“Parents, have you ever imagined your child masturbating?” the advertisement reads. “Do you worry what they do when your back is turned? Do you fear that they will fall into the grip of Satan? Worry no more! Introducing the Anti-Masturbation Cross®!”
STOP Masturbation Now is a Christian organization dedicated to “educating the world about the dangers of self-rape.”
“Masturbation is a gateway drug to rape,” the organization’s website reads. “It also leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease.”
To help promote its anti-masturbatory agenda, STOP Masturbation Now has begun marketing the Anti-Masturbation Cross for the low, low price of $199.00, available for purchase on its website…
Okay, okay. So the whole thing is an elaborate joke designed to poke fun at all the conservative wingnuts out there, but there are plenty of flyers, posters, and other signage out there that are actually serious.
Check out these totally serious (and totally ridiculous) antigay propaganda distributed by “Christian” hate groups.
The Traditional Values Coalition began circulating these “ironic” Wanted posters featuring the face of Jesus Christ in response to society’s growing acceptance of gay people. The martyr, the organization claimed, was being unfairly targeted by gay advocates for promoting the teachings in the Bible and “telling the truth about homosexuality.”
This totally not sexist postcard against candidate Rose Ferlita emerged in 2011 when she was running for mayor of Tampa. It attacked Ferlita for being an unmarried woman with a difficult “temperment” (we think they meant temperament) who was running against a family man with children, and claiming she had a “suspect commitment to family values,” therefore implying she was immoral, meaning gay.
The Church on Strayer in Ohio displayed this billboard, along with nine others, around to Toledo area back in 2011. Proving that not all churches and religious organizations are homophobic hate mongers, the Central United Methodist, a neighboring congregation, posted their own pro-gay billboards in response.
Unhappy with the possibility of states legalizing same-sex marriage, Maggie Gallagher and the concerned folks at NOM sent out this mailer featuring a young child intently reading the gay-themed picture book King and King and warning parents that marriage equality would “forever change the innocence” of their children.
Oh, but it doesn’t stop there. NOM also sent out these postcards that feature a tearful baby doll upset about same-sex marriage happening in Maryland. The postcard pleads with recipients to contact their State Senator about remedying a problem so terrible it has the power to make inanimate objects cry.
American Method, a conservative retailer that specializes in t-shirts and window decals, is currently peddling these pro-Chick-fil-A bumper stickers on its website for $3.99. Other stickers for sale include one featuring the silhouette of a naked woman against a confederate flag, and another that reads “Jesus Saves, Obama Spends.”
This might be our favorite one yet. Protect Marriage Oregon, a “a broad coalition of Oregonians dedicated to preserving marriage as a union between one man and one woman ,” posted this infographic about why heterosexual marriage “works better” to its Facebook page last year in the weeks leading up to the Supreme Court’s ruling on DOMA. The infographic uses good old-fashioned nuts and bolts to illustrate how heterosexual sex works, calling it “the better way.” Sadly, it didn’t help convince SCOTUS to uphold DOMA, but we gotta give the hate group points for their creativity.
Anti-Gay Bumper Sticker Lands Gun Boss In Hot Water
Anglican Church Has A Message For Homophobic Christians: “Get Over It”
First Westboro Counter-Protest Since Phelps’ Death Displays “Sorry For Your Loss” Sign
I like your Christ, its your Christians I can’t stand.
Apparently men are allowed to remain unmarried, women not so much. To bad it doesn’t say what they really want it to… According to Leviticus XYZ:123 a woman should never lead over a man.
Being ignorant obviously is a gift from god (if god existed outside of fairy tales).
Teaching evolution will always change the innocence of our children as well… see Scopes Monkey Trial.
Oh no, Maryland the state that has been pivotal in both the Revolutionary War and the Civil War is under attack… man the stupidity! Quick!
You do realize even Chick-fil-A wants to distance themselves from this message… something to do with sales and marketing.
So, what happens when a boy and a girl want to get all anal… does that throw off the whole nuts and bolt thing. What happens when you need a washer to keep that nut all tight… questions, questions.
The CPC-Christian Persecution Complex is a form of delusion where Christians believe that they are the victims of persecution – quite often while the sufferer is involved in bigoted behaviour towards others themselves.
Martyrbation: the act of declaring oneself a victim to win an argument when confronted with facts or ridicule often accompanied by CPC-Christian Persecution Complex.
