz, an avid bird watcher of 12 years, has seen a remarkable range of rare winged creatures this fall migration season, including the Nelson’s sharp-tailed sparrow and the red knot.

He also has come face to face with one species he hopes never to encounter again but knows he will: the Chicago cruiser.

That’s far more flattering than the name we were thinking, which we’re sure most of you can imagine.