Labels of love

For Chrissakes! You don’t have to date both genders to be bisexual, blogger bemoans

There’s been a lot of talk about bisexual guys this week. First, former tween pop star Aaron Carter came out as bi on Twitter. That was followed a few days later by rapper Lil Peep, who announced he was bisexual on Instagram.

In an interview with celebrity podcast “The Bert Short,” Carter said he has known he was bi since he was 12 or 13. He was in a relationship with a man in his late teens; however, since then he’s only dating women. But, he added, “I’m really looking forward to the future right now–and whether I choose to be with a woman or a man is my decision.”

Now, in a new think-piece, Zachary Zane explains one of the most obnoxious questions he gets as an openly bisexual man.

“‘When’s the last time you dated a woman?’” I get asked this all the time, and it’s probably my least favorite question,” Zane writes.

Why?

Two reasons.

“First,” Zane explains, “it’s a loaded question, based on the false premise that you have to date men and women equally in order to be ‘truly’ bisexual.”

The question, Zane explains, implies that if he hasn’t dated a member of the opposite sex recently, it somehow means he’s no longer bi.

But, he continues “bisexuality does not have a statute of limitations. After three years of dating men, my bisexuality doesn’t magically disappear, and I don’t revert to being gay.”

“I don’t need to actively date multiple genders in order to identify as bisexual. If I’m still attracted to multiple genders to various degrees, physically and/or emotionally, then I absolutely have the right to claim a bisexual label.”

The second reason Zane hates the question is because, more often than not, the person asking never believes his answer.

“They may nod their heads like they do, but I know they’re most likely thinking to themselves, ‘Yeah, I get that, but like, seriously. When’s the last time you even had sex with a woman? You’re gay for all intents and purposes, right?’”

While he’s not writing anything off, Zane says there’s a very good chance he may never date another woman again in his life, and he’s fine with that.

The main reason for this, he says, is that many women he meets just don’t seem comfortable with his bisexuality. He points to a study conducted by Glamour last year that found nearly two-thirds of straight women said they wouldn’t date a man who’s had sex with another man.

“While I’m attracted to women, love dating women (when we actually do date) and love having sex with women, at this point in my life there are too many barriers to dating them. This may change. Who knows?”

In his interview with “The Bert Short” this week, Aaron Carter said that was the primary reason his girlfriend broke up with him after he came out. (“I had discussed it with my ex-girlfriend and she didn’t really understand it. She didn’t want to, and that was it,” he said.)

So what’s the takeaway from all this?

Basically, Zane says, Arron Carter is right when he says whether he chooses to be with a woman or with a man is his decision, as is the case for all bisexuals.

“I am still both emotionally and physically attracted to women,” he writes, “and under certain conditions, could happily fall in love and date one for the rest of my life.”

Related: Bisexuals Answer Stupid Questions Commonly Asked By Gay People

h/t: Unicorn Booty

Get Queerty Daily

Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of #life #bisexual #bisexuality stories and more

2 Comments

  • Donston

    “Emotionally attracted to both genders” and “physically attracted”. When are we gonna hear from more men who are “proudly bisexual” that say they actually have “sexual attractions” to both men and women?

    I have no problem with people believing they are bisexual because they have some romantic instincts towards multiple genders or that they can enjoy whatever degree of sex with men and women. But this is where bisexuality as an identity gets so murky. So many gay and greatly gay-leaning men desperate to hold on to some hetero-normalcy. So many people feeling they’re bi because they have emotional/romantic chemistry with men and women. So many thinking they’re bi because they can get enjoyment out whatever type of sex with men and women. So many men thinking they’re bi because they’re into kinky sex and “feeling different things” or who are looking for multiple genders to indulge their multiple fetishes. Like, where are the men identifying as bi simply because they have sexual attraction to men and women, which was the initial definition for bisexual? Those types of “proud” bi/queer/fluid-identifying men are dwindling greatly.

    I do agree that just because you don’t date or have sex with multiple genders doesn’t absolve you of your bisexuality. Most legitimately bisexual are not truly interested on both genders sexually or romantically, or they lose sexual or romantic interest in one of those genders at a young age. Wanting to have persistent sex and/or with relationships multiple genders is more of a narcissistic and megalomaniac thing than it is an inherent bisexual thing. I still have some instinctual sexual attraction to women. But I have not had a relationship or sex with a woman in almost ten years, and I’m not interested, and I’m monogamous.

    As I said in a previous but recent article, the majority of these bi-identifying men who choose to constantly talk about their bisexuality and constantly hype it up and constantly remind people of it tend to be gay or greatly gay-leaning men desperate to hold on to not being seen as gay and wanting to hold on to getting some type of attention from women, men with gay or gay-leaning sexual attractions who prefer dating women or are still looking to date women, or hetero or hetero-leaning men who are looking for men to indulge their fetishes or take care of them. These patterns and stereotypes are the biggest struggles for the “bi-guy” cause.

    And unfortunately, Zachery frankly comes off like another “proud to be bi” dude with gay or extremely gay-leaning sexual attractions who contends with some level of gay-shame and who, if he found a decent woman that would allow him to have sex with men on the side, would quickly put a ring on her.

    • Donston

      Ultimately, my point has always been try to get a simplified ego instead of constantly finding ways to make things more complicated than they are. Also, no one wants to hear about your “bi pride” when you know damn well that you’re a gay or greatly gay-leaning man who doesn’t want to be with a man or has discomfort with the idea or simply wants to continue getting attention from women. No one wants to hear about your “bi pride” when you know that you are hetero or hetero-leaning and have no interest in truly dating or committing to but one gender. No one wants to hear about your pride when you’re merely obsessed with “different feelings”, getting sexual worship from different genders and using multiple genders to indulge kink.

      Everyone should be allowed to date and have sex with whoever they are legally allowed. I’m just sick of people hyping their identity and their supposed pride when in reality they’re just using identity and “pride” to shield shame, discomfort, perversions/fetishes or narcissism.

Add your Comment

Please log in to add your comment
Need an account? Register *It's free and easy.