The christian persecution complex, or CPC, is very common in America. It is driven by the need to dominate the political and social landscape. Born of a fundamentalist christian worldview, it strives to claim discrimination against christian’s in all form and manner. Regardless of the “moderation” of any one particular denomination, the idea of christian persecution is drilled into the heads of the faithful from day one. Fundamentalist mentality leaches into the god groundwater, slowly contaminating the “moderate” viewpoint, and sucking them into all the drama surrounding today’s persecution rhetoric, like the “War on Christmas”, “Prayer In Schools” and “Christian Nation”. You’d think that we were once again feeding christian’s to lions. The fact is that America does not persecute christian’s. To the contrary. The christian’s are the ones who persecute anyone that doesn’t agree with them, and their doctrine of subservience to a mythological entity.-theamericanheathen
They make a lot of noise, but truth is no one is more hated by society at large than your Christo-fundi-fascist. And they know it.
Grady Smith likely approves all of these things.
Anti masturbation cross guaranteed to keep your child in therapy for a very long time.
I don’t get that last pic.
Are they telling me to screw a guy in the nuts? Seems to fit nicely.
Or does the hole in the nut represent the “bottom”?
Picture #2 says “two bottoms doesn’t work”, but then picture #3 shows how easy it is to “screw a bottom”.
I’m so confused.
Use of that restraint thing to keep kids from touching their “sin zone” probably would qualify as a legal form of child abuse. I wouldn’t hesitate to report someone who inflicted that on a child. That’s a seriously sick intrusion into a child life and can’t fail but to do great psychological harm. What kind of sick bastard spends time fantasizing about the kids genitals to such a degree. Or perhaps they want to restrain their kid so she/he can’t protect himself while being victimized. Use of that thing would be disgusting and sick.
@NateOcean: “I’m so confused”
Me too…I’m nuts
I would be laughing if this wasn’t so damn scary. @doug105: Perfect observation.
@NateOcean: All the last pic means is the members of PMO have some screws loose.
http://stopmasturbationnow.org/ is a satire website…
congratulations, you all now look like idiots..
@pinkerbelle1: ha ha ha thats awesome. I popped on it but was too mortified to see that…awesome!
@pinkerbelle1: The worst part about all of this is that although a parody it’s all too realistic and plausible with some of these zealots. I can understand why it invoked such harsh reactions from people who have been through torture at the hands of christians. It certainly made my skin crawl and bring up some very hostile thoughts about ex gay “therapy”—Child abuse many have been subjected to. So call people idiots all you want but this parody wouldn’t exist if it weren’t somewhat realistic. And that’s freakn sick.
OMG…..Are people really serious with these ads. I wonder, what do kids think when they see these ads?
I like how two nuts are closer than two screws. Everyone likes lesbians better apparently.
In this world today where these organizations can’t offer any help with the real problems of the world, this is all they can do. They pick something perfectly normal, make people feel horrible for doing it, and then they guarantee themselves a flock full of appropriately guilty followers.
The Mormons actually tell their followers that if a couple is getting a divorce it is most likely due to porn.
lol stopmasturbationnow.org is a troll site, i seriously hope you didn’t fall for it
The stopmasturbationnow.org website is obviously a prank to lure gullible Christians. It’s very well done, but is so over the top ridiculous, it’s a brilliant parody of the actual anti-masturbation Christians.
Yep I fell for it because I don’t think you can go wrong on betting for rightwing stupidity. Still got me though, Ahh well.
@pinkerbelle1: queerty does this intentionally. they are haters, christian haters and they pull sh*it like this out of their as*ses to ridicule christians as much as they can. drum-up christan hater sentiment. queerty gays are christian haters.
I’m thinking to by many anti-masturbation crosses to bring them to all Queerty’s commenters.
@Cobalt Blue: * to buy.
“queerty does this intentionally. they are haters, christian haters and they pull sh*it like this out of their as*ses to ridicule christians as much as they can. drum-up christan hater sentiment. queerty gays are christian haters.”
You’ll have to remind me, was it queerty or gays that spent over $100,000,000 in the last few years attacking Christians and trying to get laws passed outlawing them from marrying, having jobs, signing contracts with each other etc….
No? Oh that’s right, it was CHRISTIANS that spent over $100,000,000 attacking gays, their right to employment, to marriage, to renting, to signing contracts etc…
But remember, pointing out that Christians have done that is apparently MUCH worse than them attacking gays, trying to outlaw gay relationships and keeping it legal to fire gays just for existing.
Give it a rest.
This kid will perfect the art of tantric sex, unfortunately it will be with his siblings.
Stop Masturbation now is a parody of right wing christians.
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