Raising My Rainbow

Child Missing Their Left Arm or Homosexual? 7% Say, Who Needs a Limb?!

I’m full of questions, mostly unanswered questions. Always have been, always will be. My brother came out. Boom! Questions. I found out I was pregnant. Bam! Questions. C.J. started embracing his feminine side. Pow! Questions. Fergie showed up on American Idol with a different face. You guessed it. Questions.

So, I ask a lot of questions and I’m sure it makes those close to me crazy, though they are so sweet that they’d never say anything to my face. That’s part of why I started this blog, so that I could bother total strangers with my questions and be more far-reaching with my inquisitive annoyance.

Gratuitous survey image goes here.

Then, I was introduced to SurveyMonkey and decided to take my question-asking torment to a whole new level. I compiled a list of questions that I wanted answered. I created a survey and sent it out to people in a certain demographic: breeders with children under the age of 18 or in the family-planning stage of life. I also asked them to pass the survey on to people they know who fit the bill.

The results were interesting. Warning: I’m no mathematician, scientist or pollster. I’m much too right-brained for those professions. Any-who, I created the survey and use the results that have been automatically generated by SurveyMonkey. This is not a formal survey and any formal complaints can be sent elsewhere.

Survey says!

If homosexuality could be detected during pregnancy through routine blood work or ultrasound, 71 percent of people would want to know. What would they do with the knowledge of their child’s sexuality?

“I would do as much research as possible in order to become the most understanding parent there ever was.” — 3/31/11 1:19PM

“I wouldn’t keep it a secret but I certainly would be selective in who I told.” — 4/1/11 12:28AM

“I would make sure I had proper role models and an open dialogue with my child for when this materialized in puberty.” — 4/1/11 7:29AM

“I would only use it only as a tool for parenting my child. I would not share the info with anyone except my husband.” — 4/2/11 4:02AM

These people think that the survey was a-okay. Especially the one in back with pink arms.

If people had to choose to raise a lesbian or gay male, they were divided almost equally. One person did submit a request for a “Lipstick Lesbian,” so if you know where s/he can officially place that order, please let me know. If they had to choose to raise a straight tomboy girl or straight effeminate boy, they chose to raise the girl hands down, with not one person choosing to raise a straight effeminate boy. Most commenters cited that that seemed like the easier option.

86 percent of people would adopt a child knowing that s/he were homosexual and 43 percent would adopt a child knowing that s/he was transgender. Someone I admire for their honesty wrote:

“My wife and I were about to adopt and I would probably prefer not to adopt a homosexual or transgender child.” — 3/31/11 1:19PM

This lady didn’t take the survey. Instead, she stared as a blank, black computer screen and pretended to type.

43 percent of people would let their son wear a dress if he wanted to, but only at home. No one wanted their son to wear a dress in public. 93 percent would let their son play with dolls and about half would allow him to do so outside of the house.

“I have to admit if my older son, who’s 7, wanted to play with Barbie dolls, I would first try to encourage him to play with trucks. If he preferred Barbies, then I would absolutely let him.” — 3/31/11 1:19PM

No one thought that homosexuality was a choice, seven percent would feel sorry for a friend who had a homosexual child and seven percent would rather have a child missing his/her left arm than have a homosexual child. I hope their straight child is right-handed.

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  • ewe

    Child missing his penis or heterosexual? Who needs to be straight?

  • Jeffree

    What? No update on CJ’s perfect opposite, “Cookie” and her gender-fluid twin? I was hoping to hear so much more about Cookie’s & CJ learning to embrace each other’s “otherness,” trading tales about whose Dad is the most clueless. and bonding over their shared dislike for their boring gender-conformative siblings.

    BUT NO, instead of updates on sneakers vs high heels, pirate gear versus princess hair, we’re talking about missing body parts instead?? We get an survey of people who read her blog / screenplay?

    OK, fine: Mom has a point about the arms. Parent’s don’t get blamed for birth defects, unless they’ve overdone the LSD or sniffed cheap glue. Parents do get pegged as incompetents when their bundles of joy start poking at societal conventions with their perfectly viable limbs.

    Parents of gender non-conforming kids get lectures & sermons, parents of unidexterous children get telethons & ribbons.

    Mom’s missed out on a good point slash metaphor though. You have more options with the one-armed child: S/he can learn to use a prosthetic arm reasonably well, that device can be replaced if it’s lost or stolen while rockclimbint. And if you don’t wear the fake, then a nice sweater will cover up the missing appendage nicely.

    Having, however, a slightly-effeminate, possibly-gay child is MUCH harder for the parent to cope with, because there’s NO proper garment to cover up the presumed defect.

    In fact, societally accepted garb really is the issue here, with CJ veering toward fluffy pink, glittery frocks, cheerleader accessories. Now that he’s cavorting with a possibly non-fictional, somewhat masculine, short-haired girl pirate in boatshoes, the story can get more interesting: CJs got company. Other Moms & Dads will see the twosome & worry about an epidemic. Suburbia may never be the same.

    I hope next episode will relieve the suspense.

    — — — —
    NOTE to self regarding movie based on this series : A child with *two* left arms would be more interesting than a one armed child, but that would be harder to write about. so you’d pretty much have to stick to videos of him learning to open cans or riding a bike. (No book deal there!)

    And then you’d have a harder time finding a two right-armed child for him to play with. (No Cookie.)

  • TMikel

    It will not be too many years before it is proven that sexual orientation is genetically determined. Then one will pity all the children born of right wing parents who cannot love their son or daughter because he is gay and she is a lesbian. Were I a parent, my main concern would be to have a healthy child, and I would do my best to parent in a positive manner. This who would prefer a maimed child should think carefully. They may get what they prefer. Children are a gift and a great responsibility and should be allowed to be who they are and to love whom they choose.

  • Jeffree

    @TMikel: the evidence points to genetics & epigenetics. Don’t leave out the second part!

  • Kenny

    As a gay parent with 4 kids, I really don’t care if my kids are straight or gay. As a parent, I do want them to find the “perfect” mate – one who will love them, be kind to them, & stick by them. And a mate who thinks their father-in-law should be well cared for (ok, pampered) in his old age would be a terrific bonus!

  • Ganondorf



  • muthuk

    @TMikel: I get what you’re trying to say and agree with you over all, but you might want to be careful of your choice of words when you say a “maimed” child. Some people might say I’m being “too sensitive” (probably the same people who think gay as a synonym for shitty is okay), but as the brother of a wonderful sister born with missing limbs I have to speak up and say that physical disabilities shouldn’t be seen as a terrible curse either. She’s still healthy, she isn’t in pain, and she can do everything everyone else can do–she just does it differently.

  • the crustybastard

    Healthy, well-adjusted children have precisely NO interest in their parent’s sexuality and even find a moment’s contemplation of the subject utterly repellent. That’s the sensible, discreet and civilized approached.

    A parent’s interest in their children’s sexuality is just creepy. Creepy, creepy, creepy.



  • ewe

    @muthuk: Bullshit.

  • ewe

    @muthuk: Just so you know what i meant. The day you can tell me parent look forward to a child with Down Syndrome while expecting is the day i am gonna believe your nonsense. I do notice though you slip that word “differently” in there as a way to qualify your statement. The fact is people with disabilities are called special needs for a reason. I know that does not effect your love and affection or if it does only makes it more but don’t say things that are false. If there is anything about what you say regarding your sister it is that she probably never knew anything “differently”. Am i right? So therefore she doesn’t know but that is not the case with everyone without limbs. Ask some combat war veteran the next time you meet up with one. Does she collect and will she collect disability payments for her condition? The list goes on and on. I do agree that she is not maimed.

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